Friday Weigh. It speaks for itself. I lost 4 lbs. 4! Holy hell! That pushes me into the 270's!! 278 to be exact and 3 lbs till the 50lb lost mark. HOLY-FRIGGIN-HELL!! I haven't been in the 270's since I got married and I'd just been starved for 6 months living in Mexico and having to choke down my future mother-in-law's food. I'm psyched!!
I think the 270's must scare me. OR I am stressed. OR I just lost control. SOMETHING happened. I did well today to start with. The girls and I went to Ihop for breakfast with the (ex) so they could see him. I had the Rise N Shine off the senior menu. This included 2 eggs over medium. A serving of hashbrowns. Two sliced of turkey bacon. (I specifically requested turkey bacon instead of the real yummy-licious pig bacon) a slice and a half of wheat toast without butter but with a little bit of strawberry jam and a cup and a quarter of coffee with cream. I counted this to add up to approximately 737 calories.
Well, I told myself I wouldn't eat anything else until dinner. My grandfather was making rigatoni in creamy meat sauce and a summer salad. I knew I'd overeat on that so I planned to eat a Lean Cuisine. That plan went all fine and dandy until I got home at 2PM STARVVVING!! So I had a 100 cal pack of ritz snacks. Immediately the salt triggered a sugar craving. I justified it saying even 200 cals in snacks will still only bring me to 937 and I'll have plenty of cals left for dinner.
(NEVER ALLOW YOURSELF TO JUSTIFY EXTRA SNACKING WHEN YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY)
THE RIDICULOUS BINGE!!
So I had a 100 cal pack of chocolate mint cookies. Then things were off and rolling. I literally felt as though I were detached from my body. My feet, my hands and my mouth had a mind of their own. (THIS IS NOT AN EXCUSE. IT IS REALLY HOW I FELT) I asked myself where the hell I was going as I walked to the pantry. My feet didn't answer. I told myself not to pull out the veggie chips. My hands ignored me. I told myself I was being a glutton as I pulled the Walla Walla sweet onion dill dip out of the fridge to dip the chips in. I screamed in protest as I stuffed them in my face and nearly died of a heart attack when I reached for another 130 cal pack of chips. WHAT?!?!?! Where is/was this behavior coming from?!?! In the 4 months I have been on my healthy eating plan this is ONLY the 2nd binge I have had. And it wasn't planned. It came from OUT OF NOWHERE! AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, MY BRAIN WAS DISPUTING MY ACTIONS THE WHOLE TIME. I DIDN'T WANT THE FOOD BUT I KEPT CRAMMING IT IN. By the time I was done with my messy binge-fest I had consumed an embarrassing amount of calories. Truly appalling. Like around 730 calories. Which brought my daily total to 1,467 calories consumed.
AND DINNER WAS STILL COMING.
By now you'd assume I would have come to my senses and put a stop to the madness. So, what did I decide to do. I basically said FLUCK IT and ate a whopping 1087 calories for dinner, including a heaping plate of the pasta my grandpa made, 4 (COUNT EM 4!!!) servings of the summer salad with honey mustard dressing and to top it all off I ate 2 oreos with mint filling.
I am truly disgusted with myself.
I finished the day with 2554 calories today. That is 1000 calories over my goal. NICE.... F---!
On that note, tomorrow is May and April showers bring May flowers.
May 1st holds many happy beginnings.
Tomorrow I will be posting progress pics and starting the c25k program (hopefully the weather cooperates) Until then.