Tuesday, November 30, 2010

THE DILEMMA

It's no secret how hard I have been struggling with this whole weight loss thing. Then again who can really call it a struggle when you're only fighting-caring 2/3 of the time?

All metaphors aside I am having a really hard time. 3 meals in a day and only during 2 am I able to successfully eat well. 'Well' meaning healthy and low cal. The 3rd meal of the day always goes to hell in a hand basket. It's not that I don't know what I should eat. Obviously I do because otherwise this would be a 'WHAT AM I DOING WRONG' post and it's not that I really don't want to eat well. Because I actually do. I miss the energy and the all over good and healthy feeling of eating well. I can do without the headaches and the 'irregularity' among all the other side effects of eating crap. It's just that in the moment when I have a choice (and I totally know choices should be eliminated but life circumstances doesn't always allow for that) I generally take the easier/yummier/more appealing one.

*** this is where I insert me pulling out my hair because my blogger app deleted half the post I had written. Grrrrr

But as I was saying, by dinner all my interest in the quality of my food intake has taken a hike. And I justify the stupidity by the stupidity committed from the day before and sugar coat it (sometimes quite literally) with a promise to fix it tomorrow. Then tomorrow becomes today and today becomes yesterday and it always turns into a friggin vicious cycle. I NEED to stop the cycle. God help me to stop the cycle.

Anyway, today has started out well. As usual. I am only on the first 2/3 of my day Breakfast was an onion bagel with 2 egg whites, a slice of cheese and chipotle chiles + coffee and cream for approximately 485 cals. Lunch was 2 tbsp hummus with 1 serving of pita chips and 2tbsp peanut butter with 3/4 honey crisp apple. 490 cals. That's 975 cals for today. That leaves me with 675 cals for dinner. And you know what? I'll do well for dinner. Not because 'I am putting my mind to it' or 'putting my foot down' or 'taking control'. No, none of those things dictate what I will do for dinner. You know why I will eat well tonight? Because tonight is Tuesday night and Tuesday (and sometimes Thursday nights) I always eat well. Why?

Tonight is zumba. I wish every day was a zumba day. The wii game just doesn't cut it. Not enough dance time between pushing the buttons trying to find a combo of the dances I like and the music I like and trying to keep up with the onscreen fluorescent colored instructors I can't decipher half the time. No, in a real zumba class the combination of the music, my instructor and dancing like my life depends on it with other women on a like path is just super motivating. Alas I only have babysitters on Tuesdays and sometimes Thursdays. And I trust gym daycares as much as the next convicted felon.

So the reason I love zumba day(s) is because the motivation guarantees my food success as I foreshadowed two paragraphs ago. I don't know why but it does. If only every day could be a zumba day, I know I'd be on track without any slips and I'd be well on my way to being the me who has been pushed to the rear of my mind for so long. So, I'm taking Tuesday for what it is. A day to eat well. A day to feel motivated and a day to go Zumba and feel like I am actually making myself healthy. Maybe one of these days, Tuesday's motivation will bleed into the rest of the week. I can hope (pray) right?

On another note: does anyone watch USAs In Plain Sight? I am sooooo hooked on this show!

XO Kristen




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

6 comments :

  1. Everyone deals with this kind of thing. It's easier for some than for others. You eat well for most of the day, but then there's always that one meal or snack that screws you up for the day.

    Have you tried planning your meals out the day before so that you already know what to eat the next day? That might help when that bad meal comes around.

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  2. Well, I've never heard that excuse before. Maybe I'll use it myself! Thanks for the idea! But seriously, now that you recognize the pattern you can try to find ways to overcome it. Maybe you can substitute some other home exercise for Zumba, maybe just dancing with the kids to a good rock station?? Still not as good, but I bet it would be really fun and have the bonus of wearing out some munchkins, too!

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  3. alright chick. I see how you roll...how about you do every day till may with me.
    It doesn't have to be zumba but you could do 30 minutes or so a day of movement. I am alot like you in that I need to be DOING something, not just NOT doing something.
    drop me a line if ;you are in.
    It's intense. But you seem like that kinda girl.

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  4. I know exactly what you mean. It's such an evil cycle...the eat well for half the day and then something happens and you blow it, promise yourself you'll do better tomorrow, but tomorrow never comes.

    I spent months in this rut. Same thing every day. Oh I'll get it right tomorrow...ugh. I knew I could do it, because I've done it before, but I wasn't making it happen. I stop tracking my calories because I don't want to see the bad news, stop checking my weight because I don't want to know.

    For me, it just takes one or two days on track and I realize it's not that hard, and I CAN do it. Look at your sidebar. You know you can do this. You have done it. You're not doing it now, but you have done it before!

    What helped me get started again this time (and out of this rut that you are in that I know SOOOOO well) was having a very specific challenge. One of my friends told me she thought I could lose 20 lbs by Christmas. I didn't think I could, but that really fired me up for some reason and here I am, just a couple of lbs away. I know you can do this.

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  5. One more time, and you are making me mental, when you are ready, let's get you a plan that is healthy. Your food choices suck ass.,.,.,

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  6. I'm the same way but instead of Zumba class, it's work. I always eat well on days that I work but once I have a day off and am left in a house full of food, I go crazy. If I ate all the time like I do at work, not only would I have never ballooned up to 240 lbs in the first place, I would probably be about 140 right now (I used to be afterall). Anyways, since you can put your finger on it now and you have awareness, maybe now you can break the cycle? Best of luck moving forward!

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