All metaphors aside I am having a really hard time. 3 meals in a day and only during 2 am I able to successfully eat well. 'Well' meaning healthy and low cal. The 3rd meal of the day always goes to hell in a hand basket. It's not that I don't know what I should eat. Obviously I do because otherwise this would be a 'WHAT AM I DOING WRONG' post and it's not that I really don't want to eat well. Because I actually do. I miss the energy and the all over good and healthy feeling of eating well. I can do without the headaches and the 'irregularity' among all the other side effects of eating crap. It's just that in the moment when I have a choice (and I totally know choices should be eliminated but life circumstances doesn't always allow for that) I generally take the easier/yummier/more appealing one.
*** this is where I insert me pulling out my hair because my blogger app deleted half the post I had written. Grrrrr
But as I was saying, by dinner all my interest in the quality of my food intake has taken a hike. And I justify the stupidity by the stupidity committed from the day before and sugar coat it (sometimes quite literally) with a promise to fix it tomorrow. Then tomorrow becomes today and today becomes yesterday and it always turns into a friggin vicious cycle. I NEED to stop the cycle. God help me to stop the cycle.
Anyway, today has started out well. As usual. I am only on the first 2/3 of my day Breakfast was an onion bagel with 2 egg whites, a slice of cheese and chipotle chiles + coffee and cream for approximately 485 cals. Lunch was 2 tbsp hummus with 1 serving of pita chips and 2tbsp peanut butter with 3/4 honey crisp apple. 490 cals. That's 975 cals for today. That leaves me with 675 cals for dinner. And you know what? I'll do well for dinner. Not because 'I am putting my mind to it' or 'putting my foot down' or 'taking control'. No, none of those things dictate what I will do for dinner. You know why I will eat well tonight? Because tonight is Tuesday night and Tuesday (and sometimes Thursday nights) I always eat well. Why?
Tonight is zumba. I wish every day was a zumba day. The wii game just doesn't cut it. Not enough dance time between pushing the buttons trying to find a combo of the dances I like and the music I like and trying to keep up with the onscreen fluorescent colored instructors I can't decipher half the time. No, in a real zumba class the combination of the music, my instructor and dancing like my life depends on it with other women on a like path is just super motivating. Alas I only have babysitters on Tuesdays and sometimes Thursdays. And I trust gym daycares as much as the next convicted felon.
So the reason I love zumba day(s) is because the motivation guarantees my food success as I foreshadowed two paragraphs ago. I don't know why but it does. If only every day could be a zumba day, I know I'd be on track without any slips and I'd be well on my way to being the me who has been pushed to the rear of my mind for so long. So, I'm taking Tuesday for what it is. A day to eat well. A day to feel motivated and a day to go Zumba and feel like I am actually making myself healthy. Maybe one of these days, Tuesday's motivation will bleed into the rest of the week. I can hope (pray) right?
On another note: does anyone watch USAs In Plain Sight? I am sooooo hooked on this show!
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