Saturday, January 9, 2010

To Deserve a Baby or Not . . .

I was reading through blogs today and came upon a few in which the same sentiment was expressed. Why do so many people who 'do not deserve babies' have them and an abundance of them while (usually they say I but some don't) others who 'do deserve babies' can't have them . . .

This struck a chord in me. Not sure why. I have never been accused of not deserving my girls. In fact I have always been praised for my relaxed and calm mothering technique as well as the result it provides and YET, I immediately became defensive. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe because my husband and I are now separated. Maybe because I live with my mom and sister and get a ton of state aid and am not able to provide to my girls directly. I don't know . . . am I deserving? I imagine someone who can't have a baby but is happily married and living in their own house with a stable income would say no. Yeah, I guess that's why.

Maybe because I became a mother easily. (It only took a year and a miscarriage to give birth to my first daughter and I quickly became pregnant with my second only four months later)

My question is, what automatically rates a person deserving or undeserving of children? God allows events to happen in a person's life to allow them perspective, a lesson, comfort and or something else to honor Him. If a life is gifted upon a person with little to no money, perhaps it is God's attempt to bring that person closer to Him in one way or another. I think every human being has the right to be a parent (in the conventional way = Man + Woman + Marriage = Baby) but even if a woman becomes pregnant by a one night stand, rape, incest, or what have you, that baby is a miracle and just because the parent may not be what the world views as 'deserving' the purpose of that child may not be as an 'award' from God but a lesson, an eye opener, a different path.

I'm sorry for the vent. I debated on writing this post. I don't want to offend anyone, especially friends who are close to me but for some reason I felt compelled. I don't think it is anyone's job to judge who is deserving of a child regardless of their own circumstances, views etc. It is God's job to judge and decide. Let's leave this to Him.


  1. Personally, since I assume you took the spin from my blog this morning, I will clarify. When I compare our situation to others, I say "deserving" as those who will not one day have their children removed from their home thanks to CPS. Those that are "not deserving" are those who will, for lack of care, have their child{ren} removed and rights terminated... "Non deserving" child to me are those parents who deliberately starve their children, lock them in closets/basements forever, kill their children. They do not "deserve" these children! If you cannot provide your child the care they need, you do not "deserve" to have them! The basic essentials are all that are required. Needs met to thrive and survive. We cannot provide our children with the most expensive baby clothes, high end nursery furniture, a massive house with 6,000 sq ft to romp about in, a BMW to learn to drive in and a Porsche at their 16th Birthday. These are all frivilous (sp?) items. Who cares about these items?!?! We can provide food on the table, shelter over their head, and unconditional love... The important necessities.

    It is a fallen world we live in... My heart aches for these children living/dying in such situations. I am not perfect, heck, I'm doing just as you said by judging these people.

    You're right with God having a plan for that child. Somedays I get this, others I don't. Being the human I am, I get pissed at God for it though. To see these children suffer due to their parent's lack of responsility... Why do they get to be parents while so many people who want the kids and will care for them properly cannot/have to wait for their blessings??? {I'm well aware that's a God question and I'm sure to ask him when I see Him! and not a you question.. :)}

    Each to their own though. I certainly am not saying everyone who says as "deserving" or not is on the same page as me. Just since you posted this after my post {not sure why this is all you got out of my post though} this morning, figured I would clarify for you.

    And that's my two cents. :-)

  2. From what I read on your blog I think you most definitely deserve your babies!! I think those who don't deserve them are the ones who ignore, abandon or abuse their babies. It does not take a marriage or a lot of money to be a good parent. All it takes is love. And sadly enough there are parents out there who don't have or want that.

  3. Wow, this is a can of worms! I am not offended, but am a little confused by your contradictory statements: In one place, you commented, "I don't think it is anyone's job to judge who is deserving of a child regardless of their own circumstances, views etc." But previously you said, "I think every human being has the right to be a parent (in the conventional way = Man + Woman + Marriage = Baby)". Do you think I don't have the right to be a parent, because I chose to have my child out of wedlock? I provide my daughter with a nurturing and loving home. She has parents who are in a long-term relationship (despite choosing to live separately) and who are totally committed to her. She has a more stable family life than many "traditional" families; she gets all her basic needs met and then some.

    But I'm less deserving of having a child because of my marital status than people whose behavior causes their children to suffer? I'm talking about the drug addicts who continue their habit DURING pregnancy and afterward, knowing it will endanger their baby's health; those who leave their babies at home alone while they go out and party; those who beat their kids senseless for crying too loudly; those who sexually abuse infants... These people aren't receiving any message about changing their path, and those kids should not suffer like that. I don't think those people DESERVE to have their kids. Me, on the other hand? I think I can provide my daughter with an excellent life, even without the benefit of marriage.


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