Sunday, April 12, 2009

Mommy No-Like-uh-Duh Buggies

So to wind down from the festivities of Easter my gramma came over to my house to help me tidy up and relax and visit for a bit. The time we spent was fabulous. She is a wonderful woman! And of course, Buzzy loves her great-gramma to death.
In any case, eventually our time visiting came to an end and it was time for her to pack up and drive home. We said our goodbyes, hugged and just as she was walking out the door one of those mondo-massive-icky-yucky-bzzzzing-mosquito looking bugs with the ugly dangling legs flew right in.
"Did I just let in a bug?" My gramma asked.
Ok, so it is at this point I must emphasize, Mama don't do bugs! Aracnids sure. (the non-flying, non-jumping kind)Flies, gnats and even your small to average sized mosquito once in a while but the rest of the buggies in this universe need not enter my house!
Needless to say, I freaked. As this mosquito on sterroids flew around my kitchen, makings its Bzzzing noise and smacking its ugly body against the hot kitchen light making sizzling sounds I completely freaked. My gramma, who is still quite young and spry (whoever said 60 was old?) came back into the house put down her purse and picked up a dish towel. By now though the oversized mosquito had gone missing though and I was already hyperventilating as I imagined Buzzy and I sleeping and it landing in my or her open mouth, or even just on our faces. I cringed and had a very visible chill crawl up my spine as I imagined dreaming about the bzzzzing noises and waking to find it somewhere on me or near me or on or near Buzzy. Bleck!!
Eventually my gramma discovered the thing's hiding place in the corner above my kitchen cupboards and sent it flying/crashing to the floor with one very well aimed and obviously experienced wack of the dish towel. MY HERO!! Buzzy and I were saved from the nasty evil mosquito monster who would surely choke us in our sleep.
And now that her good deed (ok, so she helped me clean my house and had done a million other fabulously selfless and beautiful things today for many people, but this was super necessary) was done she said a quick goodbye and fled through the front door, so as not to let anymore buggies in.
It wasn't 15 minutes later as I was pulling some Easter leftovers out of the refrigerator to share with Buzzy that I saw something on the floor moving in my peripheral vision. I looked over and saw a ginormous pincher (pincer?) bug meandering aimlessly across my kitchen floor, directly toward my bare feet. I freaked, once again which alarmed Buzzy who began to whine.
But this time gramma was not there to be my hero and save me. And Buzzy certainly wasn't going to be any help so I had to suck it up, gather my bearings, clear my mind and . . . I couldn't do it. I did, I'm sure, what looked like the PP dance along the edge of my kitchen where the carpet meets the tile, looking for something to kill the monstrous pinchy bug with. No more dish towel. (Gramma had thrown that in the trash with the mosquito guy's corpse) She had also seemed to toss every magazine and thick 'msshing' object I owned. I couldn't bare the thought of squishing this very crunchy looking bug with just some papertowels. I threw the paper towels over it and tried smashing it with my chopping board. Yes, I actually tried to smush this bug that truly was no bigger than my pinky fingernail with a 15x20 inch chopping board. However, he survived. And crawled right out from under the board, continuing on his mission across my kitchen floor.
After great debate (now that I think of it, I suppose I could have just used a shoe... duh) finally I decided on . . . a DIAPER!! Yay! I threw the diaper over the bug, held my breath, tried not to think about it. Tried to clear my mind but kept thinking (that has always been one of my problems) and eventually stepped on it, hard. Maybe ot was more like I jumped on it, with every ounce of my 6 month pregnant self? And Cruuuuunchhhh! There was that ever so visible chill that shivered its way up my back again. Bleckkk! I debated on not checking under the diaper. Decided I needed to know if my diaper massacre had been a success. Unsuccessfully trie to flip the diaper over with a spatula and finally, when no live bug had emerged I hesitantly lifted the diaper up with two tips of my acrylic nails to make sure the bug was dead. Yes, there was no way this bug had survived my aggressive stomp as its yellowish guts were everywhere. I breathed a great sigh of relief.
Yay! Mommy was Buzzy's hero! I saved my baby from the big ol pincher bug. (ssshhh, no one has to know she was a good 3-4 feet off the ground already in her high chair. Jeesh, give a girl some credit)
The End

1 comment :

  1. Oh man, straight to my heart. I HATE bugs. I mean, I no-like-uh-duh bugs.


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