Recently I read THIS post from Allan at ALMOST GASTRIC BYPASS. If you are one who might not click that link let me say that it was a post regarding his wife and her survival of breast cancer. He details their journey through her surgery and subsequent treatments and then goes to say that he treats his obesity as his own personal kind of cancer. What he eats directly affects whether his ‘cancer’ gets better or brings him closer to death and to ‘cheat’ on his ‘diet’ is to basically disrespect everything his wife went through in order to live.
To quote the end of his post he said:
“What kind of an asshole would not listen to their Doctor when given the choice of living by not eating as much, or dying. If you really want the truth, the breast cancer will take a lot longer to kill you than the fat will. That is scientifically a fact. Do you wear a pink ribbon ? Do you give to Susan Komen ? Do you have a loved one that has been touched by this awful disease ? Would you try your best to get well ? Then simple, but the sandwich down, it will kill you.”
But what if you have never lost or almost lost someone to a fatal disease? How could one relate to that? Not only how could one relate to the pain of someone else’s illness but how could they then reflect on themselves and put themselves in that position?So, I have been thinking since that post a lot about comparing obesity to cancer and I had a mini epiphany. Not only are there many people in the world who could not relate to losing someone from a fatal disease but there are many people in the world that don’t care enough about their own life, their own health to continue on a path to wellness.
Amazingly enough, Julia from JewliaGoulia wrote THIS post yesterday that made me nod my head and say ‘yeah!’ Specifically this portion:
“A lot of you, who have commented on my Facebook and Twitter have said "don't stress, tomorrow is a new day," but what happens when you wake up on that "new day" acknowledge that you are about to make a bad (food) decision and do it anyways? It's not that I don't care about the progress I've made, I think that, for right now, I don't care about me.”
I literally stopped reading forward (there was only one sentence to follow but still . . . ) and just re-read this blurb over and over again, because it’s true. What happens when you acknowledge your mistakes before you even make them and then decide to do them anyway? What happens when you just don’t care? I suppose in Allan’s words you’re an asshole. But in my words… well, I’m me and apparently I’m not alone.
Emotional eating can be almost as bad, if not worse than a bad relationship. Hell, it IS a bad relationship. It has no rhyme, no reason, and it isn’t good for you AT ALL but you keep going back and eating, binging, medicating because IN THAT MOMENT you (I) just don’t care.
I have been feeling this way. Especially with so many emotional obstacles on my plate right now. I know it’s not an excuse. I know I should do better. I know I CAN do better. But when it comes right down to it, at that moment when the food is there in front of me and my burdens of the world feel so heavy on my shoulders, I just don’t care.
I got back up today. Yes. Again. I got back up after yesterday. Yesterday was a bad day. No, I take that back. IT WAS A SPECTACULAR DAY. But it really sucked when my food choices came into play. I spent the day with my husband and my girls. We ate at IHOP as usual. I didn’t eat my norm there. I ate badly. I CHOSE to eat badly. I acknowledge it. I regret it NOW. But yesterday while skimming the menu I chose to order a healthy entrée and then proceeded to eat pancakes and too many cups of coffee too. For lunch I chose to eat a burger and fries at a little hole in the wall joint. (Granted, they didn’t have anything healthier but I could have taken the condiments off and eaten only half the bun with no fries. But I didn’t care. Last night we ate at the Olive Garden. NOT A GOOD PLACE TO EAT WHILE EATING HEALTHY. Let’s just say I ate an entire day’s worth of calories in that one meal. AND BEEEZUZZZZZZZ did I feel it later.
I have done really well today. The norms are all back in place. Bagel with cream cheese and one cup of coffee with peppermint mocha creamer (OMG) for breakfast. A Veggie delite salad at subway with pepperjack cheese (not the extra they offer for the veggie) and 2TBSP honey mustard dressing. I’ll have dinner at 4:30 or 5 and Zumba at 6:30. Today WILL be a good day. Today IS a good day.
ANNNNDDDDD . . . I have come up with a little saying that helps me stay away from undesirable (albeit VERY DESIRABLE) food. I have always hated being dependent on anything, especially when it psychological (ie: anti-depressants and the like) One might argue that I am the epitome of dependent but I don’t like to think so. Some might also argue that I am dependent on food and I agree. I just need to be dependent on it for the right reason. So now, when I come in contact with undesirable food instead of hemming and hawing and feeling guilty before eating it about not eating it and feeling guilty after eating it about eating it, I simply say, “I will not medicate. I will not make this better with food.” Whatever THIS may be. I have to make the conscious decision that the reason I am eating is for nutrition and energy and not because my taste buds or my emotional instability/weakness wants it.
So, I’m trying to see my situation in a much more serious tone as Allan does. I want to be successful and taking life and death and the choices to keep us on the left end of that spectrum seriously is very important. Choices to keep us healthy and happy and ALIVE (especially for all us parents with small children) are of the utmost importance. No one wants to leave their babies orphaned because they couldn’t stop eating crap.
Which brings me to a couple questions for my readers?
#1: What are you capable of doing for other people when it comes to better yourself?
(ie: what are you capable of doing for your babies to make sure you are around for them?)
#2: What if Allan’s wife’s illness was reversed somewhat? What if she had the cancer but every bite he took or didn’t take caused it to recede or spread? Now put that into your own life. Pick someone you love. Give them a fatal disease and pretend every bite YOU take or do not take either brings them closer to a longer life or a painful death. What are YOU capable of?