THE LIGHT (ER)First pic was taken eons ago. Second pic was taken a couple months ago and third pic was taken today. Do you see the difference I see? Cuz I see a whole lot less belly fat filling in that definition. Then again, maybe I'm seeing things. LOL
Put yourself in my shoes.
I am in love with a man who has hurt me (emotionally) on a fairly regular basis. We are separated. We live different lives, but together. We always know where the other is (not by checking up but just because 10 years of habit puts probability on our side) We have been through shit storms and back. Everything from jealous outrage to postpartum blues to Mexican witchcraft and the recovery after severing body parts. We have history. I have always trusted him as faithful to me, even though I know he is a very flirtatious and friendly person.
9 years ago, 1 year after cutting off his fingers he got a job at a restaurant. He worked with a few women but one in particular he made very very VERY good friends with. Mind you we had only been dating for a little over a year and so I had no reason to believe anything more than friendship was going on. To this day I don’t know IF there was anything more going on. But she did bring him (and only him) food from home all the time. He constantly got calls from her (even though she was either married or involved) He asked relationship advice from her and cried on her shoulder when he and I would fight. Of course this drove me nuts but I didn’t really think anything of it. I didn’t see much of a problem with having a female friend/coworker.
Fast forward 5 years and we are married after having lived some torturous and horrible times as well as some fabulous heavenly times and 6 months in Mexico together. His first long term job up here was at another restaurant. Same situation. He makes friends fast. Both men and women, but he is always drawn to the women to commiserate and gossip and talk with. Again, she would bring him food, clothing, and other things from home. Now that I was his wife, this DID bother me. It bothered me that he got phone calls all the time that had nothing to do with work. It bothered me that he would spend hours on the phone with this woman (who coincidentally had the same name as the first)
He got a second job when times started getting rough. Introduce a whole onslaught of new male friends and 3 new female friends. Laura, Yusmari and Ana. From the beginning they were friends. He would talk about them at home and how they wanted to meet me, yada yada and of course I was never interested. If it was with their significant other or husband or whatever, fine, but why the hell do I want to meet one of your female friend/coworkers? Shits N giggles I’m sure. He spent hours upon hours on the phone with the three of them. In front of me. I tried to be understanding. It didn’t pay off. Then I tried the pissed route and that only made the conversations a little shorter. But they still existed. Gossip on the phone about other people at work, why people are flirting with other people, blah blah blah for hours on MY TIME with MY HUSBAND. Again, he would bring home tamales and clean work shirts that they ‘offered to wash for him’ and other crap.
We separated in 2009 3 months after the birth of my youngest. We were apart for a good 10 months before I decided to REALLY give it another try. I DO still love him. I DON’T ever want to be with anyone else. AND I REALIZE this is a typical abusive relationship where the woman is blind and says these things…blah blah blah.
On my husband’s last birthday when I decided to try things out again, I was taking photos of him and our girls on the carousel when he received a text. From one of those women. It didn’t say anything particularly horrible but I was curious just what they had talked about previously (because on iPhones you have a conversation not individual texting) and so I went to the text and found texts to all three women. The ones to Yusmari had all been deleted but because there was a file it was obvious that there once had been texts. The ones to Laura were also deleted but the ones to Ana were the ones that widened my eyes.
He had gone to Mexico in April. She had texted him that she missed him. Called him Papi and wished he’d come home soon. His text reciprocated that he missed her. I saw blinding red. Jealousy, anger, fear and hate all raged.
I questioned him about it and he said that it was just something he said. That he didn’t really mean it. Uh huh. Yeah right.
A couple weeks later I was still having issues with the whole idea and somehow he happened to come out with that all three of the girls had at one time or another verbalized the want to sleep with him. He said he didn’t. He said he wouldn’t. He loved me too much. Uh huh. I’m not sure I believe him.
He then admits that while we were physically separated that (in his words only on a friendly basis) did he tell ALL three girls about our problems and asked for their advice to which the unanimous answer was to divorce me, get rid of me and pick one of them. Nice. I tell him that if we are to ever have even the smallest argument, whether it is about his life and death circumstances or a selection of socks he is never to talk about me with them ever again. He promises. PROMISES PROMISES.
A couple weeks later we get in a small argument. Something regarding his mom because he is the KING of the mama’s boys. And he goes to commiserate and drown his sorrows with Yusmari. I call him out on it and mind you I was totally bluffing and he openly admits to it. Does the whole apology thing and again promises never to talk about me with them again. At this time I ask him out of respect for me to delete all texts, voicemails (because OMG there were so many) and phone numbers from his phone. He does so.
The day before Halloween we were having a problem paying our cell bill the way we usually do so I had a tech person walk me through the online process and she proceeded to show me all the nifty things you can view. She then told me I could see past bills up to a year and a half before and ‘monitor my kids’ phones’ even though my ‘kids’ are actually his nephews. Which got me thinking.
This is obviously where the phrase, ‘Curiosity killed the cat.’ Came from cause I so did not want to see what I saw when I pulled up those year and a half worth’s of phone bills.
Texts. So many texts to and from ALL THREE OF THE GIRLS. Phone calls lasting hours. AND SEVERAL TEXTS AND SEVERAL PHONE CALLS EACH DAY. And this wasn’t JUST when we were separated. It extended even further back when we were living together. Of course I knew he talked to them but I had NO IDEA how much!
So, now with the proof of the massive amount of a communications between these three women and my husband, as well as his admittance of talking with them about EVERYTHING under God’s yellow sun and also admitting that they have openly offered their bodies to him . . . I am at a loss for words. I am so hurt. I am so sad. I feel so betrayed and I feel sooooo STUPID. Worst of all. I still love him which makes it hurt even worse.
The worst of it all… even… he says he deleted all communications. He says he doesn’t even talk to them at work anymore (which I did not ask of him – I only asked he not talk about me) and he says he would tell me if they text or call him. The worst of it is now there is a fourth girl. Jane. Transferred from preparatory stuff in the restaurant to the same position as my husband and she has now offered him her phone number and asked for his in return and scoffed when he supposedly refused. Then he laid it all on my shoulders. He said I don’t let him give out his number nor do I let him have other women’s phone numbers. DAMN STRAIGHT!! Not with a track record like that!!!
And thee absolute worst part. The part that wrenches my guts . . . he sees them EVERY DAY. Whether he says he does or doesn’t HE TALKS TO THEM EVERY DAY. And I sit here at home twittling my thumbs, letting my heart wretch out of my chest because I don’t know what he says is true and what he says is a lie.
Why? Cuz I know he lied.
Ana texted him a week or so ago. I saw it on our latest bill. She texted him twice. He responded once. I asked him about it. He said she sent one he sent none. I called him on his lie and he said he didn’t tell me so it wouldn’t hurt me. Well, damn then, cuz it’s too late.
I now know what it feels like to be ‘the idiot woman who can’t take her blinders off and leave her stupid cheating husband.’ I know how it feels and it sucks, but let me tell you. There is validity in any love someone has for someone else and just because it isn’t deserved and it isn’t logical or even beneficial… it’s there.
And so I suffer.
XO KristenPS: Just in case you couldn't see in the tiny pics ... haha