I keep dreaming of him.
The good times and the special times are haunting me.
And even though he wouldn't believe it and you might not either, I know he's hurting and despite everything I still hurt when he hurts.
Part of me feels this inexplicable peace. The rest of me is struggling through one of the biggest onsets of emotional turmoil I have ever experienced.
My attorney stipulated that I needed a few things before we could officially serve him. Now, I am the complete opposite of my husband and I had these things 3 hours after I was told I needed them. Part of me is sad that I'm so efficient. My efficiency was good during his immigration. I was always on top of everything. It was good during my pregnancies and when buying our cars but all those events were expected to end happily.
One might argue that this event too is supposed to end happily but for me divorce = broken home = not a particularly celebratory event.
And so I almost feel guilty being so efficient on the journey to the inevitable demise of my marriage.
Thankfully my eating has not suffered. I am still on plan, though my brain is obviously not focused on weight loss. I hope my lack of obsession doesn't somehow reflect in the scale because I have been 100% on.
I guess I'm just feeling like a worry wart.
God give me the strength to change what I can, accept what I can't and the wisdom to know the difference.
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