Tuesday, August 16, 2011

BACK FROM THE ABYSS


So, this post has been a long time coming. I’ve been out of the blogging world for a while. I needed a break from sooo much technology. I needed to focus on my girls, myself, my divorce and priorities. I had started another blog but it didn’t feel right because the title was Zumba This Butt Sexy and I was unable to even afford any Zumba classes. That really isn’t an excuse though. My real excuse was that I became so ashamed and so embarrassed of my backward peddling that I just didn’t want to blog anymore. I back peddled so far that I went above what I started at in January 2010. Crazy.

I started eating well again on August 4, the day after Breezy’s 2nd birthday, and Thursday will be my second weigh in. Thus far, I have lost 13lbs.

A lot has been going on behind the scenes of my life. My divorce is moving forward slowly. Things are being drawn out by the courts, parenting classes that are on hold because they violate temporary visitation orders and a bunch of other trivial details. 

My little sister finished her EMT training and will be moving on to the next chapter of her life which I admit, I am a little jealous of though there is no true jealousy there. I guess it’s more a remorse for what I could have done and could have been. I want her to do everything I chose not to out of ignorance. 

My mom had her hysterectomy and is healing well. She wears an estrogen patch ‘the size of Florida’ that everyone blames her mood swings and out of nowhere fits of emotion and/or rage on. But we all know she’s been thrown into full blown menopause at 43 so, we are making the best of things. It isn’t really all that bad most of the time, but I can say she and I have had our fair share of shouting matches and butting heads since her surgery. But we always forgive either, verbally or in silence. My mom and I love each other unconditionally. THANK GOD!

Breezy was recently hospitalized for dehydration due to strawberry tongue/ massively swollen and virally infected tonsils as well as potential strep. She is home now and seems to be doing much much better but I never want to experience that fear again. No mother who experiences the sunken eyes of her child rolling around in their head or drooling so profusely that you know they are unable to swallow and possibly having difficult time breathing. I don’t ever want to see her so lethargic that when you lift her arm and let go it flops down like she’s unconscious. I will never unheard her moans of distress and pain while we tried to hydrate her orally, numbing her with everything under the sun until there was nothing more to do but use IV fluids. I thank God every day that he made her better. And to think that the very day I took her to the ER we had visited our doctor that morning and he had simply sent her home with instructions to hydrate and administer Tylenol. He hadn’t mentioned that she was already dehydrated. He hadn’t even checked her glands, her ears, eyes or anything. He didn’t ask when the last time she had urinated and when she was admitted to the hospital, the nurses and pediatrician looked at me like I must be lying that another pediatrician wouldn’t go through such basic protocol.

((deep sigh))

Now that the last month has been summed up in a paragraph, I must say that I don’t know how often I will blog, but I do want to keep this blog open to do so when I need to. Thank you to all of you who still follow me, even if you think I am blogging elsewhere, not blogging at all or have fallen off the face of the earth.
I still follow everyone’s blogs too and enjoy them very much, rooting everyone on even in silence.
So, there it is! I’m back. Working forward and praying not to fall back each hour of each day that passes just for my health and the benefit of my babies. I look forward to slowly rejoining the weight loss blogging community.

Love,
Kristen

5 comments :

  1. So sorry to hear about Breezy, what a scary experience! Sounds like it's time to find a new pediatrician.

    ((Kristen))

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  2. welcome back! Glad to 'see' you. You can only move forward from here. You will do great. Glad your little one has recovered. That is frightening.

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  3. I know its hard to come back but you did. Thats the important part. Take it one day at a time.

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  4. It seems like everyone I know took a blog break at the same time - including me. Glad you're back. I back peddled myself too. All the way back to 320. And I too tried another blog b/c sometimes you feel like starting over. Plus - I feel like I'm more than a weight loss blog. I'm a mommy and a wife and a homemaker too. I'm glad to hear your daughter's better - that sounds like a scary experience!!! And I'm glad you're back to blogging - however infrequently. We all know that real life matters most. Keep the chin up and keep blogging when you can!! :)

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  5. Hi, new follower here. The ups and downs of this journey are just crazy aren't they? Glad to see you back on track, looking forward to catching up on some of your posts!

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