Friday, April 24, 2009

" . . . in all her elegance."

History

As I have said before, my sister and I haven't always gotten along. I used to get in trouble for everything she did or didn't do, everything I did or didn't do, and everything I did that she wanted to do.
But as we both grew older, we developed a great relationship. She confides in me, I share with her, we have our inside jokes and we have a lot in common when it comes to our personalities and likes and dislikes. I've gone on all her big trips with her and almost feel like a second mom to her. She's the love of my life, as I took to calling her some years back. My baby sister. I love her so, and for THIS reason what I am about to write traumatized me so, to the point of waking near hyperventilation with tears streaming down my face.

A Glimpse Into My Personal Horror

Something bad was coming and coming soon. A disease? A natural disaster? A monster? No one knew. But everyone was running. My daughters, safe in the care of my grandmother, my mom and I surveyed our house. Was it really our house? It held our things, our furniture and other belongings. Photos strewn about, collectibles on the floor. But the house was not familiar.
Strangers raced about with large suitcases and stray dogs came and disappeared trying to escape as my mom and I meandered. It felt supremely surreal. We spoke of dropping everything, packing and fleeing, for a minimum of two years.
And as we walked, she haunted me. Not my mom. No, someone else. Someone with my eyes, only darker. She was there, warning me? Pleading with me? Was she sick? Asking me to save her? All in blurred reflection images I couldn't fully grasp.
My mom and I continued. We spoke of the munchkin movers, whose name my mom said but I can't remember and how they stole her jelly bellies that she liked so much. We laughed. And we stood in the well lit basement and pondered what our future had in store. What things we would pack and take with us. I was not worried. Whatever was coming did not worry me. Just those eyes. Those dark brown eyes haunted me.
We moved on, my mom and me. We came to a sliding glass door that led to the back yard. I hesitated, scared, of what I didn't know, before I walked through it when my mom opened it. The sky was bright, the grass was vibrant and green. Airplanes roared overhead sounding emergency and people scattered like ants.
" . . . in all her elegance." I heard my mom say and gestured away from us, into the backyard.
I didn't understand. Who? Elegance? My gaze surveyed my surroundings until they found and rested upon an octagonal shape in the grass. 8 corners marked by white wild flowers, strung together with flowing silky white ribbonm enclosing a rectangle of beige marble. Marble only used for one thing. Death.
" . . . in all her elegance." my mom's words resounded as those eyes, big, helpless eyes, like mine flashed before my eyes as I crumbled.
"My baby . . ." was all I could whisper through my sobbing sorrow as I fell. My baby sister.

2 comments :

  1. how frightening! i've heard that dreams about death can be positive, but that its all about how you feel when you wake up. if you wake up relieved, ecstatic, hopeful: its symbolizing the death of a negative quality, negative relationship, negative thought process. if you wake up sad or grieving, it usually means that the dreamer is having trouble letting go of something, or something along those lines. in which case, it's probably still a helpful dream, because if you figure out what the symbolic death is that you're dreaming about, you can begin to let go of it.

    at any rate, i've talked to you about our sisters, and man! this dream would freak me the hell out. how awful. i'll cross my fingers for sweet dreams tonight!

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  2. That is a scary dream! The subconscious works in strange ways sometimes. I have been having a lot of vivid, weird dreams lately. I also have been writing more and I wonder if it is a sign of increased creativity. My mind doesn't rest even in sleep. I've also had some disturbing dreams about my family. Hope you rest easy tonight!

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