Wednesday, December 8, 2010

ADMITTANCE, ADDRESSING QUESTIONS & MOVING ON -> FORWARD

I've read all your comments on my previous post and I appreciate the lack of accusation in the majority of the content. I completely admit 100% to having made poor choices. Not only by going off plan but even while on plan. The truth is that sometimes the convenience of some foods is much more appealing than the work of making others. What can I say? Having 2 toddlers 13.5 months apart and both phasing in and out of 'the terrible twos' keeps me on my toes. I feed them well, healthy (despite what you all may think) They eat fresh meat (and deli meat) and fresh fruit and when I can force them fresh veggies. They eat rice and whole grain breads and neither have a very big sweet tooth. Believe me, the 'spongebob chews' I mentioned are a treat. They don't get them often.

For those of you that imparted your wisdom of fresh foods (sorry, that sounds sarcastic but is not intended as such) I am still fat. I need the limits of the box diet. I can do single servings of veggies. I can do single servings of fruits. I LOVE HEALTHY FOODS. WHOLE GRAIN EVERYTHING (Pasta, rice, bread). Tuna just with mustard and dill, celery with peanut butter, apples with peanut butter, grilled fish, grilled chicken, boiled potatoes, raw veggies. Seriously. I am not picky. Which is why I was the weight I was. Why I still am fat. It's not the foods. I can literally eat healthy foods till I'm blue in the face. Or fatter in the face, I suppose would be more appropriate. It's portion size and emotional eating that is my downfall. Hence the box diet. It is my cheaper self-invented version of Jenny Craig. Which I tried in 2003 - loved - got laid off my job and had to subsequently quit because of lack of funds.

Vegan Chick Pea said, 'That's GOTTA be tough with junk food around all the time. Really tough. And unfair for you. Is there a way that it can all be in one cabinet that you don't have to look into?'


My answer is simple and Chris from A Deliberate Life knows all about this statement. Life is not fair. There is no other pantry in the house that could sustain the weight of all the crap that graces our pantry's shelves. It is disgusting and ridiculous. Just the other day I went to get myself a yogurt out of the fridge and I open it to find boxes of chocolate donuts and cartons of twinkies and hostess cupcakes. I literally felt ill (and quite appalled) at the sight of them. Not just because I wanted them but couldn't have them but because my family knows my goals and it doesn't matter. They think turning away from them should be as simple as saying the word no. Yea well. Not so much. But I can't tell them. They don't understand. 


Princess Dieter said, 'Consider a part-time holiday job (even if it's evenings when someone can watch the girls) and earn food money for the next 6 months (ie, work for healthy food money and birthday presents for the girls)'


My Answer to that is a deep sigh. The agreement when I moved in with my mom was/is that under no circumstances were my girls to become anyone else's responsibility. She would give us a home and I would raise them. I think she has a small complex that I will do to her what she did to my grandparents, but that is another story. In short, I cannot get a job. My girls are within my care 24/7 unless my grandma decides to watch them so I can go to Zumba or my mom gets a wild hair to babysit. Ha. This is such a sensitive subject it almost makes me angry, so I will stop here. Next year Buzzy starts pre-school for 2 days a week. The next year Breezy will do the same. Then, and only then, will I have an opportunity to work. 


Other than that I don't have much else to say except I will keep forging ahead. For every time I fall down (which obviously I have fallen often) there is always a time to get up that follows. 


To those that think I'm repetitive... well... yes I am. Thank you Captain Obvious. If I had a handle on things I'd be skinny now wouldn't I?


Sorry to end on a bit of a snarky note, but I'm tired and my girls don't take care of themselves when they wake up early. 


Plus tomorrow is grocery shopping day and I am going to attempt to take into consideration the advice I've been given.


BTW Allan, I can't find cremora anywhere. Where do you shop?


Oh and one more thing:


Days end calories consumed: 1556 
Days end calories burned: 1123
Fluid intake: 168 fl oz *Could have been more but I didn't want to have to stop mid Zumba to pee


XO Kristen

11 comments :

  1. I feel bad that your family can't be more supportive (with the crap food, with the babysitting). Oh, well. Time passes remarkably quickly as I've learned, and your girls will be in school full-time before you know it, giving you time to earn and learn and whatever you need to.

    I still don't understand why grown people fill a refrigerator with all-out junk when someone in their midst is trying to get healthy. Seems immature.

    Keep doing the best you can, babe. Just add a fruit or veggie to each boxed meal and choose better boxed meals. That is doable, yes? And still "boundaried"....

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  2. Coffee Mate, Cremora, Powdered Cream Substitute. I apologize for trying to help. Never again, my apologies

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  3. I sympathize with you regarding your situation. I always say, we do the best we can with the knowledge we have at the time, given the circumstances.....Key words here are given the circumstances. I too, am unemployed and it is very difficult for many reasons and I DON'T have small children.
    In a perfect world you wold have all the support and all the $ to do what you really want to do. But we don't live in a perfect world. Keep doing the best you can with watching your eating, exercising, and raising your two children.....and good luck to you!

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  4. I was going to post on your last post but when I came around, everyone had already said everything that I was going to say. Allan may be "harsh" as others have said but at the end of the day, he is right and he puts a name to his posts and doesn't hide behind anonymity so I respect that. My point of bringing him up is that he (as well as everyone else that posted in your last post) gave you advice that there should be no problem incorporating into your life, considering your circumstances (except maybe the job thing which I understand is not feasible at the moment).

    You can still live by the box diet by making healthier choices when it comes to what box you eat. Lean Cuisine, Amys, Smart Ones, etc. are all going to be better choices than Stouffers. They have those frozen veggie bags (that I eat quite often) that you can just pop in the microwave and they are ready at the same time as one of your boxes would be. Nothing takes less effort than grabbing a fresh fruit off the counter. Like with breakfast, you can hardboil eggs in advance and keep them in the fridge for a few days for breakfasts (only eat the whites).

    I understand completely doing what works for you. I am sure tons of people would disagree with the plan I am on but it's working for me and I (majority-wise) am only eating lean protein, and fresh fruit and veggies on it so I don't give two shits what people say about it.

    Anyways, I wish you well at the grocery store today.

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  5. Where did your comment come from Allan? Nothing in this post was directed at you so I don't understand the 'sorry for trying to help but never again' comment.

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  6. Have you ever tried just eating fruits, veggies and whole grains.. I have really learned a lot from apprenticing under this vegan chef.. you wouldn't even have to count calories.. Try it for a couple weeks..

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  7. I don't want to offend you. Sometimes I come off wrong, and I am not here to hurt anyone.

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  8. Allan, nothing you have ever said to me has offended me. I'm pretty thick skinned especially when I know the intentions behind the words are nothing but good. I've told you time and again I respect your opinion and admire your strength and if course welcome constructive critisisms. How could I not when you are living proof that your plan works? I have no issue except with myself and my commitment to myself. I can only strive to rectify my errors and strengthen my weaknesses. You definitely inspire me to do so, along with many that have commented here. :)

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  9. Hello,

    I'm new to your blog and was not going to comment but I sorta feel compelled for some reason. I have been where your are, there are some days when I still am where you are. I have been on a journey of self-improvement for 8 1/2 months, which has centered around my weight loss journey. I've been very successful...I've lost 140+ pounds in that time but I've got to tell you, while I'm grateful for being smaller and all of the perks that goes with it, that has not been the biggest victory or the biggest challenge. The the best and hardest part of this journey has been talking control and accepting my own personal power over my life.

    We all have challenges, every day. Some of our challenges are harder than others but it is always up to us to overcome them. I know that for me to be successful with whatever I do, it's up to me. There are a million reasons why I can't and one reason why I can...ME.

    We will not always make the right choices but as soon as you make the challenge into an excuse for why you can't you've given away your power and limit your own success.

    I could not imagine being in your circumstances. I know that I am blessed by my parents, who I live with and who support my efforts for my own growth and development. This would have been infinitely harder without them. But, I know that the only thing that stands in my own success is me.

    You don't seem like someone who is on the verge of giving up, you seem determined. But I don't know if you feel empowered or in control of your own choices and success. You are worth your own success. YOU ARE WORTH pushing yourself and those around you harder to be healthy. YOU ARE WORTH making whatever changes (difficult or not) to be healthy. YOU ARE WORTH the decision to cook. YOU ARE WORTH the sacrifice of convenience. YOU ARE WORTH spending the time to look at labels to find the healthiest choice. YOU ARE WORTH finding supports other than your mom who can assist you in becoming more independent. YOU ARE WORTH THAT.

    Just my two cents with no judgement, only lessons I've learned and continue to learn on my own journey.

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  11. okay. bitch moment here...

    i have been reading for a long time and i understand your situation with money however, i have noticed that there must be SOME money you spend i.e. the zumba video game and your list of reward you have on the side.

    i also agree with most of the comments above...fruits and veggies. most are cheap especially when bought at a produce store. same with eggs. and from what i see at the grocery store...those "box" meals can sometimes be almost 5 bucks...u can get almost 2 dozen eggs for that! one box meal can buy a bag of pita bread for lunch for a week...one box meal can buy a tub of humus for a week...one box meal can buy 3-5 cucumbers...one box meal can buy a huge bag of oatmeal....i can go on and on...

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