Friday, February 5, 2010

RUBBER TOAST - NUMB

First thing's first. My weigh in. Yes, today is my Friday Weigh and I know for some of you it's already Saturday and I am a little late getting the verdict in to you. Excuses Reasons for that later. So, what did the scale say this morning? What number popped up and my heart hammered in my chest and I did everything in my power to stand straight, hold my breath, suck it in and shrink into myself? I'll tell you.

300 BABY!!!


Oh yeah! Mama lost 5 lbs this week! Booyah!

1 more pound till my first goal has been abolished.

On another note, my grandpa in California isn't doing too well. Hospice says it is unlikely he will make it through the night. I am so very saddened. The last time I saw him was 4 years ago and he was in the hospital then, waiting to die. What clenches at my heart even worse than the thought that he is going to pass soon is that he remembered me today. He has been further there than here for a long time, if you catch my drift and in the 4 years that I have lived in Washington he has never asked for me, about me, to see how I am or anything. I did receive birthday cards (mostly bought by my aunt and just signed by my grandpa) , & Christmas presents etc. but nothing personal. Nothing that said, Kristen I remember you. Mostly cash. But today, when he came out of unconsciousness he asked if I had had my baby. I don't know which baby he was referring to, but it just breaks my heart that on his deathbed he would remember me, and being pregnant and ready to give birth. I want to go down to California to see him one last time. I want to introduce him to Buzzy and Breezely even though they won't remember and he soon won't need to. But just so I can say he met them, saw them . . . maybe even loved them just for a moment.

DEATH SUCKS

My grandpa is suffering. A lot. He has been for a while and I often pray that God will just take him to end that suffering. But then I remember things about him; his deep Southern drawl, his hugs, his smile and I wish he would stop suffering and LIVE. I know once God does take him, there will be no more pain, no more suffering (as the song says) and that he will have a new body and be ALIVE in God. But my human-ness wants to keep him here. I want to keep my entire family here. I don't want them to leave me. None of them. Blood or no blood ties, I don't want anyone to die. (((sniff))) wishful thinking huh? Yeah. I know.

So, tomorrow my mom is leaving on a 5 hour flight (including a layover) alone into California. I don't want her to go alone. Please pray for her, for a safe flight and arrival and return home. Thank you.

The Fat Chick

7 comments :

  1. you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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  2. You're in my thoughts, and I'm right here in CA sending good comforting vibes to your Grandpa! Congrats on the loss, that's AWESOME!

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  3. Big hugs & kisses & my thoughts are with you regarding your grandpa

    Congrats on the loss, good luck staying on plan while away.

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  4. Great progress, the 5 pounds will never come back! You are really gonna lose the weight, all that you need to. I am going to cheer you on some more!
    I'm putting your blog on the front page of Secret Story Time, on my blog list. You will get some new followers and supporters. We will all help you.

    Secretia

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  5. *hugs* Congratulations on the 5 pound loss, despite what else is going on. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  6. I am so sorry! We are going throught that at my house..

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  7. Wonderful weight loss. You should be might proud of yourself! Sorry about your grandfather.

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