Saturday, January 29, 2011

DAY 395 / JANUARY 30, 2011

A day of internal warfare.

First.

Weigh in.

Yesterday, said 271.

Today said:




Blogger for iPhone is being a bitch and flipping my photo.

For those of us not proficient in upside down reading it says 271.2.

That's a loss of 0.8lbs.

Hey it's a loss right.

No!!

It's Shit!

Stupid binge.

And I did so well after Tuesday.

Literally 4 days of under 900 cals with all required water and minimum 400 cal burns!

Every day!

Frick and Frack!

Whatever!

This is a new week.

The mental struggle for emotional comfort and fulfillment is there but I am chomping sugar free gum and blogging to forget about drowning my frustration in the cookies, chocolate, muffins, ice cream and sugary cereal my mom bought last night.

Yesterday, I went shopping with my little terrors and before the mother of all tantrums exploded I was able to try on 2 things. They look horrible but they fit.

Size 1x.

A dress I thought I'd try.

My girls were quite amused by the prominence of my lower spare tire.

Needless to say... Um... I didn't (nor would I ever) by this (looking like this)


I tried on this empire hoodie. Cute but still too tight so a no.

Size 1x


Those shirts hanging in the background never got a chance.

((sigh))

Ok. Done here.

XO Kristen

Thursday, January 27, 2011

DAY 392 / JANUARY 27, 2011 PART II

Here's the deal peeps.

I'm in Allan's phase 4.

1200 calories a day.

8400 calories a week.

I know the approximate caloric value of my binge. I'm severely ashamed by it.

I will be eating no more than 900 calories with a net intake of no more than 500.

You see. There are 4 days including today that I have to salvage my intake. Even at 500 calories a day for 4 days that is 2000 calories and puts me near 10,500 for the week.

Do the math. 1200 days on Sunday and Monday. 2400 calories. 2000 calories Wednesday- Saturday. Intake excluding Tuesday is 4400. Subtract 4400 from 10,500 and you get 6100.

Yup.

That was my intake on Tuesday.

Now tell me not to eat 900 calories with a 400 burn. Seriously. If I can consume 6100 calories in one day I think my body is well taken care of. Theres no risk of it going into starvation mode (although I believe it takes your body an extremely long time on intensely minimal calories before it goes into any such 'mode') or burning muscle instead of fat.

This is 4 days people. It won't kill me. Perhaps as princess said the hunger will be stronger but those are the consequences. I'm willing to endure them.

XO Kristen

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

DAY 392 / JANUARY 27, 2011

First, my plan to remedy my binge from hell on Tuesday is to make sure my net intake every day is under 500 calories. So, I will either eat very frugally or I will make sure to burn off any excess calories with extra exercise, above and beyond what Allan calls for in Phase 4. Tonight is Zumba so that shouldn't be an issue today.

This morning I was going through photo albums with my girls and I realized I HAVEN'T been overweight my whole life. Rather I yo-yo'd from being healthy to chunky as a child and finally around 10-12 started rapidly gaining weight. Its strange to be under a wrong assumption ... About yourself.

So here is a photo timeline of my yo-yo from healthy to chunky to overweight to obese.

Even in my mom's belly I appeared to be huge!


I was really only 8lbs 2oz when I was born.


I was a normal if not extremely tall 1-2 year old.


3-4 I was still too tall and not skinny but solid.

When I was 3 my mom and I got in an accident. I shouldn't be here. The lower side of the smushed roof was where I was.



Still a normal sized 5-6 year old.


My sixth birthday. Dare I say I look thin?


My 7th birthday. The chunk starts.


My sister was born when I was 8. My mom gained 100lbs with her. I really started to gain also.


9 years old. The belly is growing.


At 10 we moved to Washington. My mom started divorce proceedings. I switched schools twice, my great gramma was diagnosed with cancer, we moved back to California, and my great gramma died all in the same year. Here I am amidst packing on the pounds.


8th grade promotion. Very near if not over 200lbs.


My 15th birthday. Sophomore year in high school. I had thinned out a little but not much.


Grad night. 230lbs. I felt thin.


My 21st birthday. Between 280-300lbs. I was horrified when I saw this photo.


Then I got pregnant with Buzzy.
(28 wks)


Then I got pregnant with Breezy
(28wks)


370+lbs on the day of Breezys birth


Started this weight loss journey 5 months later at


Today. 1 year and nearly 1 month later. 270ish lbs. I've come a short way and have a long way to go.






This shirt was tight 55lbs ago


Breakfast was a whopping 180cals. Lunch will be around 280. Dinner the same which will add up to 940 plus burning around 600 cals at will give me a net intake of 340 max.

Next week there will be no binge and therefore no crazy need for compensation.

Now back to your regular programming ...

XO Kristen

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

DAY 391 / JANUARY 26, 2011

When I wake up in the morning I have a routine. Potty. Then Buzzy goes potty. We change her out of her nighttime panties and into her big girl undies. Then we change Breezy. Then 10 minutes or so later after I have turned on Dora I change Breezy again because she has an internal timer that tells her to poop precisely 10-12 minutes after mama changes her nighttime diaper.

After this I make breakfast. Usually egg whites with coffee and 1gram fiber splenda. I am not usually hungry for anything more.
The girls share two scrambled eggs, and either toast with jam or bagel with cream-cheese. They drink their juice, play with their train set aka destroy it and watch a little TV. Nana (my mom) at this point usually goes to get her coffee that I mentioned in a previous post with baby vanilla scones which Buzzy calls 'stones'. She's only 2 and obviously it's a toddler word but she doesn't know how perceptive that little language faux pas actually is.

While the girls act like little puppies begging Nana for more 'stones' I read up on my google reader.

Today I was quite impressed at Allan's second post. It was as if he already knew what I was thinking and feeling. I won't say that his post was 'meant for me' but I was thankful that whatever provoked him to write it, did. It made me feel less 'hopeless'.

Anyway, as for yesterday that schedule that I spoke of was royally messed up. I won't go into detail what prompted my quick plummet into depression and self loathing but it happened.

I made bad food choices. Really bad food choices. I knew what I was doing and consciously did it anyway. I felt such self hatred and self loathing yesterday and I kept thinking about Allan's words about killing oneself and I kept thinking, good.

How horrible is it to feel such internal pain and hate to consciously think it's ok to kill yourself. To think, I just don't care.

Of course today's perspective is a180 degree difference. The events and actions that caused the pain may occur again but this time I will be prepared and more in control of myself. There won't be any surprises and I will not resort to drowning myself and my pain in food.

I also learned my lesson because the physical pain of eating what I ate was horrifying. A gut twisting burning aching stabbing pain I can't even describe that makes you wanna sit on the toilet till kingdom come or puke up your organs to relieve the agony.

I felt full beyond capacity and my back ached from the pressure inside my digestive tract. Not to mention the gas. Omg the pain!! Then there was the dry as sand and paper sensation in my mouth from having not consumed hardly any fluids. I think I peed 2x yesterday as opposes to my normal 6-8x minimum and strangely the lack of fluids only for one day affected me horribly. My skin felt dry, my lips chapped, my eyes burned, and my joints felt achey.

Today having already consumed more than 40oz by 10am and the benefits have literally already flooded my body! I feel so much better!! No achey joints, my lips aren't set on perpetual burn from being chapped and my skin doesn't feel like sand paper.

I hope not to have anymore days like yesterday. It was horrid. Today is better. Tomorrow will be better.





XO Kristen

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Saturday, January 22, 2011

DAY 387 / JANUARY 22, 2011 PART II

Today's weigh in. 




-3.4lbs

Which is 1lb more lost than last night's weigh.

3 libras mas peoples!

Till I'm in the 260's

Maybe I really will be to 250 by May.

Or lower?

For realz!

XO Kristen

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

DAY 387 / JANUARY 22, 2011

I think through everyones' journey there are small revelations and enormous epiphanies that keep them moving forward. I've been moving forward slowly on this 'Phase 4 Thing'. I've been bored. I don't even feel like writing about the food because it's boring. The exercise is boring. There is nothing exciting about it at all - except for one thing. It works. This was a small revelation. I knew if I stuck to it, that it would work. It's the sticking to it that takes control and effort and that illusive 'willpower' I hear thrown around in blog world frequently. I've been practicing that skill (because as an enormous epiphany I realized that willpower is a skill) and it has been getting stronger.

I took a look at the scale tonight and while the loss is minimal in comparison to my first week I haven't had a loss like this in a long time that I couldn't attribute in most part to water weight. I won't give away what I saw on the scale. I only pray that something doesn't happen in my sleep and the scale reads differently in the morning. (My official weigh)

Something big is coming in May. This may be getting a bit ahead of myself but I'm planning to take a vacation. The details I will not give. Perhaps when the time comes closer. But I will say that this potential vacation gives me even more motivation to lose. I look at the things my family members are eating like chips/cookies/ice cream/candy/popcorn/chocolate etc and while my brain wants them I also feel this incredible strength in saying no.

It feels so much better to eat healthy. There is no physical sickness from overeating or binging. There is no mental anguish from the turmoil and guilt said overeating or binges provoke. You feel good. You feel well. Healthy. Energetic. Dare I say more alive?

I have new favorite veggies. Broccoli, squash (any kind), sweet peppers, cucumber, zucchini, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, mushrooms and more. I have also discovered some veggies I still dislike immensely. Peas (any kind), edamame, asparagus, and um - can't think of anything else.

I'm feeling really good and by February 1st I hope to be in the 260's. I will photograph and measure myself if that is the case. (Measurements are a for sure thing - I won't take photos until I weigh less than I did in the last photos)

And on that note I have a question:

I don't comment on a lot of blogs, generally because I read them from my iPhone google reader app. If something is particularly inspiring I usually bring it back to my own blog, pay it forward with a link and put in my 2 cents. Now, I know this is not true for all people out there in blog world.

My question is this:

If you read/see something on someones' blog that is displeasing to you but is part of that person and something that the person physically cannot change why would you comment less then politely about it? Why not just leave it alone?

That is all lovelies.

Goodnight

XO Kristen

Thursday, January 20, 2011

DAY 385 / JANUARY 20, 2011

Warning: talk of boobage. And not cute perky boobage or big sexy boobage. No this will be talk of two years worth of pregnancy + previously lactating + weightloss boobage which is not pleasant!!

Continue at your own risk!

Yesterday when I posted my chicken skin and I asked you all what part of my body it was, I was quite intrigued with some of your answers. Neck, boob, ankle, armpit. My neck, my ankles and my armpits are still quite tight. But when Allan said 'boobie skin' it got me thinking and it's true. Once upon a time in the land of 325lbs and 5 months post partum and still breastfeeding half the time my boobs were full and decent looking.

50lbs lost and now almost a year since I stopped breastfeeding and my poor boobs are ... Well ... Rocks in socks to use my gramma's terminology. It's actually rather unpleasant and unsightly. Picture two flat socks inflated only at the bottom by two large rocks. Yeah, not pretty. And the chicken skin here is 100x worse than my upper arm. Holy heck! This is what it looks like if I hold them up where they're sposed to go.


And this is what it looks like if I pull the skin up like I did my upper arm.


Niiiiiiccceeeee!!! Not very attractive is a severe understatement.

I'm guessing as I continue to lose this issue is going to get worse. Perhaps eventually I'll no longer even have rocks in socks but just socks. Flaps of skin where my boobs used to be.

Thank God for good bras!

XO Kristen

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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

DAY 384 / JANUARY 19, 2011 PART III

* true story

One upon a time there lived a girl who had it all. Married parents, fantastic grandparents, a sister who was her best friend, health and looks. She didn't take care of her body though and ended up pregnant at 15. She told her boyfriend who offered to pay for an abortion. She then told her parents who offered to adopt the baby but they would not condone an abortion. The girl chose to get her GED, drop out of high school and go to work. 6.5 months after she turned 16 she gave birth ... To me. She kept me. Raised me. Loved and loves me. Enough to let me move back in with her at 25 years old with two kids of my own. My mom is awesome beyond comprehension.

So for everyone who 'feels old' or didn't think you were old enough to have a 26 year old daughter, rest assured you are not old and you are not old enough to have a 26 year old daughter. Neither is my mom, but she did and she does and life moves forward.

As for the photo. Bethany was the first to guess. That extra skin was on my upper arm. It's literally wrinkled chicken skin and it's disgusting and annoying. So Bethany, send your mailing info to kreatingkristen@gmail.com to get your Starbucks gift card.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

DAY 384 / JANUARY 19, 2011 PART II

It's cold outside. There are frosted crystals lining the roofs of all the houses and frozen drops of dew on the lawns that make the grass sparkle. There is smoke rising out of the chimneys and the smell of holiday flavored coffee brewing is infiltrating the house. . . It almost feels like Christmas is around the corner. Very strange when Christmas has already passed. Kind of disconcerting actually. And sad too.

Egg whites for breakfast with some salt and pepper + aforementioned flavored coffee. Not very hungry though. Feeling just... Bleh!

Last night while watching Biggest Loser with my mom the on show doctor reiterated what Allan is constantly saying. We need to treat our fat as any fatal disease or cancer. We must eradicate it. I looked over to my mom to see if the concept had meant anything to her. She is a good 30lbs lighter than me and attempting to lose weight as well. But it appeared the concept flew straight over her head. She doesn't see herself as obese. Heck, I don't see her as obese but technically she is. My mom has lost 10lbs in about 2 weeks. The big problem is that while staying under 1600 calories per day 1/4 of those calories every day come from a venti coffee frappuccino from Starbucks.

It is her staple. Her habit and ultimately her achiles heel when it comes to dieting/losing weight. It is completely counterproductive to drink a 400 calorie drink for breakfast with more than a days worth of sugar, not only NOT providing her with any kind of nutrition or sustenance but ultimately making her more hungry and making her crave more sugar/carbs.

I wish she would realize this is a long term thing; health that is and that she's 42 years old. She needs to start taking care of herself. Until she was 24 years old she was of the kind of people who could eat WHATEVER she wanted and not gain an ounce. Then she got pregnant with my sister, had major issues, almost got divorced and after my sister was born she never took off the excess weight. Now she is of the kind of people who need to always watch what they eat. Her body knows this but her mind still tells her she's 24 years old prepregnancy.

I wish I could help her more but I know she has to do this in her own. She has to want it on her own.

Last night I was told my butt/hips look smaller by a family member. This was after I had seen that I had lost 2.75 inches but before I told them. It felt good that it was noticed.

Then there is this:












Can anyone guess where this loose extra skin is? It's really bugging me and I'm thinking I will mail the first person who can guess exactly where it is a $5 Starbucks giftcard.

USA residents only please.

Lastly, I was given one more compliment last night. I was told I look like gumby when I stretch. Wow! Haha!











XO Kristen

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone



DAY 384 / JANUARY 19, 2011

I have extra incentive now to lose weight.

As if I already didn't have enough.

My health, well being, etc being number one as it should be.

And you all keeping me accountable. Especially (ahem) Allan.

My Zumba class is doing a 6 week competition. Whoever loses the most weight in 6 weeks gets some kind of awesome prize. Unfortunately, Kim (my instructor) didn't divulge what that would be.

So tonight I weighed and was measured. I've lost 2.75 inches off my hips since the last time I measured!

And my arms hurt from my workout tonight. Nice. It's about time my muscles act like I'm working them out. They took a small hiatus where no matter what I did, they didn't get even a little sore.

On Biggest Loser news (because I love that show. It is quite inspirational to me) I cannot believe the twins who threw their weigh-in. 9+lbs? Each? What? I just think what Bob (or was it Jillian?) said was hitting the nail on the head. There are so many people in America who WANT and NEED help like the biggest loser that to throw a weigh in and to essentially quit, is offensive. It's insulting to the other contestants and to the people who tried out or applied and didn't make it. I am glad to see that the person sent home was able to take off a lot of his weight though and kudos for doing it at home by himself.

Then again, aren't WE ALL doing it at home and by ourselves (so to speak)?? So kudos to us too. I don't need no stinkin' Biggest Loser to lose this weight. Just Allan. Haha!

I don't have much more to write. A day in the life of me is not very exciting right now. Lots of kid related fun throughout the days and some me time to watch TV or read or whatever, after they're asleep every night. Of course all of this is essential and brings me great joy but to blog about it, there just isn't much to say.

On that note, my pillow awaits me. Err, actually it isn't waiting for me. It is currently situated comfortably beneath Breezy's head. Hmmm, do I steal the pillow back or find another one?

Remind me sometime to tell you about my OBSESSION with feather (or faux feather) pillows. I cannot prefer not to sleep on anything else. Soft smushy goodness, like laying my head on a cloud. Other pillows are rocks in comparison. So, yeah I think I'll have to steal my pillow back. She'll never even notice. (ahem)

Goodnight.

XO Kristen

Sunday, January 16, 2011

DAY 381 / JANUARY 16, 2011

Holy stupidity batman.

Just call me Allan's fraternal twin with a like mind set.

I am in no way as intelligent as him or as 'in control' as him when it comes to weight loss.

I respect the man.

I respect his process.

I respect his success.

I also respect his opinions and our opinions are quite similar when it comes to those in the blog world. Of course he is seriously hardcore and I'm really more soft core when it comes to self control, allowances, rewards yada yada yada. I am completely with him on some of the stupidity out there though. Including at times, my own which he has called me out on and I appreciate it. Keeping me in line when I cannot keep myself in line is an awesome quality regardless of the means when the intention is good.

I'll start by responding to two comments on my previous post.

In direct answer to Verity Vaudeville who said:

No idea who you are talking about, but I hope they develop a spine soon. For the rest of your readers, we're just sick of hearing this complaint.


I'm sorry if you are 'sick of hearing this complaint', although I wasn't aware that you spoke for all of my readers. It is a valid complaint as it irritates me. To reiterate. This is my blog and I will vent on it, regardless of the monotony or tedium you may feel by reading it again and again and again and again . . . and again. 


Princess Dieter said:


Well, sometimes, it takes people a few forward steps, a few backward steps, some faltering, some more forward steps, more faltering, before they get that backbone. Sometimes there's lots of bitching and whinig along the way to making progress....the trajectory is not always straight and smooth and courageous and stoic....

Whether it's losing weight or ditching a husband....and you know what I mean, right? :)



I'm not exactly sure what you think my previous post was about or who it was directed at but it was in no way directed at people who are struggling to lose weight. How hypocritical would that be? Hi, my name is Kristen and while I have flip-flopped from 270-280 for the last 8 months, I think you should totally amp up your game. Uh, no. That's not me. Generally speaking I do try to be as non-hypocritical as I can, though there are days where it is inevitable. Regardless, just FYI - the 'bitching and whining' I was speaking of were those people who can't take criticism. Constructive or otherwise. This is the Internet. Seriously? Learn to take it or get out of the public forum. Use a journal if you don't want/like/or expect others opinions/criticisms. You know what I mean, right? 



In Allan's words directed at no one and everyone in particular: 

THIS IS MY BLOG. 

I love my followers (most of them) but I don't need followers to write. There will always be people who agree with me and others who don't. People who like me and people who don't. That is the nature of humanity. BUT! Here in this space, I can say and do what I want. K? You are in NO WAY OBLIGATED TO READ. If you are bored, irritated or disagree with what I have to say then that is your God given right as a human being. You can click that fantastic X at the top right corner and move on to more exciting, even keeled and agreeable bloggers or you can call me out. Either is fine, but no matter what you say to me or about me, that won't change my opinion. Which is just that, MY OPINION. The opinion that is my God given right and I won't stop posting it. So, thanks! 



____________________________________


Thus brings me to the people who are ok with being fat. I wasn't even aware that this small forum of people online existed until it was pointed out to me. 


OBVIOUSLY there are people in the world okay with being fat. There wouldn't be sooo many fat people if every one of those fat people were trying really hard to change their bodies. I can see accepting obesity. I can see how the lure of the food can outweigh the health issues that perhaps you don't have yet or are not severe yet. I can see how that is possible. 


What I don't understand is fat acceptance as a forum which is like the Pro-Ana forums. (That's pro anorexia for those that don't know) It's not healthy. It's destructive and should not be encouraged! Another example is, to me it's like smoking. If you want to smoke in your car with the windows rolled up and kill yourself, fine. You're not hurting anyone but you. Same thing with being fat. If you want to eat and think that a box of Cinnabon are more important than your health and call it acceptance than fine. But why come online and advocate, enable and ultimately brain wash other people. Fat acceptance ISN'T ok. Smoking ISN'T ok. They are both eventually fatal. You chain smoke for several years and the likelihood of you one day dying from emphysema or other lung and/or esophageal issues are really good. If you stay obese the likelihood of you one day dying due to stroke, heart attack, diabetes and the list goes on and on and on are really good. Don't advocate other people's death!! Don't enable and encourage people to kill themselves! If you want to kill yourself fine, but don't share! Jeez!!!! 


THIS is why I am so fond of Allan! Despite his presentation of criticism/advice/whatever you want to call it, he is an advocate for LIFE. He tries to help. I don't believe he has ANY mal intent when he criticizes people. He isn't soft. He doesn't sugar coat. He doesn't beat around the bush or give any leeway. He is hardcore (as I mentioned before) He's also one of the most successful weight loss bloggers to date that I know of besides the people that have already made it to goal and Julia from Jewlia Goulia.. I don't care if you like him or anything he stands for. His accomplishment of reaching 160+ lbs lost in such a short time is something to be applauded or at least respected. 






Ok, this mini rant is over.


One more thing, different subject.


For the person who e-mailed me and was concerned about me being thirsty at night, there are no worries there. I am well hydrated during the day and I am also a mouth breather when I sleep. These two things make me wake up 1 to 2 times a night and get myself a drink. Dry mouth + 6-9 hours sans water makes a person thirsty. I have also recently had a blood panel and I am not in any way insulin resistant. ie: I am not diabetic or pre-diabetic. But I do appreciate the concern. 


XO Kristen

Saturday, January 15, 2011

DAY 380 / JANUARY 15, 2011 PART III

'Some' people

(2 or 3 of you at least)

of 'the weight loss community' 

(who shall not be named) 

need not only strive to 

LOSE THE FAT 

but to 

GAIN A BACKBONE

Seriously people, 'some' of you are pathetic. 


JMO OF COURSE!

PS: For those wondering if I am talking about you, only 2 of the persons I am talking about are on my blogroll and that is because their blogs are like a car crash. I go there when I need a good laugh or in one of their cases, a good dose of reality about the 'crazies' that exist out there. Annnd, being that when I post this kind of thing, people always get their panties in a bunch, if you're really concerned that I'm talking about you, ask me. I'll tell you straight up if it is you.

XO KRISTEN



DAY 380 / JANUARY 15, 2011 PART II

Wow! Half way through January already!

This brings me to weigh in day. I was expecting a bigger loss. I have been spot on with food and water. In fact I've been drinking a buttload more water than normal? Maybe my body is regulating that.

Anywho, here is what my official weigh said today. (because my other weigh in for Allan's phase 4 challenge is tomorrow)





That's a loss of 1.2lbs. Not a rockstar quality loss.

As I said my water intake has been really good. I even get really thirsty in the middle of the night (like last night) where I drink 12 to a whole 24oz (last night closer to 24) before I go back to bed.

Today my family is going bowling so my mom and I are probably going to end up chasing the girls all over the arcade. I'm looking forward to it but I'm not looking forward to being surrounded by all the fattening but heavenly but highly caloric but heavenly but not on plan foods. Aka pizza, buffalo wings, this unique mountain if nachos that they make, banana splits, popcorn, hot dogs, quesadillas and so much more! I wonder if they have salads? Sigh. Will power. Self control.

Small NSV. I've been wearing my size 22 pants because my size 20s have been worn so much they are getting holes worn into the butt and knees and the 22s literally fall off of me. This might not seem like much but remember I came from barely fitting into size 32 jeans. So when not only can you pull your pants up and down while buttoned and zipped but said pants actually fall down if I don't keep hiking them up, that feels pretty darn good.

Now to get myself into some 18s!







XO Kristen

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DAY 380 / JANUARY 15, 2011

Eyebrow transformation.

Before:


After:



XO Kristen


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Thursday, January 13, 2011

DAY 379 / JANUARY 13, 2011 PART II

Major rant unrelated to weight loss. You have been warned.

My grandma has worked with California and now Washington school districts for over 40 years. My grandma is the kind of person who is skilled, efficient, happy and motivated. My grandma is 62 years old and thee most innocent, mild natured person I have ever met. The kind of person that would split herself in half to help someone out.

For the last few years my grandma has been working in a certain area of the school district dealing with the community.

In the last year they have told her in more words than I can say here that she is incompetent. (She's not) She's not skilled or savvy. (She is) She isn't a team player. (She's the queen of team players) they have harassed and discriminated her into nothing, giving her other peoples work piled on top of her own, making her learn new program after new program when no one else has to, telling her she's not good enough, not smart enough, not proactive enough and not competent. (she is)

Today she was brought into a 3rd meeting with the head honchos of the district in a month. Only this time instead of having her union rep on her side and instead of them trying to help her constructively, they brought a list telling her that she is basically a monster. Telling her she isn't good enough. Telling her so many horrible things it makes me cry just to think them.

People are cruel. They ambushed her and verbally assassinated her character, her self worth and everything in between.

That's my grandma, the most wonderful, sweetest person I know without a mean bone in her body and they massacred her.

It kills me, and now I'd like to kill them.

Not seriously of course, but I hope karma or justice is as cruel to them as they have been to her.

Done here

Kristen


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DAY 379 / JANUARY 13, 2011

I have a poll for my readers. My new friend Steve, from Zumba who I have recently mentioned, commented about how a 'Zumba tattoo' is in his near future and I thought to myself! Yes! I love the Zumba logo. It represents life and dance and fitness and I want to get a tattoo of it also.

This is the Zumba logo.




Now, I would get just the black part. No color and no circle. But where to put it? This is where you come in. I am leaning toward the back of my neck or my wrist. Not on my back because I have another tattoo planned for my shoulder/shoulder blade/back.

So, thoughts?

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Wednesday, January 12, 2011

DAY 378 / JANUARY 12, 2011 PART II

Today was strange, bad, stressful and I'm glad it's almost over. It didn't all have to do with me either. Someone else in my family is dealing with work related harassment and discrimination from a boss and so my feather's are just ruffled all over. You can imagine I don't have much to say BUT last night, I did forget to mention that the local newspaper the Reflector was at my Zumba class to do an article on my instructor and the class itself. We had pics taken. Yikes. I thought I'd share them with you.

Haha, can you find me?

Love, Kim (front) She has so much energy and dances so well

She's very motivational

Big class

Kim passing the baton of instruction to Steve

Rockin it out

You can tell this is a new move because everyone is in different positions

Ditto to the last caption

I look like I'm just standing there to the left. I assure you I wasn't. I was sweeeaaatyyyyy

Photo for The Reflector
Someone was taking pics outside... Steven??!?!
Steven & Me after class.
Totally impromptu and I look ridiculous but whatever

R-L Steven, Kim, Ray and Marti


XO Kristen

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