I have been overweight since the dawn of time, my time that is and that is 25 years of being fat. Ok, I'll admit that until 9th grade I was only chubby, but I was never thin. From early childhood I viewed the slight lower bulge below my bellybutton as hideous and I'm not sure why. Maybe things were said of it, about it. I don't remember though. Maybe I blocked it out. Too painful? In any case, with being overweight come name calling, teasing and so many other hurtful experiences in life. I would never change how I grew up. The way I was is what has made me who I am today and has let me to this journey where I will lose my fat suit, but sometimes I wonder what it would have been like not to be called names in school. What it would have been like to be thin, accepted... (((sigh)))
Which brings me to the crux of this post. Things kids/family/adults/friends etc have said about my weight from the beginning of MY time.
- Chubby/fat/pudgy/cow/pig/piggy/Miss Piggy
- In 7th grade I was at my locker and the 8th grader whose locker was beside mine had a bunch of car photos taped to the inside of the door. I said, 'wow you sure do like cars, don't you?' and he responded with, 'wow, you sure like to eat, don't you?'
- Also in junior high (which grade escapes me) the boy I liked had one of his friends tip me and when I started to fall down he ran to keep me upright all the while yelling, 'don't let her fall we already have a grand canyon.'
- In high school I was walking down the sidewalk out of the school campus and an older student said, 'to the side everyone! to the side! Wide load coming through!' and then as I passed he made the beeping noise of a large truck backing up.
There were days during my younger youth that I would go home and cry. There were days that I would sit, dumbfounded at my desk in school and on my bed at home wondering 'why me?'. Why did they have to be so mean to me?
At home my grandpa always reiterated how I needed to walk like a gazelle because I'm a lady, not an elephant.
I have to say though, what hurt me most and probably because it's the truth is when my gramma says 'you need to lose weight because you can't leave your babies.' This just makes me angry. Not at her. At myself. I will get healthy! I will not die and lose my babies because I had an eating problem. No way! No how! Hence this blog and it's content and the success thus far! I will be a healthy fit mom and I will not die at 25 years old of a heart attack or a stroke or anything else associated with obesity! I refuse!
This gives me an idea. I think I may start a - somethin'- don't know what to call it yet, but a movement of sorts. I WILL NOT BE A VICTIM OF MY WEIGHT AND I WILL NOT BE A VICTIM OF FOOD. or something to that extent. I'm going to think on it and let you know if I come up with something fabulous OR if you have ideas, dish em out!! :)
Always (but soon not to be)
The Fat Chick