Monday, May 10, 2010

DEAR ANONYMOUS COMMENTER + VICTORY

Today as I was deciding what I wanted to blog about, I noticed a previous post had a new comment on it. Now, this was my 'Mother's Day' post and granted, I did put a small rant about my ex in there. None-the-less, my eyebrow was raised when I ready this:

Anonymous said...
Seriously? Those are lamest excuses ever. Sure, he can have a relationship with your children, but you aren't required to. Why on earth would you even go to breakfast with him? You have no room to complain, you are egging him on.
May 10, 2010 4:59 AM

Now, this is not the most horrible comment I have ever received. It actually pales in comparison to some things people have spouted off, BUT I felt the need to respond to it. Why? Call me a glutton for having the last word. Call it clarification. Call it what you will.

So, Mr. or Mrs. Anonymous Commenter,


I have a couple questions for you. Of course, they're all rhetorical considering you won't be able to answer them. That is unless you choose to reveal your identity because I have conveniently turned off the anonymous commenter. (Sorry, to everyone else. This is just how it has to be)
My first question is, what's in it for you to read my blog, get offended or appalled or disgusted or sick to your stomach or whatever it was and then to comment that way? Did you just need to get it off your chest? Because, really that's what blogging is for. And here on my blog I am happy that you could get that off your chest. Or perhaps you just 'don't like me' and what I stand for, or how I deal with my husband who isn't emotionally my husband anymore but is still legally my husband. Maybe that just rubs you the wrong way, and that's okay. Or maybe you have some underlying issues and you are projecting how you subconsciously wish you could handle them by telling me how I should handle mine. ((shrugs)) In any case, do you feel better?


My second question is, why did you feel the need at nearly 5AM in the morning to comment 'anonymously'? Could you not sleep? Were you getting ready for your day? Were my actions just grating so hard on your nerves? I mean seriously? What mature adult sits at their computer at the wee hours of the morning and anonymously (out of cowardice, I imagine) comments like that on someone's post? Perhaps you need to find a hobby.


And lastly, to answer your question. If you don't remember what that was, here is a reminder: "Why on earth would you even go to breakfast with him?" Well, because there are these two words called decency and civility. I am sure that now-a-days those two words are prohibited from mingling with other words such as separation, divorce, custody and visitation. Oh no. But guess what? They exist in my life. I go to breakfast with him so my girls get both their parents at the same time. So they don't feel tugged in one direction and then another. I go to breakfast because he asks me to. And if you think that is 'egging him on', well then so be it. It's difficult to egg someone on when you have said to their face and to the faces of their family members that nothing more exists between the two of you. That hardly leaves room for misconceptions. And if you might by any chance be talking about the kiss that I gave him upon my daughter's request when you say I am egging him on, then please oh mighty counselor what would you have done? When your one year old (almost 2) asks you to kiss daddy goodbye (and she WON'T understand if you refuse) would you refuse anyway? Why would you choose to confuse your child that way? It wasn't like we sat there and made out. It was a puckered lipped peck on the mouth. I kiss my friends that way. So, what's your problem?

K, so I had intended not to get defensive. I am tired and irritable though so that didn't completely pan out. For anyone who might be thinking that I am a fool for explaining myself to some random passerby on my blog, I may be a fool, but I am a control freak to. I want the last word. I want to be understood and if not understood than at least heard. So, like I said, I have turned off the anonymous comment option on my blog. Whatever you have to say to me, you should be able to see it without hiding behind 'Anonymous'. Anyone that needs to hide doesn't deserve to give their opinion anyway.

Onto my victory. I didn't want to do my c25k today. After all I took Saturday and Sunday off and getting back in the swing of things is never ever fun. But I did it! I pushed through the burn. I pushed through the 'I want to quit' mantra in my head and I finished it. And I did it in my size 20 jeans! Hell yeah!

On one last note, I have a horribly sore throat. I think I may be getting sick. I hope not. I don't need anymore road blocks in addition to my own emotional issues.


The Fat Chick

7 comments :

  1. I agree. I turned off my anonymous comments as well. i don't mind a critical comment, but at least have the balls to put your name on it.

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  2. I received a comment from one anonymous last week and it did not like it at all. But mine was only about sugar! Yeah the commenter decided it was wrong or whatever that on my weight-loss blog I posted I was having icecream. I got so mad at first then forgot about it. But if an anonymous commented on my actions like this I would die to find out who it is and give them a piece of mind myself. Personally I don't think I would be so offended or mad if I knew who it was. You know somehow I could find a way to understand or at least talk (email or whatever) to that person and see where they're coming from, etc.

    I'm trying to say you did good!

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  3. Why do people feel the need to come onto someone else's blog and criticize them for it???? It's YOUR BLOG. If I want to post on my blog that I"m a fat ass and want to eat icecream, i will. I f I put up there that I kissed my ex - who's business is it of anybody's to tell you any different?

    Example - do i think you should have kissed your ex? Not really (being a divorced parent whose 2 year old used to ask daddy to come and live with us again), but that's MY opinion. If you choose to handle things differently, I can respectfully disagree. I am not you, and don't know 100% of the situation you're in.

    Anonymous could have left their opinion - without being so tactless and rude. You're right - it takes a real coward to post anonymously - it's like a hit and run.

    For the record - i read your blog a LOT, maybe I'm a stalker, but really I just really, really feel what you're going through. In my book, you are doing an amazing job, doing the best you can for your children, while trying to to leave them damaged in the fallout from a divorce. It takes MORE courage to be peaceful with your ex than it does to openly hate them and ruin your children as a result. I have a saying I used throughout my (very MESSY) divorce and custody hearings - "I love my child(ren) more than I hate my ex"...meaning I will do whatever it takes to make sure my son feels loved by BOTH parents - he will never hear me say one bad word about his father. Granted I don't say much good either - but I let him make his own decisions. I'm blabbing on and on again, sorry! Anyway, screw anonymous, great last word!! :)

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  4. Flabby said it perfectly - "love your children more than you hate your ex"!! I remember growing up my parents weren't together but never argued or fought. I was 25 when I realized that my dad was a douche-bag. My mom NEVER said anything negative about him because since we lived with her, she didn't want to influence our opinions. She let us make our own decisions about who he was by HIS OWN actions.

    I've always wondered why those anonymous commenters feel the need to state their opinions in such a judgmental way. If your commenter didn't agree with what you did or said, all he/she had to do was say "I wouldn't have done that, instead I would have ....." But it's always easy to make comments when you haven't lived through the experience.

    And, heck, this is YOUR blog. You should have the last word! :D

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  5. You know what's fun? A free stat counter with an IP log on it. Then you can find out who these creepy people are and, when you feel like it, call them out!

    I love knowing who the scumbags are. LOL!

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  6. lalskjdf;laksjdfMay 11, 2010 at 10:35 AM

    Ugh, sorry you had to deal with that. People suck sometimes.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Good on you girl. I also don't mind criticism, but at least put your name to it. Some people are simply too sad.

    ReplyDelete

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