Saturday, March 20, 2010


Am I the only one?

The only one who has such a war within myself when challenged with a food temptation that in the end, even when I conquer the craving and DON'T EAT, I still feel as guilty as if I had eaten. This happens to me ALLLL the time. Today for example, we went to Baskin Robbins. I ordered non-fat vanilla frozen yogurt kiddie scoop. 90 cals. Buzzy got a kiddie scoop of regular chocolate (my favorite - and hers) anyway she only took 3 small bites before she became more interested in the gummy worms my cousin had on her ice cream. It literally took me 15 minutes of hemming and hawwing and justifying and re-justifying and counting calories and altering calories before I finally picked it up and tossed it in the trash. Yet, through that battle, even though the calories were not actually consumed, a part of me feels guilty. I'm not sure if it's because I wanted it so bad that I feel through osmosis I must have retained some of the calories or if it's because I had to fight so hard to resist it. Not sure. Am I the only one who has FALSE CHEATS and FALSE GUILT?

And now I will answer two questions that were recently posed.

Missa from said, Keep up the mini-goals! When you hit the next one, what will be your reward?

I am not very good with 'rewarding' myself. I feel the number on the scale is truly the real reward. However when I get down to 250 I am hoping to buy some new clothes and when I reach 199 I plan on piercing my ears again (4th holes). The when I hit my ultimate goal I will get a tattoo on my lower back. ((shrugs)) I can't think of anything else I want to reward myself with. If I do think of anything I'll be sure to letcha know.

Greta from asked, What did you do differently to urge your scale to move 5 pounds down?

To be perfectly honest, I am not 100% sure. It could have been several things individually or them all combined but the one thing that stick out most in my mind is this; On Wednesday I posted that I totally binged. I think I ate more than 2500 calories that day (just a guesstimate) and then the next day I ate only 970. I will be perfectly honest here. The high cal proceeded by a low cal day was not premeditated. I knew on Thursday that I needed to be careful and eat 'light' but I had no intentions of eating so low. The things is, I think the combo of a seriously high cal day followed by a seriously low cal day helped me. I even thought yesterday when I weighed myself that maybe it was a fake loss but when I weighed myself this morning, the scale still said 286. Yay! But truly that is all I did differently.

The Fat Chick

1 comment :

  1. Probably not quite the same feeling, but when I manage to say no to something I really would like (but know I shouldn't have) I do feel let down. This is especially true if saying no means The Husband or my son will be doing without too. And then there's the part of me that gets frustrated with feelings of "Why can't I just eat like every one else?"


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