Monday, April 5, 2010

TRUTH & CONFESSION

You've all heard of the game TRUTH OR DARE . . . I will assume that the vast majority of you have and therefore will skip the rules etc. For those who live under a rock, please CLICK HERE to learn about TRUTH OR DARE from Wikepedia. So, now that you know ALL ABOUT the game, forget it. I'm not playing TRUTH OR DARE here. I am playing TRUTH & CONFESSION. Factual TRUTHS about myself and embarrassing CONFESSIONS. Here we go:



TRUTH/CONFESSION: I really like Kirstie Alley's Big Life on A&E. It's hilarious! And I must admit I frequent her weight loss site Kirstie Alley's Organic Liaison. Not sure why. So, while I pedal my fat ass off I watch On Demand re-runs of this show. I'm lame. I know.



CONFESSION: I am obsessive compulsive about plucking body hair. Not eyebrows. BODY HAIR. I cannot stand stray hairs (or any hairs for that matter - no matter how short or blonde or insignificant) on my boobs, chest, belly or hips. They MUST be plucked. I also shave my upper lip (because I look like Pierre if I don't) my knuckles, my toes and the along the bone connected to my biggest toe in addition to my underarms, my legs and sometimes my girlie bits (more on that later - the name... not the shaving)



TRUTH: Last time I saw my clean underwear tonight (because I only have 2 pair that fit now -had to throw the rest away) was in the dryer with a bunch of dishtowels. Why they were in the dryer with a bunch of dishtowels is BEYOND me but I didn't take them out because I had a baby on one hip and another crying for me to 'hode you!!'. So, tonight when I went to grab them, they weren't there and as a result I had to shower and then go commando. YUCK!! I hate going commando... although I did have a small NSV. If I suck my stomach in - which I should practice doing anyway to strength my twice now severed belly muscles - my lower belly no longer touches my thighs!! Wah-friggin- Hoo!! It wasn't three months ago that NOT ONLY did it touch my thighs. It about covered up 1/3 of them.



CONFESSION: Diet coke is like crack to me. It is the one thing I am NOT willing to give up. Yet anyway. Maybe someday. Hey! At least I KNOW I have a problem. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem... right? LOL



TRUTH: After my shower I was drying off, with a small towel, not my big ass towels made for big ass ...er... asses. Anyway I wrapped it around my chest and was amazed that it wrapped all the way around and covered both my boobs. Before I could barely get the edges to touch.



CONFESSION: In addition to obsessive compulsive problems with plucking (and shaving) hairs, I also have a problem with picking. Picking anything and everything (but not noses) like dry skin, scabs, the layers that lift on your nail, hang nails, EVERYTHING. I am the kid you saw in school who purposely rubbed Elmer's glue all over her hands and waited for it to dry so she could slowly peel it off. Yes, my name is Krissy and I am a picker (but not noses. I don't do noses... LOL)



TRUTH: For the past 6 days I have been up to my nostrils in vomit and diarrhea. And it's not even mine. NOT COOL! NOT COOL AT ALL! If one isn't barfing up formula the other is taking a shit so watery and rank in her diaper that I feel the need to dawn a hazmat suit before I proceed in changing her. And then of course after ever so carefully removing the hazardous diaper and cleaning her poor butt I lift the diaper to throw it away and all the crap with the consistency of Thai style curry sauce pours out of the leg hole and onto the carpet. GAAAAHHHHH!!! I'd give anything to go one full day without getting yacked on or crapped on.



CONFESSION: I often have times when I feel completely inadequate. Like I can't do ANYTHING right. Like, I can't succeed at marriage, I feel like a crappy mom, I'm not as good at house keeping as many family members (and am reminded by them), I'm not as good at cooking as other family members (this is my own downfall that I remind myself of constantly), I feel like my priorities are all out of order, I feel lazy and on top of everything I'm FAT!! Nice combo.



TRUTH: I did fan-friggin-tastic today at eating AND exercise. 1390 calories in and 1543+ cals out. In addition to the 1543 cals I burned in 100 minutes of biking I also did my 30 squats (3 sets of 10) and my 30 kneeling leg lifts (3 sets of 10) and 15 minutes of serious stretching. Myfitnesspal doesn't account for the squats or leg lifts as burning calories but my thighs and butt tell me a different story.



CONFESSION: My (ex) husband's dad (who lives in Mexico - and who is also 93 years old) is dying. While that in and of itself is horribly sad and pulls at my heart strings I am so excited at the prospect of my (ex) husband leaving the country. I want him gone and I want him to not come back. He is a thorn in my side. He still wants us to be together. But I can't be with someone who has been verbally abusive for so long and only recently physically abusive... (not recently recently - when I left him 5 months ago recently). He doesn't seem to understand why I can't just let it go and when I let him know my TRUE feelings he threatens me with taking my girls etc. So, I wish he'd just leave. Go home and be with his family. That is where he would truly be happy anyway. Believe me, I know. He's told me umpteen million times that I am worthless and a waste of time and he was going to go back to Mexico. Finally, there is a real reason to go SO PLEASE GO!!



TRUTH: I have not been tempted to step on the scale once in the last 5 days. Yes, it has crossed my mind but I didn't have to convince myself not to. I think subconsciously I think those 4 days of horrible eating would show me something on the scale I DO NOT want to see. Thank God, I have at least THAT much willpower.



CONFESSION: I think the word whootananny that Drazil from It's Just Me, Drazil & Sheniqua uses is HILARIOUS. It got me thinking of all the words people use for that very specific area and these are the ones I came up with (WARNING: Not intended for 'virgin eyes') Vajayjay, Pussy, Cooch, Coochie, Punanni, Cunt, Twat, Snatch, Taco, Hot dog bun, Muff, Puss, Bojingo (from Scrubs) Coot, Cooter, Business, Lady Bits, Junk, Bits N Pieces. My (ex) husband has called it Coochie, Cosita (Thingy), Tamal (Tamale), Tamal Guajaqueno (Big Tamale). <--- He always said that was a compliment but I just never could quite feel pretty thinking my 'lady bits' were HUGE in my husband's eyes.


AND JUST FOR FUN






4 more days until the end of the

Ugly Cupcake Society's first challenge.




Who wants to know what you're winning???



Here's some hints:

- It can smell/feel/look good

- You can use it on your computer or somewhere else


- As far as I know, all 50 states + Canada has them. Yay!



ANY GUESSES?



And that my dears is all for this evening.



The Fat Chick

11 comments :

  1. Great post! I have to confess I'm the girl that put glue on her hands just to peel it off... in fact I tried to teach my son to do it by example not all that long ago, lol.

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  2. Lmao. I love this post! I am a picker/pluckers too....

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  3. Crip girl, I pretty much do most of the stuff that you wrote here,, LOL...I remember when my tummy was going down too and I was able to see my pubic hair. I was shocked. Didn't know I still had a vagina since I hadn't seen it for years with that big honking stomache flapping over it...

    I don't weight myself anymore...well not obsessively like I used too. and not since the scale broke and I refused to buy another one, and not since I went to Canadian Tire ever Saturday and rushed down the isle where the scales where, and took of my jacket and shoes to weight myself..lol

    Just finished shaving my feet and my toes last night actually. Just call me sasquatch...I have a joke that I tell everyone..virgin eyes close please...since I'm so hairy, I said I will be 80 years old and people will come up to me and say,,oh Angie, I love the fringe on your paints, and I will say,,oh that is not fringe on the bottom of my paints but my pubic hair..LOL

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  4. You make me chuckle.. I love Kirstie Alley too.... I tape her shows on Sunday...

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  5. LOL! Great post! I love watching Kirstie Alley too.

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  6. Okay, the picture at the bottom is totally disturbing! I was also the kid with the Elmer's glue peel habit. My mom used to get so irritated with me! You gave me a laugh this morning, thanks :)

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  7. Ha I love Kirstie Alley too. I cant think of a guess, cant wait to see what it is.

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  8. I am a plucker picker.. In fact my Dh calls me Monkey because of it!

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  9. I love this post! As many problems as you have with the underwear and kids, etc I enjoyed this :) I'm sorry it is just hilarious. I'm not a picker though may be I'm too lazy to be. Oh no I'm not that lazy anymore. Does that mean I might start too! My crack is ice cream... oops

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  10. This was fantastic. I'm a picker too. It makes my hubby crazy.

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