Wednesday, March 31, 2010

JUST THE FACTS DUDE

CUPCAKE SOCIETY NEWS

Tomorrow starts our first challenge. I am writing about it now because, well, I have two babies and wouldn't get to it until tomorrow evening if I wait. So, here is the CHALLENGE. Ready? You sure? Okay! Here it comes! It's coming! Do you feel it coming? Cuz it's coming! Almost! Ok, ok, ok!

UGLY CUPCAKE SOCIETY'S FIRST CHALLENGE

LOSE 5 LBS IN 1 WEEK.
CHALLENGE TECHNICALLY BEGINS ON TUESDAY FRIDAY (as pointed out to me by an astute reader of mine. Thank you Ifyouhavetoask) APRIL 2ND.

1. WEIGH IN IN THE MORNING OF APRIL 2ND.
2. TAKE A PICTURE OF YOUR WEIGHT.
3. SEND IT TO ME AT SUGARYPUNKIN48@NETZERO.COM.
BE SURE TO STATE WHAT YOUR NAME IS -YOUR MEMBER NAME THAT IS LISTED ON MY SITE - (non members are NOT eligible and members who join mid-challenge are NOT eligible)
PHOTOS WILL BE POSTED BUT I WON'T SAY WHOSE WEIGHT IT IS IF YOU REQUEST ME NOT TO.
4. WORK YOUR BOOTY OFF TO LOSE AS MUCH WEIGHT AS POSSIBLE.
5. CHALLENGE ENDS ON APRIL 8TH.
6. MORNING OF APRIL 9TH WEIGH IN.
7. FOLLOW STEPS 2 & 3 AGAIN WITH NEW PHOTOS.

WHOEVER LOSES THE MOST WEIGHT WILL WIN THE PRIZE. SO THAT MEANS IF NO ONE LOSES 5 LBS, WHOEVER HAS LOST THE CLOSEST TO 5LBS WILL WIN THE PRIZE. OKEE DOKEE!!??

OKEE DOKEE!!

PS - I am trusting that everyone will be honest using their own weights, their own scales, their own photos etc. No lying, cheating or 'picture borrowing' please.
Onward and Forward!

Today:

Calories in: 1607
Calories out: 1478
Net Calories consumed: 129

I worked my cadoodle off today on my makeshift bike. 91 minutes, 15 stretching and omigod I got a few pics of what I can do. I asked my sister to snap some of me. Yes, this entails some bragging because I have always been pretty flexible BUT I haven't been able to do THESE things in FOREVER! So, HUGE HUGE HUGE NSVs!!

1. I can lift my foot to my head. Like press the sole of my foot against my cheek.
2. I can do the butterfly pose and put my head all the way down to my feet.
3. I can pull my feet all the way into my crotch and still have my knees touching the ground.
4. I can spread my legs pretty far apart when sitting down. Gonna work on stretching enough to do the splits.
5. When doing this I can not ONLY touch my toes but I can reach my hand all the way over my toes and touch my heal.
6. And of course, I can stand up and touch the floor with my palms without bending my knees.

FYI- My sister says I can do all this because I have extremely short legs and truly it is VERY POSSIBLE.

PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING PHOTO



Ready for bed but I really wanted to take these pix for this post




My legs could totally go further but my sister's room didn't exactly allow for it what with furniture and stupid walls in the way. LOL Oh and don't I look so pretty! Haha!






My thighs and hips were hurting from doing this so much tonight so I decided not to pull something for the sake of a picture and show you all that my feet can go 'pretty far' in




Please excuse the LARGE BILLOWING GREEN MOOMOO that is my T-shirt. I bought it at the mens Big & Tall size 4x for when I was pregnant and it all but consumes me now. I have it pulled to my back in the photos (except for this one) so you can see me better


Neat trick huh? My sister said I looked deranged.
Yeah, I spose I do

Blurry shot but you get the idea. Mama got some short legs LOL



I have to say that I could fall asleep like this. It is SUCH a comfortable position


MY NO SCALE CHALLENGE
FOR THE MONTH OF APRIL
So, I did an unofficial weigh in this morning to get my last weigh for 30 days. I weighed 286. Yay! The 4lbs I had gained last week are gone and I am now back to a solid 39lbs lost total. I am hoping to see 275 or close on May 1st when I weigh in again.

AND THOSE ARE ALL THE FACTS (Ma'am)

The Fat Chick

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

ALL THINGS UGLY CUPCAKES AND MORE

Why in heaven's name are my comments acting up?

Are anyone else's comments acting up?

On my last post it shows I have 8 comments but when I click it it says I only have 5. This is very disturbing to me.

Anyway, now to ALL THINGS UGLY CUPCAKES.

First, let me say to those that have joined, WELCOME!

Now suck in that muffin-top and repeat after me,




'I pledge allegiance to this ugly society
and to the muffinhood for which it stands
many sisters bound to be beautiful
in more ways than just the superficial
with substance and satisfaction for all'



The Society will be holding 5 contests/challenges in the next 5 weeks. Only members can play, but ANYONE can be a member, that is if you HAVE THE NUTZ TO JOIN. There will be prizes. 5 weeks, 5 challenges, 5 winners and 5 prizes. Wanna play?

April 1st begins the first contest. I will announce it's beginning that day and it's end on April 8th where a winner will be chosen and thus proceeding contests/challenges will follow suit.

Non Society Related

I cersized <--new word I stole from my 2 year old--> on my 'bike' for 71 minutes today. Yay! I also spent 45 minutes at gymnastics doing pretty much everything Buzzy did. I burned approximately 1484 cals total.
I ate approximately 1721 with a net consumed of 237 cals. Double yay!!

Tomorrow is my unofficial weigh to start off my NO SCALE CHALLENGE FOR THE MONTH OF APRIL. Yikes!!! Should I take before pix tomorrow for the challenge too? And then afters on May 1st? What do you all think?


AND NOW TO SHARE SOME PHOTOS
(cuz we all LOVE photos right?)

Goin to town on my 'bike'. I love it!




Getting a pedicure. I took a picture because even though my legs are still 'big' they no longer resemble tree trunks (as in one solid size from groin to ankle) They actuall have shape and I can see space and air between them!!



My talons nails. I though I'd treat myself and feel pretty for Easter.



My mom works for a local store and one of her lovely customer's bestowed this upon her. She then unselfishly bestowed it upon me. Is she trying to tell me sumthin'?



Today after my 71 minute workout, Breezely woke up, only to fall back asleep on me when I went to console her. I had to mark this memory as she is a 'don't touch me, don't hold me, just let me be' kind of baby when she is sleeping. Awww, she let me cuddle her for 20 minutes. Heavennn!


The Fat Chick

Monday, March 29, 2010

UGLY CUPCAKE SOCIETY



Thanks to Nikki's comment on my previous post, I have decided to go ahead and create not only an 'Ugly Cupcake Badge' but an honorary 'Ugly Cupcake Society'. Here are the rules for you to be a part of the society:

1. Scroll down the right side of my blog until you get to the badge and then post it on your blog wherever you like. Please use the html code to link back to me so others can also read the rules.

2. Write a post on your blog about why you are an Ugly Cupcake. See THIS POST if you want more info on that and/or the history of the UGLY CUPCAKE SOCIETY.

3. Leave a comment in the most current post or send me a little message HERE including the name you want me to use.
- If you so choose I will not only add your name to the List of members below the Badge of Honor but I will link your name to your blog so you can get more traffic. Please specify this with your URL if this is the case.
WARNING: If you do not leave a comment in the most current post of my blog, your name will NOT appear as a member even if you follow all the other rules.

4. Nominate 5 people to join the Ugly Cupcake Society.
- Have them click on the badge you posted to your blog to bring them here for the rules.

See! Simple!

Now come on, tell me,
Do YOU have the NUTZ to be in the UGLY CUPCAKE SOCIETY?

The Fat Chick

Sunday, March 28, 2010

I'M AN UGLY CUPCAKE


It's true. I am an ugly cupcake. In a society where beauty is besought in how thin you are, how tan you are, how shiny your hair is, how bold your eyes are, how white and straight your teeth are, how LITTLE hair you have on your body, how thick your lips are, how big your boobs are, how hard your abs are, how tight your butt is, how much makeup you wear and how well you wear it, etc. Where you must be a 'cupcake' to be accepted, I am but a muffin - an ugly cupcake.

I was born, raised and lived in Thousand Oaks, CA for 20 years of my life. This is 40 minutes from Los Angeles and only a short 10-50 minutes from every beach crawling with beautiful women. Thee most beautiful women. The thinnest, fittest, tannest, women with the best hair and the most beautiful white smiles with every inch of their bodies waxed. I lived there among the CUPCAKES. Among la creme de la creme. Hollywood at it's finest. The best bleach, lipo, botox, implants, collagen, enamel whiteners and fake n bake tanning booths could offer. But it didn't matter that they were fake. They were beautiful and I, a lowly muffin - an ugly cupcake lived among them.

Now that I live among other ugly cupcakes, cuz let's face it there ain't no place quite like LA, I see that all I was jealous of for 20 years, all I longed to be, all I coveted and dreamed about was artificial, superficial. What I wanted was deeper. I don't want to be A CUPCAKE. I don't want to be fake and falsely beautiful. I want to be the best I can be. And if that means that I have to be an UGLY CUPCAKE then so be it. Because after all . . . I like muffins better anyway.

K, that was cheesy. I know. It was inspired by a bout of baking my sister did today. She wanted to make bran muffins but we didn't have any more paper cups so she baked them instead with 0 cal pam baking spray. When they came out they were, well, not the prettiest things we ever saw or made and on top of that, with no paper cup holder they were NAKED! It has always been an ongoing joke with us that muffins are just ugly cupcakes but then we came up with this whole scenario of this Ugly Cupcake Nudist society (because the muffins had no paper holder) that we called Putchurmuffinsinabag <-- because that's what I slurred out mid sentence while saying something else completely off topic. Okay, maybe you had to be there. We are insane and only other insane people GET US. And other ugly cupcakes of course.

On another note, I 'biked' for 100 minutes today. That's 1760 calories in and 1745 calories out with a net intake of 15 cals. But, when I am done with this post I am going to watch a movie with my seester and pedal some more. I will definitely have a calorie deficit today. Oh, and as an unofficial weigh, I have already lost 3 of the 4lbs gained this last week. It was probably mostly water weight.

N, I think that just about does it my little Turtle Doves . . . <-- I love that nickname.

The Fat Chick

Saturday, March 27, 2010

WORDS CAN CHANGE EVERYTHING - DIET TRULY IS A 4 LETTER WORD

I think sometimes we set ourselves up to fail not only with the choices we make but with our thought process. As I was reading the line-up of recent blog posts tonight from my iPhone I realized a trend. There is too much 'negative' terminology being used. In order to change our habits we must change our thought process which means eliminating 'bad words' from our daily thoughts. For example:

Webster defines the word DIET as: a : food and drink regularly provided or consumed b : habitual nourishment c : the kind and amount of food prescribed for a person or animal for a special reason d : a regimen of eating and drinking sparingly so as to reduce one's weight diet>

A, B & C are all acceptable uses of the word. D is not. For those of us with a substantial amount of weight to lose, DIET is not an option. We must make a conscious effort to make a LIFESTYLE CHANGE. In my mind a DIET means one things. It has an beginning and an end. To be successful at our weight loss goals there can be NO END.

Also, Webster defines CHEAT as: a : to practice fraud or trickery b : to violate rules dishonestly

Both A & B are acceptable uses of the word but not in correlation to eating something that isn't on your meal plan. To CHEAT implies you are deceiving yourself and/or violating some unwritten rule. When making a LIFESTYLE CHANGE there are no rules. One must live their life and fatty, sugary, highly caloric foods are a part of life. When you choose to indulge in those foods it is simply a choice. Not a CHEAT. It isn't even necessarily a bad choice. But it is definitely not and SHOULD NEVER be called a CHEAT. This immediately implies that you are doing something wrong and should be ashamed when you are simply choosing to eat something.

Webster defines SKINNY as: a : lacking sufficient flesh : very thin : emaciated b : lacking usual or desirable bulk, quantity, qualities, or significance

Webster's definition alone should want to make you rid the word from your 'healthy' word bank. I have heard and read time and time again, "I want to be skinny,". But I rarely hear or read, "I want to be healthy,". Think about that.

How many times have you said, "I'll do it -"
TOMORROW - MONDAY - NEXT WEEK - NEXT MONTH . . .
Why not RIGHT NOW?

What about you? What 'unhealthy, or bad' words do you use? How could you change them to be more positive?

The Fat Chick

Friday, March 26, 2010

BURN vs. PAIN

I have so much to say but first I will start with my weigh in this morning. As expected, I gained and I gained big. 4 of the 5lbs I lost last week in fact. UGH! However, I am not depressed about it. I feel rejuvenated, like maybe that binge and those 4lbs are symbolic. Not sure how, or why but I have just felt GOOD all today. Maybe it is because I know I will continue. The road doesn't end here. I haven't failed. It feels good to know this and BELIEVE IT. Unfortunately, today is the last time you will see an 'official weigh' from me until May 1st. I think I may do an 'unofficial weigh' on March 31st just to see EXACTLY how much weight I lose in one month.

On another note. Do you remember this beauty?


Well, for the last month + that I have had it I used it a total of 3-4 times. Yikes! Not exactly worth $105.00. HOWEVER, today I was mad about it. Mad about my lack of exercise. Mad about my painful feet. Mad that my painful feet were the cause of my lack of exercise and mad that my lack of exercise has inevitably lead me to be less successful. So I stared the stupid pink mini elliptical down. I thought and I thought and I tried to think of ways I could use it without hurting myself.



Tangent: It is very hard for me to receive comments (and I receive them all the time) that say things such as, "If you exercise more, you will lose more weight." I receive this as comments on my blog, texts in my phone, e-mails and even from family. What I'd like to say to these people (no offense of course) is 'No shit Sherlock. If I could walk ten miles a day I would. But my plantar fascitis barely allows me to hobble about my house.' Another fun comment in all forms listed above that I get when I use that 'excuse' is, 'Well then buy yourself a stationary bicycle or go swimming,'. Okay, first I am a single mom living with two babies under 2 in my mother's house. I have no income and what my (ex) husband does give me goes to my girls. I in no way shape or form have even $50.00 to spend on a bike and it wouldn't be ONLY $50.00 because a bike that has a weight limit upwards of 300lbs is more like $200.00. And as for swimming, I live in Washington state. It rains A LOT HERE. There aren't a whole lot of free pools around and even if I had the $$ to go swimming at the YMCA or some such club what in the world would I do with my girls. My entire family works! End Tangent.



So, with all the helpful advice I have been receiving I realized that perhaps my mini elliptical could be multifunctional. I had heard of people having bike pedals under their desks at work and thought, 'what if I turn my elliptical into a kind of stationary bike?' So, I sat down in my big ol green recliner and started to pedal. Okay, awkward. My legs don't move that way. But then I realized if I turned the elliptical backwards my legs DO go the right way and it didn't feel awkward at all. So I tried it out for a while, while the girls napped. I pedaled and pedaled and pedaled and pedaled. I must say, I built up a really good burn in my thighs (both top and underside) and so I have decided, until my feet are better, this will be my form of exercise. It is easy, comfortable (uh who doesn't wanna exercise sitting in an overly stuffed recliner?) it works up a burn and a sweat, and if I need to I can cater to my oldest who is constantly asking me to 'hode you'. To translate, that means she's asking me to hold her.



So what did I do today? I pedaled every chance I got. I watched TV and pedaled. When the girls were playing and occupied, I pedaled. When I had any chance to sit on my butt I pedaled. And you know how long I pedaled cumulatively? 95 minutes. Do you know how many calories burnt that is (of just moderate cycling and there were moments when I went totally psycho vigorous)??? 1518. And how many calories did I eat today? 1687, for a net consumption of 103 cals. Nice! Now if I keep this up, Myfitnesspal.com says I will lose approximately 25lbs in 5 weeks? Is that for real? Well, I guess we'll just have to see. In any case, my thighs are burning as I sit here in bed typing this and it is such a beautiful pain in comparison to the inflamed plantar fascitis of my previous workouts up until now. I think I have come upon a beautiful things. Wish me luck.

This is me, super happy EVEN THOUGH I gained today. (Maybe part of it is that I get to go pamper my hands and feet tomorrow because my mom offered to watch the girls?) Sorry about the 'low light'. I am in a dark room lit only by my computer. LOL






And just for shits and giggles, here are my little boy and little girl angels riding together in the grocery cart.



The Fat Chick

Thursday, March 25, 2010

ANGRY WITH MYSELF PART II

I need to work this out in my own mind. Why did I do what I did tonight? Why did I sabotage myself and everything I have been working so hard for? Why did the food overpower me? How could I have allowed that?

I have been thinking a lot lately about reasons why I may have become obese. I have come up with several but even after I think to myself, yeah maybe that’s why I do this, I then think to myself, why am I blaming someone else for MY problem?

I can’t put my finger on one particular moment when I looked in the mirror as a child and said OHMYGOD I’M HUGE. Nevertheless, I always thought I was fat and I don’t know why. One of my earlier childhood memories was putting on a pair of yellow pants and being so mad that my mom or gramma was making me wear them because they showed my lower belly pooch. I was, what? All of maybe 5 or 6 and I was worried about belly pooch. I remember wearing shirts under dresses that were too small for me and the frustration of pulling them down so that the hem of the shirt didn’t peak over the armhole of the dress. I remember as I got older looking at my legs and being appalled by the fact that my thighs touched. This was when I was all of 10 or 11. I remember standing in front of the mirror naked and being appalled that I could see my butt cheeks from the front. (Please don’t make me explain this) I thought all of this was because I was fat. I wish someone had told me I wasn’t fat. However, I also specifically remember my gramma coercing me to do workout videos with her. I remember my grandpa offering me sips of his morning protein shake. I remember being forced to go on walks that I didn’t want to go on.

I also explicitly remember the taste of Fruity Pebbles with 2% milk. I remember sitting in front of the television with Ranch Doritos (I don’t think they were yet ‘cool ranch’). I remember my great grandparents loading me up on Eggo waffles, Top Ramen, Corned Beef Hash and Mother’s Taffy Cookies (of which I had to dunk in my great grandpa’s black coffee)

But when did food take on a life of its own in my life? When did I start living to eat and not eating to live? The answer is, I have no idea.

One could argue that I always overate. I was always fed large portions and indulged with sweets and snacks and with my genetics, it just wasn’t the smart thing for my family to do.
One could argue that I felt neglected, unwanted and different because not only was I the bastard child of a 16 year old girl but my biological father had very little to do with me. EVER! And thus, I was raised by my mom and my grandparents.

One could argue that I ate from stress and anger when my mom married my stepfather when I was 6 and ½ years old. He was verbally abusive and I was not always blocked from his ugliness. Sometimes I was even the focal point of it. I have a few very distinct memories when my mom and step dad were fighting and I sadly got adrenaline rushes whenever that would occur. It actually made me happy in some sick sort of way. Maybe I subconsciously thought the more they fought, the more likely my mom would leave him. In any case, in these very distinct memories of their loud verbal battles I remember listening and running throughout the house, from my bedroom to the kitchen. First popsicles. I’d eat them and listen. Then if they weren’t done, I would move onto something else. Cookies, chips, whatever. It was like my own private drama theater with snacks. Now that I look back on it though, it makes me very sad.

One could argue that when we moved to Washington State from California for the first time when I was 9 pushed me over the edge. In my new school, I was introduced to snacks I had never had before such as dry Top Ramen. It quickly became a daily staple. Maybe it was the weather. It always rained. Maybe it was the continuous battle between my mom and my step-dad who not only fought over the move, but over my little sister and eventually it moved to divorce proceedings. I remember my step dad came once from California to visit my sister. I don’t remember the details but it got loud and scary and my sister and I ended up at my Aunt’s apartment. And as we sat on the floor, what was I doing? Eating. In this particular instance, I don’t remember what. But eating is what I was doing.

There are so many more instances I could argue caused my turn to food and my eventual obesity. But perhaps to list them all would only be in vain. The facts stand clear.

I have low self-esteem.
I am an emotional eater.
I am a bored eater.
I am a social eater.
Food tries to control me and often succeeds.
The questions now are,

Am I willing to change? Yes.

Am I willing to be open to the new things change may bring? Yes

Then what am I waiting for? I’m not waiting anymore.

Today was only a stumbling block. All journeys regardless of destinations have stumbling blocks. EVERY JOURNEY. Mine is no different. Today was ONLY a stumbling block. I must GET UP. Dust myself off and move forward. Because there will be more trials. I WILL stumble again. But stumbling and falling does not equal failure. Only stumbling, falling, and refusing to get back up is when you have failed.

I weighed myself tonight. You know, to assess the damage. Honestly, I weighed myself this morning. The scale said 289. That’s 3lbs up from last Friday. I expected as much being I had two awful days this week. Tonight the scale said 292. But that was clothed and in the evening. Tomorrow is a new day and though it is weigh in day and I am 99% positive I will be adding a gain to my list, next week will be different. VERY DIFFERENT. Because I won’t know again what I weigh until May 1st. Please keep the advice, suggestions, encouragement and random comments coming. I can use all the support I can get.

The Fat Chick

ANGRY WITH MYSELF

I did soo well today. Soo well.

Breakfast - coffee with cream + bagel thin + 2 TBSN whipped cream cheese = 370 cals
Lunch - Lean Cuisine and 100 cal snack pack = 400 cals
Dinner - Lean Cuisine = 300 cals

This is where I told myself I was done.

I lied.

I disappointed myself.

I went to the stupid jewelry party.

And I ate.

And ate.

And ate.

I ate as though food were going extinct.

And added an additional 1033 cals to my day.

WTF was I thinking?

And I did it consciously. There was no mindless eating. I told myself before I picked up anything, 'don't eat anything. You have a weigh in tomorrow.' Did that stop me? Nope. Not even for a moment.

I'm ashamed. How could I sabotage myself soo willingly.

I feel like a whale.

I feel sick.

I want to throw up.

Tomorrow will post certainly show a gain. My 12th week and my first gain. I am truly appalled at myself. Truly appalled.

But that doesn't mean I won't surge forward. In the month of April AND THE 6 DAYS PRIOR I will eat well. I will attempt some form of exercise as often as possible and I will come back May 1st (a Saturday) with a number close to if not below 275.

I'm going to go now and very possibly cry.

The Fat Chick (who apparently needs a good kick in the ass)

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I'M BROKEN

As I stated in my previous post, I was going to try something different with food. I have realized that when I am eating WITH people, I tend to eat less. I am not sure if it is out of embarrassment, obligation or being accountable, but when I am alone I feel the need to snack and eat and snack and eat some more. So, I thought I would try something. Before I even mention what I tried, just know I barely made it half a day before I FAILED miserably. My plan?

If I was to be eating solo for breakfast or lunch, I would drink a SlimFast and if I were eating solo for dinner I would have a Lean Cuisine. Well, I did okay at first. SlimFast for breakfast. 100 cal snack (as directed on the SlimFast plan) then SlimFast for lunch and another 100 cal snack to follow (as directed on the SlimFast plan) but then my mom and my sister went and got chicken fried rice. A HUGE weakness of mine, and I failed. I was already cranky and irritable from lack of calories, caffeine and general nutrients so when they offered me the rice, it was like hay day in my mouth. LOL Not to mention the SlimFast shakes are waaaayyyyy too sweet. I nearly went bonkers from feeling sit jittery.

But today's calories don't amount to much regardless.

2 Slim Fast shakes: 380
2 100 cal snacks: 200
Chicken fried rice: Not sure if I ate approximately 2 or 3 cups but somewhere between 440 cals and 660 cals
1/3 cup chicken noodle soup: 40 cals

So a max of 1280? Yeah, it will definitely help with the weekly add up considering yesterday and the day before were ashambles.

I walked today and I have come to the conclusion that I am officially broken. I walked 1 mile at a very slow pace, pushing my tandem stroller and when I was done I felt as though I was being pierced through each heal by a 2x4 solid steal stake. It hurt sooooo bad. Then tonight I went to toddler gymnastics with Buzzy and we had a new (GOOD) teacher this time and he worked us Mama's out. He not only had the kiddos running around and doing all their stuff but the Mama's were workin our buns off too.

This is completely off topic but what is currently on my mind. I'm a pushover. No truly. I am a pushover. My (ex) husband is native Mexican. He speaks English and understands English well enough but when he can . . . and I mean WHENEVER he can he pawns off anything that requires use of the English language onto me. For example: He is currently looking for a second job. He works in the restaurant business. Apparently a friend (who speaks less English than he does) told him about a job opening and told him to go to www.norastrum.com. Without hesitation he calls me and tells me to fill out an application for him. Yeah, you read right. He TELLS ME. No asking. He doesn't know the meaning of courtesy or manners and it is of no relevance that we are separated. He feels I still owe it to him. In any case, being the dumbass doormat that I am I look up www.norastrum.com. No such site. Then I mentally smack my own forehead. He meant www.nordstrom.com. DUH!! I should have known. In any case, he assumes that because I live 45 miles away from him and the girls are asleep and I am texting him, that I have nothing else to do and therefore he needs to delegate something to me to keep me busy. I am being mildly rebellious though. He keeps on texting me asking me if I am done, but I haven't even begun. Instead I am venting to you guys. I really should just tell him to take a frickin' computer course and learn English for gosh darn sake and grow up. I'm not his Mama and I'm barely his wife. ((sigh)) and yet the minute this post is done, I will click a new window and fill out the stupid app for him. Can someone hit me hard? Please?

In other news, I am still planning on getting rid of the scale in April. Really scary stuff right there but I find I am completely OCD when it comes to weighing and I need a break. No more numbers. No more obsessing. Just staying on plan, staying on track and exercising as much as my broken body will allow.

Tomorrow night I am going to a Jewelry party where there will inevitably be a bunch of snacky foods, like I mentioned about Bunco in THIS post a couple months back. I never truly commented on how I did at Bunco but I didn't eat a single thing. All I had was a diet root beer. I hope I am able to abstain as well tomorrow. I will make sure I eat my allotted calories before the party so I know that anything I consume must have 0 calorie content. Like a diet soda.

On the very last note of this post, this last week I realized another reason why I probably lost a large number. The weeks prior I had a diet soda at around 9pm-10pm every night including the night before weigh in. Last week I didn't have barely any sodas after 5pm which I imagine contributed to my 5lb loss. So I am attempting this again, although it is difficult.

DIET CHERRY COKE IS BETTER THAN CRACK!! <-- Okay I wouldn't actually know that from experience but mmm mmm mmm I love me some Diet Cherry Coke.

The Fat Chick

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

MIXIN IT UP

New things are happening on the Fat Chick front.

1. Gonna try something new on the food front. Will explain in detail at a different time.

2. Will be putting the scale away for the entire month of April. (this scares the the kaka outta me)

3. I will not be blogging as much and will be concentrating more on my book. Now I understand if you are like me and stop following me for lack of posts. I WILL be updating. Just not every day.

This will all begin April 1st. Stay tuned for this friday weigh in and then May 1st weigh in.

The Fat Chick


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sunday, March 21, 2010

FALSE CHEATS + FALSE GUILT UPDATE

I guess when it comes to this I really am alone. ((sigh)) The crappy thing though is that it's very real and I have to deal with it everyday. It's not always easy to make good choices when regardless of the choice the inevitale guilt plagues you just the same. Won't be blogging the rest of today. Gonna work on my book and get my mind off food and weight for a bit.

The Fat Chick
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Saturday, March 20, 2010

! ! PHOTOS UPDATED ! !

CLICK THE
'FAT CHICK SLIM'
TAB AT THE TOP TO VIEW


FALSE CHEATS = FALSE GUILT + ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS

Am I the only one?

The only one who has such a war within myself when challenged with a food temptation that in the end, even when I conquer the craving and DON'T EAT, I still feel as guilty as if I had eaten. This happens to me ALLLL the time. Today for example, we went to Baskin Robbins. I ordered non-fat vanilla frozen yogurt kiddie scoop. 90 cals. Buzzy got a kiddie scoop of regular chocolate (my favorite - and hers) anyway she only took 3 small bites before she became more interested in the gummy worms my cousin had on her ice cream. It literally took me 15 minutes of hemming and hawwing and justifying and re-justifying and counting calories and altering calories before I finally picked it up and tossed it in the trash. Yet, through that battle, even though the calories were not actually consumed, a part of me feels guilty. I'm not sure if it's because I wanted it so bad that I feel through osmosis I must have retained some of the calories or if it's because I had to fight so hard to resist it. Not sure. Am I the only one who has FALSE CHEATS and FALSE GUILT?

And now I will answer two questions that were recently posed.

Missa from http://losingethel.blogspot.com/ said, Keep up the mini-goals! When you hit the next one, what will be your reward?

I am not very good with 'rewarding' myself. I feel the number on the scale is truly the real reward. However when I get down to 250 I am hoping to buy some new clothes and when I reach 199 I plan on piercing my ears again (4th holes). The when I hit my ultimate goal I will get a tattoo on my lower back. ((shrugs)) I can't think of anything else I want to reward myself with. If I do think of anything I'll be sure to letcha know.

Greta from www.bigbottomblogger.blogspot.com asked, What did you do differently to urge your scale to move 5 pounds down?

To be perfectly honest, I am not 100% sure. It could have been several things individually or them all combined but the one thing that stick out most in my mind is this; On Wednesday I posted that I totally binged. I think I ate more than 2500 calories that day (just a guesstimate) and then the next day I ate only 970. I will be perfectly honest here. The high cal proceeded by a low cal day was not premeditated. I knew on Thursday that I needed to be careful and eat 'light' but I had no intentions of eating so low. The things is, I think the combo of a seriously high cal day followed by a seriously low cal day helped me. I even thought yesterday when I weighed myself that maybe it was a fake loss but when I weighed myself this morning, the scale still said 286. Yay! But truly that is all I did differently.

The Fat Chick

Friday, March 19, 2010

MURPHY WAS A KIND KIND SOUL SCALE TO ME

If you haven't noticed in my ticker or on my side panel, Murphy said I lost 5lbs this week!! Hell-Frickin-Yeah!! This puts me at 286lbs and 1lb away from 40lbs total lost. I am so excited. Another huge thing is that this also puts me at a mere 14lbs away from having lost 100lbs from my highest weight ever.

Speaking of 100's, I completely snored through the fact that I have reached 100 posts on this blog and I am super proud of myself for having reached this point in my weight loss journey. I am proud of the fact that I am sticking too it, the fact that even when there are bumps and hurdles in my path I am able to get back up when they trip me up and knock me down and/or jump right over them. And I am sooo thankful for all your continued support, advice and encouragement! 115 followers (also in the 100's) who woulda thunk it. LOL But the truth is, I'd be floundering without you all!

My next mini-goal is to reach 275. That's 11lbs away and I can do this! Of course, after that mini goal is my 2nd big goal of getting to 250. Next will be the mini goal with huge significance 230 (which I haven't been since high school) and then 200. NO! Not 200!! 199!! I HAVE SAID GOODBYE TO THE 3 BEFORE THE 3 DIGITS OF MY WEIGHT AND THAT FELT GOOD BUT I AM JUST DYING TO SAY GOODBYE TO THE 2. 87 more lbs to reach that goal which means I have 41 weeks (Until December 31st 2010) to get there. That is approximately a goal of losing 2.12lbs every week from here on out. Now, I am completely aware that I may lose less or more and I am not going to beat myself up about it as long as the numbers keep going down down down down - low low low low ... LOL Then after January 2011 starts the theoretical last stretch of this long journey where I will lose between 49 and 69 more lbs to get to my ULTIMATE GOAL WEIGHT. Then begins the maintenance but let's take this one baby step at a time. Right?! Right!

And now we move forward . . .

The Fat Chick

Thursday, March 18, 2010

NARCISSISM - FAT OR SKINNY?

I don't know about you all but I have always been a bit narcissistic. Up until I gave birth to Breezely (and for those who don't read my blog regularly, that is my 2nd daughter who is now 7.5 months old) I was quite 'into myself'. I took pictures of myself on a regular basis and always believed that God 'allowed' me to be fat because if I wasn't fat I'd be the frickin' most narcissistic person on the planet.

Come to find out, I just needed to be knocked down a few notches by getting up above 300lbs, growing multiple chins and then almost reaching 400lbs at my heaviest. Yikes! (Granted I was 9 months pregnant at my heaviest, but still - that was a seriously low point on the self-confidence scale)

Now that I am back down to a weight where I once was the QUEEN OF NARCISSISM I find I am no longer so into myself. Maybe my humility level has risen, maybe I have matured, or maybe I'm scared to let my confidence get too high again for fear it'll be knocked down to ground level. Or maybe it's a mix of the three.

In any case, today I am a different person. I hope my narcissistic self does not return when I am at my thinnest in the coming year. Because I WILL BE THE THINNEST I HAVE EVER BEEN in the coming year. 2011 won't know what hit it.

In any case, to show you just how vain I really was (and yes, a portion of this is to show off how nice I can look at lower weights) I am going to post some photos of myself. Mind you, these photos were taken by me. I put my makeup on, did my hair and snapped pics of myself for fun. ((sigh-shakes head in mild disgust at old self))

In no particular order at no particular weight but definitely all under 280:


^^^This is my Gangsta look that says, I lived in LA. I KNOW BADASS^^^ ^^^ My, 'aren't I cute in my cheap-o sunglasses' look^^^


Same look, different pose.

I hate lived in Mexico for 6 months here and was around 260 lbs


Goin all Sailor Moon


I literally thought my shit smelled of roses in this picture

Yep, my poopoo kaka still smells beautiful here too.

And this is where the narcissism ends.
FOR NOW.
The Fat Chick
(Not the Narcissistic Chick)

BACK on TRACK

At my unofficial weigh in this morning I was only up to 290 so I am hoping my good eating and water consumption helps melt away that pound so that tomorrow I am still 289 or lower. Also, as soon as my girls are better and I am sleeping better I am hoping to start doing Jillians 30 day shred every morning at 6am with my mom and then Just Dance on the Wii at night.3

On another note, today is Vancouver's first sunny day. I am so looking forward to spring!!! That's all for now.

The Fat Chick

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I STILL HAVE TOMORROW

Tomorrow starts in less than 45 minutes.

A NEW day.

A FRESH start.

I ate like shit didn't do well eating today.

Not at all.

And not because today was St. Patrick's Day. I'd like to say I consciously planned today as a high calorie day. But I didn't.

Tomorrow I will eat low to make up for today.

I'm disappointed.

In myself.

Not because I ate so much or because I went over calories.

But because I allowed the insecure, fat girl who enjoys punishing and rewarding herself with food to take over me.

For the first time in 3 months.

I ate at Ihop this morning.

I had 2 eggs over medium, hashbrowns, one piece bacon and one sausage link + the 2 slices of wheat bread and one little packet of strawberry jam.

I then proceeded to eat 2 servings worth of Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate for lunch.

Then because the fat chick within knows something salty must ALWAYS follow something sweet, I ate 2 servings of salt N vinegar pop chips.

Then because salty follows sweet and vice versa, I shared a lemon Popsicle with Buzzy.

Then because that wasn't really very sweet I ate a Pocky.

Then a kosher baby dill pickle and even though those are 0 calories, the fat chick had already overthrown my mentality and I was suddenly very out of control.

I felt bloated, stuffed, sick.

I felt fat.

I haven't felt fat since I got under 300lbs and my pants fell off me.

Reality's a bitch.

I AM STILL FAT.

I STILL HAVE A LOT OF WEIGHT TO LOSE.

Unfortunately this thought didn't occur to me until I sat down to write this post.

Buzzy has been sick.

I have been stressed.

Tonight she threw up all over me.

I was disgusted and again, felt useless. Out of control.

I sought comfort with food.

First, 2 TBSP peanut butter.

Then a bit more with a honey topper.

I chased that with a handful of white cheddar goldfish.

And a Samoa girl scout cookie followed, washed down by a swig of WHOLE milk.

This all followed dinner. The traditional St. Patrick's Day meal of corned beef and cabbage. I didn't overdo it on that and it was all boiled, no added salts or oils. So that was good, but then I had a few Nilla Wafers and a glass of non-fat milk.

All in all, I feel like a tub-o-lard.

Funny.

When I was little, like 10 and younger (when my great grandma was still alive) she used to call me her little tub-o-lard. I never associated it with anything derogatory. Nor do I think she said it as a derogatory name. I'm not sure, now as an adult though, how I feel about that name. The picture it insinuates makes me very uncomfortable.

Back to the present.

I am fully aware that the day after tomorrow is weigh in day.
I am even more fully aware that I am currently incapable of doing exercise to counteract the affects of my binge eating.

Tomorrow will be new, fresh and I will eat well.

THIS BATTLE ISN'T OVER YET.

I WILL PUSH FORWARD.

I WILL BREAK BAD HABITS.

I WILL NOT LET FOOD CONTROL ME.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY,
I WILL WIN.

To defeating our inner demons that allow food to control us.
((CHEERS))

The Fat Chick

Monday, March 15, 2010

GIVING UP ON IT

NOT LOSING WEIGHT.

NOT COUNTING CALORIES.

NOT EXERCISING.

NOT BLOGGING.

I AM NOT GIVING UP ON ANY OF THESE THINGS.

I AM GIVING UP ON PHOTO FOOD LOGGING. I DID ONE DAY. ONE FLIPPIN' DAY AND THEREAFTER PROCEEDED TO FORGET MY PHONE EVERY-FRIGGIN-WHERE. SO, NO MORE STRESSING ABOUT THINGS THAT DO NOT NEED TO BE STRESSED ABOUT.

ONWARD.

FUN SCALE RELATED VICTORY TODAY. I STEPPED ON MURPHY AND HE SAID 289. 289!! NO FRIGGIN WAY. I WAS 291 LAST TIME I CHECKED. NOOOO FRIGGIN WAY. WE'LL SEE IF HE IS SO KIND AT MY OFFICIAL WEIGH IN ON FRIDAY. I SURE HOPE SO. AND IF I AM AT 288 THAT WILL BE THE THREE POUNDS LOST THAT I WAS LOOKING FOR THIS WEEK.

ONE MINOR SETBACK. EATING WELL WILL HAVE TO BE SUFFICIENT. I AM THINKING MY BODY IS DEFICIENT IN SOMETHING. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT SOMETHING IS. MY BODY ACHES EVERYWHERE. I'M FATIGUED BEYOND BELIEF. REMEMBER THE NARCOLEPSY I SPOKE OF. YA, IT HASN'T GONE ANYWHERE. AND OF COURSE, MY FEET. MY FEET HURT SOOOO BAD THAT SOMETIMES I CAN BARELY STAND FOR MORE THAN A COUPLE MINUTES, LET ALONE EXERCISE. SO, EATING WELL WILL JUST HAVE TO BE SUFFICIENT. FOR NOW.

IN OTHER NEWS, I FINALLY REACHED THE LITERARY AGENT WHO HAS MY BOOK. I'M HOPING TO HAVE A YES OR NO ANSWER SOON AS TO WHETHER HE WANTS TO REPRESENT IT OR NOT. I SURE DO HOPE SO. NOT ONLY DO MY SISTER (MY CO-AUTHOR) AND I NEED THE MONEY BUT IT WOULD BE SO FRIGGIN' AWESOME TO HAVE PUBLISHED A BOOK. NO, NOT JUST A BOOK. AN EXTRAORDINARILY FABULOUS FANTASY NOVEL!!! OKAY, SO THAT DREAM IS STILL FAR OFF. BUT IT'S GETTING CLOSER. I FEEL IT.

AND THAT MY DEAR READERS IS ALL. I AM OFF TO WRITE MORE OF MY NOVEL'S SEQUEL. UNTIL TOMORROW.

THE FAT CHICK

Saturday, March 13, 2010

1st PHOTO FOOD LOG

Too tired for much else tonight. But here's what I ate adding up to approximately 1623 cals.
Coffee with cream, splenda and Smart One breakfast sandwich
Diet Coke

Baked Lays Chips

6" Veggie Delite on wheat bread with only honey mustard for condiments



9 bread and butter pickles


Salad w/ honey mustard dressing, noodles with garlic salt (2 bowls) and diet green tea
The nuts and chocolate off the top of Buzzy's drumstick (cuz she can't have the nuts)

The Fat Chick

PRESS THE RESET BUTTON - NEW GOALS

I am pressing the proverbial reset button on my weight loss.



Program installed. (I can't go back to my other lifestyle) Program has glitches. (Every new program has trial and error) Program updated (I have new goals and ideas for accountability to tell you about) NOW RESET.



I am still 'loading' my new goals.

Stay tuned for those.

But my idea for renewed accountability is taking pictures of every little morsel/calorie that enters my mouth. That way if for some reason I am off on my calories or anything seems off or any of you have suggestions you can call me out and give me advice on what I am doing right/wrong.

So here's to a NEW new beginning.

I will be successful on this journey.

I will lose the weight.

ALL OF IT!!

ALL 141-161lbs OF IT!!

And I won't be upset if there are more glitches when I 'update my program'. I will continue to update and reset with the goal of reaching my goal weight and a new healthy me.

So stay tuned for pictures of my food.

It starts today.

The Fat Chick

THE IMPLICATION IS CRYSTAL CLEAR

'HUGE,'

I'm a big girl . . . That is no secret. You can't hide your weight when you are approximately 150lbs overweight. You can't hide 'morbid obesity' with loose hanging material and vertical stripes. AND I look at myself in the mirror everyday. I look at the scale (almost) every day. It's no news to me how big I really am.

And because I have come to terms with my size and am working hard to change it, I am not exactly sure how I feel about a comment a family member made tonight. I'm pretty sure I'm not hurt by it. I'm perfectly sure I am not offended and I am 100% sure that she didn't intend to insult me.

But I thought it was interesting. Freudian slips are interesting.

Don't know what a Freudian slip is?

Wikepedia defines it as such: A Freudian slip, or parapraxis, is an error in speech, memory, or physical action that is interpreted as occurring due to the interference of some unconscious ('dynamically repressed') wish, conflict, or train of thought.

A simple example: a person saying to an effeminate man, "Wow! your house is so queen! I m-m-m-ean clean!"

In any case, tonight two of my female family members (We'll call them F & N) and I were discussing weight. My weight, F's weight, N's weight and N's colleague's weight. N was explaining that one of her colleague's wife is going to be on The Biggest Loser, then went on to describe her weight. Now, just FYI - N is fairly slender. About 145lbs. F is about 70lbs lighter than me. So, N is describing her colleague's wife's robustness and comes up with this beauty of an example.

Pointing to F, she says, "She's bigger than you," Then pointing to me, "But smaller than you," and finished off with the doozy, "She's HUGE!"

OKAY, LET'S NOT SUGAR COAT THIS.

I'm not sure I have this straight.

It's almost one of those mathematical story equations I hated in school.

If Mrs. Colleague is bigger than F, and smaller than me, and Mrs. Colleague is HUGE than I by common denominator am what? GARGANTUAN? GINORMOUS? ELEPHANTINE? Seriously, I can take it.

LOL

Anyway, I truly was not offended by the comment. A bit taken aback that she stated it that way and then proceeded not to understand why F and I could not stop smiling. She totally didn't get what she had said. But not offended.

In any case, I thought that it was an entertaining little story.

I didn't do well on my food today. I didn't do horribly either but I indulged quite a bit this evening. Back on track and pushing forward tomorrow. I am looking to lose 3 lbs this next week. Can I do it? LOL

Oh, N (the same one who made the silly comment) gave me some awesome stretch exercises for planters fascitis, so I am hoping to try them and see if I can't do a bit more exercise on my mini elliptical before my feet explode into flames.

Until tomorrow blog world.

The Fat Chick

Friday, March 12, 2010

A LOSS IS A LOSS . . . RIGHT?! & NEW JEANS

The scale says I lost another pound, putting me at 291. Not ultimately what I wanted but I am content that I ACTUALLY LOST instead of stayed the same or even gained with all that sodium I ingested last night.

Yesterday I saw THE EX at the mall and while he had the girls I decided to try on a pair of jeans to see how many sizes I have lost. Well, the largest size I ever wore in non-maternity jeans at 325lbs was a size 32 jean cleverly disguised as a size 8 because the brand name used weird measurements to size their jeans. In any case, it was a size 32. I am now in a size 24. That is 4 pant sizes down. Totally HUGE NSV right there!!! I haven't been in size 24 jeans in a looong time. In fact I remember sadly throwing all my size 24-26 jeans away after my first miscarriage when I thought I was doomed never to be a mother and to forever be a big fat mess of a girl. I really wish I hadn't thrown them away, but what is done is done.





And we move on . . . right???





My gramma was so proud at how many sizes I had dropped that she took me on a mini shopping spree last night. I got 2 pairs of size 24 jeans, 3 size 2x shirts (no more 3x&4x's!!) and a cute little cinched jacket for shirts that show my arms. I DO NOT LIKE TO SHOW MY ARMS. Yet.

So, here is a photo of me in my super baggy shabby well worn and seriously frumpy size 28 jeans and another in my new dark denim size 24's!!

Yay!!


(Buzzy was totally disturbed by the fact that I was taking pictures of myself in the dressing room mirror
- She's thinkin' 'Mama, you're so vain!')

The Fat Chick

Thursday, March 11, 2010

PURGE... I NEED TO PURGE!

WHY


DIDN'T


SOMEONE


R.E.M.I.N.D


ME?!?!?!

- - - - - - -

PROBABLY BECAUSE I DIDN'T

ASK???????????

((WHIMPER WHIMPER))

I forgot that since I gave birth pizza makes me ill. It gives me horrible acid reflux, indigestion, gas and diarrhea to name a few things.

Tonight my mom and sister wanted Papa Murphy's.

You'd think with all the horrible side affects I would have held up my index fingers like a shield and said nuh uh. Not me. No thanks. No pizza for me.

I didn't do that.

Nope.

- - - - - -
AND


NOW


I


AM


PAYING


THE


CONSEQUENCES.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Not to mention I momentarily had a lapse in what day it was and forgot tomorrow is my official weigh in day. DUHHHH. Gee Krissy, why dontcha just down a jar of salt for all the sodium you just devoured. Now I'm gonna puff up like a balloon and the scale is gonna be mean to me.

((whimper whimper))

Okay Okay

I hear ya

It's my fault

I know... I chose to eat the dang pizza... I know

And now I'm sad . . . .
.
.
.
.
.
Even though I stayed in a good calorie range

The fact that I feel like this after eating what I ate is proof alone that I shouldn't have.

I'm an idiot...

YUP

An idiot

Now, I'm gonna go curl up in a ball and pray my belly ache goes away

Or maybe I'll barf and feel better... Nah

I don't wanna barf... all I probably have left in there is stomach acid and I'm sure it'll burn my esophagus. UGH

Goodnight

Wish me luck

I need it

And if your scale knows Murphy (my scale) tell your scale to tell him to go easy on me . . .

Yeah, I know... That won't happen
((sigh))

The Fat Chick

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

WHAT A FLIPPIN' DAY

I woke to my 2nd least favorite visitor next to TOM. This one is MIG also known as MIGRAINE. He is a long lost friend who used to visit several times a week but now only drops in maybe 1 or 2 times a month.

I know why he assumed he was invited. The heater was left on all night and being that my room is the hottest in the house it turned into a sauna. My friend loves heat and so he figures whenever I get too warm for too long, it's time for a visit.

So, I woke up, took some apsirin, ate 1 of the crisps from Buzzy's package of 100 calorie Special K crisps and poured myself a cup of coffee. I then ate my own package of crisps but my coffee tasted off so I poured it out in the sink. (Bummer, I had been looking forward to the caffeine to aid in sending MIG on his way)


I felt sick and hungry and gross and so I decided to eat an almond poppyseed muffin. (the poppyseed is crossed out because in the baking process I forgot to add the poppyseeds) Anyway, I ate the muffin, still felt famished. Opened the fridge. Grabbed a couple grapes, grabbed a strawberry and went to sit down on the couch.

Well, as Murphy's Law would have it, on a day where I feel like crapola there is no way my girls are going to be quiet little angels. Of course not! No, Buzzy wanted this and that and needed me to go here and get this and turn on that and wanted me to hold her. Breezely was basically the same but instead of using words she just cried. AND CRIED AND CRIED AND CRIED. Soon my head was throbbing so intensely that I thought I might black out. I called my grandma who rushed over from work to help me. She closed the blinds, gave me a pack of frozen peas for my head and took the girls to play with them. I felt ill, threw up the crisps, the muffin, the grapes and the strawberry, still felt ill, went back to the couch and rested. I still didn't feel any relief. 2 hours later it was still raging and my gramma had a meeting she needed to go to, so my sister took the girls for another 1.5 hours. I slept and felt marginally better when I woke up. We ate soup together with saltines and watched Maid Of Honor. I had a 100 cal pack of chocolate covered pretzels, a few more grapes and another strawberry.

I hate migraines. They whip my butt and leave me feeling exhausted and sick. I managed to eat a couple bowls of the tortilla soup my gramma made though. YUMMM! and for dessert I had 3 pocky. (they are only 10 cals per stick)


So now, my head still hurts but I am nowhere near the level of pain I was in this morning. Before I sleep tonight I am going to take some excedrin migraine and hope to squash MIG once and for all. Well, for at least a few weeks when I know he'll come crawling back for another visit.
Total Calories for today - Approximately 1064 cals - 1468 cals (Do the calories I barfed up count? If they do then the latter calorie count is correct and if they don't then the former is) Either way I am below my estimated 1500 cals per day.
Total Exercise for today - 0 Minutes unless you count lugging my girls around exercise. I just couldn't bring myself to do it with this lingering ice pick in the left side of my head. KWIM?
The Fat Chick

Monday, March 8, 2010

OFF TOPIC, TMI ALERT & I'M TOO SMOOTH

Warning: This post is slightly off topic as in non-weight related. It will contain information many (probably of the XY chromosomes) will probably not want to read. In case you don't quite catch my drift: MEN THIS IS ABOUT MY PERIODS SO IF YOU AREN'T PREPARED FOR BLOOD AND GUTS (OKAY NO GUTS) BUT BLOOD THAN MOVE ON TO A DIFFERENT BLOG NOW.

Okay, so in my last post I had informed you all that my back hurts and I didn't know if it was from my botched spinal and I also mentioned that my period has lasted for 4 weeks. Fun right? No, not really. But my doctor has prescribed a low dose mini pill for me to take so I can have shorter more regulated periods. YAY! That rocks!

In any case I received a few comments that I would like to address.

Grace - Yes, it was an ENORMOUS RAISED BRUISE from the same day my spinal was given. Now, 7 months later it is a series of raised little bumps (invisible to the naked eye) that you can feel when you run your finger over the space. The bumps are scar tissue from where the anesthesiologist attempted to place the spinal.

Kristy - I have been tested for endo and I do not have it. Well, okay I have a bit here and there but anyone who has any scarring on their uterus has a smidgen. I've also had my iron levels checked and I'm not currently anemic (though I was just after the birth) Thank you for the great idea and suggestion. Unfortunately, (and fortunately) that avenue has been looked out and checked off as A-OK.

And this is where I pause to stand on a soap box and pretend like I KNOW IT ALL. A lot of you commented that you also had had 'epi's'. I did not have an epidural. I had a spinal. I had an epidural with my first daughter and it was so awesome. Just in case you were wondering, the difference between an epidural and a spinal is this. An epidural is meant to last long periods of time so a catheter is places between the vertebrae to allow a constant flow of meds. Therefore the needle that threads the catheter does not need to be inserted very far. A spinal is used for a short period of time (as in during a c-section) and the needle has to be inserted deeper into the spine and between specific nerves to numb the patient correctly.

Tangent story - During my spinal from HELL the anesthesiologist did something and hit a nerve in my spine. It felt as though something popped in my back and as though the pop burst fluid and the fluid fell on my leg and began to burn the hell out of my leg. I started screaming! Get it off!! My leg is on fire! Get it off!! Well in reality, nothing popped, nothing burst and there was no fluid and no fire. He had hit a nerve that sent a message to my brain telling me that my thigh was burning (like it was literally being melted away by acid) it was AWFUL!!

Done standing on my soap box now.

Diane - You just turned on a light bulb over my head. ((insert cheesy cartoon light bulb popping on over my head here)) I so DO NOT drink enough water and that is probably why my skin is so dry. Thank you for bringing that to light. DUUUHHH! I totally should have thought of that.

And last but not least,

The Fat Vegan (I hate calling you that but I can't find your name anywhere) - Anyway thank you for telling me about the DIVA CUP (for all women who are sick of tampons and pads click HERE. This totally rocks and I am so gonna get one and try it!! ** Even though it is a green product and as you all know I am soooo anti-green.) <-- In case you don't understand this - purple is the color opposite of green on the color wheel. Trivial info. I know, I'm full of it.


I'M TOO SMOOTH
Another AMAZING story of Idiot Girl

So, tonight I cooked. I made honey-ginger crusted chicken (123 calories per breast) chicken flavored rice and broccoli (my mom steamed the broccoli - I can never do it right) It was decent but not the best thing I've ever cooked. Anyway, before I began cooking I found a blue glass baking pan and I wasn't sure if it was really something you could put in the oven. So, I took it into my mom's bathroom where she was scrubbing her toilet and began to ask her if I could put it in the oven.



Everything happened very quickly. I had been holding the glass pan by its handle and raised it quickly to show her. I opened my mouth and managed to utter the words, 'hey mom can . . .' and somehow (not quite sure how) I managed to smash the heavy glass straight into my mouth. Immediately there was blood running over my lips. I stood there in shock and then pain. My mom thought I knocked a tooth out. Thank God I didn't. But now I have an unsightly blood blister across my two front teeth. NIIIIICEEE!! No not nice... SMOOOTH!! Oh yeah, I'm just toooo smooth!




One last little observation on my part of my own 'retardedness' (I hope the word doesn't offend anyone. I am in no way lessening or making light of real and true mental handicaps) 3 posts ago, I used NSV in the title regarding my 10% goal of weight loss having been met. I received about 10,001 questions asking me what NSV means. For those I did not answer or who didn't know but didn't ask either, it means 'NON SCALE VICTORY'. Now, if you're still confused I don't blame you. Here is where my retardedness comes into play. Reaching a 10% total loss of my starting weight IS NOT A NON SCALE VICTORY. It is very much a SCALE VICTORY! I'm such and idiot. I swear.

And with that I think this post is long enough. Goodnight blog world. I am off to sleepy sleepy land where hopefully tomorrow the neurons in my brain will connect better. Not likely but my hope lives strong!!

The Fat Chick

Sunday, March 7, 2010

ACHES & FATIGUED & A BLOODY MESS OH MY AM I

Firstly,

WARNING: Crabby Post

Secondly,

BACK STORY:

I don't know if I have mentioned any of this before but I'll take the chance that I haven't, risking my reputation of non-repetitive story telling (yeah right) and let you know. I HAVE BEEN FAT ALL MY LIFE. Okay, it really started around 7-8 years old but considering that I am 25 that is nearly 2/3 of my life. Anyway, I volley balled in high school between 200-230. After high school I became an assistant manager at McDonald's (cringe) where I gained an astonishing 50 lbs.

** I suggest you don't eat at McDonalds for breakfast lunch and dinner. You too can gain 50 lbs in 6 MONTHS!!

After I left McDonalds I yo-yo'd between 275 and 290 and one summer I actually reached 300lbs. I lost 30 lbs that summer on The Larry North diet (you can google it) but was never able to go further. Ahem... I was able. I chose not to. And thus I returned to yo-yo-ing between 270 and 285lbs.

When I got married I had just lived for 6 months in Mexico teaching English to children and adults alike. In 6 months I hadn't eaten a morsel of refined, processed or bleached food. There were no chemicals on my vegetables and no hormones in my meat. I came back (after leaving at 290lbs) a whopping 35lbs lighter at 265 lbs.

One year later. I was at 300 again. I got pregnant. I miscarried. I weighed 310. I got pregnant again and gained 62 lbs making my highest weight EVER 372 lbs. I gave birth. I went down to 312 in 3 months. I got pregnant again 1 month later. I gained 35 lbs.

All this said, it is obvious my weight has fluctuated up and down severely my entire adult life and much of my teen life as well. The reason this is relevant is because I don't know where all the sudden freakish body changes are coming from. It seems the catalyst for everything was my change in eating habits and my determination to exercise. Here is my list of symptoms:

1. My feet - Planter's Fascitis (why didn't I have this before when I was my heaviest?)

2. My back - Just pain and lots of it.

**Tangent- With Breezely I had an elective cesarean and the anesthesiologist seriously botched the spinal. What normally takes all of 10-15 minutes start to finish took nearly an hour. He used more than 15 needles my mom said (not counting numbing needles) ranging from fairly thin to enormous in diameter. The end result was this:

Posted Image

This seems to be where most of the pain stem from, but is this truly the cause of my daily/nightly pain after 7 months?

3. Dry skin - My knuckles, my elbows and my feet are all so dry they crack and bleed. WTF? I thought eating healthy was supposed to enhance skin elasticity and the balance of oils etc.

4. Fatigue - At first I thought I was just feeling lazy. But as days and weeks went by I realized I was becoming narcoleptic. I can fall asleep at any given moment anywhere. ANYWHERE. Like on the toilet if I happen to sit there for longer than a couple minutes.

5. My Periods - TMI WARNING - This cycle (if you can even call it a cycle) I have been bleeding for 4 weeks straight. I started my cycle on February 7th or so, it dissipated but never went away and three days ago started back full force! WTF?????? You'd think I'd run out at some point, but no. No no no. I just keep on bleeding.

So, what's wrong with me? Why is this happening now? What am I doing wrong? Any suggestions? Opinions? Please enlighten me cuz I feel like I'm going looney tunes!!!


WHAAAATTTTTTSSSS HAAAPPPPPEENNNNNNNIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGG???
^^^^Bonus Points for those who can tell me what the line above comes from^^^^

Today's Food Log - Haven't done this in a while

Breakfast - Coffee w/ cream + Muffin = 315 cals
Lunch - Lean Cuisine Spinach Mushroom Panini + 1 serving pop chips = 430 cals
Snack - Blood Orange = 75 cals
Dinner - 8 Sushi rolls + White sticky rice + sweet chili sauce = 700 cals
Dessert - Chocolate covered pretzels 100 cal pack - 100 cals

Today's total - 1620 cals

** Went 120 over my 1500 cal daily goal but I'm okay with that. I did good given the circumstances and all the fried wantons I COULD have eaten.

Until tomorrow,

The Fat Chick

Saturday, March 6, 2010

IDIOT GIRL RETURNS

All I gotta say is this:

10,145 pedometer steps

8+ miles

900+ calories burned

I'm ADDICTED TO EXERCISE

AND I'M GOING TO CUT MY FUCKING FEET OFF!!!

After I go to the 10:10 showing of Sherlock Holmes tonight.

The Fat Chick

Friday, March 5, 2010

Progress Pics + NSV

I've I reached the goal of losing 10% of my starting weight and smashed right through it!! WAHOOO!!




Okay, so these are my unofficial progress pics. I will post my OFFICIAL progress pics when I gets to 285. These pictures were taken today at 292. 15 lbs down from my last set of pics and 33 lbs down total. I have put the photos together to compare so you don't have to jump back and forth between screens to get the change effect. 15 lbs doesn't seem like much, especially considering the amount I have to lose in total. But even I think it shows? Or am I seeing things? Be truthful. I can take it.






The Fat Chick

WEIGHT LOSS -> WHAT USED TO BE -> A SHOUT OUT

I lost 2 lbs this week and I'm still kinda shocked. I'm concerned about Murphy (my scale) though. I weighed this morning and he said 291. That would be a 3 lbs loss. I was excited but wanted to make sure it was correct, as I have had an interesting week as you all know. So I weighed again. This time it said 292. Ummm, ok. I weighed a third time. 291. Uhhhh... 3rd time is the charm right? WRONG! 293. WHAT!?!?! So, I left Murphy alone for a while. Did a few chores, washed baby's bottles, made Buzzy her breakfast and went back to Murphy. Stepped on. 292. Stepped off. Waited 2 minutes. Stepped on again. 292. Stepped off. Waited 30 seconds. Stepped on again. 292. UGH! Finally a definitive answer. Thank you Murphy! Jeez. Next time, make up your mind a little quicker, wouldja?


In honor of this last weeks Biggest Loser where they two competitors had to eat a ton of food during their temptation challenge I thought in this post I would reminisce about what I used to be able to eat. And God knows I used to be able to eat a lot. Here is a list, including pictures of what I used to be able to eat in one day. I don't think I could do it now.

BREAKFAST AT IHOP

Corned Beef Hash with Eggs, Hashbrowns, and Pancakes




LUNCH (USUALLY FAST FOOD)
Jack in the Box 6 or so tacos, exchange the sour dough jack in the pic for a spicy chicken sandwich, curly fries and a soda... (all large)




DINNER
Applebees ribs and fries + whatever Buzzy didn't eat of her chicken strips and fries




Add in all the sugary, sweet, fried and salty snacks inbetween and can we say

EEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! THAT'S JUST RANK!!

I could not even begin to eat any of this now . . . 50+ odd days after I started this journey. No way! No how!!

And Now for a shout out . . . to Kayla at 'BIG GIRL' No More. She is such an inspiration! I am urging my readers/followers to head on over to her site. She has lost 100+lbs and is on her way to losing so much more. I am honestly in awe of her work, her success and her go go go attitude. She is one of my favorite bloggers and I am giving this shout out because I think she deserves more support. So head on over.

Now, I am on my way outside to play with my girls since it isn't raining. I'll be back I'm sure. I can't seem to stay away. But for now, tata!!

The Fat Chick
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