Believe me when I say that I am as sick of me and my wishy washyness as you. The difference? You can click off my blog or unfollow me and forever leave my inconsistency in the dust. I, on the other hand, cannot.
Perhaps some of you can understand. Others of you read any raise an eyebrow at my absurdity. My lack of commitment. I get that and please believe me when I say I am as sick of me, if not more so, than you.
I've only truly committed to two things in my life unconditionally. My girls who are my world. And my first novel. Everything else comes and goes, gets hemmed and hawed over. I quit, I pause, I disconnect only to come back, try again.
Marriage. My second novel. Weight loss.
I don't consider blogging an achievement otherwise
it would be one of my longest ongoing endeavors.
Allan said something on his blog about me not having joined phase 5 yet. Just so you know, Allan, I've been meaning to email you to join. Damn procrastination issues.
I actually really enjoy being a part of the challenge. It literally obligates me to be accountable which I need. I crave. I can't bullshit Allan like I can bullshit myself. Like I've bullshit(ted?) myself ALL THIS WEEK! I didn't feel accountable after Allan called off phase 4 and I let myself fall completely apart. Gotta get it back together though. One way or another I have got to keep going.
So, I'm in Allan. I'll email you officially this evening when I can access me email more easily. My iPhone is too readily confused with all the different accounts I have.
Tonight the construction of the addition to my moms house (that for now will be one ginormous play room but eventually will be divided into two bedrooms and a bathroom) is going to begin! So flipping excited!! Space! I need space!
And now I must go clean our lunch dishes.
Will probably write a bit more later!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone