Sunday, February 28, 2010

BEST LAID PLANS AND WHO THE HELL TURNED ON THE HEAT?

BEST LAID PLANS

My best laid plans (as is Murphy's Law) do not always turn out how I want or expect them to. My plans this time, were to start exercising today (yesterday really, but that didn't happen) and again today it didn't happen for the same reason. Breezely on one hand is getting better. She is coughing less and less and she isn't wheezing anymore and she's only a little gurgly every now and then. Buzzy on the other hand hasn't eaten barely ANYTHING in almost 5 days now. She vomits all the medicine I give her for her ear infection and when she isn't vomiting that up, she is either coughing so hard she cries, or crying so hard she coughs and THEN vomits. Needless to say, it isn't a good idea to take her outside in the rain/ick/yuck weather and with all my running about trying to keep both girls content, happy and comfortable I don't have time to really do any formal exercise inside either. Although I DO do about 50-75 jumping jacks every day and I try to get my 'butt walks' in, even if they're just for a few minutes in between naps and tantrums and coughing and vomiting and diaper changing and meal making and laundry doing. But I have to say it, 'MAMA'S TIRED!'

WHO THE HELL TURNED ON THE HEAT?

I was under the impression that as a general rule a heavy person stays warmer than a thin person and gets hotter faster because not only do they have the extra body mass to keep them warm but when doing physical activity it takes extra effort for the heart to pump blood to all that mass exerting more energy etc etc etc. Yada yada. Apparently, though, I don't fall in this category. It appears to be that the more weight I lose, the warmer my resting body temperature is and the quicker I am to warm up and then sweat when doing physical activity. What the Heck?!?! I am almost reminded of my pregnancies where everyone in the room was comfortable, bordering on cool and there I was, dressed in as little as was decent, not moving even an inch and sweating like a friggin faucet was shoved up my butt and attached to all my pores. I don't get it. Is it me? Is it the weight loss? Does it have anything to do with my weight at all or is it just my body chemistry? Cuz let me tell you, regardless of how fat or how thin I am, I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE TO BE HOT. I HATE TO SWEAT. I HATE IT!! I endure it during exercise because it is expected but when I am sitting on my bed folding clothes I resent every pore in my body that feels THIS is the time to perspire. This is the time I'll get this random 'hot flash'. And yes, that is exactly what it feels like. A FRIGGIN HOT FLASH! I feel like saying to my body, 'hello, you're not pregnant anymore and you're only 25! Long ways off from menopause so just knock this shit off already!' Then again if I actually had this conversation with my body I think I'd have bigger problems to be worried about than my body temperature (ie mental state?)

Anyway, so my plan for tonight was to blog, write a chapter or so in my novel, maybe play a computer game and hit the pillow. It took one hell of a long time a lot longer than expected to get Buzzy asleep so the chapter writing is out, the game playing is out and so I am almost finished blogging and my pillow is calling sweet come hither whispers to me. I hear you pillow and you can bet your soft feathery wonderfulness that I am looking very forward to our date.

K, I've officially lost it.

SO I'M OUT.

The Fat Chick

Saturday, February 27, 2010

COMPLIMENTS - NEW COMMITMENT - COMMANDO

Today I was told by my (ex) husband AND my mom that they just COULDN'T BELIEVE how much weight I'd lost. Rather, how much weight it LOOKS like I've lost. My ex left it at that but my mom went on to elaborate that I no longer look 'fat' but more just chunky.

Side note: My mom is overweight as well and I have no problem with her telling me I look huge, fat, horrile, ugly whatever. Just so no one furrows their brow and thinks, 'you're mom insinuated that she thought you were fat and you're okay with this?'

It made me feel good to hear this, as with these last few days of sick kids I have been less than diligent on meticulously counting calories. I haven't binged, or overeaten to any significant degree, I just haven't been careful either. So, now that today is over I have decided tomorrow I am recommitting myself to eating low cal, with a high cal day thrown in there to keep my metabolism guessing. As soon as my girls are well I'll be jumping out into the exercise world and I will lose at least 3 lbs this next Friday. I am determined to be 250 ( is that too big a goal ) by June 6th. Buzzy's 2nd birthday.

Tonight, long story short, Buzzy threw up all over me and I had to take an impromptu shower. I realized to my horror that I didn't have any clean underwear. Now, when I was 18 until I was about 22 I went commando 24/7. I think I owned 2 pair of underwear for TOM and that was it. So, it has been a good 2+ years since I have NOT worn underwear and sitting here in my jammies, with no panties makes me feel . . . wrong.

Especially being the size I am.

I wonder if in a year when I am at or close to my goal weight and if I get myself in the same situation if I will feel as icky going commando or if my new body and new self esteem will make it not that big a deal. Thoughts?

Time for shut eye.

The Fat Chick

Friday, February 26, 2010

FRIDAY WEIGH NUMBER 8

I lost one pound and I ... couln't ... be ... more ... relieved. I was so worried after last night's tacos 'al pastor' that I made that I would have gained weight from all the sodium. This is what they looked like and yummmm!




Speaking of Mexican food, it is so strange. I lived there for 6 months, ate every-friggin-thing and lost close to 40lbs. The thing is that everything there is 100% natural, farm grown, freshly cultivated, freshly killed with no preservatives, no chemicals and no additives. It's no wonder the majority of Mexicans (in Mexico) are thin. Unfortunately, it is a rare thing to find here where our animals are fed preservatives as well with fillers and the like to plump them up for inexpensively. Here we have to answer to the FDA (and while, yes, I appreciate the effort) sometimes I wonder if they actually do us any good at all. They're killing us with unnatural chemical additives to make sure our food is 'sanitary', 'safe', 'edible'. Now, truly, this post is not about complaining about our food here in the States. I love my home, am DAMN PROUD to be an American and wouldn't give that up for anything or all the natural food in the world. BUT, I do wonder if half the obese population wouldn't be obese if our food supply was as fresh and 'natural' as that of the food in Mexico. Would we have less kinds of cancers? Less disease? In Mexico I heard of people dying of 3 things. Diabetes (they do eat a friggin' buttload of sugar there), under educated doctor's treatments gone awry and old age. There was no talk of all these strange diseases/cancers/syndromes etc that we have here in the states and whether that is food related or not, I have no idea. But it is something to ponder.

On another note, as soon as my girls are over their brochialitis and ear infections (because, yes, now Buzzy has an ear infection) I am going to really get down and dirty about exercising every day. Monday, Wednesday and Friday I want to walk at least 3 miles but I'm aiming at 5. Tuesday and Thursday I will simply do my jumping jacks and 'butt walking' at home and then on saturday and sunday I guess the plans are up in the air depending on what everyone's plans are around me. But I'll be doing sumpin sumpin! Even if it's just Wii-ing.

Now, I am off to dream. So tired. Sick toddler and infant make me so tired. Night world.

The Fat Chick

Thursday, February 25, 2010

BREAK

WORKING ON MY BOOK TONIGHT. THE FANTASY LAND OF MY DREAMS CALLS WHERE CREATURES THAT DON'T EXIST DO, ENEMIES BECOME LOVERS, LOVERS BECOME ENEMIES AND BEYOND IT ALL THERE IS A VAMPIRE DOING THE BIDDING OF THE DEVIL. ((evil cackle? LOL) BACK TOMORROW FOR RESULTS OF MY 8TH WEIGH IN. WISH ME LUCK AS I HAD A BIT TOO MUCH SODIUM TODAY. HOPE IT DOESN'T AFFECT THINGS. ((SIGH))

UNTIL TOMORROW.

THE FAT CHICK

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

IT CAUGHT UP WITH ME


I wasn't going to post tonight because as I mentioned earlier, I wanted to get started on my 2nd book, and I will. In a moment. I needed to explain something that happened today. Something that I have never eaten well long enough to have to endure.

Now, most people think, well what is the toughest thing you can endure besides not being able to eat what you want and as much as you want? What is tougher than enduring the sugar and salt cravings and the chocolate withdrawal headaches?

I'll tell you.

I don't know if this happens to everyone but for someone who used to eat emotionally, like me, I am thinking it probably will sometime in their journey to lose weight, eat well and be healthy. Now, not all people have children either, but my emotional distress manifested itself directly at my children.

If you haven't read previous posts you wouldn't know that Breezely (my 6 month old) is sick with brochialitis. New news on the baby front is that now Buzzy (my 20 month old) is now getting sick as well. So, needless to say last night was no fun, between one baby unable to breathe, wheezing, hacking, coughing and every ten seconds spitting out her binky and the other waking because her nose is draining into her throat (choking her), or because she has a low grade fever and is cold or because she simply hears her baby sister coughing and it is interrupting her sleep. . . well, let's just say Mama had a rough night.

This morning it did not get better. Upon waking (AT 6AM) my oldest informed me she had poopies. Now normally I would change her and lay back down. She would play or watch Dora and Breezely and I would continue our peaceful slumber. Not this morning. No, this morning I was not allowed to lay back down. My attempt at a bit of rest was answered with tortured sobs, frustrated wails and rebellious screams.

It didn't go better as the hours of the morning passed. Buzzy would scream and holler and throw a monstrous temper tantrum for every 'no', every 'please pick up your toy', or 'please say sorry for hitting your sister', or 'don't touch that please'. There was no winning. She rebelliously extracted every diaper wipe from it's plastic container, not only strewing them about the room but making the carpet sopping wet.

At 8AM I texted my mom. My text said,

'I NEED A BREAK. I'M GOING INSANE'

Now, this all may seem comical but in reality it was the catalyst to what later would be my massive meltdown. Going through the gory details of the rest of the day would be pointless except to those who take pleasure in other's misery and I don't wish to relive the events so I won't write them. But by this evening I wanted to pull my hair out of my head. All I could do was sit and stare at the wall while Buzzy screamed and hollered (for what reason I still don't know) At that moment I didn't care why she was screaming. I didn't care if I fixed it. I knew she wasn't hurt. I knew she didn't need a diaper change and I knew she wasn't hungry. And so I sat and stared. I was sad, frustrated, depressed and tired.

You may wonder what this has to do with eating well, getting healthy etc. Well, this is where I'll tell you. You see, before I began this journey I ALWAYS had food to turn to. No matter how monotonous or boring or frustrating or even depressing life got, I always had food to turn to, to comfort me. In the situations of today I would have dealt with the screaming baby and turned to a gallon of ice cream once she was content. Partially in celebration of fixing her, and partially to comfort myself. To reward myself. I simply don't turn to food now. I simply don't reward myself or celebrate with food now nor do I allow myself to drown my emotions in it and today my emotions did not know how to react to not being placated by food. So, I think I momentarily went numb.

This may sound bad but I think it's actually good. Soon, I will be able to realize my emotions and express them well without turning to food, or expecting food to fix them. Soon, food will not rule my life. Already, I have changed my habits and in the words of ETL of Eat to Live in 2010 I am now eating to live and not living to eat. THANK GOD!

The Fat Chick

THE BUTT WALK + QUESTIONS + AWARDS

Okay, remember how I have foot issues?
I found an exercise that does not utilise my feet and yet I get just as good a workout as walking if not better!!

Check this out:



I did this last night for about 5 minutes and it works your thighs, hips, butt, waist and arms. OMFG!!!! And it was fun and if you're a mama you can do it with your kids. They get a kick out of it. So, now I'm gonna go around my house on my butt. LOL

Also, it seems like all the cool kids are doing it lately and even though I have never been much of a follower, I think I will this time. I get several questions in text, comment and e-mail form. But now you can go HERE to ask me anything you'd like and I'll make a post with your question as soon as their are enough to make a substantial post out of. I will keep it ongoing so don't be afraid to ask me anything.

I'd like to thank Alexandra at Adventures of a DONE Girl Named Alex & Kelley at Happy Texans for the sunshine award. Unfortunately, I don't have the time right now to follow the directions entailed but I did want to thank BOTH of them for nominating me. That was so sweet.

And now I must bid you all adieu. I am starting the sequel to my first novel tonight (thus the blog post mid-afternoon). I'd like to have it partially done in case my literary agent ever gets back to me. Prayers would totally ROCK!!

The Fat Chick

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

THEORY of a FAT CHICK

Kelly from http://happytexans.blogspot.com hit the nail on the head regarding my theory as to why I was losing followers. I'm not going to 'follow up' to see if my theory is indeed correct but it is mine (and Kelly's) that the followers I lost may have been people who 'fell off the wagon' and deleted their blogs. ((shrugs))

In any case, today is a gray gloomy day in Washington. I was so loving the sun and the fresh air and the lack of rain. I was enjoying taking walks in the sun sans rain coat or stroller protector. I was enjoying taking Buzzy to the park to go on the 'mings' (her Buzz-ish for swings) And now the gray clouds have rolled back in, bringing gloom 'n' yuck along with them. I am feeling very unmotivated today. I don't wanna exercise, I don't wanna do chores, I don't wanna go to the grocery store and I DO want to eat. Doesn't help that TOM is still here. Almost gone, but still here and the MUNCHIES are killing me! It's okay, though. I will defeat them and have thus far.

On my zig zag of calories, today is a high calorie day so I'm going to keep my cals under 1800. Low cal days are 1500 or less. I am doing a schedule of 2-3 low cal days followed by 1-2 high cal days and so on and so forth. We'll see how this little expiriment works. So far I am at 1100 for breakfast, lunch and snack, which means 700 more alotted. Not a ton, but I'll survive.

The Fat Chick

NOT ONLY LOSING WEIGHT AROUND HERE

I find it a bit comical that the day before yesterday, I announced I was going to take a week off. Yesterday, pre-blogging I noticed I had a new follower but that the number of followers had remained the same which I am assuming means I have also LOST a follower. Then this morning when I came to check out comments and read some blogs I saw that I LOST another follower. Hmmm, interesting. I have a theory . . . more on that later.

The Fat Chick

Monday, February 22, 2010

MUST'VE BEEN KIDDING MYSELF

Along with the other habits I have made in these past weeks, one of them is blogging and I must have been kidding myself when I thought I could 'take a break'. Ahem, yeah right. What else would I do while my girls are falling into dreams of pink elephants and cotton candy kisses?? Who else could I talk to at nearly 9PM who wouldn't either just roll their eyes or yawn with boredom? Why wouldn't I blog? I thought I was too overwhelmed. I thought I had too much on my plate but by adding blogging into my schedule I have found that it reduces 'the portion sizes' on my plate to more tolerable sizes because I am able to load some off vent to you all.

So, here I am. I couldn't even go one day and therefore I am awarding myself the Compulsive Blogger Award. Take it if you are a compulsive blogger also, link back to me (PRETTY PLEASE)tell your readers to take it from you (because it's not polite to accuse someone of compulsive blogging, even if you know it to be true) and then name 5 more things you do compulsively and you are not afraid to admit it.
1. I compulsively make sure all my clothes are arranged as such when hanging in my closet- pants with pants, next short sleeved shirt, next long sleeved shirt, next nice shirts, next sweatshirts, next jackets and then dresses. Don't mess up my mojo people, I get grumpy!

2. I compulsively straighten the toes of my socks (and my girls' socks as well) so that the seam is over my (their) toes. It must be directly over the toes or I have a hissy fit.

3. I compulsively think of all the bad things that could happen to someone I love when they leave for an extended amount of time because my theory is 'horrible things always come by surprise so if I have already thought if it, it won't happen'.

4. I compulsively 'wring' my hair to pull out any loose hairs (and non-loose hairs)

5. I compulsively still turn to food when I need comfort, although I have a new mechanism that allows me to make better comfort choices before anything actually reaches my mouth.



Random fact of the day:

I FORGOT TO WEIGH MYSELF THIS MORNING? CAN I HEAR A 'SAY WHAT?'
I am like the queen of unofficial weighs. I HAVE to see how the scale fluctuates. It's a compulsion and I'm not afraid nor embarrassed to admit it, but today. . . oh today . . . I forgot poor Murphy and there was no one to stand upon him. Tomorrow will probably be a different story.

Food log for today:

BREAKFAST - IHOP 2 X 2 X 2 + COFFEE W/ CREAM = 500 CALS

LUNCH - 3 PIECES OF CHICKEN FROM A LEAN CUISINE (YUCK) + 1/3 CUP EGG SALAD + 100 CAL PACK = 263 CALS

DINNER - LEAN CUISINE CANNELLONI = 240 CALS

SNACK - KETTLE CORN = 75 CALS

TOTAL = 1,118 - YIKES A LITTLE LOW???


NOW for a question:

You see how my snack was Orville Redenbacher's kettle corn (30% less sodium) Well, I can't find an online pic of the ingredient label and when I take a pic it comes out all fuzzy. Anyway, I read it as an entire bag of popcorn is 75 cals (30 cals per cup of popped popcorn with 2.5 cups per bag?) I had my mom and sister read it too and they got the same thing. Can I get your opinions please? Does this sound right or way low? I mean, I'm confused. It gives popped and unpopped calories. Seriously people! Who in their right mind eats UNPOPPED POPCORN??? JEESH!!


FEET NEWS

I had my feet checked out today. Looks like I have plantars fascitis in both feet. YIKES.



In case you don't know what Plantars Fascitis is, it is that pain in the bottom of your foot that especially hurts first thing in the morning when you try to get out of bed and stand on it, or after sitting for awhile. It is caused by wounding the tough fascia connective tissue on the bottom of your foot. This band runs from your heel to the ball of your foot. It supports your arch and it transmits your weight across the bottom of the foot with each step you take. If the plantar fascia gets bruised or over-stretched, the inflammation causes the heel and foot pain. It can also get partially detached from the heel and a calcium deposit can form - a heel spur. So now I have to go buy arch supports, heal cushions and make sure I only walk 'every other day' as per doctor's orders with alternating days of swimming or biking. Problem is, I have no bike and no pool.

So,

+


=





The Fat Chick

Sunday, February 21, 2010

OVERWHELMED

Sick baby
Cranky toddler
Painful feet
Irritating people
Stupid Big Wheel
Ex-Husband
= one very OVERWHELMED WOMAN

And for this reason, I am going to take a little hiatus from blogging.

NO,

I'm not quitting
I'm still counting calories
Still exercising
Still going to blog in the future

But for this week (and maybe not even this whole week if I suddenly feel inspired to blog) I am going to take a mini vacay from blogging. :)

Until Friday and my 8TH WEIGH IN, or sooner if the urge overcomes me.

The Fat Chick

Saturday, February 20, 2010

LIES, ALL LIES

Thank you Phil for this creative writing award. I suggest you all visit Phil's blog A View to a Phil. He is funny and inspirational and like many of us, on a long journey. Here's to you Phil!



Here are the rules of the award:

1. Thank the person who gave this to you.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated you.
4. Tell up to six outrageous lies about yourself, and at least one outrageous truth.
5. Nominate seven "Creative Writers" who might have fun coming up with outrageous lies.
6. Post links to the seven blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know you nominated them.

I nominate the following blogs this award:

1. Nikki at http://wlramblings.blogspot.com/
2. Crystal at http://www.byebyefatpants.com/
3. Jo at http://firming.blogspot.com/
4. Alex at http://axm1986.blogspot.com/
5. Nicole at http://fattofitorsomethinglikethat.blogspot.com/
6. Lisa at http://inweighovermyhead.blogspot.com/
7. Chunky Chick at http://chunkychickgetstiny.blogspot.com/

Now for some lies, and one truth...

1. I've jumped out of an airplane
2. I have endured real torture methods
3. I speak 6 languages
4. I have a third boob
5. I have had 3 digits severed in an accident but they were reattached
6. I can hold my breath under water for 90 seconds
7. I have driven down the highway in a car that was on fire

Can anyone guess which of these statements is true? Huh, can ya can ya?

Sorry, I am so tired. I have nothing left in me for more in my post. Until tomorrow world.

The Fat Chick

Friday, February 19, 2010

THE ZIG ZAG LOSS

A while back I had read about zig zagging calories. I realized today when I ate approximately 1700 that I have been doing this. After researching how to zig zag calories and such I found that this is probably what allowed me to lose 3lbs this week!!

Edited to add: The impressive thing about a 3lb loss, aside from my mini meltdown about thinking I was plateau-ing, today is that my best friend TOM decided to make the monthly visit last night.

I am now up to 30 lbs lost. Oh hell yeah, and only 10 more pounds till my 2nd picture will be posted in the Fat Chick Slim Gallery. Yay! My fattest pictures are getting lonely and depressed.

Other than the reporting of the loss, I don't have much to report. Sorry guys. Off to read your blogs and rest. Nighty Night!

The Fat Chick

Thursday, February 18, 2010

IT LOVES ME, IT LOVES ME NOT, IT LOVES ME . . .

I think I am going to name my scale Murphy. Why you ask? Because it is Murphy's Law that 'Anything that can go wrong will go wrong' as is true most often when it comes to my scale.

Except for today. Today Murphy's little law didn't apply. Today Murphy loved me.

Remember yesterday's post about eating a shitbutt load of calories for dinner? Remember my last musings that even though I had finally broken the 298 barrier and hit 297 that today Murphy would surely say I'd gained back a couple pounds? Well, Murphy was very affectionate this morning. He (because, yes, I believe my scale is a he) seduced me from my bedroom, singing his sweet come hither song that only I can hear and when I cringed as I stood upon him (sounds wrong) holding my breath 'sucking it in' and peered down at his white and gray face he smiled sweetly and the number he whispered back at me was still 297!! Holy hell! How is that possible?!?! Forget that!! Who cares how it's possible?? Murphy doesn't lie and has proven that on trillions of occasions in my life.

Now, the question is what will he say tomorrow at Friday's Weigh in? Will he still whisper sweet nothings of shrinking fat, building lean muscle and dropping numbers in my ear or will his sweet demeanor change into a red horned devil with a pitchfork threatening to stab my gelatinous fat because the numbers weren't good enough this week? Paint's a picture huh? ((shivers))

In any case, I did really well today. Here is today's food log.

Breakfast - Coffee w/ cream + muffin = 210 cals

Lunch - Lean cuisine pesto chicken panini + 1 whole grape fruit + 100 cal pack of choco covered pretzels = 536 cals

Dinner - My specialty salad including lettuce, crumbled tortilla chips, 2 TBSP ranch, 1/3 cup salsa, 3 slices of cut up ham, sliced cucumber and shredded carrots = 520 cals

Dessert - Skinny cow ice cream sandwich - 140 cals

For a grand total of -1,476 cals today

WHOOT WHOOT!!

I also walked approximately 4 miles today (even though my foot was KILLING ME)

Speaking of my foot. I don't know if I have mentioned this here before or not (I'm sure I have at one time or another) but my arch has fallen in my right foot and I think my left one is on it's way in that direction too. The right one was due to the increased amounts of the hormone relaxin due to 2 years worth of 3 pregnancies. (Try to wrap your mind around that one, LOL) Anyhoo, I can barely do anything without it feeling as though I have daggers in my feet. If I am off of them for too long it takes at least 1/2 hour before the pain subsides once I put pressure on them. If I stand on them for too long, oh dear lord the pain is unexplainable in either of the two languages that I know. So, needless to say further, the pain tolerance has finally disappeared and tomorrow I am going to have my feet checked out. Bad feet are almost hereditary in my family (I say almost because I don't know if that is medically possible) but in any case I just hope the Dr. can prescribe something for me like medicine or therapy or something and not surgery. My mom who has similar problems only on a much more severe scale was told the only solution was surgery. YIKES!! But I can't live like this. Not with two little ones so it needs to be fixed. Prayers and/or well wishes are much appreciated depending on your beliefs. Thank you!

One last thing. All the comments, e-mails and texts I received after that crappy e-mail I got yesterday really made me feel, well, elated and loved and really really grateful for you who support me. You have no idea how overwhelmed I was with the outpouring of encouragement. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.

The Fat Chick

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING MORE PRODUCTIVE TO DO?

This was the title of an e-mail I received today.

The body of the e-mail in not so few words told me I was fat, lazy, hypocrite who preaches healthy eating and exercise but sits around on my fat ass blogging 24/7.

When I clicked reply and responded to it, I found that the e-mail address had been deleted.

Now, I don't know about most of my readers but I don't consider running after a feisty 20 month old from 8AM-8PM, dealing with an ever growing and teething 6 month old when I'm not running around and even sometimes when I am, making breakfast lunch and dinner for everyone, cleaning the house, re-cleaning the house the zillion times it is messed up by aforementioned 20 month old, changing dirty diapers, doing all the dishes, doing all the laundry (which is never ending) and doing it ALL BY MYSELF lazy. Maybe it is, but if that's so I think Webster needs the heads up. In addition, if sitting down once my children are asleep to blog for about an hour or two consists of sitting on my fat ass all day, then smite me because dear lord I'm guilty!!

I truly don't understand people's needs to berate, belittle and harass people on the internet that they don't even know. Are we in high school again? Oh wait, not even in high school were any of my peers so immature and shady. At least anyone who had shit to say to me, said it to my face. Then on top of that YOU go all CHICKEN SHIT on me and won't even allow me to respond to your idiocy in e-mail. Instead you force me to expose your blatant stupidity here on my blog. Fortunately, I am not easily fazed by people like YOU. I have dealt with imbeciles who feel better because they call me names or insult me all my life and believe me I have been called a whole hell of a lot worse by better people than you so don't think you went and ruined my day. In fact you gave me a pretty awesome post topic. So thanks!!

On another note, thanks to all you fabulous readers who provide good advice/support/comments. I truly appreciate you all.

And to proceed ALL OF THAT, I must admit I did not do so good today eating. At least I don't think I did. I'm going to count up all my calories here and you, my readers will see firsthand my failure (if it is in fact a failure . . . which I am sure it is - at least for the day) So here it is. Today's food log:

BREAKFAST - COFFEE W/CREAM + MUFFIN = 310 CALS

LUNCH - LEAN CUISINE MUSHROOM, SPINACH PANINI - 320 CALS

DINNER (AND THIS IS WHERE THE UH OH, OH NO HAPPENED - I THINK)
Tinga which consists of:
1 boiled chicken breast - 222 cals
2 tomatoes - 66 cals
1/2 red onion - 24
5 TBSP chipotle chiles in adobo sauce
Lettuce - 19
Queso Fresco - 160
Crema - 300
Refried beans - 240
Tostada shells - 480

DESSERT - ANGEL FOOD CAKE + STRAWBERRIES + SUGAR = 133 CALS

FOR A GRAND TOTAL OF 2, 319 CALS

OMG! LOL I have to laugh or I'll cry.

You may be wondering WHAT THE HELL POSSESSED ME TO EAT ALL THAT FOR DINNER. Well, honest to God truth. I don't know 100% sure that my numbers are right. I estimated high because I don't know exactly how much I ate.

You see, Tinga is a Mexican dish that combines boiled and shredded chicken with red onions tomatoes and chipotle chiles. This in and of itself isn't so high in calories. However, they then take a flat tostada shell, lather it in refried beans, add the Tinga to the top then cover that in lettuce, queso fresco (cheese) and crema (Mexican sour cream).

My family requested this for dinner tonight and so I obliged. I THOUGHT I would eat LESS by instead of making individual tostadas by putting a pile of the stuff on my plate and eating it that way. WRONG! I normally could eat approximately 3-4 correctly made tostadas. I think I ate the equivalent of like 6. But again, I'm not sure. Everything was estimated. So now that I have confessed this, tomorrow is back on plan. Back to the grind.

Oh and this morning (of all mornings) I broke the 298 barrier and went down to 297. Yeah, I'm thinking after tonight that won't be what the scale says tomorrow. In any case, I'm off to do some much needed Wii-ing. Much Love.

The Fat Chick

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

**INSERT CHILD-LIKE FLOOR LAYING, FOOT STOMPING, FIST THRASHING TANTRUM HERE**

I don't get it. Okay, I DO get it, sorta but I need it explained to me.

I weighed myself this morning and was at 299. Since Friday's weigh in of 298 my weights has fluctuated daily from there to 299 back to 298 once up to 300 and back down to 299. WT-FRICKIN-F? I know what I am doing differently but is that truly the culprit of the plateau? I didn't expect a plateau so soon! Normally, I at least see a point.something weight loss, but not now. Not this week. Oh no. So here is what I have been doing differently.

You see, since my mom and grandma have been gone to California, my girls and my sister and I have been eating most of our dinners with my grandpa. Mind you he cooks very healthy foods. For example: Last night I had a veggie burger, 1/4 cup rice pilaf, some green beans and a few tortellini pastas (maybe a total of 400 cals) I have NOT been eating my lean cuisine meals at all since they left. But I make sure my lunches are under 400 cals also and my breakfast never ever ever exceeds 400 cals. In fact it rarely exceeds 300 cals. Then I have 1-2 100 cal snacks and I'm plateauing? WT-FRICKIN-F?

I've been Wii-ing like it's going to disappear the next day and I've been doing jumping jacks/island push-ups/and squats so what gives?!?!

I'm truly scared this week for Friday's weigh in that I will not see a loss. I am scared to see I have stayed the same or even worse GAINED? My scale is just that fucked up goofy!

So give me your advice people. Tell me what you see that I am not seeing. Tell me something I don't already know. Please, cuz I'm going batshit crazy nuts here.

I wonder what tomorrow's weight will say (because yes I am a weigh-myself-daily-a-holic) Today I literally could not force myself to consume more than 1010 calories. But I also started eating my Lean Cuisines again. Coincidence? I don't get it.

Thanks in advance.

Edited to add (due to the common comment left) - The sodium in Lean Cuisine meals is actually substantially lower than for example Weight Watcher endorsed Smart Ones and a whole buttload ton less in sodium then what my grandparents cook.

The Fat Chick

Monday, February 15, 2010

I LOST MY PANTS

Okay, maybe not quite yet. But the way my jeans are fitting these days, they certainly feel as though they might fall off which is really an accomplishment, all things considered.

A typical day of getting dressed 2 months ago:


-Open closet
-Gag at the horrid selection in my wardrobe
-Touch the jeans I haven't worn in over 2 years
-Glance at the 5 pairs of black yoga pants that seem to have been my daily uniform from the time I started showing with Buzzy
- Touch the jeans I haven't worn in 2 years again
- Wonder if I tried them on if they'd fit
- Decide probably not
- Look back at the black yoga pants and sigh in exasperation
- Look back to the jeans
- Decide I'll try them
- Gently pull them off the hanger and pray silently that I'll be able to fit into them
- Step into one leg
- Step into the other
- Pull them up
- Oops, they're kinda tight around the hips
- Drag them up and over the fleshy roundness, feel the jean squeeze my skin together unnaturally
- Pray that if I lay down on the bed I'll be able to button and zip them
- Stiffly lie down on the bed and try to pull the two sides together
- No luck
- Try again
- No luck
- Suck it in
- Try again
- Get angry when I still can't get the button inside the hole
- Yank the button toward the hole and finally slip it through
- Yank at the zipper
- Suck it in
(I'm sweating profusely by now)
- Yank the stubborn zipper some more
- Pull the two sides of my jeans together and try to zip the zipper at the same time
- Accidentally zip my underwear into the zipper
- Gingerly pull the zipper back down only as far as it needs to go so as not to let it fly back to the starting position
- When underwear are free yank zipper upward, scraping the metal against my fingers painfully
- Finally zip the damn thing all the way
- Attempt to sit up
- Can't, pants too tight
- Roll over onto my stomach and stiffly extract myself from the bed
- Look at my ENORMOUS muffin top hanging over my too-tight jeans
- Wonder what I was thinking even trying to fit into them
- Ponder, wearing them just because it took so much effort to get them on
- Ultimately decide that breathing is more important than being stubborn
- Struggle to unbutton jeans
- Zipper flies back down so quickly I wanna cry
- Struggle to remove the jeans that are now molded to my skin
(Sweating profusely again)
-Grudgingly throw them into a pile on the closet floor and yank a pair of black yoga pants (that fit me when I was 9 months pregnant) from their hanger and pull them on angrily
-Go about my day feeling defeated


A typical day of getting dressed now:

-Open closet

-Gag at the horrid selection in my wardrobe

-Touch the jeans I haven't worn in over 2 years

-Glance at the 5 pairs of black yoga pants that seem to have been my daily uniform from the time I started showing with Buzzy

- Immediately forget the black yoga pants
- Pull jeans off hanger without second thought
- Pull them on
- Button them
- Zip them
- And hope they don't fall off


Unfortunately I do not have any BEFORE photos. At the time I would have been able to take BEFORE photos, you wouldn't have caught me dead within 100 yards of a camera unless I was behind it.

But I do have AFTER photos. Oh and I'd like to say right now that these are NOT stretch jeans. They are Lane Bryant size 28 flare legged jeans that have NO GIVE WHAT-SO-EVER. Look at all that space front to back and in the legs. The thighs of those jeans used to pinch my skin they were so tight and now look. Makes me feel so proud.







The Fat Chick

Posting via iPhone

This rocks! I can post via my phone. That means I don't have to drag my laptop everywhere. Although I must admit that it takes a bit more effort to text out my thoughts than to type them. What's nice is the auto spellcheck so I don't even really have to think about misspellings! Okay so this was really just a test post and it obviously worked if you are reading this.

That Fat Chick

Valentine Smattering

I'm feeling empty today. I'm feeling as though there should be more, or perhaps like I deserve less. I'm not sure, and in the process I'm not making sense.

Today was my grandpa's funeral. I tried not to think about that.

Today I watched HORRIBLY depressing movie called 'Premonition' with my sister. If you haven't seen it, well it's HORRIBLE. Especially to watch on Valentine's day. You see this woman, Linda Hanson (Sandra Bullock), finds out her husband has died. Then she goes to sleep and every time she wakes up she skips days. Until she finally puts this whole crazy story and list of events together and is able to find her husband to try to stop his death. The problem is (AND THIS IS A SPOILER IN CASE YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW) he dies anyways!! WTF? It's horrible. HORRIBLE I TELL YOU!! Not the movie to watch on Valentine's Day!

Today I spent between 11AM and 3PM with my girls' daddy. I don't know if it was the 'love in the air' or what my problem was but I actually found myself enjoying his company and missing him. He wants us to be together. I don't . . . or didn't . . . No, I still don't. But I do miss him. He bought me a Valentine's Day present. Now for those of you who don't know me, I'm not a romantic. I'm not into fuzzy stuffed animals, sweet chocolates or beautiful flowers. Stuffed animals cause clutter, sweet chocolates make me fat and flowers die. 'Nuff said. And he knew this. So what did he get me? Something I've wanted for a while. An iPhone. Yup, uh huh. An iPhone. AND IT ROCKS!!

In the weightloss portion of my life, I'm doing ok. I keep bobbing back and forth from 298-299-298 on the scale. But on Wii Fit Plus tonight after some hardcore work it was nearing the 297 mark, so here's to hoping I break free of the bouncing numbers.

I will admit I didn't eat as well as I could have/should have today. Although, I didn't eat as poorly as I normally would have either. Here it is in a small tidy nutshell.

Breakfast:

Ihop - coffee with cream/1.5 cups corned beef hash/two eggs over medium/1 cup hashbrowns/one piece dry wheat toast with a bit of jelly

Dinner: (Yep, you read right. I ate no lunch and had only 2 meals today...tsk tsk shame on me)

3oz Tri Tip/ 1.5 cups Pan fried potatoes/3/4 cup green beans

My legs hurt. Wii KILLS my calves. I can barely get up in the middle of the night to go pee. Okay, I know. TMI.

Anyhoo, hope everyone had a wonderful valentines day regardless of situation or relationship status.

The Fat Chick

Saturday, February 13, 2010

ADDICTED

ADDICTION, CRAVING, DEPENDENCE, ENSLAVEMENT, OBSESSION, HABIT, PRACTICE, PREOCCUPATION, HANGUP, QUIRK, WEAKNESS, OR CUSTOM . . . WE ALL HAVE THEM.

I for one have several. Here are a few:

1. Diet soda - I live for diet soda. It is what sates my sweet tooth, my snack cravings and my boredom.

2. My cell phone
- It is amazing that people older than 13 years old in the 90's era didn't keel over from lack of 'texting', 'tweeting' etc. I would be lost without my cell phone. It is a 5th appendage and that is sad.

3. My TV - Okay, I admit it. I am a bad mama. It started out as a silence killer. I needed noise in my house when it was just me and my baby (Buzzy) but as she grew and I became pregnant once again and then later when Breezely was born it became more of a babysitter.

ie: Mommy has to wash the dishes. No I can't hold you while I wash the dishes. Go play with your toys. Stop screaming at me please. Go play with your toys. And then finally I would give up and just plop her in front of the TV. Now-a-days that is what she expects and now I can't get her away from it. So it's not only my ADDICTION, CRAVING, DEPENDENCE, ENSLAVEMENT, OBSESSION, HABIT, PRACTICE, PREOCCUPATION, HANGUP, QUIRK, WEAKNESS, CUSTOM. I have now ingrained it into my daughter. GREAT!! (Note that was sarcasm)

4. Gum - Yet another 'munchie fixer'. I can't imagine that with as much gum as I chew that it is good for my teeth, gums or jaw. ((pout))

5. The internet. I would say I derive approximately 90% of my non-child related entertainment from the internet. Whether it be blogs, twitter, facebook, myspace, some personal forums I frequent, e-mail, or just surfing. The internet is almost like my phone. I feel like I am without an arm or a leg without it. Again, so very sad.




6. And FINALLY, something I really should work on: I often live in a fantasy world... quite literally.

I write fantasy novels and I frequently find myself daydreaming and/or transfixed by the characters in my mind. What they might/would/could/should/do in any given circumstances. Plots, conflict, outlines, diversions, and character voices are a constant in my mind. Even when I'm sleeping and although while one day I hope this particular ADDICTION, CRAVING, DEPENDENCE, ENSLAVEMENT, OBSESSION, HABIT, PRACTICE, PREOCCUPATION, HANGUP, QUIRK, WEAKNESS, CUSTOM will pay my bills, I need to find a happy medium.

These are the ones I have been able to cross of my list:




How about you? What are your ADDICTIONs, CRAVINGs, DEPENDENCEs, ENSLAVEMENTs, OBSESSIONs, HABITs, PRACTICEs, PREOCCUPATIONs, HANGUPs, QUIRKs, WEAKNESSES, and/or CUSTOMs?

The Fat Chick

Friday, February 12, 2010

GIVING UP

There is too much going on in my life. I'm too stressed. I can't concentrate on one more thing. I don't want to think about what I eat. I don't want to count calories. I'm so busy that I don't have time to exercise. I just don't care anymore.



THAT IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN READING ON BLOGS LATELY AND IT PISSES ME OFF!!



There are a few select blogs I follow that are planning to permanently 'fall off the wagon' . . . No, I take that back. They are saying that they are planning to JUMP OFF THE WAGON and not attempt to get back on. They're saying the obstacles life has thrown at them have defeated them. Stress has beaten them into believing they aren't worthy of being healthy.



AND THIS JUST PISSES ME OFF! PISSES ME OFF SO BAD, IT BRINGS ME TO TEARS!



But I've been there. I've been the one who has given up so many times. I've been the one who said, 'I just can't do this anymore,' and no matter how much inspiration, motivation and good intended advice I was given, it didn't change my mind.



I lost 2 lbs this week. Not fantastic but a loss is a loss. I could have/should have worked out harder. I could have been a bit more careful with my calories. But I'm not going to turn around and make my journey thus far in vain just because the scale didn't drop dramatically.



So for those of you wanting to quit, that's your decision. But know this: Whether you eat crap or eat healthy and whether you live a sedentary lifestyle or an active one, the days-weeks-months and years are going to pass. The question is, in those days-weeks-months and years will you feel better about yourself because you decided you are WORTH IT or will you REGRET your decision because you didn't want to TRY anymore? That is the question. Where will you be and how will you feel in your future?



Me? In my future, starting now in the present and beginning 6 weeks ago I choose to be thin. I choose to be active and I choose to be healthy.



Today I have made a renewed vow of daily exercise. I have discovered using the Wii board without actually turning on the Wii console. I can let Buzzy watch her shows and I can still do my step classes, my stretching, my strength training and aside from that I am determined to hit 100 jumping jacks. If Jillian says I can do them, then HELL IF I WON'T.

I did 45 minutes of 'self instructed Wii step class' today. I then did 40 jumping jacks (2 reps of 20) and boy was I dying by the 35th one. I wanted to stop so badly. There is nothing quite like all the junk in one's truck (and gut) defying gravity as one propels themselves off the floor in quick jumpy movements. It's quite uncomfortable as of current, but it will get better. Then I did 3 reps of 10 pushups on the wall. (I still cannot do a real pushup, even the girlie kind) But I will gradually lower myself until I am doing it. Because I will do it! All in all I did about 60 minutes of exercise today. Inside, while it was raining and my girls were entertained. Yay me!

Okay, so now be honest. When you first read the title of today's post, and then started reading the body of it, did you think I was giving up, or did that not even cross your mind? I'm interested in your first impression.

I'm going to go to a bit of Wii now and then I'm going to watch a movie with my sister. Pray the girls stay asleep and allow me a bit of time to myself. Thanks!

The Fat Chick

Thursday, February 11, 2010

PANIC

Friday snuck right up on me. Did this week go super friggin fast for anyone else? I cannot believe I am ending week 6 tomorrow. On that note I am a bit panicked about what the scale is going to read. The thing is, I don't know why. Maybe because I haven't exercised. That is the only logical explanation except for the minor fact that I have felt COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL all week with my food.



Why? You ask. Did you binge? You ask. Did you overeat and revert to your old ways? You ask.



Thankfully the answer to those questions is no. Thank God! The reason I have felt out of control is because I haven't been eating at home. With my mom gone I eat at my grandparent's house A LOT. I don't overeat, or binge or even feel tempted to do so. It is simply the fact that I don't personally see every ingredient added into a meal and therefore I stress over the accuracy of my calorie intake.



I suppose tomorrow the scale will tell all. The scale doesn't lie. It never has and never will and for this I am nervous. At my unofficial weigh in this morning I had still only lost 1lb from last Friday putting me at 299. 1lbs isn't bad but it isn't great and I know I could have added more activity to make that number go up. I could use the excuse of stress, that my grandpa died, that I've been in mourning or so busy with other things that I just can't find time to workout but that would be lying to you, my readers, and to myself.



So as a 'last chance workout', I found time tonight. 45 minutes of Wii. Granted, not the most high intensity nor the most effective but I did it. I made the effort and I did it.



And now we wait. Actually, now I will sleep and in 8 or so hours I will weigh and sometime tomorrow return to report the results. ((sigh))



One more thing before I ditch you all catch some shut eye. My family and I have decided we are a Mobster family (and not the kind you'd find on Myspace or Facebook). If you wanna see some pix and some ridiculousness CLICK HERE.



Otherwise, goodnight blogging world.



The Fat Chick

MY MOB FAMILY - BE AFRAID

BABY BOSS BINKY BONG

AKA CHUBS
THE BOSS


'COMANDING FROM HER PREFERRED COMANDING SEAT'






HAIR SLEEVES
AKA SHEESH
THE FRONT MAN -ER- WOMAN -ER- MAN



'THE FACE OF THE BOSS'

NO ONE GETS NEAR THE BOSS




FUZZY PANTS

AKA NEENY

THE HIT MAN -ER- WOMAN -ER-MAN



'SHE WILL LURE YOU WITH HER CHARM . . . BEWARE'





SHORT BANGS

AKA PACO

THE GET AWAY DRIVER



'DRIVING AWAY'





'HARDENED CRIMINAL RIGHT HERE'







MAMA SPITS

AKA NANA

THE BOUNCER



'DEFLECTS ENMIES WITH A SINGLE DIRTY MIRROR'







SIR PUMPY

AKA PAPA

THE BOSS'S CONSULTANT



'THE FOOD HELPS HIM WITH HIS CONSULTING. THE CHRISTMAS TREE DOESN'T HURT EITHER'





LADY FROG FUR

AKA MOMO

THE DIVERSION



'SHE WILL DISTRACT & CONFUSE YOU IN LESS THAN 3 SECONDS WITH LESS THAN 1 WORD'









OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE MUCH?

Kay, so after saying goodnight, blogging, getting up to make more bottles, saying goodnight again, deciding I needed a visit with my sis, going back and forth as Buzzy fusses and stirrs all around, visiting some more with my sis, talking with my mom, finally bringing Buzzy into the living room to visit with my sis and then taking her to go back to bed, getting up to make one more bottle and finally saying goodnight one last time, here I am blogging. AGAIN.


OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE MUCH?


Anyway, the reason I am blogging is this:


Can you guess which one I thought I was drinking tonight? Can you then from process of elimination guess which one I was actually drinking tonight??

Yep! I thought I'd mix things up and get something other than diet coke. So I bought another soda. Diet? Thought so but NOPE. Did I drink one before I realized this? NOPE I DRANK 2 DAMMIT!! 320 frickin calories!! and some odd 80 grams of sugar. HOLY SHIT!! I haven't had that much sugar this whole week let alone in one day.

And this my dear bloggers, is why I cannot sleep. This is why at 1:37AM I am up blogging. (Aside from other current life events that I am sure you are all now aware of) In any case, I'll be taking the culprit of my sugar induced insomnia back to the market tomorrow to exchange it for DIET!!! STUPID REGULAR SODA!!

Now, I'm gonna go twitch and jitter from the sugar high until sleep takes over.

Goodnight! Again!

The Fat Chick
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