Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Holy Hell, My Butt

1 hour + 5 minute cool down on elliptical this morning + full lower body weight workout and OH.MY.SWEET.GEEBUS! My butt muscles are on fire! 190lbs 3 sets of 15 reps on my calves and 110lbs 3 sets of 15 on my quads, hips and butt muscles. Did I take anyone's name in vain yet because it's on the tip of my tongue with how much my ass is killing me!

In addition to my butt qualms I am also having serious other pains. I moved 3 twin pillow top beds including box spring and bed frame by myself through the house. I think I tore something between the arch of my foot and my inner ankle. Then I spent half today on my knees rearranging the girls' play room and now my knees feel like there are no ligaments to separate the bones from rubbing together. Yikes!

So, opinions on exercise please. Longer time with steadier pace or short and furious? Also, how long should each session of weights last? Right now I'm averaging between 15-20 minutes. Give me your wisdom!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Feeding the Addict

Jules from Jules Moves posed this question on my opening post to this blog:

jules said...

why wait for Jan 1? I never understood that. If you really want something, why wait for it? Just because of some date? If you start now, you're already a couple days in on Jan 1st :-)

Monday, December 26, 2011


My entire life I have been and felt insecure in one way or another. Academically I was only average. Socially I was awkward at best. Physically... Physically I was always a mess. From a very young age I had a round belly. I wasn't fat but the way my family dressed me with my pants cutting into my belly, forever splitting it into an upper and lower bulge left me damaged irreparably. As a tween I hated that my armpits were slightly darker than the rest of my skin. I thought something was wrong with me. Little did I know that when you are of Mediterranean descent, certain areas are more darkly pigmented. As a young teen I hated that my thighs touched or the way my butt looked when I sat down cross legged. As a teen I did everything in my power to hide my body. Baggy pants and baggier sweatshirts. As a mid teen I worried about the different sizes of my boobs, the hair that was just too dark to be on my upper lip or under my chin. I started shaving my upper lip when I was 16. I regret that because at that age the minute hairs were barely peach fuzz. Shaving only created a monster.

From my young childhood to present I have heard comments on my weight. Everything from nonchalant conversation, to crass insults, to sincerely concerned suggestions. I've heard all the names in the book, all the fat jokes and insults and of course I have had the list of potential health problems ticked off at each doctor visit where a weigh in is necessary.

Of everything in my life I am most insecure about my body. Most wouldn't know this from the way I present myself. I don't hide in oversized clothes or wear grandma clothes because I feel resigned to it. On the contrary most might even think of me as narcissistic because of my choice in clothes, hair style, the way I apply my makeup or the perfume I wear. But I'm not a narcissistic person, rather I am simply a little girl inside a fat adult body begging for approval. And the worst of it all? I'll never have the approval of the one I need the most.

My own.

So this blog is an aid to help me accept myself, change and better myself so I can let go of my insecurities and not worry anymore. Not worry about what others think or what they'll say or even worse, what I think they are thinking and what I think they want to say.

Come along with me on my journey and try to enjoy the ride. I predict an adventure!

If You Still Follow, Thank You. If You're New, Welcome!

An old blog with an old purpose, a new name and a fresh start. My life has been slowly slipping away from me while I sit on the sidelines watching, and wishing and doing absolutely nothing but feeling sorry for myself. Christmas 2011 has come and gone. New Year 2012 is on the horizon. I have always theorized that even years generally turn out better than odd ones and I am praying that in the case of 2012 I am not wrong. Cliché as it may sound, January 1st starts my new years resolution that I don’t plan to let slip by me like I did in 2010. In April of 2012 I don’t plan to let whatever weight loss I have achieved blind my vision of my goal which will still be far off and 2012, though leading into an odd year will lead me into 2013. For those of you who don’t know me well enough, 13 is my lucky number. So, here is to 2012. May it bring love, laughter, joy and dreams come true; weight lost, lives gained and health into the future.

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