Thursday, March 25, 2010

ANGRY WITH MYSELF

I did soo well today. Soo well.

Breakfast - coffee with cream + bagel thin + 2 TBSN whipped cream cheese = 370 cals
Lunch - Lean Cuisine and 100 cal snack pack = 400 cals
Dinner - Lean Cuisine = 300 cals

This is where I told myself I was done.

I lied.

I disappointed myself.

I went to the stupid jewelry party.

And I ate.

And ate.

And ate.

I ate as though food were going extinct.

And added an additional 1033 cals to my day.

WTF was I thinking?

And I did it consciously. There was no mindless eating. I told myself before I picked up anything, 'don't eat anything. You have a weigh in tomorrow.' Did that stop me? Nope. Not even for a moment.

I'm ashamed. How could I sabotage myself soo willingly.

I feel like a whale.

I feel sick.

I want to throw up.

Tomorrow will post certainly show a gain. My 12th week and my first gain. I am truly appalled at myself. Truly appalled.

But that doesn't mean I won't surge forward. In the month of April AND THE 6 DAYS PRIOR I will eat well. I will attempt some form of exercise as often as possible and I will come back May 1st (a Saturday) with a number close to if not below 275.

I'm going to go now and very possibly cry.

The Fat Chick (who apparently needs a good kick in the ass)

2 comments :

  1. Awww, I was thinking about you and the jewelry party earlier. Those things can be soooo tempting & resisting good stuff is soooo hard. I love that you're ready to dust yourself off & commit to eating well again first thing tomorrow. That's the right attitude... this was just one brief moment. :)

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  2. Hi - I just found your blog, so my comment here is without context, but I wanted to say that 1,030 calories is really low in a day for anyone, so don't see it as a failure that you were still hungry. I started losing weight a couple of years ago (and was super successful for a while, until I had surgery and then started grad school again) - and at first low calories worked for me, but then they didn't - and I had to make sure I ate at least 1,600 or I wouldn't lose. Just a thought. I hope you aren't too hard on yourself, you've done some seriously good work!

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