Tuesday, April 6, 2010


History on the 'Closet Cupcake Living in Glass House' concept:

Yesterday Buzzy was sitting in her high chair content to pick at her diced ham and nibble on her tortilla chips and smush her sliced cheese around her plate. Breezely sat on my lap, facing me pulling my shirt up and down, up and down playing peek-a-boo with mommy's boobies. (She is either missing our brief stint with nursing or she's making sure they're still there and what the heck they're doing so they don't surprise her in a sneak attack) My mom was loading the dishwasher and we were talking about cleanliness. This is a topic that often comes up between my mom and me because, well, we don't see eye to eye. She, on one hand, is the 'neurotic, neat freak who would prefer a place for everything and everything in its place and it never gets moved or used or touched'. I on the other hand am more . . . relaxed. (ahem... cough cough...sputter) Okay, okay!!! I'm borderline slob!! Happy?!?! Jeez!!

Anyway, we were talking about some splatter on the fridge that may or may not have been coffee and may or may not have been caused by me. We were talking about taking out the trash which is NOT in my job description and yet I do it anyway. We were talking about whining about said chore lacking in job description and how 'my sister' doesn't whine... except IT'S HER JOB TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH WHICH SHE FERVENTLY REFUSES TO DO!! We were talking about crumbs on the floor and food getting mashed into the carpet and food prints on glass doors and walls etc etc etc. This is when she gestured widely at her refrigerator which has 6 neatly framed photos on the upper freezer portion and maybe 3-5 kid letter and doll magnets on the larger fridge portion below.

"See," she says. "I allow magnets on my refrigerator!" She opens her arms wider and show-cases the fridge like Vanna White on crack. "If it were up to me I wouldn't have ANYTHING on my fridge and it would be clean." Mind you she was not accusing anyone of anything, just stating her preference. The she sighs and says, "But, you know, your step dad says this is the first house that feels like home to him."

"Maybe because it feels LIVED IN," I offer half seriously and half facetiously.

"Maybe," She sighs and looks up feigning the beginnings of a temper tantrum with lower lip jutted out and everything. "But I like living in my glass house! I like being a cupcake or whatever you call your society thing and living in my glass house!"

"Yes mom," I chuckle. "You are definitely a closet cupcake living in a glass house."

FYI- My mom is a 'closet cupcake' because even though she resembles an ugly cupcake and has some properties of a muffin at this moment, INSIDE at her core she feels she truly is A CUPCAKE. Sugary, fluffy, with frosting all over!!

Mind you the following was inspired by my mom, but I in no way see her as any of the following. She is truly an Ugly Cupcake... maybe with some frosting filling.

This whole analogy got me thinking. Some of us are very proud to call ourselves UGLY CUPCAKES. Being less beautiful (no matter the reason-like weight) has no affect on who we know we are. We embrace our muffininity.

There are also CUPCAKES out there (our polar opposites) who believe appearance is everything. EV-ER-Y-THING! If their hair isn't right, if their skin isn't tan, if their makeup isn't perfect, if their clothes aren't in style, their abs aren't rock hard and their butts so tight you could bounce a penny off of them, if their hands and feet aren't manicured, if their hair isn't highlighted, and GOD FORBID THEY HAVE A ZIT!! their life ceases to have importance.

Then there are the in-betweeners and truly, I don't know about you, but I like the in-betweeners even less than I like the REAL CUPCAKES. The in-betweeners are either Muffins who secretly want to be Cupcakes. And no no no, not just pretty muffins. No these people want to completely schluff off their muffininity in place for the plastic superficiality of Cupcakedom. They want beauty more than health, they want perfection more than substance, the only problem is they are stuck in muffininity for one reason or another. (ie- weight problem, bad fashion sense, acne problem, body odor, no implants, no lipo, no plastic surgeon bill, no ... ok, joking)

On the other hand there are CUPCAKES who want to be muffins. I feel sorry for these people. BEAUTIES bound by their appearances, shackled by the expectations of others. It's truly a tragedy. All they want is to have a deep conversation or read a good book but their captive audience won't have it. They must do what is expected of a CUPCAKE even though they are dying to be a muffin.



You've heard the expression that "People who live in glass houses should not throw stones." right? Well to me 'Closet Cupcakes Living in Glass Houses' are inbetweeners who fake it to the max. These people are two-faced. Half ugly and half uglier! Even though inside they are literally aching to be the opposite of what they are, they still feel the need to disparage and berate what they so much wish to be in front of the people they choose to deceive.

An example: The head cheerleader (just wants to go to the library and sit down with a good book) but she squelches that. She's a cheerleader. She's expected to be jubilant and bouncy. She's expected to date a football player. She's expected to have school spirit and be super peppy. And on the outside she is. In addition to that she openly mocks those in the library. The nerds, the computer geeks. She makes fun of what she so longs to be. This to me is DISGUSTING. I can't respect people like this. I just can't. And unfortunately I know many.

I just thought this was an interesting topic.

On another note.

I FAILED!!! 6 days into my own friggin NO SCALE challenge and I could not stand it anymore. I weighed myself. You'd think I'd be bursting at the seems and so I would do it naked, in the morning before I ate, after I peed etc... right? WRONG. No, I felt the desperate need mid-day fully clothed right after a heavily carby lunch. Nice. Can we say I was a little disappointed. DING DING DING!! Yes, I was. Enough of that.

I'm going to try these. I have heard good things about the green tea stuff and I needed to start taking a multi-vitamin anyway and the woman's pack seems to have EVERYTHING AND it was the same price as just the multi-vitamin. So, we'll see.

PS - In posting this and searching google for a pic of what an INBETWEENER (apparently this is a British sitcom) might look like I errantly found another word for 'girlie bits'. I found it completely by accident and it is totally disgusting.

The Fat Chick


  1. Hey sweetie! Don't worry i am so a borderline slob too! I know people who are "sterile" and I am scare that dirt from laying with the kids, lack of cleaning is going to come off me and land on thier whire carpets. UGH. green tea has amazing meicinal properties. I never was a tea drinker but i have come to enjoy a cup of green tea with two splenda.

  2. I am borderline slob who is married to a COMPLETE and utter SLOB! And my siblings are inbetweeners! I would much rather be a proud and REAL ugly cupcake!

  3. I don't know what I am.
    I was fat and didn't bother to dress decently.
    I guess that made me a slobby muffin.
    Now I started losing weight, I don't feel half dead anymore and I look decent in clothing.
    I am trying on makeup and clothes. I feel excited about life. I love politics and news and art and exercise and makeup and everything.
    Could be I'm a muffin with frosting...maybe cinnamon cheesecake.....mmmm....tasty.


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