Tuesday, July 12, 2011

The Rest of Today --> The Rest of My Life

Today has been good. No cravings. Mental hunger but I am 100% aware that it is mental hunger. I won't cave to that. That's what I'm really trying to do here. Change my habits. Change the way I look at food. Eat to live not live to eat. I don't want every waking thought to be about what I can stuff in my face next to numb me, distract me, and give me the excuse that "Well, I'm fat so I can't/won't/shouldn't/...".

Lunch was a 1/2 turkey cranberry wrap with 15 BBQ Lays chips. Snack was a veggie roll in rice paper with sweet chili sauce. Dinner will be one slice of homemade meatloaf (made with cracker crumbs, eggs and ...duh... hamburger), one scoop of homemade mashed potatoes (made with skim milk, butter, salt and pepper) and a veggie medley. Dessert will be two homemade Quaker oatmeal cookies.

I was invited to a bachelorette party and immediately my mind went to, 'but I won't be able to eat or drink'... Yeah, this is my life. My way of thinking. This is what I need to change. My first thought should not be about what I can or cannot eat but that 'wow, I'd love to celebrate with my friend' and it shouldn't matter what does or doesn't go into my mouth while I'm celebrating.

I have a kid's birthday party to go to on Sunday. They're making tri-tip and side dishes and the mom is known for her desserts and her appetizers and I am so worried . . . worries that I will cave, eat and ultimately fail. I need to take this one day, one meal ... maybe even one hour at a time. I can get through this and successfully. I need to remember that food cannot/ should not control me. I control it. I decide what goes inside my mouth and what doesn't and ultimately I decide what my priorities are. I must always remember that I will NEVER regret NOT eating that pie/cookie/cake/ice cream (except while it's there to eat)... Once it is gone, the temptation will be also. I will ALWAYS regret EATING those things and the regret will last much longer than the agony of not eating them.

Salud!

3 comments :

  1. You have a great attitude: "I decide what goes inside my mouth and what doesn't and ultimately I decide what my priorities are." Don't worry about those social activities and the tempting food. Just make the healthiest choice this minute and the next and the next . . . until it becomes a habit. Worry doesn't get you anywhere.

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  2. Stop dieting! Stop weighing yourself! Give yourself permission to just live. If you stop counting calories you can learn to relax around food. Counting calories and tracking food isn't working for you! If you're not on a diet you'll have no reason to binge and just start your diet again "tomorrow". I don't really know you, but I bet you gained the most amount of weight while telling yourself you'll just start a diet on Monday. Just try it! Say NO to dieting!!!

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  3. Doing good! I'd print this post out and keep in your pocket when you go to this party. ;)
    Sometimes we forget in the heat of the moment where our priorities are, you can sneak off and remind yourself. :)

    as far as unicorn's idea of not tracking cals, well, when I don't track I gain, when I do track, I lose. I'm not depriving myself and I don't consider myself to be on a 'diet' other than the definition that means the things that we eat. Not everyone is so blessed as to be able to handle intuitive eating. If I knew how to not overeat, I'm sure I wouldn't have gotten to 299 lbs. I've been tracking for 9 months now and have lost 77 lbs. I won't stop, not even when I get to goal.

    My emotional attachment to food/attitude regarding food/etc, will probably never be gone entirely and I will never naturally eat like a thin person. I'm aware, I know. Knowing is half the battle right? Not only do I know, but I'm doing something about it. Unicorn's comments seem very absolute, but unfortunately with weight loss there is no one thing that works for everyone, if there were, there would be no fat people, I'm sure.

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