Sunday, January 31, 2010

MASHED POTATO LUMPS - FEELING EMOTIONAL TODAY

From the moment I woke up today until now I have been feeling emotional and I can't put my finger on why. I'm not particularly sad or upset, nor angry or resentful, nor feeling deprived or depressed. I just don't understand it.

I weighed myself this morning and it was one of the few things that made me smile. Unofficially I am now down to 304. 5 more pounds until 299. Just writing that makes tears well up under my eyelids. See! So dang emotional!

I suppose on a journey that changes you, not only physically but mentally and emotionally and hormonally, one could be expected to get a bit emotional every once in a while. In fact, I am a pretty emotional person to begin with. I'm just not used to not knowing why I feel a certain way. I always know why.

As I drove over the Interstate bridge today in search of a weather guard for my tandem stroller, I cried. I was thinking about my weight. About losing the weight. About the scale and the numbers and how it has been 31 days and I haven't been having a hard time at all. I was thinking about how that was surely a God Thing because normally the first week is hell and I'm lucky to get past it. Now, here I am, moving onto day 32 and the days just keep breezing by.

I'm in awe. I'm doing this. I'm really doing this. Skinny isn't a forbidden word. It isn't something that applies ONLY to other people. I can achieve skinny, thin, slender, svelte. Whatever you want to call it. I can and WILL achieve it.

With the number on the scale this morning came a lot of day dreaming. I began a mental countdown. If I lost 20lbs in the first month and lost at least 10lbs every month thereafter I could be under 200lbs by November. Holy Cow! I started thinking about all the things I would be able to enjoy so much more from then on. Shopping, playing with my girls, shopping, swimming, shopping, trips, shopping, the holidays and did I mention shopping?

Okay, so enough jibber jabber. Here is the business portion of this post. Today's food:

Breakfast:

1 cup corn chex
1 cup nonfat milk
1 medium banana

TOTAL - 306 CALS

Snack:

100 calorie pack of chocolate covered pretzels

TOTAL - 100 CALS

Lunch:

LC Thai Chicken
100 calorie pack of Lorna Dune cookies

TOTAL - 430 CALS

Dinner:

LC Chicken in basil cream sauce
100 calorie pack of wheat thins

TOTAL - 390 CALS

Dessert:

Skinny cow peanut butter & chocolate ice cream sandwich

TOTAL - 150 CALS

GRAND TOTAL FOR TODAY - 1376

*** CONFESSION ***

If I had to guess, my actual total calories is probably at 1400 or a little over. You see, my mom brought my sister home chicken fried rice tonight and my sister (the grazer that she is) only ate 1/2 the container. It smelled soooooooo good. So, while I was washing bottles and making bottles I realized my sister had left her 1/2 eaten container of chicken fried rice just sitting on the island in the middle of the kitchen. THANKS COURT! NEXT TIME THROW IT AWAY KID! So, bad habits surfaced, but they did not rule me. I consciously and willingly took a small bite of the rice with a piece of chicken and onion and OMG OMG OMG! YUM! But that was all. I promptly threw the fork in the sink and escaped the kitchen as quickly as possible.

And now, with that off my chest, I will escape this post and go read all the wonderful blogs I follow.
Until tomorrow!

The Fat Chick

Saturday, January 30, 2010

BLUE LEGUME - I'm Blue Daba Dee Daba Die



Yes, Yes indeed I am.

Why? You ask.

Lemme tell ya.

*This has nothing to do with weight, which probably means I should be posting it on my other blog, but I'm not gonna-more on that later too*

So tonight, I wrote these posts. Yeah, the two below this one. I 'published' them and realized because I had already pre-made some of the titles the date and time stamp were wrong. No biggy. I just go and change them right? Right?! WRONG!

When I click the EDIT POSTS I get this lovely little pop-up message.


Now, readers of this blog probably don't know it but the readers of my original blog know that I specifically bought a Netbook to write my first novel on. This Netbook has given me so many problems with virus alerts etc that I am starting to think that it's a conspiracy to get a couple grand out of me and regret not having purchased a regular laptop. This exact message occurred not 4 months ago and I promptly lost all of my precious pictures, queries, outlines AND MY NOVEL! Thank God I had e-mailed it to myself and my sister. So I had Geeksquad check it out, fix it and it cost me $199.00 to do that. UGH!

And now here I am in the same position. Thankfully I was able to recognize the fony internet virus alert and pull up all precious documents and save them to a thumb drive before I smashed the hell outta my netbook stored my netbook away in my closet to be fixed at a later date when I have the money.

So, now I am using the laptop my sister gave me. It's HUGE! At least in comparison to the netbook. Think 12" screen as opposed to like 17" screen. GINORMOUS!!

Anyway, I also mentioned earlier that this post probably belongs on my other blog. www.thebuzznless.com. But I am thinking that I probably won't be posting there much anymore. I prefer to log my woes, and joys and bitching and ranting and raving and smart ass comments over here... Hope ya'll don't mind. No worries, the content will probably remain mostly the same. The ins and outs of my weight loss journey with an occasional post such as this only probably much shorter every once in a while.

Oh, 1 more thing. I ate under my calories today but I think I ate too little. Either too little or too little of substance because my stomach is growling loudly at me. NOT COOL! For that reason I shall sleep now. Good night blogging world! Until tomorrow!

The Fat Chick

Strawberry Lumps - I'd Like to Give You a Lump or 2

When googling something for my blog I came across this forum on digg.com. It initially sparked my interest, then had me laughing but quickly brought me through amusement into irritation and very quickly I became irate with these people.

Remember in my previous post I mentioned ignorant people. Well, even though technically some comments hold some validity, the way the comments are formed and the mere explicitness of others really digs deep under my skin. Here is what some people have to say about 'us American Fatties' in order of amusing to just plain ridiculous and infuriating.

"next up, bias protection for the ugly and/or obnoxious. Then maybe I'll be able to sue and retire early. Your honor, I was definitely the most qualified but I was doomed from the start by my ugly obnoxious parents."

"I believe skinny people are being discriminated against clothing wise. I bought a pair of jeans the other day and my size 29 costs the same as a size 36, and my small t-shirt costs the same as a xl. If the pants and shirts use less material it should cost less."

"what an economic incentive that would be....charging more for the plus sizes....Imagine how fast the pounds would drop if fat people had to pay more for their clothes than fit people...."

"Another slap in the face of free speech. You choose to be fat, then you choose to face criticism from whatever moron thinks your body is his problem. He'll come off looking like a bigger moron than you will. End of the day, there's nothing good about being fat. It's a very unhealthy way to live and people should be allowed to freely criticize it. Maybe we should set the law up to protect smokers from discrimination too. Just like setting up the law to protect from racial prejudice doesn't stop racism, doing the same for fat people won't help them. You can't force people to think differently through (police) scare tactics."

"Remember fat is normal now. The skinny people are becoming a minority and we need to fight back for our rights. If I hear one more time "you need to eat more" i'm going to push someone down the stairs. Skinny is great, except when fat people don't make room for you down the hallways at work or grocery shopping. Just wait till they impliment fat people toilets, we'll need to get a special ring to sit on."

"Obese people is a burden on society. They are more at risk for any form of illness, they cost society (that is you and me) more money because of their obesity. They live shorter, they use an unproportionally larger part of any health care system. Obese people are less productive and cost a company more money. Not to mention, they take up two seats on an airplane, but only pay for one. Most of them stink because of their bad hygiene, difficult to clean in between all the rolls of fat. They look disgusting."
^^^^^^^^^ ?!!?!?!?!??!WTF?!?!?!?!?!? ^^^^^^^^^^
The Fat Chick
(((shakes head in disgust)))

MISTER SANDWICH, THIS IS WHAT I WANT WHEN I'M SKINNY

Aside from being healthy and looking totally hot, cuz I know I will (j/k) what am I looking forward to when I’m thin? Oh just a few (hundred) things.
WARNING TO MY LITTLE SISTER…

DON’T READ #9

IF YOU AREN’T IN THE MOOD FOR WAY TMI
1. Being able to run after my girls without getting winded and tired, making me want to stop whatever activity is occurring.

2. Being able to pick and outfit out of my closet because of how cute it is or because I want to wear it, instead of picking an outfit based on what will ‘hide the fat best’ and what actually fits.

3. Not having to worry every second of every minute what people are thinking about my weight.
4. Not having to worry about (not) fitting into chairs with arms at restaurants, coffee placed (Starbucks, duh) and any other public place that provides arm-chair seating.

5. Not having to worry if I will fit in an airplane seat.

6. Not having to worry if said airplane seat belt is long enough to wrap around my fat ample ass girth.

7. Not having bruises on my hips from where the seat belt clicker thingy digs into my skin because my hips overflow the seat in my car.

8. Not having to worry if I fit in the seats on roller coasters, or even better yet if I do fit not having to worry if the belt/harness/straps will fit over me
*Let’s just say I am looking forward to fitting into things that I don’t necessarily fit into all the time right now.

9. 3 letters S-E-X … I am looking forward to sex without worrying about if I ‘can do that’ ‘fit that way’ ‘move that way’ ‘stay that way that long’ . . . you get the picture. As well as, I can’t wait to live in the moment and not be more focused on what he is thinking about my body than anything else.

10. Sitting on the couch without taking up an entire cushion

11. I want to hear people whisper when they think I can’t hear, ‘whoa, she lost sooo much weight!’ or ‘she’s so thin!’ OR EVEN ‘she used to be sooo fat!’ LOL

12. I am excited for weight not to be the dominant thing on my mind on a daily basis

13. I am excited to regain a life and get rid of the couch potato-eating machine habit. Thankfully this has already begun.

14. I look forward to being able to fit in a normal sized pantie. Not size 9 or 10 which not everyone carries

15. Being able to wear a sexy bra – my boobs are pretty small when I’m thinner so by all means I SHOULD be able to wear a Victoria Secret or Fredericks of Hollywood lingerie ensemble when I’ve lost the weight.

16. No more over sized, stretch, elastic, NOTHING

17. I’ve always wanted a pea coat, to wear leggings and a cute dress

A PEA COAT - CUTE HUH?

I’m sure there is more but I could probably go on for days. Thankfully I don’t just get to dream about these things. I’m not too late to make them a reality and am in the process of doing so. Praise God!
The Fat Chick
** This post has been edited to add some other things that I thought of that I'm glad to be leaving behind**
18. Needing to look for the 'handicap' stall in a restroom because the standard stalls are either so small I can't turn around or I can't spread my legs apart wide enough to . . . you get the idea
19. I am looking forward to being able to cross my legs and not just at the ankles... oh no, I'm talking about ... yep you guessed it ... the knees!
20. I look forward to not having to deal with ignorance (more on this later... probably in a separate post)
Noelle
reminded me of something else I am looking forward to and then I thought of a couple more on my own.
21. I can't wait until I don't have to lift up my lower belly to dry my thighs after a shower.
*Ever since I was pregnant with Buzzy I have been prone to external yeast infections and if I don't take like 15 minutes to make sure all underlings are so dry I could crack the skin I'm doomed for a yeast infection*
22. I can't wait until I don't have to buy super long super huge pads because my butt is super huge. I wanna buy normal size pads.
23. TMI ALERT! I can't wait to not have to spread my legs to splitting position and bend forward to *ahem* wipe
24. I can't wait until I don't have to heave myself from a sitting position. I want to be able to just lean forward and stand up.
25. I CANNOT wait for my entire thighs not to rub together. The top parts are ok but the entire things? Yeah, kinda sick of that.
26. I cannot wait to be able to turn around in the shower without knocking the shampoo or soap from its ledge with a deafening thud
The Fat Chick

Friday, January 29, 2010

New Photo


ELECTRIC HAM - NO LIMITS

First, thank you all for your encouraging words. I know that without you I would be so much less motivated to continue with this thing. This thing being weight loss.

As I pondered what had me down in the dumps today I had an epiphany. I wasn't bummed because I'd lost only 2lbs. I was fine with that. After long contemplation and a bit of soul searching, I realized I was upset because without knowing it, I not only set myself up for failure but for gaining all the weight back once I got it off.

Let me back up a bit here. I keep reiterating that I want to lose a minimum of 2lbs per week to be such and such a weight by this date. Many might argue that I am simply setting goals for myself and in a way I suppose that's true.

But here's how I see it. If I add dates to the numbers I aspire to be, especially with an 'END' date for it all (ie - I want to be 150lbs 1 year from when I began which would be January 1, 2011) By doing this, I am limiting myself and setting myself up for disappointment which is a good recipe for failure. By doing this I have also created an illusion in my mind that THERE WILL BE AN END DATE. FALSE! This isn't a diet to get me to a weight I want to be so I can jump back on the Fatty Wagon. No sir! This is a lifestyle change. So I have decided not to limit myself. I have decided not to put dates to my weights. As long as I know I am trying as hard as I can, exercising as much as is healthy and doing everything in my power to better my health and extend my life, there is no reason to put dates to weights. Know what I mean.

As I realized this, a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. Next week it won't matter if I lose .5lbs or 5lbs as long as I have done everything to push myself toward a better me. THAT is all that matters.

That being said, I decided to celebrate my 20lb loss with a meal of my choice. I ate well before that.

Breakfast:

Cheerios/2% milk (because there was no more nonfat)/banana - about 320 cals

Lunch:

100 cal pack of chocolate covered pretzels - 100 cals
Lean Cuisine Parmesan crusted fish - 290 cals

Dinner:

Chicago Sports Pepper Burger & Fries (All natural home-made ingredients - no fast food processed shit ingredients involved) . . . an estimated 1070 cals

Total - 1780 cals

Okay, so I went over by about 280 cals

I don't feel guilty about it. Okay, that's a lie. My guilt ebbs and flows but I don't feel like throwing in the towel because I celebrated. Especially since it was only one meal.

Tomorrow its back to the grindstone.

Again, thank you for all your advice, support and encouragement. You have no idea the good it does me.

The Fat Chick

COFFEE NOODLES & A WEIGH IN

I lost 2lbs this week. I should be excited. I'm that much closer to being under 300 which I haven't been under since my first pregnancy almost 2.5 years ago and I've now lost 20 solid pounds . . . but I'm not excited. Just feeling low today.

Gonna go wallow in some sugarless gum. Bleck!

The Fat Chick

Thursday, January 28, 2010

CHEESECAKE GRIDDLE - LAST MEAL, LAST CHANCE WORKOUT, TOMORROWS WEIGH IN?

Today was strange.

For breakfast I had coffee w/ cream - 150 cals
Banana muffin - 140 cals

Total - 290 cals

Now, after breakfast several things happened. Buzzy had a meltdown that needed reprimanding and then much love. Breezely decided this was the perfect time to be super needy. My mom left me to go talk with her stalker husband and to get her daily morning frapuccino and my ex decided that instead of seeing his girls in the morning as we had planned, he wanted to cook pozole because he had a craving for it and therefore would see them in the afternoon. I was overwhelmed. Completely and utterly overwhelmed. Well, after several minutes that felt like several days I was able to calm Buzzy and lay her down with her 'baba', 'bankie' to watch a little TV. Yes, yes I know. Bad mama. Whatever. I gave Breezely her 'baba' and continued texting my ex about how pissed I was that he would change the schedule because he knew the girls adjusted better to change in the morning than in the afternoon.

My mom came home a bit later only to head straight back out to take my sister to get toxic hell Taco Bell.

**Tangent** Amazingly enough it didn't even cross my mind to ask my mom to bring me something back. 5 weeks ago I would have asked her to bring me a burrito supreme and a nachos bell grande. 4 weeks ago after starting my healthy eating, I would have hemmed and hawwed over what the fast food joint had that was healthy and possibly or possibly not decided to get something fattening anyway. Now, it didn't even cross my mind. YAY ME!

Anyhoo, the second departure of my mother was not welcomed happily by Buzzy who pitched another fit, proceeded to throw things at me followed by another meltdown and reprimanding ending with some mama lovin' and a 'baba' & 'bankie'.

When my mom returned my sister and I left to get our brows waxed. Tomorrow we are doing her senior portrait & my mom wanted me in my sister's photo the way she was in mine.

After the waxing I was supposed to pick up the girls and take them to eat with my ex but they both had fallen asleep (much to his dismay) Needless to say they both slept well past lunchtime and though Buzzy was offered food when she woke (which she promptly rejected - who wants to eat when there are 8 regular teeth and at least 2 molars trying to cut through?)

So, long story even longer, or shorter I guess depending on how bored you are, I ate NOTHING between breakfast and dinner. Thanks to stress I actually forgot to eat instead of binging because of it. It was a good thing too, because Spaghetti Friday had been changed to Spaghetti Thursday this week at my grandparent's house due to some gala they're going to. So I ate a plate and a 1/4 of thee most fantabulous spaghetti with meat sauce ever for dinner. I estimated that the plate and 1/4 probably added up to about 700-800 cals. But technically it could have been as high as 1200 cals and I still wouldn't have gone over my 1500 cals for the day.

Now, here is what I'm worried about. Sodium and water retention. I ALWAYS retain water when I eat my grandparent's food. ALWAYS. So in a meager attempt to counteract said water retention I drank a few bottles of water with dinner. I suppose only the scale will tell.

Which brings me to this!!

Tomorrow is Friday Weigh In!

I'm hoping to have lost about 2lbs. That would make me happy. Of course more would be great too. We'll see.

Oh, here I am being accountable for my exercise too.
What did I do today?
I did every bit of the 30 Day Shred except to abs. I can't lay on the floor because of my inverted tailbone. Talk about pain. So, I'll have to figure out something (like a pillow or doing it on a bed) to modify it so I can get the full effect of the workout. In addition to the Shred, I ran around outside for an hour with Buzzy, zooming her all over the place in her push'n'play car. Then I did Wii Fit for about 45 minutes. I'm hoping the last chance workout negates my crappy last meal.

In any case, here are to BIG FRIGGIN' LOSERS AND small little numbers on the scale.

The Fat Chick

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Neglect

I know I have been neglecting my blog over here. I guess it's because I am so wrapped up with my blog OVER THERE. LOL You know the weight loss blog. In any case I have another photo coming up soon and I'm sorry, until someone guesses it correctly I cannot divulge the meaning. Until Friday . . .

QUIRKY CHOWDER - NO MATTER HOW I SLICE, DICE AND SPLICE THE CALORIES . . .

No matter how I slice dice and splice it my calories came out just over 1300 today and I thought I went over 1500 calories. I even tried exaggerating my portion sizes on Sparkpeople.com and the highest daily total I could get was almost 1400 and I was seriously bullshitting the numbers, making them super high.

So, I guess when it's not a birthday I seem to be able to do pretty okay with eating. Even when I think I've gone way over.

My day?

Breakfast:
Banana Muffin - 140 cals
Coffee with creamer - 140 cals

Total - 280 cals

Lunch:

Lean Cuisine Southwestern Chicken Panini - 330 cals

Total - 330 cals

Dinner:

About 10-12oz of BBQd Tilapia - 286-300 cals
1 medium sized baked potato - 160 cals
Frozen Broccoli - about 30 cals
Light Mayo for broccoli - 50 cals
Salsa for potato - 20 cals tops
butter on fish - 40 cals

Total - Max 600 cals

Snack - 100 cal pack of chocolate covered pretzels - 100 cals

Total - 100 cals

Grand total: 1310

((shrugs))

Man, was I full too. I couldn't have shoved more into my face if I'd tried.

Well, that is my check in. I'm gonna go Shred, or Wii. Not sure yet. Nuh Night blog world.

The Fat Chick <--- That name's gonna change as soon as I hit 200 lbs to The Chubby Chick and then when I hit coal, The Skinny Chick :)

PEANUT BUTTER LOVE - AWARDS & SUCH

Thank you for thinking of me when you got this award!
Nikki has given me a b-e-a-utimous blog award!
I am to list 10 things that make me happy.
1. My beautiful daughters
2. My mom and sister
3. The rest of my family
4. Accomplishing a day of good exercise
5. My wii
6. Writing my Fantasy Trilogy (The first book is currently in a literary agents hands. Pray he likes it)
7. Sleep
8. Diet coke
9. Sun
10.Shopping

Now I am supposed to give the award to 10 blogs

Debbie
Chubby Chick
Kenz
Mid Life Swimmer
Katie J
Alex
Ava Kelly
Lyn
Ashley
Whitney

The Fat Chick

NOODLE BOOTY - THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FROM A BUTTLOAD (PUN INTENDED) OF EXERCISE

So far I have totally kicked butt for a 3rd day in a row. So far. I will probably be writing another post to finish off the day, but I had to let you know that today IT started! What is IT? You ask.

dun dun dun dun

THE 30 DAY SHRED!!!!

Muahahahaha!

Granted I only did about 10-15 minutes of the full 20-30 (not exactly sure how long it is) because my youngest woke up and needed my attention.

However, I did a 20 minute walk/jog this morning. Took a break to take the girls to the park and then walk/jogged home. WAH-FRIGGIN-HOO!

Then I did the 15 or so minutes of the 30 Day Shred and felt like I was going to die. No really I FELT I WAS DYYYYYING! That won't stop me from continuing though. It felt great afterward.

Then tonight after the girls are asleep I will either re-do the 30 Day Shred or some serious Wii Fit obstacle courses! I unlocked the advanced section last night! Oh yeah!

As for eating I've kicked ass on that too today.

Banana muffin and coffee w/ cream this morning - about 260 cals

Lean Cuisine sandwich - 330 cals

And for dinner I will be having some yummy BBQ'd fish and a baked potato with salsa.

Add a skinny cow or 100 calorie pack of cookies and I will have ROCKED MY FRIGGIN SOCKS 3 DAYS IN A ROW! BOOYAH!

The Fat Chick

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

FRIES MATTER & I MISS CALIFORNIA

It is at times like these *cold winter cloudy, rainy, drizzly mess* that I miss California more than usual.

This picture does not only represent my home for so many years but WAS my home for so many years. And no, I didn't just live in these apartments and swim in this pool. The lower level apartment on the far left WAS MY HOME from the time I was in elementary school until I graduated high school. It was HUGE PART of my life.


A little history. I was born and grew up near Los Angeles. My life was lived IN THE SUN and I HATED every moment of it. When I moved to Washington 20 years later I was so excited to get out of the sun and have some real seasons, real weather. Now, nearly 5 years, 2 babies and 1 HUGE RESOLUTION later, I HATE HATE HATE HATE the stupid winter season and all it's non-sun-ness that it brings.

This is what it brings, whether it be through the glass panes of a house's windows or the glass pane of my windshield. This is what I constantly see and I HATE it!


Why do I hate it? You ask. I'll tell you.

1. I have 2 children. Staying indoors in not cohesive to expending the energy that babies have and babies without expended energy are cranky little rag-a-muffins who don't nap, don't eat and just throw temper tantrums all day.

2. I can't take a break from the wii or other indoor workout activities to take a stroll, or a brisk walk or a run, because DAMMIT! I don't have 8 arms. I wish I did but holding an infant in her bjorn (because I honestly don't trust it fully after the last issue we had with it), pushing a toddler in her car or stroller who constantly wants to get out and stomp in the puddles or is complaining cuz she's 'gettin' wet', as well as holding an umbrella to keep me and said baby dry and trying to concentrate on my exercise . . . it's just impossible!


3. I hate to be wet. I HATE HATE HATE IT!


AND 4. I feel the need to eat. Cold, rainy weather makes me wanna sit down with a movie or a book and shove food in my face. NOT COOL!


THAT SAID:

I did very well today. As well, if not better than yesterday, so we can officially say I ROCKED MY OWN SOCKS 2 days in a row. I rocked my calories, eating just about 1300, I rocked my exercise, doing wii 2x!! And I rocked my willpower, not giving into temptation when my mom made several dozen double chocolate chip and sugar cookies!! That's right! I rocked the HELL outta my WILLPOWER.


2 more days until my 4th weigh in and the beginning of my 5th week! Wahoooo!

The Fat Chick

Monday, January 25, 2010

VANILLA ME BAD - I ROCKED MY OWN SOCKS TODAY



After yesterday, I was super pumped to do better today. Especially when I cheated and did my daily weigh in and I had gained back(I'm hoping from high sodium intake)the 4lbs I had lost at last Friday's weigh in.

So this morning I woke up and did about 15-20 minutes of one of Jillian Michael's 60 minute workouts. I think it's called Boost Your Metabolism, or something like that. It's pretty awesome that ON DEMAND has a whole channel dedicated to Jillian, and it's all complimentary. Even the 30 Day Shred is on there. Unfortunately it's level 2and I FOR SURE need level 1. Anyway, I would have done more but my girls started getting cranky for their breakfast and anyway, she really knows how to kick a person's butt. Jeesh!

For breakfast I had a 100 calorie pack of wheat thins, a banana and a bottle of water.

For lunch I had a Lean Cuisine and thee most fabulous homemade salad I have ever made. I used a ton of lettuce, some cherry tomatoes, sliced cucumber a serving size (2 TBSP) of peppercorn ranch and a ton of salsa and OMG! To die for. And the salad and Lean Cuisine together only added up to about 400 calories.

After lunch I took the girls on a BRISK walk to the neighborhood park where I ran after Buzzy for the most part, and swang? swung? swinged? her on the swings for the remainder. We then took a BRISK walk home where the girls both promptly fell asleep and I was able to dance for 30 minutes to JUST DANCE on the Wii.

For dinner I had another Lean Cuisine, another salad just like the one at lunch minus the tomatoes cuz I was all tomatoed out, and another bottle of water.

For dessert I had a Skinny Cow Peanut Butter & Chocolate ice cream sandwich with diced bananas over it. MMM MMM MMM and only about 230 cals.

My total calories for the day were 1492. 8 under my 1500 average. Yay!

Then to top off the night, I tried out the new Wii Fit Plus my mom, my gramma and myself split the cost of and OMG! So much fun! The best investment of $99.99 ever!

On one last note, I have bought Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. Rather, my mom bought it for me. The funny story behind that is that I went a thousand different places yesterday looking to buy it and EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHER was sold out. My mom works at a local supermarket and in HER checkstand just happened to be THEE ONLY copy left in the store. (She said she looked elsewhere to see if there were other copies because I had explicitly complained to her that the guy in the electronics department had insisted they were COMPLETELY SOLD OUT) It was a God thing. He knew I needed Jillian. LOL

So, now I just have to wait until we get a mini DVD player. That, or attempt to do it in my cramped little bedroom from my laptop. We'll see. Regardless, I will soon be starting the 30 Day Shred Challenge, Level 1. Wish me luck. After what I've heard, I'll need it.

Until next time.

The Fat Chick

Sunday, January 24, 2010

COOKIE MISCHIEF- I'm Bummed FURIOUS

Warning: The first segment of my post may contain foul language and a bunch of ranting/complaining/bitching/moaning and groaning.



FUCKING WASHINGTON STATE

As I stated in an earlier post, my ex and I are separated. NOT LEGALLY SEPARATED, LET ALONE DIVORCED. Now he provides for my and my girls despite the fact that we live in different homes, and even in different states.

About a month ago I received a letter from The Department of Social and Health Services asking if I wanted to sue him JUST for medical coverage or for coverage and child support. I didn't want to do either and didn't understand why the paperwork had been sent to be because I hadn't solicited it.

Well, apparently in Washington state there is some kind of law that says if the children and wife are covered by state medical than it is the state's obligation to try to get the husband's work to relieve the state of that obligation and if the wife so wishes she can request child support in addition to it.

Well, I don't want either! My husband's work insurance viability fluctuates depending on his hours worked. If he works over 24 hours he has it. If he works less he doesn't. I don't want my girls' health hanging on his schedule!! Not to mention the fact that I don't want child support. If I wanted child support I'd have already divorced him and sued him for everything he's worth (which isn't much)but I DON'T want that.

Our situation right now is great. He pays for our necessities and I get to live far far far away from him and only see him once in a while when he wants to see the girls. This is a good arrangement for me and for him too, considering the circumstances. I mean, he could have married a witchy bitch who would live far away AND make him cover his children with his medical AND have his paycheck garnished for child support. But no, things were good.

So, as I am filling out the paperwork for the obligatory request for medical coverage I am required to send in, I start getting all these personal questions. My race - why the hell do they care? My height, weight, hair and eye color? What the FUCK? Am I sending in registration for a driver's license or the social and health services. I mean COME ON! Then the question that really got to me was under each of my daughter's birthdays it asked, 'did the mother get pregnant in Washington state' . . . I see no way this has any relevance regardless of the situation. NONE. If you know something about laws I don't please enlighten me.

So I'm pretty cheesed off. Yeah, my blood pressure is probably through the roof and I feel like binging. Which brings me to my next topic.

I THOUGHT I WAS DOING SO WELL

Breakfast:

Ihop omelet for me & fruit, 1 serving 360
Ihop coffee and cream, 1 serving 80

Breakfast TOTALS: 440

Lunch:

cheese ravioli LC, 1 serving 220

Lunch TOTALS: 220

Dinner:

general tsos chicken, 1 serving 586
sticky rice, 1 serving 169

Dinner TOTALS: 755

Snack:

choco pretzels, 1 serving 100
marionberry pie, 1 serving 684
tcby, 1 serving 140

Snack TOTALS: 924

TOTAL DAILY CALORIES
2,339

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT THE FYUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I was so careful today. My Ihop breakfast ('for me' which means I chose of the healthy 'for me' menu with low cals etc. Then I had my Lean Cuisine lunch and a 100 calorie snack of chocolate covered pretzels. Then I even investigated how many calories were in General Tsos chicken and white rice and added those all up and it came to upwards of 1700 calories. Okay, so I was 200 over my estimated 1500 but that was okay.

Well, did I mention it was my grandpa's 62nd birthday? Yeah, well it was and no one told me there would be pie. Okay, fine. Pie. But ohhhhhh no. Not JUST pie. But Shari's Marionberry pie. OMG to die for. I hemmed and hawwed and then requested a very small piece and the piece I got was actually pretty small. Then they gave me a scoop of 140 calorie, low fat TCBY yogurt on top and OMG - the taste. YUMMM! Immediately afterward, if not several minutes before I finished the pie though, I began to feel horrible. Stomach grumbling, I gotta get to the bathroom now kinda horrible. So, I escaped to the restaurant bathroom. Then came the nausea. I shouldn't have eaten the pie, I told myself. I knew I shouldn't have eaten the pie. Yet there I was ready to blow chunks and heaving in the bathroom stall because I ATE THE FRIGGIN PIE.

So, after all the commotion and still feel green around the gills I go home and investigate. Just how many calories extra was that pie? Without the pie I am around 1900 calories by now thanks to that dang TCBY yogurt. That's a whole meal above and beyond my allotted 1500 calories. So I research and BAM! Staring me in the face on the Shari's website under nutritional info is this horrible horrible number. I cringe as I type it. 560. YEP, 560 . . . A piece of Shari's Marionberry pie is 560 calories. Granted I did eat a 'smaller' piece but by how much I have no idea. No idea whatsoever so I just added the full amount to overestimate and gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, my daily total calories is 2,339 . . . I am ashamed of myself. And my stomach is still gurgling in hopes of vomiting up that shitload of crap I ate.

I've asked 3 people now (mom, sister and gramma) DON'T LET ME EAT THAT STUFF ANYMORE! NEVER EVER AGAIN! NOT ONLY DOES IT NOT HELP MY WEIGHT LOSS EFFORTS BUT IT MAKES ME FEEL REALLY ICKY.

I'm off to look at my ON DEMAND menu to see if there are any reasonable workouts to do . . . I need to do something to counteract all those extra calories. JEEZ!

So goodnight.

The Fat Chick




Saturday, January 23, 2010

SPONTANEOUS VEGETABLES - GUMBY LIVES!

Last night my mom and I were finishing up watching the DVR'd first episode of this season's WHITE COLLAR and my pinched sciatic nerve was really beginning to hurt and so she decided to show me some stretches I could do to make it feel better. Crossing her leg and putting her right ankle over her left knee she asked me, 'can you cross your legs like this?' . . . To be honest, I hadn't attempted to do so in a very long time but when I lifted my right ankle to my left knee it did not resist. Then she told me to pull up on my right ankle while simultaneously pushing down on my knee. Okay, that felt good but then the good went away and it just felt . . . normal. So she suggested I lift my right ankle as high toward my head as I could go to stretch my butt muscle, so holding my right ankle in both hands I pull my toes up toward my chest - no strain. To my collar bone - no strain. To my chin - no strain. To my nose - you guessed it, no strain. I then pulled my foot all the way up to the top of my head. Yes, I - a 300+lbs woman while sitting, can pull my feet up so that my toes touch the top of my head. Is this abnormal? Freakish? Come to think of it, I have always been able to do things that other people automatically assume I cannot do. Now that I think about it, that kinda pisses me off.

Once upon a time, many moons ago, my uncle was taking some form of Karate. He was stretching by lying on the floor face down with one leg behind him and the other in front, as though he were doing the splits but with the leg going forward bent at an angle under his chest. In reality, he wasn't ACTUALLY doing the stretch. He was attempting the stretch but complained about previously torn ligaments and not enough flexibility, yada yada. So I decided to try it out and had no problem laying flat on the floor with one leg behind me and one in front bend under my chest. To this day (I tried it last night) I don't have a problem doing this.

The other night, my 8 year old cousin (who by all physical rights is the human double Popsicle - a teeny tiny torso set upon legs so spindly they may as well be toothpicks) sat down on the floor Indian style and I sat down with her. She asked me if I wanted to see the stretches she had done in PE that day at school. Of course, I said sure and she showed me the butterfly. I copied her. "No, No," she said. "like this." I was doing it exactly as she was. I have always been able to do the butterfly and even able to pull my heels into my crotch and bend over. So, I didn't get what she was talking about. "I'm doing it just like you," I said. "No, you're not," she insisted and proceeded to push my knees down toward the ground. Ah, naivety is bliss. Sorry dear, the fat on my thighs don't allow my knees to ACTUALLY touch the ground but if said fat didn't exist, my knees would indeed touch the ground. No, I didn't say this to her but it is what I was thinking. To her I only said, 'ah, you're right. My knees don't touch."

Another thing I don't have a problem doing that people think I should is cardio exercise. Okay, not just any cardio but elliptical cardio. I will never forget the day (and it was truly quite insulting now that I look back on it) that I went down to the gym that the company I had been working for at the time provided free of charge. I was working out on the elliptical, pumping away and one of my coworkers came over and her eyes bulged when she saw I had been doing it for 45 minutes straight. "Wow, I can't barely do 10 minutes on that thing without a break." She said to me. Her comment wasn't insulting but I can only imagine what she was thinking. She - this svelte, toned, healthy girl watching me . . . probably 2.5 times her size outdoing her on this machine. Why is it that thin people underestimate fat people? Why is it assumed we are substandard and cannot possibly even aspire to do what thin people do? Why is it assumed that we are gluttons, with voracious uncontrollable obsessive compulsive disorder when it comes to food? I don't get it. For the same reason I don't like to be stared at or picked out of a crowd because I'm fat, I don't like to be stared at or singled out because I am doing things fat people 'aren't supposed to be able to do'. I find it absolutely ridiculous and highly insulting.

How about you? What do you think?

And one more question. Because I am able to do all these weird positions and not feel any true kind of stretching, how is it that I am supposed to stretch? Any ideas?

The Fat Chick

BATTER SPLATTER - A Vent? Tirade? I don't know

WARNING: This post may very well be a conglomeration of verbal diarrhea mixed with an occasional obscenity that I may or may not strike out. In the mood for an 'all over the place' post? Read on. In the mood for a succinct, good flowing, well thought out post? Move on.

MY EX HUSBAND
When I think about this man I feel such a disturbing combination of emotions that immediately the chemicals in my brain read, 'eat, eat now, you need to eat, feel better!' I won't though. I crossed out the Ex in the title because technically he is not my ex . . . yet. We are still legally married and he still wants us to be together. I don't. This is one of those things that makes me want to eat. But I won't. He calls me often, texts me even more. He calls me beautiful and says wonderful, optimistic things of the future with my girls, him and myself living under one room. I know . . . this all sounds nice. But it's fanciful. I can't live under the same roof as him. It has been proved time and again. Aside from his lack of spacial cleanliness, his (non-diagnosed) narcolepsy and his need for 'intimacy' at all friggin' hours of the day (even when our babies are awake), there is his temper. I can't live with a man who has a temper like his. I can't love a man who has a temper like his. Thinking back on the night I decided to leave makes me want to get up from this computer right now and go find something comforting in the pantry or the fridge. But I won't. I won't. Nope. I won't be a victim anymore. I won't be a doormat. I won't be abused. I won't allow my girls to witness the insanity that was my household ever again. I will not be in love with him (though I will always love him because he is my girl's daddy) and I will not eat because of these things.

I read a blinkie or a glitter graphic or some such thing this afternoon that said,
'If hunger isn't the problem, than food isn't the solution.'

It's so true. 3 weeks ago and all time before that food was my friend and my enemy. It comforted me when I needed comforting for whatever reason I needed it, but then 'went behind my back' and added weight to my body. The added weight caused more issues in various parts of my life and so I returned to food, who in turn comforted me and just as before 'went behind my back' and added more weight to my body. It was a vicious circle. My ex was a huge catalyst of that vicious circle. But no more. Nope, no more.

REWARDS

I've been thinking about how I can reward myself as I meet my goals/milestones. I suppose this is a good place to say what those milestones are. I think I will create a tab later at the top of my blog for people to see my goals and if/when I have met them.

So here they are:

Get under 300lbs. - I'm 8lbs away. I hope to have this goal achieved by Valentines Day. Is that too ambitious?

Get to 250lbs. I haven't been 250lbs since high school.

Get to 199lbs. I don't even remember a time in my life when I saw that number on the scale. The lowest in high school I ever weighed was 203. Why did I let that slip away.

Get to 150lbs. This is my first ULTIMATE GOAL. I want to see if I am satisfied and comfortable with myself at 150lbs. I have been told by many people that underneath the mass of my body that I am probably by genetics a fairly small person. So if I am still not 100% happy at 150 I will be moving on to the next goal.

Get top 130lbs. This is my ULTIMATE ULTIMATE GOAL and is only set in place if I don't look emaciated at 150lbs. Only time will tell.

Anyhoo, I don't have any rewards in mind for any of my goals except my ULTIMATE GOAL of 150lbs. I have decided to get a tattoo. A cute little swirly/or tribal number on my lower back with the small elegant initials of my girl's names. What is the significance of this reward? Vengeance... Okay so it's maybe 2% vengeance and the rest just pure desire. I have always wanted a tattoo. Since I was about 12-13 I wanted a tattoo. I met my ex husband went I was 15 and he (honest to God) believes that tattoos are only for prostitutes and therefore as his girlfriend and later as his wife, I was strictly forbidden to get one. Well, I am no longer bound by his unfounded beliefs and so with that 2% of vengeance (the ha ha I can do whatever I want to now and you can't stop me) and the 98% desire of finally I am doing something I want - for me - I will go and get myself a tattoo. Yay!

SISTERLY BONDING BY NUMBERS
Aside from the goals stated above, I have one more goal to meet. It sits somewhere between my 2nd to last goal - 199lbs and my last goal (not the 130lbs but the 150lbs)

You see my sister weighs somewhere between 150-160 and I have decided that I want to be able to share clothes with her. Despite the fact that she's a good 3 inches taller than me has no bearing on this. I WILL share clothes with her. She likes my fashion sense anyway and some of her clothes are so stinkin' cute! Anyway, so I have decided that once I am down into the 170's-ish, I am going to have her start weighing with me and on the day that I weigh the EXACT SAME or less than her is the day she and I are going to celebrate. BIG. I don't know what. I don't know how. But it WILL HAPPEN. You hear that Clem. You and me baby, in like, oh I don't know. For my 26th birthday in October you and I are gonna go do somethin' fabulous. Or somewhere around that date because that is close to when I want to be in the 170's range and you get bet your bonnet (only Clem knows what this means) I'll be steppin' up the exercise (unless I'm running marathons by then) to get to her weight.

FLABBY FLAPS
Does anyone who has a significant amount of weight to lose, like 75lbs or more, worry about what their skin will do/look like when they've lost all their weight? I keep hearing, oh you're young and your skin still has its elasticity but I've had 2 babies and I've been nearly 400lbs. That's huge. (quite literally) and so I'm wondering if when all is said and done if my arms/belly/butt/thighs are going to be just a bunch of hangy chicken flabby flaps or what. I imagine there are exercises I can do to help tone the skin/muscle and try to tighten it up, but what if I can't. Will cardio and mild toning exercises modified at home be enough?

I will leave you with that.

Good Night Sweet Blogging World! Or to some Good Morning!

The Fat Chick

Friday, January 22, 2010

MY CHEESE MY RULES - Photos

Amazingly enough I didn't struggle with the post. The post, that is, of my BEFORE photos. They're up. Embarrassing as all get out HELL (Yeah, that deserves a profane word) but up nonetheless. Hopefully the journey to 20lbs less will be a quick one so that those horrible pictures don't take up that whole page for any serious length of time. 287lbs here I come!! BTW, you can see my weight loss photos using the tab at the top of this page or you can click on this link: Take me to see her fat ass butt . . .

Ya think I have a bit of an issue with making jokes out of my weight to keep it from crushing me? Literally... Yeah, I do.

Happy viewing.

(Please don't throw up and I won't be offended if you click off right away. It's not a pretty sight)

The Fat Chick (ugh)

BUTTER ME QUEASY!!



Just a quick post to say I lost 4lbs baby!! Yeah!!!!! That brings me from 325 to 307. ((stirring the pot and dancing around)) Only 8 more pounds till 299!! YESSSSSSS!

The Fat Chick

Thursday, January 21, 2010

BLUEBERRY SOCKS - Skinny bitch Brat!

Last post of the night . . .

What cannot be read on the picture at the top and bottom on the left hand side basically explain that Clem is my sister (obviously not her real name . . .) and that this is her food pyramid, caffeine being most important, sugar and salt a close second and sugar bringing up the rear. This is how she eats and she weighs half of what I do. Somehow this just doesn't seem right . . . or fair . . . I know, I know. Life isn't fair.

The Fat Chick

P.S. - Clem, if you are reading this . . . you know I only put the title for your shock value and because I know you'll harrass me. Love ya!

PUDDING PATROL - A Confessional of Sorts



Okay, remember how I so matter of factly informed you all that I would be eating NONE of my grandma's homemade potpie? Yeah, I remember that too and guess what. I lied. Ok, so I didn't eat very much. Maybe a serving sans any crust, but I still ate it and oh boy was it worth it. I'm going to down some water bottles tonight in the hopes of counteracting any water retention currently retaining itself in my body. What sucks, though, is that for the 3rd time in the same month Aunt Flow has decided to visit me, AGAIN! So, I don't know how tomorrows weigh in is going to go. I pray I stay at least where I was today because it looked good! Really good!

Other than walking today I danced to Just Dance on my Wii. I got in some good cardio and hoping that helps with tomorrows weigh in as well. My mom is talking about getting the Wii Fit Plus sooner than later and an extra balance board so we can do it together. I think that would be awesome.

Anyone have Wii Fit Plus and have any comments/reviews on it?

Tonight I am taking my before photos so will be posting those tomorrow along with my weight loss. I think I will be taking photos every time I've lost 20lbs.

Well, I am off to guzzle water and watch White Collar with my mom (DVR'd of course)... Counting down the hours till tomorrows weigh. Not sure why, but I'm very excited. Heck, I'm excited every Friday! Even though this is technically only the 2nd one.

So until tomorrow.

The Fat Chick

SPAGHETTI PANTS



TOMORROW IS THE BIG THREE WEEK WEIGH IN!

I cheated a bit this morning and weighed, and let's just say I hope I continue in this direction. My grandma is making her chicken potpie tonight and I'm bummed cuz I can't eat it. Why? You ask. You should be able to eat it in small portions and be okay. You say. Yeah, but the sodium content is probably through the roof and I'd like at least a 1-2lb loss tomorrow if not more and that won't be the case if I load up on chicken potpie. Soooooo, I shall be eating one of my Lean Cuisines. But I will be having a small slice of the 100 calorie per slice angelfood cake she bought for dessert. MMM MMM MMM and that should bring my total daily caloric intake to about 1200 calories. I figure as long as I don't go below 1200 and don't go over 1650 I'm doing pretty well.

I took a short brisk walk to the park today to let Buzzy play. I wore Breezely in her bjorn cuz that adds an extra 20 lbs to my body to make me work harder. Unfortunately we didn't get to stay because as I went chasing Buzzy all over the park, I finally called for her to stop and she didn't and very nearly ran into the street causing fear to pop a vein in my eye and fury to make steam come out my ears. Normally she is a very good listener and I must always keep forefront in my mind that she is only 19 months old but when it comes to her LIFE she needs to know she MUST LISTEN TO MOMMY AT ALLLLLLLLLL TIMES! So in addition to getting in a bit of cardio I also had a near heart attack. Not cool. You can believe I power walked Buzzy's baby hiney home to have a severe talking to and a short time out. Poor Buzzy. I know all she wanted to do was play but aggghhhhhh!! Sometimes being a mom is such a pooper scooper.

Yay! I'm glad all my readers are able to comment now. This makes me soooooo happy. (((does a little ditty)))

Anyway, that's all I got for now. Till tomorrow, or later if I feel so inclined to post again today.

The Fat Chick

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

MAYBE GRAVY - Is It True?



Okay I have to say I have gotten a buttload ton of e-mails saying that you have tried to comment on one post or another (aww, thanks guys) but haven't been able to. (say what now?) I think I fixed the problem . . . after trying to change my template again and again with no success . . . by expanding the widget box of the stupid captcha phrases so that you can (gasp) actually enter the stupid word and submit it. I really hate that blogger makes us do this. In any case, let me know if it is or isn't working (by e-mail of course if it still isn't) in which case I will have to personally go somewhere . . . to where ever blogger creaters dwell and . . . do somthin' nasty to 'em.

Just for the hell heck of it here is today's food log:

Banana Oatmeal - 130 cals
1 cup nonfat milk - 86 cals
Lean Cuisine sesame chicken -330 cals
Tortilla chips and salsa - 300
Left over olive garden breadstick - 150 cals
Lean Cuisine Shrimp Pasta - 360
Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich - 140

For a grand total of 1316 cals today! Yay for low cals and stuffed bellies!!

The Fat Chick

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

PUMP UP THE FRUIT!


Okay, first does anyone know where the title of my post came from? Hmmm? Anyone? Well my titles are going to follow suit for the next several blogs, so don't be alarmed. I have not gone insane and for those of you who know where these titles come from . . . feel free to say so!

Anyway, this post is going to be another smathering of my thoughts. Please bear with me through my attempt at expressing them. LOL

FEAST OR FAMINE

Yesterday I ate almost 200 calories under my intended calorie intake of 1500 calories. I just wasn’t hungry. Last night in an attempt to boost my calorie intake and ate a skinny cow ice cream sandwich but that is what brought me to 200 under. Otherwise I’d have been more like 340 under.

Today was a different story. Short history: my sister just got a new job and my mom wanted to take her clothes shopping and because she has an impaired (her word not mine) sense of fashion she insisted that my mom and I help her pick out some stuff. Well, the mall nearby just doesn’t have quality stored to shop in, so we drove 30 miles South into Oregon to a nicer mall. Of course being that far away, I knew in advance we would be eating out. So I purposely limited my food intake in anticipation of what I might consume. At home I ate a Lean Cuisine and a nectarine. At the mall, after hours and hours of walking back and forth (good exercise by the way) I had a Jamba juice (one of the Light under 180 calories ones) Then we decided Olive Garden was for dinner. I figured heck, what did I eat? Roughly 500 calories. Heck, that means I have 1000 calories left. My favorite thing at Olive Garden is their soup and salad (and breadsticks of course) and I figured if I had one or two breadsticks and a bowl of salad and a bowl of soup I’d be fine, right? Yeah . . . uh huh . . . right.

I started out well. I had one breadstick and a small bowl of salad. But then the soup took forever to come and so I had another small bowl of salad. Do you know how many calories are in EACH bowl of salad with dressing??? Do you??? 350!!! So right there, that’s 700 calories, plus the breadstick which is 150. YIKES! Then my soup still didn’t come so I had a few more nibbles of salad bringing me to a grand total of 2.5 servings of salad. That’s 850 calories for salad alone! So 850 + the 500 I had eaten at home was roughly 1350 calories. If I had stopped there I would have been fine. But then my soup came. One bowl of Paste E Fagioli soup is 150 calories. Okay, fine. That brings me to EXACTLY 1500 calories but then I have to go and have one more breadstick with my soup. I mean come on! What is soup without dipping a breadstick? LOL So my grand total for today was 1650 all because of a stupid breadstick. Haha!

PAIN IN MY BUTT

No really. I have a really bad pain in my butt. I pinched something in my back (something I do often since my spinal from hell for my c-section with Breezely) and now from my waist down my right butt cheek into the joint between my hip and my leg feels like someone is literally grinding the bone away. It hurts sooo bad.
And I was so psyched! I bought a fancy shmancy pedometer today that I can keep in my pocket or wear around my neck and was planning on starting my jogging/walking routine tomorrow morning. Yeah, now that’s gonna have to wait unless my hip/nerve magically repairs itself as I sleep tonight. Chances are though, that my bad sleeping patterns and restlessness will only make it worse. DAMMIT DANGIT!!
GIVE ME A WII FIT PLUS DAMMIT BEFORE I THROTTLE YOU PLEASE?
I have been looking EVERY-FRICKIN-WHERE to buy a Wii fit plus (you know, the one that comes with the balance board) and NO ONE- that’s right – NOOOOO OOOONNNNNEEE has them. They all say that Nintendo has all the Wii Fit Plus’s on backorder. WTF? Did they not anticipate that consumers who have purchased the ever popular Wii console would not go out to buy the Wii Fit Plus too? Or are they secretly conspiring against us to get us to buy the regular Wii Fit and the balance board separately to gain more profit. Yeah, okay, I see how it is . . . well they aren’t getting MY money till they send out the dang Wii Fit Plus’s. So there (((insert immature tongue sticking out here)))

YOU WON’T WANNA SEE THIS

This Friday I am going to take a photo of myself. Probably in yoga pants and a bra for all to ogle in disgust barf at the side of see how I look right now and for those who commented that I look about 160 lbs you will see that from the chest down, I look like I ate another person who began to expand within me. Are you prepared? I’m not sure I am. Maybe I will just wear really tight clothes. I’m not sure. Somethin’ kinda personal about baring skin. Kwim?

PERSONAL RESPONSES TO COMMENTS

Arranged in order from oldest to newest comments

Monica – Thanks for the info on The 30 Day Shred. I am investigating the deets of this workout and if I think I (will ever be able to) can do it. Also, once upon a time you asked me what my secrets were. To be honest, I am just determined. I have (had) 3 life goals. One is complete. I finished my first novel. My second is to lose all this dang weight and now I am determined as hell to do it. My third and final goal will take forever because it is literally to see my daughters grow up happy healthy and successful. Something I have a huge part in but not total control over like the other two things. As for what I physically do to lose weight. I eat a lot of Lean Cuisines and nothing else . . . one Lean Cuisine per meal with maybe a side salad and low fat dressing. Not much else. I don’t snack and I don’t let myself wander into the kitchen unnecessarily. I dance to JUST DANCE, a Wii game and walk when the weather here permits.

Secretia – Thanks for your comments. My calories definitely fluctuate and your confirming that an occasional low day will help was very encouraging.

Thank you for your comments and support Veronica Lee, Onewhocares, Jenny Lincoln, Jenn, Kristen, Natalia, September Mom and Miss Chunky Chick

Kristen – Thank you for your idea of putting diet soda into ice trays. That is fabulous and had never heard of it before you suggested it. I did it the other day and OMG – a fabulous calorie free snack! Thank you!!

Nancy Marie – I wish you a ton of success in your weight loss Journey too!! And I’m following your blog. Sometimes I am not able to comment as much as I’d like to because of my little one’s and their need for attention (can you believe that? Kids wanting their mom’s attention? LOL) Anyway, I’m following your journey too. Here’s too weightloss!!

Thank you to Scarlet Simple, Blossom and Cookie girl for confirming that I did not go over my calories. With being so fresh and new into this weightloss thing, sometimes you freak out over every calorie and its nice when fellow ‘losers’ bring you back to reality.

Natalia – How do you feel about my current layout/template/thingy… ? and thank you again for all your kind words.

Jaime aka Fatchick- My sister by name! LOL – I know the feeling of being the only one in the house making a change. Currently I live with my mom who is a little overweight but doesn’t need to lose anything close to what I do, my skinny butt sister, and my growing girls so I am constantly surrounded by yummy, sometimes fattening, sometimes sugary, sometimes greasy yummies that I’m not allowed to touch and who EVERYONE seems to want to eat in front of me. Thankfully my mom understands the struggle and always asks me if I mind if she eats ________ in front of me. Kudos to you too for starting your weight loss journey. I am now following your blog as well.

Scarlet - I hadn’t even thought about the pizza. You’re a genius. I completely overlooked it and it just happens to have the most acidity of any of the foods I ate with all those tomatoes!! Thank you thank you! I now know what to avoid in order to keep the GERD at bay! Thank you also for the compliment. I definitely don’t feel beautiful now – I did then . . . but that’s what this journey is all about right? Finding our inner beauty and making it come outward by keeping ourselves healthy… right?? Yeah, still convincing myself too. LOL

THE END

Yes, that means this post is done. So why are you still reading. Is it because you still see words scrawling across the screen. Well, you know just because there are words on the screen doesn’t mean they are saying anything important. I mean look at the speeches by our . . . never mind. In any case, this post really is done now. So go . . . shoo . . . go exercise (if you haven’t). . . or eat something (if you need to). . . or read another blog (cuz you know you will!) Talk atcha soon MAH PEOPLE!

The Fat Chick

Monday, January 18, 2010

That All Too Familiar Burn

For the last 2 years and 7 months I have been experiencing heartburn. Why? It started in June of 2007 when I got pregnant for the first time. My body immediately knew something was different and my stomach began making more acid that decided to back up into my esophagus and mouth giving me GERD (Gastro esophogial reflux disease)also known as acid reflux. Anyway, I miscarried my baby in August but my body continued on making the extra acid regardless. Gee thanks, stupid body. Not bad enough I just lost my baby but you're going to burn the shit hell heck outta my esophagus and throat just to rub salt on the wounds. Thanks. Anyway, I found out on my 23rd birthday (exactly) that I was pregnant again with Buzzy and of course the acid kept on-a-comin'. I lived on ice cream, whole milk and whole chocolate milk to coat my throat and stomach to keep the acid down. It didn't help that already being overweight, I gained 72 lbs with Buzzy. Yes, I had been 280 lbs with the first pregnancy. This is me at 280:

Gained 20 out of mourning when the baby passed, was 300 when I became pregnant with Buzzy. This is me at 300lbs post baby: and gained 72 lbs to give me a grand high total (my highest weight ever) of 372 lbs. Here is a photo of my 9 months pregnant with Buzzy for your enjoyment. With that much weight and my stomach all shoved into my throat anyway, it was no wonder I had such bad acid reflux. Then I became pregnant with Breezely and OMG again with the acid reflux only 10,000 times worse. It was a nightmare. I had to take perscription drugs that didn't even work! Only ice cream and whole milk worked. This is me at 20 weeks (approximately 5 months with Breezely) I only gained 40lbs with her but you'd think I'd gained double with all the acid reflux goin on inside me. After Breezely my eating habits plummeted. After Buzzy I had tried to lose weight and had been motivated to do so. After Breezely I had no motivation for anything and after losing about 20lbs of the 40 gained began to eat like food was going extinct. Hence the reason I began this weight loss journey at 325.
The good news is that since eating well and exercising, I haven't had ANY GERD to speak of. None, zippo, zilch. Nada. Until tonight. Here is what I ate today (as before mentioned in my previous post)

A 2% milk no whip latte - 190 cals
Side Salad from McDonalds with non fat italian dressing - 80 cals
Margarita Pizza Lean Cuisine - 300 cals
1 bowl of minestrone soup - Less than 200 cals
2 slices of french bread - 300 cals (wow, wasted a lot of cals there)

I think it was the soup that caused the GERD. All those veggies at once alongside tomatoes. Note to self - no more homemade minestrone soup no matter how good it is for you, how fabulous it tastes or how few calories are in it. It makes you feel icky!!!

Okay, and on that note I just realized I have only eaten 1070 calories today. That's a little low, so I think even though I have my 8:00 rule I may go eat a 140 calorie skinny cow ice creamsandwich. I've been having a sweet craving anyway.

And that, dear readers, is all I got for now. I am gonna go put Buzzy in her bed (she fell asleep in mine) take a shower and um... sleep read more blogs. Talk atcha soon!

The Fat Chick

McDonalds Struggle

I didn't actually have to struggle deciding if I was going to eat McDonald's today. No, that was easy because nothing was bought for me. Instead I ate a Lean Cuisine and a side salad with non-fat dressing from McDonalds. The struggle was watching my 19 month old eat chicken nuggets and my mom (the purchaser of the disgustingly greasy, fattening, murderous yummy goodness) eat her burger and smell the french fries. I admit MceeD's french fries are not my favorite but they smell sooooo good. It was torture watching them eat that crap and then even bigger torture when Buzzy only ate 3 of the 4 chicken nuggets and only 1/4 of her fries. My old self would have downed the leftovers faster than you could say McDonalds but my new self restrained her viscous desire to consume everything in front of her and instead ate my Lean Cuisine Margarita Pizza trying to savor it and make every bite taste as good as I knew it was good for me in comparison to the heart attack in a bag that my mom was feeding herself and my daughter. Now that I put it that way, I'm thinking Buzzy probably shouldn't be eating it either. UGH! The good news is she doesn't eat it very often.

Now tonight my aunt is making homemade minestrone soup. Uh oh, I smell another sodium bomb. UGH! The good news is that tonight takes the place of Wednesday dinner with the grandfolks so maybe I will be able to avoid the sodium bombs as I get closer to my Friday weigh in. I am hoping, as usual to have lost a minimum of 2lbs but if it's more than that's great. (who would complain at more, right?)

Now, the results of my photo.
I got a range of guesses in age from early twenties to my current age (25) all the way up to 30. (Gee, thanks... j/k. I know I look older) Anyway that photo was taken 4 days ago on January 13th. So, I was and am 25. As for my weight, would you all believe that day at my morning weigh in I weighed 313lbs? The guesses on my weight were all below 175. I wish the rest of my body could keep up with my upper torso. After my waist I swear it all just explodes. I'm not what you might call proportionate by any means.

The reason I posted this picture is because (aside from the bags and black circles that motherhood has bestowed upon me) I have always been told I have 'such a pretty, young, thin face... Well, I want to move past 'such a pretty, thin face' to a pretty thin me. I don't want people to just look at my face anymore. I want them to look at me as a whole package and go wow, she's pretty or beautiful or attractive or at least not repulsive and fat. This is one of my goals. I don't want to just be a 'pretty face', I want to be a 'pretty me'. ALL OF ME.

This is 1 pound of disgusting brown fat. I am 15 pounds down. 15 of these. That's disgusting and I am glad to be rid of it. 160 more of these to go, though. That's not daunting.

The Fat Chick

Comments on the New Layout

Do you like it, or did you like my old one better? Let me know. I will be posting my actual age and my actual weight at the time the picture in the post below this one was taken. I think you'll all be surprised. Maybe not by the age, but by the weight. :)

I'm sure I'll also have more to post later today.

But for now I shall bid you adieu. What does that mean anyway? Au revoir is goodbye... adieu. Anyone know?

The Fat Chick

Photo Time



Okay, 2 questions about this photo.

How old was I when I took it (ie. how old do I look?)

&

How much do I look like I weigh?

Just curious to the answers.

Thanks

The Fat Chick

Sunday, January 17, 2010

What They've Said

Nikki at Ramblings of My Weight Loss Journey inspired me to write this post. I encourage you all to visit her blog and give a shout out.

I have been overweight since the dawn of time, my time that is and that is 25 years of being fat. Ok, I'll admit that until 9th grade I was only chubby, but I was never thin. From early childhood I viewed the slight lower bulge below my bellybutton as hideous and I'm not sure why. Maybe things were said of it, about it. I don't remember though. Maybe I blocked it out. Too painful? In any case, with being overweight come name calling, teasing and so many other hurtful experiences in life. I would never change how I grew up. The way I was is what has made me who I am today and has let me to this journey where I will lose my fat suit, but sometimes I wonder what it would have been like not to be called names in school. What it would have been like to be thin, accepted... (((sigh)))

Which brings me to the crux of this post. Things kids/family/adults/friends etc have said about my weight from the beginning of MY time.

- Chubby/fat/pudgy/cow/pig/piggy/Miss Piggy

- In 7th grade I was at my locker and the 8th grader whose locker was beside mine had a bunch of car photos taped to the inside of the door. I said, 'wow you sure do like cars, don't you?' and he responded with, 'wow, you sure like to eat, don't you?'

- Also in junior high (which grade escapes me) the boy I liked had one of his friends tip me and when I started to fall down he ran to keep me upright all the while yelling, 'don't let her fall we already have a grand canyon.'

- In high school I was walking down the sidewalk out of the school campus and an older student said, 'to the side everyone! to the side! Wide load coming through!' and then as I passed he made the beeping noise of a large truck backing up.

There were days during my younger youth that I would go home and cry. There were days that I would sit, dumbfounded at my desk in school and on my bed at home wondering 'why me?'. Why did they have to be so mean to me?

At home my grandpa always reiterated how I needed to walk like a gazelle because I'm a lady, not an elephant.

I have to say though, what hurt me most and probably because it's the truth is when my gramma says 'you need to lose weight because you can't leave your babies.' This just makes me angry. Not at her. At myself. I will get healthy! I will not die and lose my babies because I had an eating problem. No way! No how! Hence this blog and it's content and the success thus far! I will be a healthy fit mom and I will not die at 25 years old of a heart attack or a stroke or anything else associated with obesity! I refuse!

This gives me an idea. I think I may start a - somethin'- don't know what to call it yet, but a movement of sorts. I WILL NOT BE A VICTIM OF MY WEIGHT AND I WILL NOT BE A VICTIM OF FOOD. or something to that extent. I'm going to think on it and let you know if I come up with something fabulous OR if you have ideas, dish em out!! :)

Always (but soon not to be)
The Fat Chick

Wahoozy!

This morning I weighed myself. I told you all that I wasn't going to weigh myself but every Friday anymore but as we ALL know, habits are hard to break. I figure if I feel the urge to weigh myself in place of the compulsion to open the fridge or pantry than I'll take the former. In any case, I lost another pound! Wahoozy!! That means only 11 more pounds to hit my first short term goal of being under 300 and a total weight loss of 26 lbs when I get there. Oh, and like my commenters noted and I definitely agree with, there was a ton of sodium in my intake today so I probably won't be weighing tomorrow, unless my OCD takes over.

As for the pictures I had asked about taking, I think I am going to start 2 Fridays from now. I'll be a month into the weight-loss but that is when I'm going to start and I will take a photo every 2 or 4 weeks. I haven't decided yet, and post them here. Yay!

Okay, I have been a very bad weight loss buddy and haven't commented on people's blogs in a couple days so off I go into blogger-dom . . . Talk atcha later!

The Fat Chick

Too Much or Just Enough?

I did a not so good thing today, at least I think. Today we celebrated my grandpas' birthdays and there was a shitbutt-load of fattening yummy food there. I want your opinions though. I didn't eat anything this morning in anticipation of over eating just a little. So I did pretty well while I was there. This is what I ate:

A fresh burger with a slice of cheese over it. No bun, no condiments.

A slice of a dill pickle.

2 slices of tomato.

And a 1/2 cup of pasta salad made with macaroni noodles, cubed cheese, cubed ham, red onion, celery and mixed with miracle whip.

For dessert they had blackberry cobbler which I had a small slice of with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and a cup of coffee with creamer. (no sugar)

So, I decided that I wouldn't eat anything else today because I was/am positive that I met or exceeded my calories. (1500?)

Then we got home and Buzzy (yes, you will find I use her as my excuse a lot) wanted some of that macaroni salad and so of course I had to have some. In total I probably had another 2 cups of this macaroni heaven madness.

So, in your opinion do you think I totally bombed? Ate just a few too many calories? Ate about the right amount of calories? Or ate under my calories. I tried using Calorieking.com to decipher the calories but there are so many options for any one food that its difficult to choose which one to use and they all have different serving sized and calorie quantities. So YOU tell me!

The Fat Chick

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Mama Bankie Peas

My daughter, Buzzy (I'm sure you all know that her name isn't actually Buzzy, that's just what we call her - a shortened form of buzzabuoy)asked me for her bankie (blankie as I'm sure you can translate) Her blankie is blue and about 5 ft wide by 7 ft long (walmart special) Anyhoo, I was washing her blankie because her diaper leaked last night and well, you get the idea. It was a mess. So, as you can surmise, I am doing laundry. I just finished a load of my clothes and am hanging them up. Well, I have a blue t-shirt that while not the same in texture is the exact shade blue as Buzzy's blankie. Now, I'll admit, it was probably by color and color only that Buzzy said and did what she said and did next but it still hurt my fat-ass-ego. While tugging on my XXX sized T-shirt she says, 'mama, bankie peas' - Mama give me my blanket. I've been asking you for the damn thing all morning and you keep telling me you're washing it but here it is! - well that's what I heard. I can't believe I wear clothes large enough that my daughter mistakes them for her bankies. :( It was a sad moment in my Fat life... yes, yes it was.

The Fat Chick
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