Saturday, May 14, 2011

DO OR DIE

To merely explain the plethora of pain I am feeling as a direct affect of my food choices and subsequent weight gain might be considered redundant and believe me, no one knows this better than me. But I have to put it out there.

Lately I have had constant headaches, they radiate everywhere from the center of my skull, behind my eyes, into my ears, down my neck, around my jaw and even into my teeth.

My back is a contorted and dilapidated mess that barely keeps me erect most days. (I'll be at at least one of my readers smirked or smiled at the word 'erect')

I have trouble breathing some days. It hurts all the way from my esophagus deep into my lungs and sometimes the space around my heart aches. Physically. Worrisomely. I have acid reflux that sends acid into my mouth the minute I'm hungry as well as intense stomach cramps after I've eaten too much and I spend just waaayy too much time in the restroom.

I'm tired. So tired. But not just from stress and the activity level of my girls. I am literally fatigued. At any given moment through the day I could sit down and close my eyes and I would be out faster than you could snap your fingers.

Sunday my mom and I had planned to start eating well together but even as I write that I wonder 'how quickly will I fail this time?'

You would think that all the reasons I just named, not to mention the 2 most precious reasons in the world would keep me from eating crap.

Well, I think I'm just about at my breaking point. I got to this point at the end of 2009 when I tipped the scales at 325. I'm not far behind that and aside from the physical pain I am also feeling the simple discomfort of carrying too much mass. It's not a happy thing.

I was told I should hear something regarding this business venture with Metabolic Research Centers by Tuesday. My initial consultation with them was sadly eye opening and very possibly an aha moment.

Stats: 314.6 lbs
53% body fat (normal should be between 24%-27%)
40lbs lean muscle mass

That's approximately 145 lbs of fat. That's a lot of fat, especially when the consultant holds up a 1lb model of fat and it is bigger than my hand.

So, I'll be updating regularly now. My 2 week hiatus is over. Depending on whether I am counting calories or doing it the Metabolic Research way, I will be updating accordingly.

Stay tuned...

Kristen

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


6 comments :

  1. I hope you feel better! It's great you and your mom are doing this together. I am losing weight with my boyfriend and it helps when one person is down the other person encourages! :)

    You CAN do this! Enjoy your weekend!

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  2. I know it's discouraging... especially when you're in pain. Hang in there. Once the weight comes off it's a whole new world.

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  3. Have you considered an antidepressant? It may help.

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  4. Sweetie, this is a problem with a solution. Just as the problems are within you and within the makeup of your food, the solution is within you and the makeup for the food you choose.

    You CAN DO THIS. Absolutely. Hard as it is, it is not beyond you. YOu have the advantage of being young, and solving this NOW is better than waiting like I did.

    Make sure you have people you trust read anything the Metabolic Research people put in front of you to sign. Sign nothing without good counsel and reading it carefully. It might bite you in the butt later.

    Once you put the strategies in place--everything from meal limitations to new stress-reducing actions to alternate habits to handle emotional needs (other than food) to exercise to fluids to affirmations to journaling to daily blogging--once it becomes habit, you'll find liberation in time.

    Beware of saying Do or Die. Just say, "I'll do it. Today, I will overcome a bit more. Today, I will move and drink my water and tell myeslf that the healthful foods and beverages are great, I love them, they heal me." Say these things when you get up. Believe them. Pray. Ask for support from friends and bloggers and family. Solve the problem for yourself and you can help keep your daughters from following in a similar path and suffering as well the pangs of the morbidly obese.

    I believe in you. Be careful, but be utterly committed. Utterly believing in your blossoming.

    God bless, sweets. I'm cheering you on...

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  5. Princess, thank you for your continuous support. I truly don't know how to express what it means to me. :) You are always very encouraging and inspiring. Thank you again.

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