Here I am. Again. It's Sunday. And you know what I did this weekend? The same thing as last. Only worse.
I feel like a complete hypocrite.
I am not sure why I feel the need to sabotage myself and it's not like I go into a food coma and wake up with salt and chocolate all over my face and wonder where it came from.
No, I am perfectly aware of my consumption and while I am consuming/binging/gorging/medicating/comforting or whatever you want to call it, I don't give a flying butt hair that I'm doing it.
Murphy has been kind and has kept me in the 270's even through this rough patch. I don't believe I deserve such kindness though.
WHAT I NEED IS A SWIFT KICK IN THE ASS!
Monday through Thursday is usually pretty good for me and I justify this with the numbers on the scale Friday morning. I figure, hey as long as I lose, right? Yeah, well this behavior can only last so long before Murphy is going to rebel and start showing shitty numbers instead of good ones.
I'm feeling out of whack, out of my groove, out of it.
I need to refocus. But how?
I hate this crappy rainy/cloudy weather. It is my excuse not to do C25K.
When I got sick and hurt my knee I stopped doing C25K and when I stopped doing that I started eating shit. Coincidence? Hmmm... at least it's something to think about.
Regardless I have GOT TO GET MY STUFF TOGETHER HERE.
I am sorry I have been less than a good/proactive and progressive participant in this journey that we are all on. Regardless of the fact that it affects me, I know how much I hurt for those when they fall off the wagon and I don't want to be anyones downfall or justification for a downfall. I hope that doesn't sound arrogant. It isn't intended that way.
For now, I am off to sleep. I have to meet with the EX tomorrow so he can see the girls. ((STRESSS!!!)) But I'll be good. Remember, Monday through Thursday are good for me. ((sigh)) It's Friday, Saturday and Sunday that fuck me up.
The Fat Chick