Thursday, March 3, 2011


Princess said:
... you should have known what was coming, too, which only makes me wonder why you continue to allow him to dictate your life.

Why can't he come and see his daughters in a place that is mid-point or neutral and you don't have to drive a long time? A park or a mall? Where you'd have options? Or you could take a boxed lunch for yourself and the if he sayd "let's eat crap" you can say, "Go ahead. Eat crap. We have good food."

Truly, the only reason why I allow him any control over anything in my life is fear. I have an insane (and probably irrational?) but ever present fear of what he is capable of doing to me and my girls. He is known to go to any means to get what he wants. Which includes by illegal means. And while is illegal activities thus far have been small time, i don't want to test how far he will go. This instills more fear in me. When a person isn't scared of the law and is willing to surpass it to achieve his goal the fear factor/the intimidation factor and the dilemma of control comes into play. If I don't give him some control, to what extent will he go to take it anyway. And when I mean control, I mean my girls. He knows my world revolves around them. And he knows my world would disintegrate without them.

As for why he 'can't' come see us... Well, he can. He would have to ride a bus (because he had his car voluntarily repossessed) across state borders and I've suggested it. He became furious that I (who has a car) would assume to expect him to take a bus when I could easily just drive to him. He is a very selfish man in many ways.

I don't know if I have mentioned it before but I get food stamps. He makes a decent amount of money every 2 weeks in his paycheck. Because he doesn't live with us I am not legally allowed to share my food with him. Yet he is always telling me how he needs food and that I am selfish for not buying his food with the government money. That I don't think about his needs and his health. This is just an example of his thought process.

Anyway, I have to wrap this up but what I do is out of fear. I have constant fear. There isn't a night I don't go to sleep and wonder if I haven't pushed him too far and fall asleep terrified of what he (or someone he knows) might do to me, my family or my girls.

Here I was going to write about shopping day this coming Tuesday. But I'm late getting ready for a doctor appointment so instead I will pose a question.

What staples (absolutely necessary grocery items) do you keep in your house on your healthy living journey? Snacks? Meals? Condiments? Help a girl out for my upcoming shopping trip!

XO Kristen

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


  1. For snacks, I get light popcorn,and fat free or as close to fat free yogurts and puddings as I can and I like grapes and apples.
    I eat a lot of healthy choice meals and light progresso soups and I make my own salads...I only use fat free salad dressings. I buy chicken breasts boneless/skinless and I like to bake or grill them...and I like frozen veggies better than canned. For condiments anything fat free! and I love MRS DASH in the yellow shaker, you can use it on veggies and meats and even in potatoes...and it is salt free but high on flavor... I hope everything gets better for you real soon...hugs, Jennifer

  2. yogurt, granola bars (the crunchy kind) apples and oranges (not bananas too many calories)...I get lots of chicken and ham lunch meat, because believe it or not, ham is pretty low in calories. I get low fat (2 percent) cheese sticks and shredded cheese. I never get blocks because I will eat it. I get 2 percent fage and honey. These things help me...or and tons of frozen vegetables.

  3. Things I always try to keep stocked in the house... boneless, skinless chicken breasts, lean ground beef, frozen veggies, fresh veggies, fresh fruit, jello pudding snacks, yogurt, hot chocolate, ritz crackers, laughing cow cheese, light whipped cream, soup, canned crushed tomatoes, pasta, fat free milk, bottled water, stuff for homemade pizza, shredded cheeses... I can't think of anything else right now. I've stopped using almost all fat free and sugar free products. They aren't satisfying to me and I end up eating more than I should. I've had alot of success eating real food. I'm buying more and more organic... tastes much better to me. I also buy natural products as much as I can. Everything is more expensive but my grocery bill hasn't gone up because I use coupons and sales.

    Take care!

  4. Hey Kristen, sorry for everything you are going through. Lord knows this journey we are on is hard enough without added stress. All the best to you.

    To answer your other question, here are some staple healthy items I keep (I am going to omit the obvious choices of fresh fruit and vegetables, as I'm sure that is obvious to you).

    Frozen vegetable steamer packs, tea, low carb wraps (I keep mine frozen so I don't feel pressured to eat them fast), frozen veggie-meat items, oatmeal, protein shake stuff, greek yogurt, 100-calorie cream cheese packs, tuna, chicken breasts, ruby red grapfruit fruit packs (in the refrigerated produce section), low sugar/fat free hot chocolate.

  5. Heaven knows that fear is a mighty powerful immobilizer. But with things as they are, fear exists and you are controlled. It takes a lot of inner cojones to move out of that fear zone and I hope you take the advice given by others here who have been through similar things and do it--get him out of your life to the maximum extent possible legally, mentally, familially. It won't be complete. He's there for the duration that he wants as the dad. But the more you get him out and the more you plan and take precautions and get courts and govt on your side, the better. Have as many allies as possible....but just keeping the status quo is helping how? Are you unafraid? Or are you still stuck in the prison camp, refusing to try to scale the wall and head to Switzerland?

    Make the freedom plan. Get help.

    Staples: a lot already mentioned.

    Main snack staples: unsalted nuts, Greek yogurt, sugar-free preserves (for the yogurt at times), cheeses (lowfat and fat free and occasionally full fat that I really like in small amounts) and fruit (fresh and frozen).

    Dessert: sugar free Jello, sugar free pudding, sugar free frozen treat. I use mostly fruit as dessert these days, though.

    Meal staples: thelogical stuff--lean meats, leaner dairy, eggs and egg whites, a bunch of spice options--including all the Mrs Dash no salt ones, salad fixings, veggies for side dishes (asparagus, string beans, broccoli, zucchini, mushroom are my main ones), veggies for omelettes, fruit, high-fiber resistant starch pasta (which I rarely have, but it's nice as an option when I crave Italian), Rao's marinara sauce, parmesan cheese (for salads, soups, pasta), protein shakes (for when I dont wanna eat but need protein), a few protein bars to keep in purse for emergencies, frozen veggies, low-carb hot cakes (for when the pancake cravings hit, these do little damage), sugar free pancake syrup, EVOO and vinegars, lemons/limes (for spicing up meats, salad dressings, water).

  6. PRincess .. is very right in what she is saying to you.. too add to that fear is our greatest enemy if we empower ourselves to do what needs to be done to get different results.. then we win.. if we stick with what we have always done and expect different results then we lose...
    Hang in there and for your freedom and your children's freedom Fight back..get rid of him.. he does not add to your life.. all he seems to have ever done that is worth anything ( i know you say you still love him) ... is donate sperm to you to create your precious daughters!

    okay here is my list..

    Lean meat ( eaten usually just once a week)
    Chicken, Fish, Kept in the freezer and portioned out)
    Low fat ( I do not like Fat Free products) Sharp Cheddar cheese and a couple of hard cheeses from Fresh Market or Whole Foods that we enjoy occasionally with fresh fruit
    Yellow Squash
    Cauliflower ( or Broccoli which ever is on sale that week)
    Green onions
    Bagged Salad greens
    Vidalia Onions
    jarred roasted or fresh garlic
    Paul Newmans Tomato Basil Spaghetti Sauce
    Angel hair Pasta
    Red Pepper, Green yellow and Orange Peppers ( whatever is available)
    diet Crush or Diet Sunkist
    Tropicana 50 Apple juice and Pomagranite blueberry juice
    Smart Choice (olive oil) buttery spread
    Smart Choice Roasted Smooth Peanut Butter
    50 calorie Natures Own Whole Wheat Bread
    Reduced fat Triscuits or Wheat thins
    Vita Muffin tops or brownies

  7. Rice cakes, carrots, jicama, hummus, guacomole, salsa, celery, thai noodles, peanut butter, cashini, apples

  8. So much of this stuff is dead #1 staple right now are multi-grain Sandwich Thins, Thin Buns, whatever the particluar breand might call them!

  9. *I make chocolate popcorn*
    1 bag popped popcorn
    1 semi-sweet bakers chocolate square (melted)
    1 tbl. Honey
    Mix chocolate and honey and pour over popcorn, stir.

  10. Kristen I feel bad that you are going through so much, but maybe it is time to get tough instead of being a victim? Are you working? If not maybe seeking employment so you don't have to be dependent on someone else. I know it's hard having kids and trying to work, but you can do it. I did. Without help: financial or otherwise. I was an 18 year old single mother with a 2 year old child. I worked and put myself through school and got a nursing degree. You can do it!

  11. Family Matters of Greater Washington/Child Services
    (support groups for abused women, children, adolescents, and batterers)
    Phone: 202-289-1510
    Kristen, the issue is not really about being able to eat well, the issue is that you are married to an abusive man. I worked in a domestic violence shelter for a year, what has helped women in the past is to talk with other women about their experiences. There IS a legal system out there to help you. There are support workers, counselors, and shelters for YOU. Please reach out and make some calls. Find out what you can do to help yourself and your children. They are witnessing this as well and are learning how to be women from you and what to expect from men from their father. He is acting this way because of the control he gets. It's not about his nephews, it's about you being in his control. He can threaten you with divorce and custody, but what are the chances of his getting custody? Not much. Not if he barely sees then and you are their primary caregiver. Please call and find out the help you deserve.

  12. I like plain non fat yogurt
    frozen cherries (no added sugar or sweetener)
    protein powder, chocolate and vanilla
    brown rice


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