Remember on the first of September I wrote THIS POST?
Well, starting that day I began to feel something for my ex again. I don't know what button flipped on or what switch was turned but it happened. I let my ex know. He said he never stopped feeling anything for me. Our conversations from that point on have been of a loving nature. We want to fix things. We want to make things better. We are talking about steps to pay off our debt. We are talking about how to make our family time more enjoyable, finding what there is to do and on a very personal level we have been trying to understand one another, and communicate.
Fast forward to yesterday which was where my previous post came in.
I am only clarifying because apparently some are under the impression that we are already divorced. We're not. As well as that he is dating these other girls. He's not and he adamantly states that he never has nor ever will be 'involved' with these girls.
I know what you're thinking though. I'm blind. I'm a glutton for punishment. I know, I know.
I just suddenly really want to make this work.
I really want to be a family.
It has nothing to do with having what I can't have because he all but throws himself at me.
It has nothing to do with nostalgia (anymore) because nostalgia ultimately only brings pain.
((sigh)) I just wish he wouldn't get so close (even if it is just as friends) to the women he works with.