I can't right now, though.
I have no monetary income except the EBT that the state gives me and the pennies I can squeeze out of my husband for bills or *gasp* ... Diapers.
(I am honestly so looking forward to the day when both my girls are completely potty trained so that never again do I have to hear 'again? You just bought them!')
Hopefully the temporary motion will get me a little more cash flow so I don't have to
Given he actually adheres to the motion and isn't a typical jackass like so many men, I should be receiving a decent little chunk of change every month. Definitely nothing to live off of long term and most definitely not enough for what it takes to raise two children . . . but when does the government ever do anything logically?
I get a friggin motherload on EBT for myself and my two toddler daughters but I get about $200 less in child support. Does that makes sense? ((shrugs))
In any case, after some stressful events today dealing with the husband I must admit that I didn't cope well. I controlled my urges to binge. I didn't binge. ((sigh of relief))
But I did a little damage.
I had held it together so well until around 2 o'clock when he texted me about seeing the girls tomorrow and I asked him what time. He has taken to being very selective in which texts he does and doesn't answer. So, after he hadn't responded for almost 20 minutes, I called him. Just. To. Get. A. Time. Bad move on my part. I should never call him.
He was already at work. I could tell by the sounds of the dishes clanging around.
And then I heard a female voice,
'Hola Arturin, como estas," and a distinct sound of a kiss (probably a cheek or air kiss as his culture is accustomed to . . . at least I'm hoping) near the phone and then his response in an overly flirtatious tone and he continued this little conversation while I am sitting on the phone waiting for the simple answer about when he was going to come see the girls. Then! He has the nerve to hang up on me without saying anything more to me.
So, regardless of whether I am divorcing the guy or not, it still stings. I did love him. On some level I think I still do. He is my girls' father and what I thought was the person I would spend forever with, so yeah it stings.The purposeful flirtatiousness while I'm on the phone and maybe it's just because we had so many issues with the intimacy of his female 'friendships' while we were together. I don't know.
Can you tell I am a highly insecure person?? ((That was sarcasm just in case you couldn't read the inflection))
In any case, those insecurities and my own self loathing surfaced.
But I DID NOT binge.
Thank God for some level of self control, even if it was only by the skin of my teeth.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone