As the weight will (hopefully) be changing by 2lbs at least every week I will be changing the formula to apply.
For example, if right now I weigh 270 (and I'm not sure that I do because I haven't weighed) in order to maintain 270 I must eat 20,790 cals a week to maintain. In order to lose 2lbs I must eat 7000 calories less which = 13,790 divided by 7 (number of days in a week) means the first week I will need to eat no more than 1970 calories in a day.
If this does indeed work I should weigh no more than 268 by the next week and the following equation will find me my necessary calorie goals.
268 x 11 = 2948 x 7 = 20,636 - 7000 = 13,636 divided by 7 = 1948
And if this does indeed work I should weigh no more than 266 by the next week and the following equation will find me my next necessary calorie goal.
266 x 11 = 2926 x 7 =20,482 - 7000 =13,482 divided by 7 = 1926
AND SO ON AND SO FORTH.
Of course whatever the weight changes to will dictate my new calorie goals for the week. If I am able to maintain this however I will have to change up my plan when I reach 175lbs because by then the calorie goals will be nearing 900 a day and I don't want to go below that. That is when I will have to see if I should continue at a 900 calorie per day level or if I need to rethink things.
Of course, I haven't been known to keep with one of my 'plans' for more than 5 months so we'll see how this all pans out for me.
Halloween went as well as can be expected. I had 2 pieces of candy. Two mini heath bar crunches but my restraint did not come from will power, rather a cold that had me wincing with each swallow and doubled over with belly pain. I had a fever and a cough, a runny nose and I ached EVERYWHERE. My aunt had even made chilli with cornbread and I barely got through my first bowl and the cornbread felt like cement in my stomach.
Yesterday I had a big (BIGGG) cup of coffee in the morning, a somewhat big cup of tea with honey in the afternoon and then 1/2 an order of chicken fried rice. I did really well until late in the evening when something regarding my husband upset me so badly I could barely think straight and I took it out on food. I had a super mini binge but a binge none-the-less considering it was around 11pm. 1/4 cup of expired banana pudding which I promptly threw away once my non-taste buds registered the bitterness that was supposed to be sweet. Some Nilla Wafers and some Mission chips. ((sigh))
Then today I was equally anguished with the whole husband situation but I did well. I had 3/4 cup of coffee with creamer, 2 eggo waffles w/ 1 TBSP peanut butter. I wish I had a banana to chop up on it but alas we were out. Then for mid morning snack I had a 90 calorie fiber bar. For lunch I had 0 calorie dijon mustard on a 100 calorie sandwich thin with 2 slices of smoked ham for 25 calories and 1 slice of cheese for 110 + 1 regular strawberry yoplait yogurt.
For dinner tonight is homemade beef stew with potatoes and carrots and the works. My goal is to have only one bowl but I may have one bow of goodies and one bow of broth because my throat hurts so bad and the broth feels soooo good. Then again I may only have one bowl and chug some theraflu instead. LOL
As you may have guessed I am pretty upset regarding my husband. I don't think I'll write about what actually upset me (although if you follow me on twitter you probably have some semblance of an idea) but I realized something today. The situation made me feel so controlled by him and dependent on him. Today as I was wringing my hands and crying and panicking and having horrible thoughts racing circles in my mind I realized something. I don't feel that way (so much) when I am eating well. Eating well is almost a way to 'get back at him'. Because in the future I will have the body, and I will have the self esteem that I generally have anyway and I will no longer be the fat girl who could never be loved by anyone else. Maybe he will never respect me. Maybe he will never value me and maybe he will never see what he had but by losing the weight and the fat it's like losing my dependency on him. I don't need his approval. He isn't the only man who will think I'm beautiful and wonderful and valuable and with each bite I don't take I feel better.
AND NOW . . . IT IS NAP TIME.
I don't know for how long because I have taken much of the girls' nap time writing this but I am gonna catch some shut eye while I can.