Tuesday, June 29, 2010

ACCOUNTABILITY & INSPIRATION

I've spent the last month making excuses. Instead of reaching my goal of 250 in the month of June I let go completely of all interest in my health and stopped being accountable. It was a mess of one binge on top of a half assed promise to do better the next day followed by another binge. I just stopped caring. Looking in the cupboard and fridge and knowing I could eat anything I want and as much as I wanted of it ruled me. Lack of control ruled me. My desire to do what I wanted as opposed to what was good for me ruled me. As of Friday I was up to 283. That is a 9lb gain from my lowest a couple months ago. I can't continue in this direction. I need to continue forward. I can't let divorce, lack of response from agents about my book or any other of lifes stresses deter me from getting healthy. Life will happen regardless of if I lose weight or not, the only variable is if I am going to be a part of it or not.

Now nothing has changed. I still want to go eat everything that's edible but I have decided this isn't about what I want. This is about what I need. Too friggin bad if I'm hungry after all my calories have been consumed. Too bad if I'm craving cookies and Chips and everything else under gods blue sky. I won't eat it. I will resist.

What is my motivation? What has newly inspired me to take the reigns? Jewlia from jewlia goulia. She is remarkable and I both respect and envy her perserverance in this
Journey. She just hit below 250 and is 9lbs away from 100 lbs lost. She is a true inspiration and she makes me want to do better. She makes me feel like I can do this, so jewlia if you are reading this, THANK YOU! you are truly my biggest inspiration right now.



The Fat Chick

-Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

1 comment :

  1. While you're totally right that you can't let those things get in the way of your weight loss, it's hard to live that. I totally get it.

    I'm with you all the way, chick.

    ReplyDelete

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