Wednesday, April 21, 2010

JUGS, BINGING, BUTT HAIR, AND SHORT ARMED CROTCH SCRATCHERS

I’m assuming that if I keep at drinking a 2.2L jug of water every day I will eventually reap some benefits. EVENTUALLY. As in, not now. Right now, I am bloated and my bladder feels distended and my lady bits are tender from wiping after the several thousand times I have peed in the last 12 hours. My stomach feels swishy and kinda nauseous and my throat hurts. I’m sure my throat hurting has nothing to do with the amount of water I have ingested but it doesn’t help the coping with all my other current discomforts. Oh, and that’s to say I didn’t even drink ALL the 2.2Ls of water. I only drank maybe 3/4ths of it. I’m NOT A CAMEL OKAY?!?! Oh, but one teensy benefit of focusing all my efforts on drinking my jug of water was that I didn’t have a single diet soda today. Nope nope. Well, until now. Hey, bad habits and beautiful love affairs with artificially sweetened carbonation die-hard. I accept this fact. It’s your turn.

I did an experiment today. I have to do these every occasionally to remind myself of why I am doing this. I mean aside from the dropping number on the scale and the better fitting, smaller clothing, sometimes that dessert looks just too good or that burger calls me and I just can’t take it anymore. Rather than wait for a day like that though, I choose to do my experiments on days when we aren’t eating my favorite foods, preferably before a day when we are. I call my experiment THE CONTROLLED BINGE. I count my calories but eat whatever I want. Today’s menu? For breakfast I had a fried egg with mayo and cheese on a sandwich thin and a cup of coffee with Irish cream. For lunch I had 7 roasted chicken wings, a cup of clam chowder and 4 potato wedges that Buzzy decided she didn’t want. Now let me tell you, here is where I started to feel icky. The chicken was good for me and if I hadn’t eaten the chicken the soup wouldn’t have been so bad but add the potato wedges and Omigod, I was stuffed to full capacity. My jeans dug into my gut and I felt like I might bust something. I then proceeded to go home where I felt ‘the munchies’ coming on. See, a very sad truth in my life is that when I eat badly, it provokes cravings for more bad stuff. So I ended up eating a serving of Dibs (i.e.: chocolate covered ice cream bites) and then for dinner I had 1.5 bowls of beef stew and a whopping 3 biscuits. I should have stopped here. Are you gasping yet? WHAT, you are asking with astonishment. YOU ATE MORE?!?!?! I know if I were you, I’d be full just from reading all that food. So what did I continue to do? I ate. Indeed, I ate. I had dessert. Blueberry cobbler with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Wanna know something?? Something so very true and so very sad?? Not only did I eat a whopping 1000+ calories over my daily allowance and not only do I feel lethargic and cranky and emotional and depressed. I didn’t like the majority of what I ate today. How ridiculous is that?! My breakfast was heaven. My lunch, I totally could have passed on the soup and the potato wedges and my dinner was just eh. So, today was my ‘CONTROLLED BINGE’ and I rocked the sh*t out of it. Rather it ROCKED THE SH*T OUTTA ME. I am now argumentably cured for at least the next month of controlled binging or any kind of binging for that matter. I so do not like this ‘about to burst out of my own skin’ feeling. I would prefer a bit of self-control and bad food deprivation over feeling so physically uncomfortable any day.


On another topic Buzzy has discovered my lady bits. Okay, that sounds so unfathomably wrong. What I mean is that when I am in the shower or when I go to the bathroom or when I’m getting dressed my almost 2 year old has become quite fascinated with looking at the lower half of my body. I try to hide it by turning my butt to her but she only laughs and smacks her pudgy dimpled hands onto my fat dimpled butt and screams with delight saying, ‘Buzzy push mama’s butt! Buzzy push mama’s butt!’ Today, though she had something different to tell me. While I am getting dressed, changing my underwear and such I watch as she squats down and tilts her head to the side looking up at my lady bits. I turn around and she only walks around to stand in front of me and squats back into the identical position of ten seconds ago. She ponders me for a while and I can’t help but me amused by the quizzical arch of her eyebrows and how she seems to be debating on something. She then points to my lady bits (still squatting) and says very matter of factly, ‘mama has hairy butt’. ((sigh)) I had to turn away to hide my laughter. Of all that she could have been thinking it literally is as simple to a 2 year old that DAMN MOM, YOU HAVE A HAIRY BUTT. ((yes sometimes life hands you laughter when you need it most))



Last note of the evening, Mr. Mexico (aka – the (ex) husband) has not initiated any contact with me or his daughters since he left 10 days ago. Granted, I have initiated contact and he has responded but I wonder what this means. Am I too optimistic to hope that maybe he’ll stay in Mexico for good and I’ll never have to see his ugly face again?!?! One can hope AND PRAY!




The Fat Chick

3 comments :

  1. my little one asked me why I had a hairy bottom...I told her that she too would have a hairy bottom. She was horrified. lol.
    oh, and i have my controlled binge days. give yourself one at least once a month...in four or five months you won't be able to eat anything like you did today...you will also be incredibly picky about what you do eat.
    Mylast binge fest...mexican...chicken chimi with cheese sauce, rice and coleslaw...and a root beer...how good was it..it was incredible.

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  2. That is an amazing idea. Yes children discovering your lady bits is always intersting. Dilla was convinced for ever (till about 5) that my pee pee fell off. Ah the insanity.

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  3. I have some controlled cheat days also. As long as you keep tabs of it you are staying accountable. Maybe she is looking at your lady bits (laughting out loud as I type those words) because they look different now that you are losing weight.

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