Monday, January 10, 2011

DAY 375 / JANUARY 10, 2011

I think I went a little far yesterday, not because I exaggerated or said anything that wasn't true, but because perhaps I should have left good enough alone. Unfortunately I have an issue with needing 'the last word' and so when Soon to be Ex texted me yesterday and I read what I read, I was livid. I don't know why. I guess everything culminated into that moment.

Here is what he wrote:

*Translated from Spanish to English

You know, I want to talk to you. I know you don't want to talk but that you're there. You know it bothers me that when you get mad you never let me talk to my daughters. You always look for an excuse and that's not okay because it's not their fault. Why don't we get a divorce? So you can be happy and me too now that regardless you took my daughters away from me a year ago and you don't know the pain that I feel not being with them, playing, giving them a kiss goodnight and good morning, being there to take care of them and always at their side to be a father, a friend and when I get home from work tired and stressed to see them to fill my soul with happiness. For them to give me strength to go forward and not be sad anymore to come home to an apartment alone and cold without their love. You say you are tired of my threats because I tell you I am going to change and be like you. It bothers you and I am tired that we aren't a family. That's why I'm asking for the divorce now that what was between you and me isn't working. I want you to be in agreement please so that its fast and our daughters don't suffer.

Like I said, I think I overdid it in my response. I didn't think it through. I should have just said 'ok'. Instead I wrote this:

#1 I'm not mad
#2 I didn't not let you talk to them. I am not obligated to sit by the phone for when you call or text.
#3 I didn't take your daughters away. You pushed us away by being physically, mentally and emotionally abusive. You continue to be emotionally abusive and manipulative.
#4 Divorce is just another word to me after 4 years of marriage to you. You use it as easily as telling me the sky is blue. You've been threatening me with divorce since even before we were married and only around the important times of your immigration didn't you. Coincidence? Yeah, I don't think so. You even threatened to divorce me in the parking lot of Fatty Patty's when I was 6 months pregnant with Buzzy. I asked you, would you leave me and the baby and you said difinitively yes. You said you didn't care what happened to me or the baby. You always told me how you wished we would have waited for kids. You'd get angry at me for wanting them so badly.
#5 Controlling me has always been your objective. You've never cared about us as a couple or a family.
#6 You aren't a good example for our girls. Just to clarify. You've smuggled illegals into the country. Paid to have them brought into the country. Housed them even being your family. As a resident you have the power to make them legal with visas but you prefer illegality because it's easier. You let other people use OUR information illegally. Allow your nephews to obtain drivers licenses illegally (because regardless of whether the licenses are real or not the manner of obtaining them is illegal because your nephews are illegal) 
You don't provide their (the girls') necessities. Diapers/wipes only when I ask. They are never offered. On the other hand when I do buy things you get mad for using your money. My family (grandparents and mom) buy them everything they need. Clothes, shoes, diapers and wipes when you don't, hygienic necessities like soap, towels, toothbrush and paste, rash creams, toilet paper, any medications they might need and as if that weren't enough they have bought bedding and pillows. All the debt we ever accrued my grandpa has been paying. What have you done? Yes you gave us 2 cars, 2 Apts and I was always scared because we were alwayslate or you were threatening not to pay them. You buy the girls toys instead of what they need and when I tell you, you say whatever they need I can buy and then you get mad at me for buying it. You have never bought something because you thought maybe they needed it. You don't think about when they need to eat, if they need to go to the bathroom or be changed. Your mind is always centered around YOU. Which brings me to sex. Do you know how disgusting I have felt when you grab my boobs or butt in front of the girls. I had tried to tell you that we needed to wait but you just get mad. It's DISGUSTING to do those things when they are around regardless of whether they are paying attention or not.
# 7 and lastly I am done with the threats of other women. DONE you are a liar a cheater a user a manipulator and I'm done DONE with your perverse abuse.

Yeah, wow.

I moved my appointment on the 18th up to today. Wish me strength ... Not luck. I want luck to have nothing to do with this.

XO Kristen

7 comments :

  1. I think either answer or NO answer is just fine. Right now what is important is your feelings, not how he reacts to them! I wish you all the strength in the world today!

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  2. I wonder how much of what you wrote he read and absorbed. From the little you have shared I gather he does not listen/hear you when you sepak and does not give much importance to your feelings.
    I bet it was cathartic to tell him what was on your mind and I applaud you for not being petty or childish in your response, I don't know if I could have done the same.

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  3. Glad you moved up the appointment. Now, ignore responding to him in anything but the most terse and necessary ways. To go on and on satisfies him, cause it means he DID get to you and DID push your button. I'm with Allan: OK would have done it. All the other stuff, you tell your lawyer (the child support, the abuse). Not hubby to be ex. The lawyer. Hubby to be ex needs only the minimal communication. Yes. No. Talk to my lawyer. Go away. Dat's it.

    Don't let him feel like he won..again..by pissing you off. Nothing bugs a manipulator more than being ignored. Trust me on this. :)

    Go...be free, baby. Free and healthy as circumstances allow...

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  4. Probably no response at all is even better than than "ok". I bet it felt good to get that all off your chest though!

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  5. If you needed to get that out than thats ok. You are an incredibly strong woman, don't forget that

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  6. You are entitled to reply, I know I would!! Best wishes to you and your babies.

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