Oh yeah! Mama lost 5 lbs this week! Booyah!
1 more pound till my first goal has been abolished.
On another note, my grandpa in California isn't doing too well. Hospice says it is unlikely he will make it through the night. I am so very saddened. The last time I saw him was 4 years ago and he was in the hospital then, waiting to die. What clenches at my heart even worse than the thought that he is going to pass soon is that he remembered me today. He has been further there than here for a long time, if you catch my drift and in the 4 years that I have lived in Washington he has never asked for me, about me, to see how I am or anything. I did receive birthday cards (mostly bought by my aunt and just signed by my grandpa) , & Christmas presents etc. but nothing personal. Nothing that said, Kristen I remember you. Mostly cash. But today, when he came out of unconsciousness he asked if I had had my baby. I don't know which baby he was referring to, but it just breaks my heart that on his deathbed he would remember me, and being pregnant and ready to give birth. I want to go down to California to see him one last time. I want to introduce him to Buzzy and Breezely even though they won't remember and he soon won't need to. But just so I can say he met them, saw them . . . maybe even loved them just for a moment.
My grandpa is suffering. A lot. He has been for a while and I often pray that God will just take him to end that suffering. But then I remember things about him; his deep Southern drawl, his hugs, his smile and I wish he would stop suffering and LIVE. I know once God does take him, there will be no more pain, no more suffering (as the song says) and that he will have a new body and be ALIVE in God. But my human-ness wants to keep him here. I want to keep my entire family here. I don't want them to leave me. None of them. Blood or no blood ties, I don't want anyone to die. (((sniff))) wishful thinking huh? Yeah. I know.
So, tomorrow my mom is leaving on a 5 hour flight (including a layover) alone into California. I don't want her to go alone. Please pray for her, for a safe flight and arrival and return home. Thank you.
The Fat Chick