Thursday, July 29, 2010

STANDING STRONG WITH YOUR SUPPORT

Thank you all for your support and encouragement. It amazes me that so many 'total strangers' (because I don't consider you total strangers - but you understand what I mean - someone I have never met in person) takes so much time out of their lives to read my words and then right such encouraging and supportive e-mails, texts, comments and spring form messages. I honestly cannot tell you what this means to me. I took some advice today (of course I modified it so that it fit my life) but I did it.

This morning at 10:30 I got this text from the ex: (Red italics are my input on his text)

Good Morning before anything. You know, now that I have gotten it out (because I guess he told some work friends about our entire situation) I see things differently. If you didn't want to try to fix everything again I understand because I have experienced things living with you that have stayed in the past. Like when I got really sick (the man had a migraine and thought he was on his deathbed - plus I was newly released from the hospital after my c-section with Breezy) and I asked you to take me to the doctor and you didn't do it. When I got a ticket (for driving in the carpool lane without any other passengers) I asked you to accompany me to the court and you told me that I got the ticket. (I also had two babies, 1 and a few months old - downtown court house in another state is not a place for them) And even though I paid your grandpa with every check from *my first job* you said that to get back together I needed to sign a paper that I was going to continue paying your grandpa. Despite all this like my mom said, forget all that son. Be happy above all for your daughters so they don't suffer. I did that. I understood and I left it all in the past. You know well that I didn't threaten you. I simply told you that if you didn't let me see my daughters that are the most beautiful thing in my life after my parents (DID YOU CATCH THAT? HIS DAUGHTERS COME AFTER HIS PARENTS) that I was going to ask for a divorce. I'm not mad. (Uh, okay that last sentence didn't make sense but that's what he said)

And yes, I am quite aware that this text is extremely choppy and almost unintelligible. But it isn;t my translation. I really think he has problems expressing himself, in anyway and this is just evidence of that.

This was my response. The first time I have really ever stood up and told him to leave me alone. However, being the person I am and considering these texts could be used for or against either one of us I had to clarify:

I don't know why you sent me all that. Obviously you haven't left anything in the past but that isn't important. To clarify I didn't take you to the doctor because I had two small babies that needed me. I didn't accompany you to court for the same reason. It wasn't a place for babies. And honestly, it isn't important now but you didn't give every check from *your first job* to my grandpa. You only paid him when you had enough. Also to clarify another thing. You have threatened me so many times that I can't even count them. From the beginning of our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend you have always threatened me with one thing or another. And finally, I'm asking you that unless it is to talk directly to or about our daughters or to talk about bills and the money going toward those bills please leave me alone. I have my daughters to take care of and don't have time to read or write this ridiculousness. Thanks.

Now, I guess we'll just see if he complies. I hope so. If he doesn't I am contemplating having a restraining order written up. I just can't take this anymore. When I saw his text this morning my heart literally started beating in my throat. He has such control over me, such fear inducing presence even just through text that he affects my physical health. My heart didn't relax and I didn't feel better until nearly an hour later (well after I had set the phone down) and after I had taken a nice warm relaxing shower. Only then did my pulse return to normal and my mind felt more at ease. AAAGGGHHH!!

I have been good though. I haven't binged. In fact I have consciously NOT even entered the kitchen at all today while I was feeling stressed. I had a bowl of chex with 2% milk (1 cup/ea) for breakfast. A lean cuisine quesadilla with a dollop of sour cream and veggie chips for lunch and a tall nonfat mocha for snack. To stay under 1500 cals for the day I still have 700 calories left for dinner and/or snack dessert and I will be okay. One day, one meal, one minute at a time.

I really don't think I could do it without you people out there who so openly support me. And a special thanks to Miss L (you know who you are) who sent me a most wonderful e-mail. I appreciate it more than I can express with words. I cried and I smiled and I felt very united with you. Thank you! Thank you!

PS: Meagan, thank you for your comment as well. How is your babykins? The mini elliptical you asked about in my previous post was bought online for $99. I had it shipped normal but came the next day and with tax and S&H it was $120. It's a fantastic product. My only complaint is it's heavy and keep Miss A. away cuz the rollers could really hurt her.

The Fat Chick

4 comments :

  1. My stepdad, whom I've known since age 8, is an emotionally abusive and manipulative bastard. He has issues. A few years ago, around age 35, I realized there was nothing I could do to "fix" his issues -- couldn't apologize, couldn't avoid saying or doing things that would set him off because there was nothing predictable about what he would get angry about. Once I realized they were his issues, it was like a huge weight was lifted off of me (unfortunately, not off my ass or anything). I'm sorry he is a bastard with issues but it's not my problem. I impart to you my ancient hard-earned wisdom (basically, politely say "I'm sorry you feel that way" and just walk away) and hope it helps you as it did me.

    If you are ready to move on from your ex -- and it sounds like it will be you who has to make the changes for you and your girls -- here are some suggestions. (I'm assuming you live in Vancouver; if not, let me know and I'll get you the Oregon numbers.) If you are low income, call CLEAR intake at 1-888-201-1014 for a lawyer referral. If not low income, call the Washington Lawyer Referral Service at (360) 695-0599. If you are ready to do this, they will help you.

    Good luck :) You're already so far ahead of the game, I know you can make it the rest of the way.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Cilley's advice is perfect!! Your ex's issues are HIS issues, not yours. You've made it clear that you do not want him in your life other than as the father of your children. It's time *he* moves on. Just keep responding to his texts and calls the way Cilley said: "I'm sorry you feel that way".

    Cilley, great advice!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am SO glad and proud of you (not patronizing proud, just happy proud) that you told him to leave you alone! That is a big step, and even if he doesn't listen to it, well that will probably help your case for a restraining order. You can say "look, I sent him this text telling him to leave me alone, except for these things where I MUST talk to him." Now, if you do get an RO, I'm pretty sure they will ban all contact so you'll have to figure out something else to work out money related stuff.

    Miss A. is doing great. She is crawling and climbing and my condo will never be the same again :P. Thanks for the info on the elliptical! I Googled pink mini elliptical and found it!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I know I don't know you, but as a child of divorce, I completely feel for you and your family right now. Just keep your daughters' best interest at heart. It won't always be easy, but whenever you are about to make a major decision, always consider if it serves them or hurts them. Okay, that's my two cents and I'm signing out. Mucho love. :)

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...