Sunday, May 23, 2010

DEJA VU - EFF YOU!

Okay, this time last week I was explaining to you all about my epiphany about eating a little too much here and a little too much there and then on Sunday (or was it Monday?) I allowed myself a controlled binge to purge the need for crap.

Here I am. Again. It's Sunday. And you know what I did this weekend? The same thing as last. Only worse.

I feel like a complete hypocrite.

I am not sure why I feel the need to sabotage myself and it's not like I go into a food coma and wake up with salt and chocolate all over my face and wonder where it came from.

No, I am perfectly aware of my consumption and while I am consuming/binging/gorging/medicating/comforting or whatever you want to call it, I don't give a flying butt hair that I'm doing it.

Murphy has been kind and has kept me in the 270's even through this rough patch. I don't believe I deserve such kindness though.

WHAT I NEED IS A SWIFT KICK IN THE ASS!

Monday through Thursday is usually pretty good for me and I justify this with the numbers on the scale Friday morning. I figure, hey as long as I lose, right? Yeah, well this behavior can only last so long before Murphy is going to rebel and start showing shitty numbers instead of good ones.

I'm feeling out of whack, out of my groove, out of it.

I need to refocus. But how?

I hate this crappy rainy/cloudy weather. It is my excuse not to do C25K.

*Light bulb?*

When I got sick and hurt my knee I stopped doing C25K and when I stopped doing that I started eating shit. Coincidence? Hmmm... at least it's something to think about.

Regardless I have GOT TO GET MY STUFF TOGETHER HERE.

I am sorry I have been less than a good/proactive and progressive participant in this journey that we are all on. Regardless of the fact that it affects me, I know how much I hurt for those when they fall off the wagon and I don't want to be anyones downfall or justification for a downfall. I hope that doesn't sound arrogant. It isn't intended that way.

For now, I am off to sleep. I have to meet with the EX tomorrow so he can see the girls. ((STRESSS!!!)) But I'll be good. Remember, Monday through Thursday are good for me. ((sigh)) It's Friday, Saturday and Sunday that fuck me up.

Anyhoo,

Goodnight Lovies

The Fat Chick

6 comments :

  1. Get rid of all the crap that you normally binge on. Throw it out of your house. Get one of those piggy alarms for your fridge and pantry. STOP BUYING IT. Write a list before you go to the store and stick to it.

    Beyond that? I don't really know what to say because I'm doing the exact. same. damn. thing.

    *sigh*

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  2. oh, i hate the scale deja vu, and i hate the friday, saturday, sunday slack-off. weekends are just too hard. i have no right to give advice right now (other than remove temptation) because like mad_woman above, i'm doing the exact. same. damn. thing. too.

    good luck with the ex tomorrow.

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  3. If we all didn't go through these episodes, we wouldn't have a weight blog to begin with. Heck, we wouldn't even have a weight issue!

    This past weekend, I did the exact same thing as you did and, while I was doing it, I kept telling myself "so what? I've been doing well for so long". That's just me trying to justify my overeating. At one point, I ate even though I knew I wasn't hungry. It's hard to get over old eating habits.

    Just don't give up. I believe that having 4 good days is better than having no good days.

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  4. I had exactly the same problem that you did. I had terrible cravings, binging, etc. I found that I could not ever had a "binge day". Not ever. I would do exactly what you did. So, I cleaned up my diet. No sugar, no white flour. NO processed foods. Now I don't have any cravings at all. I was able to give my son some ice cream yesterday and not even be tempted to lick my fingers.

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  5. First time to your blog. The hurt that comes from overeating cuts deeper than any flesh wound. I agree with your description of its incessant pain.

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  6. You have an award on my blog - should you care to go claim it :)

    Blue~

    ReplyDelete

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