Monday, March 28, 2011

A PESSIMISTIC OUTLOOK ON WEIGHTLOSS & YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED

It is of a few weight loss bloggers opinions that a small loss while indulging a bit is not to be celebrated when you could have taken greater control and not indulged and therefore had a bigger loss.

I am not of this mindset. Coming from an all time high of 372lbs and daily binging, I know that a loss of any magnitude is progress and should not be scoffed at or looked down upon.

At 372lbs and eating a minimum of 4000 calories a day it should be applauded when that same person chooses 1 slice of pizza instead of the whole pizza. Because it is progress.

It is like a small child. You don't berate a baby when they don't go from infancy to walking perfectly. Generally they scoot first, crawl next and then when they finally stand up on wobbly legs they will inevitably fall down numerous times. But would you scoff at them and say, 'why do you fall down when you only need to put one foot in front of the other.'

No. You wouldn't say that.

In the same way, a former daily binger should be proud when they progress regardless of the magnitude of that progress. When they lose weight regardless of if it's is 10lbs in a week or .5lbs in a week. It is ALL progress and to belittle it is to belittle the persons efforts. As if they don't matter. As if they aren't significant enough to be considered 'real progress'.

Do you agree?

On another topic, I was e-mailed by three separate people with related and very similar questions regarding my divorce.

Are you having a parenting plan put in place?

The simple answer is yes.

There is a hearing for the temporary order of a parenting plan on April 6 and hopefully the real permanent parenting plan will follow.

Are you going to have him deported for fraudulent marriage?

While I get the idea of this question it isn't as easy as just deporting him and I have no proof of fraudulent marriage. Just circumstantial stuff. There are many factors that go into having someone deported, not to mention he is my girls' father and even though he may have committed fraud in order to get here legally, the statute of liability has likely come and gone and even if it hasn't do you think with all the illegal people in this country that the United States is going to make a non criminal potential fraud case high priority? I think not.

Lastly,

I was told in an email in more than enough words that my husband is the father of my children, has just as much right to them as me and that I am knowingly keeping them from him which will cause the courts to give him 50% custody.

Now, I don't know if this person is a troll trying to get to me or a real life person. I emailed them back and it didn't come back as unsendable so we'll see.

In case they don't get or decide not to respond to my email I will have it be known.

1) my husband is a Mexican national who has talked about going back to Mexico since we moved back from there in 2006. He is therefore a flight risk.

2) my husband is physically, mentally and emotionally abusive.

3) my husband has neglected his parenting responsibilities since my first daughter was born. He chose to be in Mexico for his brothers wedding (his brother had already been with his girlfriend / wife for 20+ years and had 6 children together)

4) he has NEVER done any of the following:

Changed a diaper
Prepared a bottle or meal and fed the children
Gotten them dressed
Woke up with them in the middle of the night
Dealt with a sick child

All he knows how to do is say 'I love you' which I seriously doubt he knows the meaning of and buy them crap they don't need and toys inappropriate for their ages.

Things he has done that make him negligible and dangerous to their well being?

Let's them play with wires and wrap them around their neck

Has played with a plastic bag over his head which makes them think that is ok

Let's them at 1 & 2 walk alone. No hand and not even watching them in places like department stores, supermarkets and parking lots.

He leaves dangerous things such as scissors, knives, safety pins, razors and other detrimental objects within their reach.

He watches inappropriate programs with them. Highly violent (think the movies 300 & Gladiator) with them and doesn't see anything wrong with that.

And he has a horrible temper that he uses at my girls' high emotional momenta to rev them up even further. He has even gone as far as to shake Sassy violently when she wouldn't stop crying.

I could go on for days but I think that will suffice.

I did not, nor would I ever keep my girls from their father inevitably. If they haven't seen him it's because he has decided not to make the effort to meet us halfway. And if I were ever to stop them from seeing him on a particular occasion it would be because I felt that their well being was at risk.

That's all

XO Kristen

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone



10 comments :

  1. Kristin, you are going thru so much right now. Dont get involved with the evil people who are emailing you. Stand tall. We are here for you luv. God Bless

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  2. Try and ignore emails that stress you out further or make you paranoid or upset...you dont need anymore of that! And for the record, I agree with you on the first scenario. Ever see that old Sienfeld epsiode? I relate to it a lot. The whole show, Kramer is trying to stay calm and never ever lose his temper, his mantra is "serenity now" and it works until the very end, when he just SNAPS and loses his mind--goes in and smashes a whole room-ful of computers screaming at the top of his lungs SERENITY NOW! Another character succinctly puts it with a wink, "serenity now--insanity later". I think complete deprivation isnt going to end well myself. Its probably different for different people and I get that, MY opinion is that you are human and you will bend, you may break occasionally but you gotta keep going! Perfection isnt the goal, improvement is.

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  3. I get really irritated when bloggers dog one another out, we are all trying, how about a little support?

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  4. I agree with Ariel! I know it is hard and no matter what he is the father of your children so that makes life just hard. I know its hard! Just be the best Mom that you can be for those beautiful girls and thats all you can do.

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  5. Kristen, don't waste one ounce of your energy on those comments from people who have no clue...You need all that energy to make a positive life for you an your girls. The best advice I was ever given was from a fellow follower of mine, "Don't ever feel like you need to justify your life or what you choose to do, to anyone." You need positve in your life, not the negativity that some like to spew...Hugs, Jennifer

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  6. Kristen- I get you! I said something similar to your point on my blog this week. I lost .4 lbs and it was luck. Am I changing? Yes. Did I falter last week? Yes. Was I different than I was at my high of 309? Yes. Do I know better? Yes. Did I earn that weight loss? NO, A RESOUNDING NO, ALL DAY LONG NO! However, that is my feeling about my weight loss and has nothing to do with any others. Only you know your journey and your struggles. You can share them with the world and try to search for understanding, but only you know you! You be proud of your accomplishments no matter what mis-steps you make take on your journey! Perfection is an achievement sought out by the insane. You will get to where you want to be because you keep on chuggin' along. We will be standing at the station, flags wavin', orchestra playin'. If people have something negative to say, push it to the side, they are not important. You need people who will build you up, applaud your successes and hold your hand when you need a friend. Negative Nelly's be damned... (sorry. got a little passionate there)

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  7. I agree with progress. I don't think we can quantify others progress. I think we can see a stall. or back sliding. But alot of progress can be mental. If I hadn't made mental progress prior to starting, I would have failed with a capital F. I see people who go on for quite a while..making no progress other than mental progress, I can think of one lady in particular. I knew she had turned a corner when she drove a way from a drive through window on the cusp of an epic binge...the same lady who not a few weeks prior had eaten a loaf of bread and a packet of cheese. She had her epiphany at the beach and her attitude from that point on changed completely. She began feeling her emotions. Now she has really moved forward and has gotten surgery and is getting healthy. She will make it. So will you.

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  8. I agree with what you say about losing a little after you've allowed yourself to indulge. All weight loss should be celebrated! I think if you still managed to lose something, no matter how small, after allowing yourself to indulge should be celebrated even more. Because even after you ate more than you've trained yourself to, then it must not have been as bad as you thought. It shouldn't become a constant occurrence, though.

    On a side note, since I'm new to your blog, I love your rewards system! The tattoos are so pretty... I think I'm going to have to do something like that. The rewards system.

    Good luck!

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  9. Good morning...Two seperate issues, do not lump them together, it is a cop out... You are the parent, you are in charge of your children, and you will do what is best, F#$$ck anyone that tells you different... As for celebrating the loss of an ounce, well, time is not on your side. If you want to be the parent, then get healthy enough to stay the parent, fast... XXXOOO

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  10. There are certain people in the world who live to make others miserable. I'm sorry that one of them decided to leave a rude comment. I had one of those...after I vented about my kids, my ex..etc. These are our blogs, our feelings. We should be able to write what we want and not worry about having to censor ourselves. We do the best we can in this life and that's all anyone can ask of us. Don't let some jerk bring you down. There are those of us out here that really do care and understand what you're going thru.<3

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