Friday, July 23, 2010

WEEKLY PLANNED BINGE IS GETTING OLD

Every Friday, since I don't know when I have had a planned binge day. I figure, (and I am not sure where logic plays a part in this) but when I have eaten well for a whole week and I see that number go down on the scale, I should have one day of free-for-all. Right? Well, that's how I viewed things.

Until now.

Today is Friday. I ate on plan all week long. I weighed today and I lost a pound. Bringing me to exactly 275 and 50lbs lost (again).

And as it has happened for the past few Friday's I start my day eating a well balanced breakfast. A cup of cheerios with a medium sized banana diced up in it, and a 1/2 cup of 2% (sometimes I do nonfat) milk. In and of itself that was approximately a 300 calorie breakfast.

I then proceeded to remember that it is Friday. BINGE DAY!

So, what did I do? Went to the cupboard. Immediately the jalapeno cilantro tortillas my mom bought yelled out to me and I had heard that humus tastes good on tortillas so I tried it. It was good. Really good actually and only like 150 cals. But then the parasite in my brain that is a covetous food hoarder demanded that I eat more. What did I eat next? 2 Bagel chips (from a famous deli in California that I miss terribly) with ranch dressing (it's a family thing). Was it worth it? No. On to the next thing. A small package of Buzzy's Dora Fruit Chews. Only 90 cals but every calorie adds up. But HEY, it's Friday and I planned to binge. Right?

The parasitic food hoarder in my head nodded emphatically while my stomach moaned and ached for me to stop.

So, what was next? Oooh, my step-dad bought drumsticks. No not the turkey/chicken leg type of drumsticks. The drumstick ice cream cone, with the chocolate coating and the nuts on top. Yeah, so I ate one. The parasite applauded while my stomach threatened to throw itself up through my nostrils. But did I stop there?

Yep. Yep I did. Even though the parasitic freak in my head stomped it's feet and threatened me with my life (er, fat?) I stopped. Why? Because I realized that I DIDN'T WANT ANY OF WHAT I WAS EATING. I was eating because I had PLANNED to eat and suddenly realized that just because I PLANNED to didn't mean I NEEDED to.

Unfortunately the stupid buggar got the best of me when we went out to lunch though. Buzzy specifically asked for McDonalds. I generally only do fast food on the weekends for the kiddos so to limit their crap intake as well. But I obliged because Buzzy loves loves loves the happy meal toys and her 12oz soda. She couldn't care less about the food.

So, what did I order? A salad you ask? Oh no! Now, why would I order a SALAD on a PLANNED BINGE DAY?

No, I ordered 3 cheeseburgers, a medium iced coffee (I got sugar-free though- go figure) and a 6 piece nugget kids meal. I figured, Breezy would eat some nuggets, Buzzy would eat a cheeseburger and I would eat 2 cheeseburgers and finish off whatever they didn't eat. Nice way to revert to old habits right? Yeah, except remember my pesky stomach who totally overthrew that parasite in my head. Well, it happened for a second time in the same day. I ate my 2 cheeseburgers and felt like a friggin balloon about to burst. (Mind you, 7 months ago I could have eaten 6 cheeseburgers without a second thought) Then I ate the 2 chicken nuggets left over and started to eat Buzzy's cheeseburger when all of a sudden my gag-reflex kicked in. Nausea had me breathing deep and wanting to put my head between my knees (which thanks to a 50lb loss, I can actually do now)

The feeling passed and I didn't eat Buzzy's cheeseburger. I regretted the nuggets and cheeseburgers I did eat and was thankful that the fries just sounded horrific and hadn't eaten any. (Another odd revelation because it used to be that I was upset when someone else got more fries in their carton than me and now I don't want ANY - miracles never cease to amaze me)

Anyway, I didn't drink my iced coffee. Well, I drank like 1/4 and decided I didn't want that anymore either, so in the trash the fries, the cheeseburger (what was left) and my coffee went. YAY!!!

The binge fest continued on into the evening. I ate a coconut M&M - really good and 1 pretzel M&M - totally gross and then my grandma made a traditional thanksgiving dinner with turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, biscuits and veggies. I couldn't even finish my first plate. I had 1 piece of the two pieces of turkey she had given me. Ate most of the stuffing and mashed potatoes, left the canned corn and ate 1/2 a biscuit with marionberry jam and then I was DONE. D.O.N.E! Normally I might have had seconds or even thirds! I was proud but mostly sick.

And lastly my aunt bought Aebelskiever (spelling?) mix (like little round donuts that you eat with powdered sugar or jam) when she went to Solvang (a traditional little Dutch town in California) and made them tonight. Normally I could have eaten a million but tonight I ate two. Didn't even really like them.

So, that was my day. Now I feel like a lump of lard. Seriously.

I am not sure why I even do these Friday binges anymore. I think I'm done because I am finding again and again that I don't enjoy most foods the way I used to. I need to save the extra calories for a special occasion when there IS something I REALLY WANT. Not put myself into a sugar/carb/calorie coma with foods that only taste subpar and make me feel like SHIT!

I've decided to look online (Craigslist) for a stationary bike. I wanted to buy a real bike and a burley for the girls but #1 they're phenomenally expensive and #2 I think Breezy is still too small. So, a stationary bike it is.

And lastly, I think my friend needs a bit of encouragement on her blog. She is a beautiful person with two beautiful girls. In essence her life follows mine very closely with a few surprises in the mix to shake things up. LOL She wants to give up on this whole healthy lifestyle thing and I think if more people than just I supported her and encouraged her she might feel more inspired and motivated to continue. So please take a little stroll over to MY LIFE IN A BLOG by Mom to 2 Girls. Leave some love for her. Thanks!

The Fat Chick

5 comments :

  1. I love you girl!
    You were there when I needed you most!! :)
    Thank you so very much!!

    I love me some McDonald's...and I wish someone would tell me why the McDouble is so big and so cheap! I mean in this day and time you have to think, live, and eat cheap so it is so easy to order a few and inhale them before I get home! :(
    No more for me though!! :)

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  2. I think what you did was amazing. I mean you started to really listen to your body. That's a big deal. I used to have binge days all the time, but this time I realized that I am trying to teach myself how to eat responsibly for the rest of my life. Congrats on your loss! You are a phenominal woman!

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  3. Binging... Yipes! The stories I could tell. I applaud your epiphany. Extracting yourself from that kind of behaviour has to come at the cost of one. Ask me how I know...lol

    So, rather than a planned binge day, just allow yourself a little higher cal day, once in a while. I do that and it gives me the breathing room I need so that I don't feel constrained and get the mental and emotional binge triggers. And a lot of the time, I don't even take advantage of it simply because I am "allowed" to.

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  4. well, We have all had days like that...or we wouldn't have weight loss blogs. I admire your honesty. Here's to future non binge fridays.

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  5. I'm also a big fan of the two cheeseburgers. Did you know, you can get that in a combo that they don't advertise? :) Congrats on getting to a place where the food no longer feels or tastes good. That's a big deal!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. I look forwarding to following your journey as well!

    ReplyDelete

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