Thursday, June 3, 2010

CONFORMING, FREAKISH TECHNOLOGY AND A BLOGROLL CLEANUP

CONFORMING

I am amazed at what losing 50 lbs can do.

Once upon a time in the land of 300+lbs I thought of nothing else but my weight. Nothing else but food. I couldn't concentrate on anything except how much my body hurt, how horrible it felt to have my arms rub my sides even when I held them out to the side, how horrible it felt to walk and how even with my feet spread shoulder width apart, my legs still touched from the thighs down to where my calves began. I constantly thought about food. What can I eat? What sounds good? Are we going out? What will I have? And I didn't wonder these things because I felt guilty, or concerned about what I would actually eat. I would wonder these things because I wanted to know what the yummiest, fattiest thing on the menu was and what I could follow it with as dessert.

50 lbs later, life is so different. Yes, a large portion of my days is still dedicated to food. Only now, instead of wondering when and how and what? I wonder, how many calories, how large a portion, am I really hungry and does it actually taste good? I used to eat food whether it tasted good or not. I am not sure why. Boredom? Guilt? Comfort? Self punishment? Now, if I take a bite of something I don't like I don't waste my calories and move on to something equally as nutritious but more enjoyable. I also don't find myself so focused on my body. In fact I rarely find myself thinking about how fat I am at all. Instead, I am focused on my babies and my house, my family and the important things in life.

Unfortunately this 'comfort' is what had me off the wagon and trailing miles behind, only to catch up, climb back on and fall off again for a week and a half going on two weeks. I've realized that just because I am more comfortable in my body does not give me a free pass to stop what I have been doing. I need to continue. 270+ lbs is still obese. I am still at risk for heart disease, diabetes and other horrible obesity related illnesses. Am I less at risk than I was at 325lbs? Yes. Should that change my desire to decrease my risk further? OH HELL NO. So, I'm back at it. For the past three days I have had no more than 1650 cals in one day and no less than 1400. I am doing well, again. I feel motivated, again.

Thank you to those who follow and comment. Thank you to those who follow and don't. Thank you to everyone who hasn't given up on me even when it looks as though I have given up on myself. I haven't and I won't. I WILL have hard times. This was an example, but I swore on 01/01/2010 that I would always always ALWAYS get back up and get back at it. And so I am. I'm back at it.

STUPID COMPUTER HATES ME

No pictures tonight. My computer is freaking out. Or maybe its blogger. Will try again tomorrow, and the next day and the next until this sucker works. LOL

BLOGROLL CLEANUP

I'm also going to do a little 'blog cleaning'. I am going to delete all blogs on my blogroll who have not posted in more than 2 weeks. If you want to stay on my blog roll, or if you aren't on it and want to be, leave a comment and I will be sure to keep/add your blog.

FYI - My blog roll is on my profile under blogs I follow. So click the picture of the muffin in the box titled 'THE FAT CHICK HERSELF' on the right side of my blog. It will take you there. Or click HERE. That will take you there too.

I am now off to rest. I did not write anything tonight in my book. I am working out some scenes in my head. Hence, why I am here.

Until next time . . . which should be tomorrow's weigh in . . . ((sigh - wish me luck))

The Fat Chick

6 comments :

  1. Hi! I just found your blog tonight! I noticed you are from the PNW! Where abouts? I'm from Auburn, WA!

    I'm slowly but surely making it back and reading your story a bit!

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  2. I can't see a link to your blogroll (I might be blind) so I don't know if I'm on it or not..but I'd love to be :)

    Good for you for getting back on the wagon and carrying on. That can be so difficult eh?

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  3. It's amazing how much better you feel when the weight starts dropping. Keep up the good work.

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  4. Oddly 50 pounds is where the wagon and I parted ways too - but only for a while. The wagon is entirely differnt after the first 50 though... at least for me. I know you're gonna keep doing great things! :)

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  5. dont be so hard on yourself, a couple weeks of allowing distractions isnt all that horrid, especially since you're back!!! you're doing great :-)

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  6. Hiya! I am so with you. It is so hard to learn to find comfort in something other than food. It is doable though. Comfort is a feeling. Food is fuel. They do not have to be the same.
    Cheers,
    Missa
    LosingEthel

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