Sunday, January 31, 2010

MASHED POTATO LUMPS - FEELING EMOTIONAL TODAY

From the moment I woke up today until now I have been feeling emotional and I can't put my finger on why. I'm not particularly sad or upset, nor angry or resentful, nor feeling deprived or depressed. I just don't understand it.

I weighed myself this morning and it was one of the few things that made me smile. Unofficially I am now down to 304. 5 more pounds until 299. Just writing that makes tears well up under my eyelids. See! So dang emotional!

I suppose on a journey that changes you, not only physically but mentally and emotionally and hormonally, one could be expected to get a bit emotional every once in a while. In fact, I am a pretty emotional person to begin with. I'm just not used to not knowing why I feel a certain way. I always know why.

As I drove over the Interstate bridge today in search of a weather guard for my tandem stroller, I cried. I was thinking about my weight. About losing the weight. About the scale and the numbers and how it has been 31 days and I haven't been having a hard time at all. I was thinking about how that was surely a God Thing because normally the first week is hell and I'm lucky to get past it. Now, here I am, moving onto day 32 and the days just keep breezing by.

I'm in awe. I'm doing this. I'm really doing this. Skinny isn't a forbidden word. It isn't something that applies ONLY to other people. I can achieve skinny, thin, slender, svelte. Whatever you want to call it. I can and WILL achieve it.

With the number on the scale this morning came a lot of day dreaming. I began a mental countdown. If I lost 20lbs in the first month and lost at least 10lbs every month thereafter I could be under 200lbs by November. Holy Cow! I started thinking about all the things I would be able to enjoy so much more from then on. Shopping, playing with my girls, shopping, swimming, shopping, trips, shopping, the holidays and did I mention shopping?

Okay, so enough jibber jabber. Here is the business portion of this post. Today's food:

Breakfast:

1 cup corn chex
1 cup nonfat milk
1 medium banana

TOTAL - 306 CALS

Snack:

100 calorie pack of chocolate covered pretzels

TOTAL - 100 CALS

Lunch:

LC Thai Chicken
100 calorie pack of Lorna Dune cookies

TOTAL - 430 CALS

Dinner:

LC Chicken in basil cream sauce
100 calorie pack of wheat thins

TOTAL - 390 CALS

Dessert:

Skinny cow peanut butter & chocolate ice cream sandwich

TOTAL - 150 CALS

GRAND TOTAL FOR TODAY - 1376

*** CONFESSION ***

If I had to guess, my actual total calories is probably at 1400 or a little over. You see, my mom brought my sister home chicken fried rice tonight and my sister (the grazer that she is) only ate 1/2 the container. It smelled soooooooo good. So, while I was washing bottles and making bottles I realized my sister had left her 1/2 eaten container of chicken fried rice just sitting on the island in the middle of the kitchen. THANKS COURT! NEXT TIME THROW IT AWAY KID! So, bad habits surfaced, but they did not rule me. I consciously and willingly took a small bite of the rice with a piece of chicken and onion and OMG OMG OMG! YUM! But that was all. I promptly threw the fork in the sink and escaped the kitchen as quickly as possible.

And now, with that off my chest, I will escape this post and go read all the wonderful blogs I follow.
Until tomorrow!

The Fat Chick

6 comments :

  1. Good job restraining yourself! I love Chinese and chicken fried rice is amazing, I probably would not have been able to walk away, lol. I'm so happy for you! I'm sure you'll hit your goal of less than 299 by Valentines. Keep up the great work!

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  2. I prayed for you, I know the 299 is going to be the GREEN LIGHT for an life-bettering new you!

    Secretia

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  3. You know, one small bite is kind of a good way to go. You don't deprive yourself, and it teaches you that you can stop with one bite. Soon your tastes will change and there will be many things you don't want one bite of. Then again,there will still be things you want.

    Congrats on your first month: very impressive. Congrats on your great attitude.

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  4. Congrats on your weight loss! I should think about trying those lean cuisine dinners. Are they really similiar to Jenny Craig?

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  5. Sometimes all we need is a good cry! You've been doing so well the past month, you should be nothing BUT proud!

    I just took a peek at your other blog and your girls are SO, SO cute!!

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  6. Stopping after one bite is a huge accomplishment! Good for you! I don't know if I could have been so strong!

    You're doing amazing on your weight loss journey and I know you'll be under 300 in no time!! :-)

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