I have decided to make things more positive.
If I call myself THE FAT CHICK and say THIS IS THE FAT CHICK WEIGH, subconsciously I will always feel THE FAT CHICK and have the potential to revert to her WEIGH/WAY.
So I have changed my blog to Kreating Kristen. Not RE-kreating. Just Kreating. Why? Because I realized I DO NOT KNOW WHO I AM.
Since I was 15 years old I was known as my Ex's girlfriend, then wife. Known as, but felt more like his possession, his puppet, his doormat. In 2008 I became Buzzy's mommy and in 2009 I became Buzzy and Breezy's mommy.
But as I drove through the back roads of my little town today while the girls slept in the backseats enjoying the beautiful serenity of the green pines and the heat of the sun shining through my window, thinking of plots for my books and listening to my favorite music on the radio, a fleeting idea flashed through my mind.
THIS IS WHO I WANT TO BE.
But who was I if I am not this person I want to be?
It was a sad revelation to admit to myself that I DON'T KNOW.
Thus, I have decided to kreate myself. Kreate instead of Create because God above all else Created me but in this journey I have started I will begin to chip away at the layers of protection including fat and all other barriers I have built around myself to protect me from pain and sadness and misery and LIFE. I will leave this current person in a trail of dust until I emerge on the other side, the person I momentarily felt in the car today.
Starting here and now things are changing. Much will remain the same and change will only occur on the inside but I plan to share my journey, if nothing else then to document it and to be able to go back and reminisce one day and to say THIS IS HOW I ACHIEVED MY GOAL.
I hope you all don't mind the mild detour on this ride. This is STILL a weight loss blog and weight loss will probably remain the focal point of my posts but with the weight loss will come achievements, and potential I have only imagined other people capable of. I am capable and I will prove it to myself.
MISSION KREATING KRISTEN BEGINS NOW . . .
PS: That said, I woke up this morning and was so ravenous that I ate breakfast before I realized I hadn't weighed myself. Oops. So, no weigh in this week. FIRST EVER! Gahh, next week should be doubly as good then, right? RIGHT!