Sunday, April 24, 2011

HONESTY

I'm going to be completely honest here.

I gorged on Easter candy today.

I plan to start a renewed plan tomorrow.

I am not at all confident that I will succeed.

I am confident that I will never stop trying.

I am ashamed that my weight has risen above 300 once again.

I am mad that I lost control that much for that amount of time.

I am going to do within my physical capability to control what I put in my mouth.

Psychology, reverse psychology, counting, humming, crying, screaming . . . it will all come into play.

AND immediately, I will be tested.

Tomorrow is Monday.

I have to spend 5 hours every Monday with the girls' dad.

I need to pray and ask God to help me. I need to pray that he allows me to be in control of my actions. I need to pray I don't feel the need to drown my emotions. I need to pray that at the very least, he gives me a tummy bug that makes me feel just nauseous enough that NOTHING sounds appealing. Oh please God . . . help me, especially tomorrow.

XO Kristen

18 comments :

  1. Could you requested supervised visits for the kids with your ex? Such an ass that he feeds them junk, etc., seems like you would have a good basis to make the request that the court appoint someone to supervise his visits. Then maybe you could also get some time to yourself. Too bad you can't pack food for the girls to eat, but I would guess that he'd still pull the same garbage he always seems to pull.

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  2. We all have setbacks, things in life that weigh down on us so hard that its all we can do to simply breathe. As long as you keep starting over youve already won.

    I keep this on my fridge:

    I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward -Thomas Edison

    Remember, every bad day HAS to end =)

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  3. I'm where you are as well. Just hang in there..we can do this!!

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  4. Good luck! Don't be ashamed. We have all been there. The important thing is to get back on the wagon. Today is a new day!

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  5. Dear God,

    Be with Kristen. You know how tough today is going to be, you the pressures and stress that being with the girls' dad brings into her life.
    You know the way she is already feeling defeated because she ate Easter candy yesterday. Help her to know that just because she messed up yesterday, she ISN'T a mess, she ISN'T a failure. Help her to see herself through Your eyes as your dearly loved child, and to know that she is not alone. Be with her, and giver her wisdom and self control today. Care for and protect Sassy and Breezy. Thanks God, Amen.

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  6. Hang in there. We have all gone up and down. That is a reason why we can all support each other.
    Just remember that everything happens for a reason and embrace each experience because it is not only teaching you about other people, but about yourself as well... You can get through this.

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  7. Don't feel bad, you're not alone on the Easter candy. I can hear it calling me as we speak...

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  8. Good luck and hope it works out for you....I wasn't so great with the easter candy either

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  9. Hang in there hon...why do you have to spend time with him? counseling? oy. Good luck. a little syrup of ipecac goes a long way Just kidding! lol.

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  10. I hope your Monday went smooth and that you update us shortly.

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  11. Hey baby! Where is your sexy ass at? Time to update us!

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  12. Hey Kristen, hope you're doing well. I know you have so much going on in your life right now so I genuinely hope you're handling the stress okay. Keep your head up, and if you ever need to talk, drop me a line.

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  13. Long time lurker here. Hope you're okay. It's been such a long time since you've updated. I hope nothing is wrong.

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  14. It's been a while, K. People worry. Please update.

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  15. Where are you girl? We miss you :)

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