Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Benefits & Frustration of Separation

It has been nearly three weeks since my girls and I moved in with my mom and sister. On one hand, it has been fabulous. The house, dishes and clothes remains clean because it is a group effort. Dinner generally gets eaten at the table and isn't fast food. There is quality togetherness that was lacking before. Buzzy and Lessy both sleep and eat better, cry less, play harder, and all in all just have more fun.

On a personal note, I feel more productive here at my mom's house. I can do laundry when I want and not when someone dictates to me that I should. I am not obligated to clean, wash dishes, do extra and therefore I am more inclined to do so. I feel more hygienically kept. There were stretches of up to 3-4 days while together with Myturo that I was unable to shower, or if I was able to shower I had to HURRY HURRY HURRY. Now, I am able to take my time and be thorough. (My mom is fabulous) I no longer have to get out halfway through because 'someone' doesn't know how to quiet a screaming infant, or because he can't placate a toddler ridden with separation anxiety.

On that note, I feel that Buzzy also feels more secure here. It seems she does get more irritated when a person leaves the room without her but at the same time, if I leave the room she is comfortable staying with my mom or sister while before she would have thrown a massive tantrum.

That being said, there are also frustrations that go into being separated. I feel detached from Myturo and therefore don't particularly want to talk to him, see him or anything like that and yet I am obligated to so that he can see the girls. Yet, when he DOES see the girls he spends his time spoiling them (not in a good way) by encouraging bad behavior, and (intentionally or unintentionally, I'm not sure) trying to undo everything I am so diligently trying to teach them.

For example:

We went to a Chinese buffet for dinner. Buzzy was getting antsy because she had finished eating and Myturo still wasn't finished. So he let her out of her high chair to run-a-muck. I don't let her do this. When she's just with me, she has two choices. She can sit in her high chair or she can sit in my lap. There is no running around the restaurant. In addition to this bad behavior, I finally became irritated that he was allowing her to not only run around but lie down on the floor, as though she wanted to take a nap. I picked her up and set her on my lap and as she sometimes does when she is overly frustrated she screamed a blood curdling scream. This is generally followed by a warning and if she does it again, I flick her lightly on the corner of her mouth. (I don't do spankings, but there has to be some kind of repercussion for poor behavior) In any case I started to warn her not to do it again, and Myturo starts laughing and then of all things eggs her on to do it again. So what does she do? Of course, she does it again. Why not? Daddy just said to. Well, of course I can't reprimand her for following what daddy said to do. She IS only 18 months. She doesn't understand that just because daddy says something that she shouldn't necessarily do it.

This is only one example of why separation is frustrating. There is so much more that this post may go on into infinity. Therefore I will stop.

Just FYI -

Myturo can't really be called Myturo anymore. He's not mine and I don't want him so I will simply be changing Myturo - Art.

1 thing I am excited about:

January 1, 2010 starts Buzzy Mama Race to Slim Down. I will be doing weekly weigh ins, though I am not sure how comfy I am divulging my weight. Maybe just the last 2 digits. So we'll see how that goes.

And lastly but not least,



  1. Wow, definitely frustrating to have your efforts to raise obedient, well-mannered children undermined *right in front of you*. I get a little of that from both Daddy & Grandpa, but not quite that bad. Hats off to you for not having a meltdown right then and there; you're a stronger woman than I.

  2. Hi! I just happened on to your blog through a friend.. I will defiantly be praying for you and your family!

    ~ Jeremiah 29:11 ~


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