Saturday, September 25, 2010

BEING MARRIED APPARENTLY MEANS NOTHING

  • I will state right here, right now, that I do not want to talk about or have commented on the actual divorce, it's proceedings, how it's going or the like. That is not the point of this post.
The point of this post is that as I lose weight, I notice people noticing me. To make something clear, I have never been shy about my appearance - other than my weight. I always teased with family and friends that God allowed me to be fat because I'd be the queen of the narcissists if I were thin. Thank God I don't sit quite so high up on that horse any longer, but I still have pretty decent self esteem. I know I can look good when I want to and I know I can turn heads.

Tonight, my sister and I went to the gas station to get some snackage for a couple movies we're going to watch and I commented to her about a guy friend of mine who is constantly asking me to movies, dinner, sporting events and always throws in at the end that we could 'hook up' or 'make out' afterward. Mind you, this guy knows all about my marriage situation, so it's not like he thinks I'm single and looking. In any case, I am pretty sure he is generally kidding when he makes these offers, but a part of me always wonders what he would do if one time I took him up on the offer. (Not that I would - cuz I'm not that kind of girl) But what IF. Would he renege on the invitation or would he be like, I was JUST kidding Kristen! Or how would he respond?

I had another friend who told me point blank that yes, we were just friends, but that as soon as my divorce papers were finalized he wanted it to become something more. I pondered that for a few days, confused and mildly shocked and then told him that I didn't want to hurt him, but that I couldn't see myself in a relationship so quick (even after the divorce is final). He said he would wait for me.

((shakes head))

Wait for me?? What does that mean? I don't think I want to be waited for. I am trying to get out of a relationship. I don't want back in one the moment I'm free! And, I don't get it. Both these guys KNOW I am married. They KNOW I am the mom of 2 very demanding little toddler girls. They both KNOW my girls come first and they both KNOW that there is no promise as to when my divorce will be final and there is no promise of me being ready for a relationship, right off the bat. Why would two bachelors who could very well find a single, non-mom, be interested in me? Wouldn't it be easier to just find someone else? I just don't get it.

Something else I have been noticing as my weight drops is that guys have become more chivalrous, almost as if they are actually seeing me now because before I was invisible. ((yeah, all but invisible that is)) They talk to me and look me straight in the eye, they even smile and wink sometimes. I get doors held open for me and asked if I need help when I am looking around a store, where as before doors got slammed in my face and no one dared ask the morbidly obese chick if she needed help for fear that she might.

This all makes me wonder what it will be like when I'm at goal. Will it progressively get even better? Will the momentum of human decency slowly decline until there is just a status quo? I am extremely curious.

That's all for tonight folks. I gotst movies to watch.

XO Kristen

8 comments :

  1. omg i remember ..its like you smell of fresh meat or something and they come a flocking like you suddenly need to just go out and sew wild oats or something ...well some do but not everyone
    m

    good luck i know its a hard thing to deal with be it civil or not mutual whatever its still a huge change therefor not easy

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  2. It is craaaaazy. suddenly I am frickin hilarious. Every joke is a laugh riot. Same dudes, no laughs when I was fat. Let's take tonight. I am walking through walmart with my youngest daughter. I see a guy stare at me...then smile and stare as I pass, while he waits for his wife to pick out dish soap.
    yeah. It both disgusts and amuses...I don't know if it's better or worse..just different.
    you get treated better, but you will notice that women get cooler, men get friendlier and you get a tad more cynical. Not nice.
    But don't let it stop you because it's not about that. It's about your health. So hang in there.
    And any guy willing to hang in there till you are ready is a keeper.
    Sounds like a good guy to me, one who cares.
    Rush nothing, think over everything and give it time.

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  3. Just goes to show how conditional people can be. As long as you're slim and slight, or making your way towards that mass goal, then that's fine. It annoys me because it should be up to me to decide what size I want to be, instead of society dictating through their behaviour towards me.

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  4. Hello, as the one with the hanging gentles in this little group, let's tell you it swings both ways (not going for the pun). I notice all shapes and sizes of women. I stare at those that I find beautiful, for all the wrong reasons. In turn, at my new found size, I have attracted the attention of a few women that prior to the drop in size might have otherwise rather have been my sister. There have been subtle hints, less subtle notes and emails, and all in all more attention to Al. If all else fails, come to NY. Ya know...Enjoy the attention, it is deserved, you deserve it, and as long as you are not creeped out by it, love it...

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  5. I feel that even at my heaviest people looked...I like to believe it is b/c I really try with myself to look attractive and put together. But maybe they were just staring b/c I was fat, who knows???
    And I feel that people are beautiful b/c of how they are INSIDE but most people just look at the outward appearance, which is SAD.
    I agree, do not jump into a relationship right away! Good thinking!

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  6. First off....don't go for the first guy. I had a friend who was pulling the same thing on me, and I was a dumb ass and fell for it and made a move...it was horrible in the end. JUST STAY FRIENDS.

    As for the second guy...there might be potential...if he's still single and you are ready of couse.

    I don't get guys at all, but I do know they really are visual creatures. So now that you have lost weight you look better to them - plain and simple. I'm not saying it's right at all, but just the way it is. However....with losing weight, I'm sure you've gained strength, and confidence and even more self esteem than you had before. I'm sure you are just beaming and men can read that and pick up on that and they gravitate to that. In other words it's not just the outside they are liking more and more, but the inside too.

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  7. I get the wink every now and then - which cracks me up -
    Because I am so gay someone would have to be blind in the
    "Gar-Dar" to not notice!
    And yes, I was invisible before, as well!

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  8. My first thought is the increased attention is nothing be bothered by. Us humans, and certain us men folk, will strain our necks further to take notice of those we see as being 'better looking'. You no doubt are improving your looks and thus getting more looks.

    It is human as I see it, in most cases what we notice about each other are our looks. Now as I write that my second thought is huh, there is so much contact going on right now where face-to-face is not the first or even not the means of contact; e.g. blogging s we do here. Curious how that aspect factors into that human trait I just tossed out there.

    As for the guys increasing their interest in your relationship wise just because your marital status may be changing; well, sounds a bit creepy to me. But creepy or not, you get to decide who you let in closer or not no matter how many come knocking. Thus my final thought, enjoy the increased attention and just handle it how it feels right for you..

    Take Care & Have Fun!

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