- I will state right here, right now, that I do not want to talk about or have commented on the actual divorce, it's proceedings, how it's going or the like. That is not the point of this post.
Tonight, my sister and I went to the gas station to get some snackage for a couple movies we're going to watch and I commented to her about a guy friend of mine who is constantly asking me to movies, dinner, sporting events and always throws in at the end that we could 'hook up' or 'make out' afterward. Mind you, this guy knows all about my marriage situation, so it's not like he thinks I'm single and looking. In any case, I am pretty sure he is generally kidding when he makes these offers, but a part of me always wonders what he would do if one time I took him up on the offer. (Not that I would - cuz I'm not that kind of girl) But what IF. Would he renege on the invitation or would he be like, I was JUST kidding Kristen! Or how would he respond?
I had another friend who told me point blank that yes, we were just friends, but that as soon as my divorce papers were finalized he wanted it to become something more. I pondered that for a few days, confused and mildly shocked and then told him that I didn't want to hurt him, but that I couldn't see myself in a relationship so quick (even after the divorce is final). He said he would wait for me.
Wait for me?? What does that mean? I don't think I want to be waited for. I am trying to get out of a relationship. I don't want back in one the moment I'm free! And, I don't get it. Both these guys KNOW I am married. They KNOW I am the mom of 2 very demanding little toddler girls. They both KNOW my girls come first and they both KNOW that there is no promise as to when my divorce will be final and there is no promise of me being ready for a relationship, right off the bat. Why would two bachelors who could very well find a single, non-mom, be interested in me? Wouldn't it be easier to just find someone else? I just don't get it.
Something else I have been noticing as my weight drops is that guys have become more chivalrous, almost as if they are actually seeing me now because before I was invisible. ((yeah, all but invisible that is)) They talk to me and look me straight in the eye, they even smile and wink sometimes. I get doors held open for me and asked if I need help when I am looking around a store, where as before doors got slammed in my face and no one dared ask the morbidly obese chick if she needed help for fear that she might.
This all makes me wonder what it will be like when I'm at goal. Will it progressively get even better? Will the momentum of human decency slowly decline until there is just a status quo? I am extremely curious.
That's all for tonight folks. I gotst movies to watch.