Sunday, April 24, 2011

HONESTY

I'm going to be completely honest here.

I gorged on Easter candy today.

I plan to start a renewed plan tomorrow.

I am not at all confident that I will succeed.

I am confident that I will never stop trying.

I am ashamed that my weight has risen above 300 once again.

I am mad that I lost control that much for that amount of time.

I am going to do within my physical capability to control what I put in my mouth.

Psychology, reverse psychology, counting, humming, crying, screaming . . . it will all come into play.

AND immediately, I will be tested.

Tomorrow is Monday.

I have to spend 5 hours every Monday with the girls' dad.

I need to pray and ask God to help me. I need to pray that he allows me to be in control of my actions. I need to pray I don't feel the need to drown my emotions. I need to pray that at the very least, he gives me a tummy bug that makes me feel just nauseous enough that NOTHING sounds appealing. Oh please God . . . help me, especially tomorrow.

XO Kristen

Friday, April 22, 2011

DISCONNECTING IN A GOOD WAY

There are a few things I need to disconnect from in order for this eating well thing to be successful.

I need to disconnect emotionally from my soon to be ex. I'm not saying I need to disconnect from my feelings, just from allowing him to control them. I need to mourn the relationship and move on.

I need to disconnect my trigger foods from the feelings that make them trigger foods. I know exactly why I want certain foods and it has nothing at all to do with hunger.

I need to disconnect my phone. In the very literal sense. Mr. Ex has decided not to pay the bill ... Again and so I think this is the perfect time to let the phone go. Of course, it will be another bad mark on my credit report but what is one among the hundreds that my ex has accrued in my name.

It's sunny today.


Can you see that beautiful blue sky beyond the blinds and between the houses and trees?

I plan to go for a nice walk around the neighborhood with the munchkins after lunch. Some fresh air, some sunshine and being outside in general will do them good. Winter has kept us cooped up far too long.



One can only find so many new things to do every day indoors. Crafts, blocks, dolls, train table that they have never really used the train on.


Movies, cartoons, playdough, tents, bouncing on the beds, baking, playing hide and go seek, running like crazies around the kitchen island etc. There's only so many times for so many days you can do these things without craving fresh air, sun and different scenery.

Oh and of course, riding mommys legs like horsies is always fun!





Yesterday, we painted Sassy's nails for Easter. She's very into fashion and accessories and very feminine things like lip gloss, nail polish etc.



She wanted them to look like Easter eggs.

I decided I would pamper myself a little and paint mine too. I feel pretty even though I'm pretty sure the orange makes my white ass skin look kinda yellow.



Oh and I'm so excited! On the building of my new apartment, my grandpa is finally raising and installing the floor! Woohoo!



Breakfast was eggs & coffee ... And a grape ...



As you can see the grapes were kinda brown and soft. Hence only 1.

And so far today I feel cautiously optimistic. Lunch coming up. Not sure what. A walk and then nap time for girls and me time for ... Well me.


Kristen

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Thursday, April 21, 2011

DISTRACTION

I have found I am distracting myself from my feelings with a number of things aside from food. In fact, the more I think of it the more I am sure that the food I eat in the amounts I eat it are not only a numbing agent and a distraction but a sadomasochistic way of punishing myself for ... Well, I don't know- I haven't gotten that far yet.

My other distractions include television. In a fit of anxiety or panic if I think about escaping into the fictional shows I watch or a good movie my angst suddenly lessens. The same goes for reading and writing but the writing is getting to be less and less satisfying because the effort to come up with something good is often trumped by my wandering thoughts of worry.

I've been reading blogs, my favorites, my not-so-favorites and some newbies and I get motivated. I see photos of thin women and I get motivated. I watch a movie where I wouldn't mind trading lives for 24hrs with the protagonist and I get motivated, but the moment my mind wanders to the stress, tension, worry the motivation diminishes into desperation.

The rain doesn't help. I think I'm deficient in vitamin D and it's pissing me off. We are almost into May and it's still hail storming.

Oh and did I mention my girls have been fighting me on EVERY-FRICKIN-THING?!

Grrr

Kristen

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Wednesday, April 20, 2011

THERE'S NO POINT IN REPEATING MYSELF EVERY FUCKING DAY

WARNING
This post will probably contain a lot of profanity, including the famous 'f-bombs' I so adamantly abhor . . . but tonight, that's just how I roll. So pass on to another blog if you are easily offended.

There's a whole lot of psychology going on with me right now. Stuff I already understand and other stuff, I am sure I couldn't even begin to touch with a ten foot subconscious probing pole. The kind of stuff I should really be seeing a therapist for. Alas, I barely have enough funds to stay afloat with diapers and car payments and gas and other bills, let alone enough to see a shrink to help me out with my inner workings.

I am quite literally a ball of nerves, nausea, worry, anger, sadness, guilt, panic . . . the list goes on for eternity.

At random times during the day a fleeting thought that most of the time I can't even pinpoint sends my heart rate into over drive and suddenly my chest feels like it is going to cave in from the tremendous amount of weight/pressure I feel. I become short of breath and every breath I do take feels like I am straining air through sand. Panic attack? Anxiety attacks? Are they the same? I don't know. It's all new to me.

So, I have been hiding. I won't lie. I truly did not go private on purpose but maybe it was one of those things you do subconsciously because in reality that is exactly what I want to do . . . hide. From everything and everyone. I feel like the weight of the world is resting square across my shoulders (or maybe better said around my middle?) and I wish I could quite literally crawl into a dark (preferably comfortable) hole where I could hibernate until this whole divorce/custody thing blows over. I don't want him to call or text me anymore (which the courts are allowing) I hate seeing the damn luminescent light that flashes from my phone when I receive a call or text. I have been conditioned to cringe at that light - no matter if it is him or someone else. I want the frickin child support and maintenance to start coming in already so I can stop floundering in my unpaid finances - but my lawyer says that may take up to two months. FUCK ME! SERIOUSLY?!?!

I want it all said and done. NOW! More done than said, because I'm so tired of talking and talking. I want action. Lots of action. There is never enough initiative or action. Gahhh!! They say patience is a virtue and good things come to those who wait but damnit, this isn't good in the traditional sense and I want to stop waiting. I want to end it all . . . NOW!

My girls sense my stress also. They have been extra needy, extra clingy, whiny, crabby, bratty - the whole blasted nine yards. Especially the day after they see their dad. It's like he spoils them just enough (what the hell am I saying? He spoils them like nothing I have ever seen before ... seriously, this last Monday he spent nearly $200 on movies, clothes, sunglasses, shoes and jewelry for a 1 & 2 year old) to turn them rotten and I have to work so hard the rest of the week to straighten them out, only to have him ruin everything the next week. Oh, and did I mention the food gut rot he feeds them? Let's start with breakfast. I feed them eggs, juice, and/or toast with peanutbutter and milk + an apple or grapes or fruit of their choice (but generally sliced up apple) That is the healthiest thing they have all day. When they see him, the first thing he buys them is either candy or ice cream. This last Monday he surprised me and splurged on buttery oily popcorn. Nice. Just what every kid needs at 10AM. Next was chocolate eggs (the Easter kind) . . . then for lunch he buys them pizza. Yep, it just gets healthier. ((rolls eyes)) After pizza if he has gotten them ice cream he will get them candy and if he has already bought candy he will buy ice cream. Never ever fails and my efforts to thwart this are in vain because he ignores me and the girls cry and whine until they get the shit he wants to buy for them anyway. Mean Old Mommy who wants to keep them from barfing up all that processed shit, who wants to keep them from bouncing off the walls on a needless sugar high and who wants to keep all of their baby teeth in tact until they decide to fall out on their own - well, let's just say her opinion isn't asked for in these situations and if I give it, it isn't headed. In fact it's usually smirked or laughed at - or in the girls' case, screamed and whined at.

This sounds cruel and completely unjust and I recognize that it wouldn't be fair, but father's who only want to 'play' with and spoil their children shouldn't be allowed to. They should be required to change diapers, feed, clothe, bathe, and discipline them too. They should be required to uphold a moral standing according to law and if they participate in ANY illegal activities their visitation with the children should be nill to none. What kind of example is that?

On the diet side of things, every morning I wake up and tell myself 'today will be good', 'today will be better', 'today will be different' and every day starts out that way and every fucking day ends in disaster. I truly think I eat more shit on the days I tell myself I'm going to eat well then I do on the days when I say 'oh screw it, I'll eat what I want.'

(an entire paragraph apparently was deleted here but the gist of it was that I had to cancel my gym membership because my ex was ordered half of some money I had received and wants to use it for . . .)

Disneyland.

Not the beds the girls need because they are growing out of their toddler beds. Not to pay unpaid bills or even for his own selfish needs like sending money to Mexico or buying himself some mode of transportation.

No he decides he wants to take the girls and me to Disneyland.

Can you guess if we're going.

UM . . . H.E.L.L. TO THE N.O.!!!!

What the fuck was/is he thinking?

In the middle of a divorce, struggling himself to stay afloat and knowing I am as well he openly states he wants to take us on a more than $3000 trip more than 1000 miles away to Disneyland. And get this. His reasoning?

He promised Sassy he would.

Dude, she's only 2. She's going to be 3. She has no concept of time. She has no concept of Disneyland. It is an illusive place we have described that she can't possibly imagine and will have no idea of what she's missing until she actually goes when she is maybe 5 or 6 and she MIGHT HAVE THE ABILITY TO REMEMBER THE TRIP.

((sigh))

I'm so tired. I feel like I could sleep the days away. Part of me feels like I do. Sometimes I go through the motions. Just the motions, but I think that is perhaps a coping mechanism. To disconnect and do what needs to be done without actually participating. You know?

So, there it is. Not even a sliver of my life in the past couple weeks but enough to know that if I were a third party looking in and reading . . . it would be enough to understand and empathize or at least sympathize or if nothing else, at least extend some pity. LOL

Although the last thing I want is pity.

What I need is focus. I'll let you know when I find that. Goals. I have those, but my actions are not working toward then. Determination. Will. Control. Again the list goes on and on and yet, I sit here and close my eyes and just laugh because if I don't laugh I will break down into a never ending ball of gushing tears.

That's my normal coping mechanism. (besides food) For sadness, anger, guilt, or any significant emotion . . . I cry. I have cried very little during this whole ordeal. I don't think that is necessarily a good thing. I cried a lot when I was eating well. I wasn't numbing my feelings and so I cried and cried because I was raw with emotion. I've numbed myself again. Removed my ability to feel what I need to feel by anesthetizing it with food. So.Much.Food.

I have considered every method provided to me by you (my readers) - self help books, music, audio therapy, documentaries, videos - and sadly . . . at this moment . . . as much as I want to get back to taking care of me and making me healthy and choosing life . . . at this moment . . . right now . . . I.Don't.Want.To

I do.

But I don't.

I'm torn.

I'm burdened.

I can't seem to bring myself back to caring.

I've allowed the compulsive eater, the food addict, the FAT CHICK (reference: my blog used to be called The Fat Chick Weigh as the url states) take over again.

It saddens me.

But I feel like a person at the bottom of a well with moss ridden walls and no matter the effort I make to try to climb up I inevitably slide right back to the floor.

Like I said: I need therapy. I need help with my eating disorder.

Until next time . . .

XO Kristen

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

DIDNT GO PRIVATE ON PURPOSE

Just so you know... I'm still here and still floundering, trying to enjoy my life and not succumb to drowning in depression.

Oh the crap coming my way...


Kristen

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Friday, April 15, 2011

FOOD TODAY ((SIGH))

Breakfast

Cinnamon raisin bagel plain
Coffee+ creamer + splenda

Total cals - 320

Lunch

Lean cuisine Thai spring rolls with 1/3 tbsp soy sauce

1/3 cup chobani peach yogurt

Total cals - 250

Snacks

Life cereal + skim milk - 246 cals

Vanilla pudding cup - 120 cals

Apple - 40 cals

Total cals - 406 cals

Dinner

New Orleans smothered chicken casserole with corn - 410 cals

Salad with kraft honey mustard - 110 cals

Total cals - 520

Dessert

Dreyers coconut fruit bar - 120 cals

Total cals - 120

TOTAL CALS - 1616

Not bad. Not great

I attempted to go to the gym but this face:


WAS NOT happy about going into kids club, so working out at the gym was not possible.



XO Kristen

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DAMAGE CONTROL - IM GOING TO NEED A SWAT TEAM

Well maybe not an actual swat team. More the kind of 'swat' team that would 'swat' food outta my hand or 'swat' me away from the kitchen.

I weighed myself this morning and the damage is - considerable. I have been eating emotionally on and off and more on than off for almost 2 months. I try and try to overcome my need for an emotional 'blanky' and it seems like eventually during the day or week, my efforts feel pointless.

And it's because my focus was on my girls, my worry, my pain and the future. Well, the worry and the (unknown) future have come and gone and while there is more to come there is time for me to come back to what is important. My girls, my health and the present and making the most of it.

I can't control tomorrow or what will happen in 60 days but I can control what happens now and if I can't I can at least choose how to respond/react to it.

The scale said 300.2 today. That hurt but I was not at all surprised. I've done this to myself. And it's time to bring in the big guns for damage control. Control. I need to gain control. I am not a gluttonous, insatiable food vampire unable to stop myself from draining the cupboards of their food like a vampire would it's victim. I can be, but that is not who I am. I can't let gluttony and being insatiable because of my emotional/psychological issues control me. That will eventually, sooner than later, be fatal.

I can control myself. I have chosen not to. I need to choose better.

300.2. That is +30lbs in a very short time. It makes me ill to think the amount of calories I would need to have consumed in order to gain so much weight in such a short time. It is eye opening and devastating.

Since this whole divorce re-initiated at the beginning of March I have been having dreams. Dreams about me with this nameless faceless man. They are all essentially sexual in nature without ever actually reaching the point of actual intercourse. Like I said, the man is faceless (mostly) and nameless but he is generally very tall and muscular and wealthy. This might all seem very superficial to anybody who isn't me and I'm not much of a dream interpreter but these dreams are significant to me. The man represents stability. Something I have never had. Strength in his brawn, sturdiness in his height, and complete stability with his wealth. There are two more aspects to the dream. There is a sense of unconditional protection. I know he would never let anything happen to me but even more than that there is this emanating feeling that he loves me. Unconditionally. Ive never felt that before. Only now, in my dreams. As for the raw sexuality of my dreams that never actually gets to the 'act', it's strange because I feel beautiful and thin and sexy with him. There is no fear or insecurity. Just 'the need'. I believe this represent my true desire to be those things, to feel those things and my belief in myself that I can. Otherwise why would I be so sure of myself in my dream? I never doubt myself.

Any dream interpreters out there who can give a real interpretation?

Back to weight and weight loss. This blog has veered so far off that path that I think it's time to come back to it. No more ex talk, minimal child talk and effort. I need to walk the walk as I talk the talk. I need to blog everyday and be accountable.

Yes.

It's time.

And even though you're rolling your eyes and thinking 'here she goes again', I need to believe I can do this. I need to put blind faith in my ability to take control and JUST DO IT.

So please excuse me if I ignore the scoffs and the eye rolls.

I HAVE to do this. If it takes every fiber of my being to unravel to keep myself in control than that's what it takes.

Game on

XO Kristen

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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

ITS ALL GOOD

God knows what He is doing and why He does it. He also knows why He allows things to happen. There are lessons to be learned and hearts to be changed.

Meanwhile, I am content because my babies are safe with me (even of it is just until the next hearing in 60 days)

Thank you God for putting it on that judge's heart and mind.

And thank you to everyone who prayed and wished us well.




XO Kristen

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

TOMORROW

((insert that horrible music in the movies that leads up to something suspenseful))

Tomorrow is the temporary custody hearing. I don't know if it is just a temporary custody hearing anymore though or the real thing because the girls' dad replied to the petition.

For those of you following along through this whole chaotic drama and know the kind of man he is, can you believe he is asking for Friday 6PM - Sunday 6PM every other weekend?!

Breezy lived with him for all of 3 months of her almost 2 years of life. Sassy only for a little less than 1.5 years and he thinks he should get them for 3 days and 2 nights every other weekend?!

Not to mention his living space is inadequate. He doesn't even sleep on a bed and he sleeps in the same room as his 21 year old nephew. There's nowhere for the girls to sleep. No toys for them to play with. No clothes to wear. No diapers, sippy cups. Nothing.

Add on top of that is complete incompetence as a parent, (never diapered, cooked for, fed, put to sleep, or anything substantial) and his history of emotional and physical abuse and do you really think a judge would comply?

That's not a rhetorical question. I really want to know what you think.

Today I asked him if he would buy the girls diapers and training panties. He said no and then told me he was asking God for forgiveness because he knows it's the girls who suffer. WTF?!

After 5 weeks of not seeing the girls in the two weeks he did see them, this is what he bought:



Not this:



Does any of that besides the purses and bears look appropriate for a 1 & 2 year old at the end of winter?

Candy, lipgloss, nail art pen (???) and flip flops. (it's still 35-40 degrees here and raining. For an adult flip flops might be a personal choice but not for a 2 year old)

Yesterday when he saw the girls he tried to feed them ice cream before lunch which would have given Sassy a sugar headache.
Then he tried to feed them spicy orange chicken! I had to stop him. He let Breezy get about 50 feet away from him in the direction of the escalator (maybe equal distance from it) before he followed after her dragging Sassy with him.

He almost put Breezy on one of these and when she said no, tries to convince her it would be fun.




He let Sassy practically eat his medicated chapstick.







But promptly took it away when he saw me take this picture.

I am so concerned for their physical safety when they're with him and not because of what he does but because of what he DOESN'T do. His negligence of logical awareness when taking care of his daughters is astounding.

Also, last week he gave Sassy a clothing retrieval pole to play with.





Then proceeded to hold both girls (70+lbs together and the pole to play with the balloon on the mall ceiling)





Does that look safe to you?

In any case, prayers that tomorrows hearing goes smoothly and well would be greatly appreciated.

I'm off to feed the girls and try not to get too stressed out.

Yesterday, I became so stressed out I gave myself a migraine that got so bad I vomited and could barely function. Not again. I'm giving it to God. He knows what He's doing.

XO Kristen

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Sunday, April 10, 2011

PISSED

Ok so regarding my mom, she's home from the hospital with no idea why she randomly lost consciousness and an order for her to see a cardiologist and neurologist to potentially find the reason(s) if there are any.

That isn't what I'm pissed about.

I'm pissed because I am 95% sure I know why she has these racing heart episodes. These dizzy, short of breath episodes. These, now, black out episodes.

There are four reasons with names, all under one blaring headline.

The names?

Kristen (me)
Buzzy
Breezy
Mr. CDD (her husband)

The blaring headline over all our names?

STRESS

And it pisses me off because there is very little I can do.

I am constantly stressing my mom out (unintentionally) because I don't parent how she thinks I should. She says I am too strict in areas I shouldn't be and too lax in areas I should be stricter and she feels obligated to help me because I don't have a husband to fill that void.

Aside from my children, I am sure my divorce has her at her wits end. She parallels the emotional roller coaster with me.

And lastly, she deals (quietly) with my inability to keep myself on this healthy journey. She supports me and wants the best for me but even under her encouraging words, I feel the patience waning.

Buzzy drives my mom nuts because Buzzy prefers my mom over me when it comes to almost anything and it stresses my mom out. She feels obligated to respond to Buzzy but feels overly responsible.

And again it comes back to me for being too lax or to strict and not complying with what my mom thinks I should be doing.

Breezy is the opposite of Buzzy. She defies my mom at every turn which stresses my mom out.

We all live under her roof though with no estimated time for when our apartment will be finished. We live on top of each other and often get on each others nerves and stress each other out.

Then, as if that isn't enough to be stressed out about my mom has to deal with her husband. A self absorbed, prescription drug addict who would just as soon boot us all out of the house and/or whisk my mom away to a remote island to keep her for himself.

He's not only addicted to prescription drugs but also chewing tobacco. He spends their money faster than either of them can make it and this stresses her out immensely. He wants to spend all their free time together which would be nice except she likes to spend time with the girls, me, my sister, my grandparents, my aunt, uncle and cousin and of course, sometimes she just likes to be alone ... So that stresses her out.

In fact, all these episodes didn't start until he moved in about a year ago.

The other factor that pisses me off?

The fact that she doesn't do anything to take care of herself. She has maybe 1 real meal a day if that and her first meal of the day which is usually around noon is always a veinte coffee frappuccino with extra whipped cream. Hi.Not.Healthy!

So what am I supposed to say to her?

Hey mom, your main stressors are me, your granddaughters and your husband. You should either go away or send us away for a while to destress. Oh and stop feeding your body shit!

Yeah, I don't think that'd go over so well.

There are other things that have me seeing bright red also, but I won't write it out here.

The most important thing right now is she's ok.

Now, I just have to stop myself from ripping the heads off of everyone who speaks to me ... Because, yes, I am that stressed and that pissed and I dont see the stress or anger disappearing any time soon.



XO Kristen

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Saturday, April 9, 2011

Prayer Please

Life throws curve balls. Tonight my mom lost consciousness while attempting to eat her dinner & went face first into the floor. She's went via ambulance to hospital.

Scared.

XO Kristen

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Friday, April 8, 2011

POINTS OF INTEREST

- diet is suffering hugely.
- emotional epiphanies have created a massive binge frenzy. Rejection vs Entitlement. Will explain later.
- gym is going but only mediocre. Breezy is having separation anxiety so I get 10 minute stints or I have to find a babysitter in order to go. But no worries. This too shall pass. *her separation anxiety ... Not my will to exercise.
- Wednesday's hearing was pushed back to this coming Wednesday.
- almost made the mistake of my life by thinking it might be a good idea to reconcile instead of divorce when he started goading and threatening me again.
- came to my senses
- found out some more illegal stuff he has done in my/our name
- so tired
- scared as the number on the scale ascends
- did marketing; all healthy foods
- trying again, because one of these times it will stick.

Lord HELP me keep control so I can conquer this once and for all ... please.


XO Kristen

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Sunday, April 3, 2011

TOMORROW IS GOING TO BE INTERESTING

Tomorrow morning I plan on letting the girls wake up when they will. They fell asleep tonight at 7:30 and bedtime is usually 8pm. They usually wake up between 7:30 and 8:30am so I am guessing on the earlier side tomorrow. We will eat breakfast and hop in the car to go to the gym. I hope they have enough energy and enjoy Kids Club in the morning.

Then 1 of 2 things will happen. I will either take them home to take a nap OR they will see their dad.

It will be 5 weeks tomorrow that they haven't seen him. 4 weeks were his own doing. Last week, Sassy was seriously sick with an upper respiratory infection.

I am interested to see how this plays out because tomorrow is the deadline for his declaration regarding the temporary parenting plan, child support, etc. If he doesn't put in a declaration then the courts will probably sign my petition, no questions asked.

The thing is, I know his lawyer has prepared a declaration. I know he hasn't signed it yet. I also know his lawyer wants him to sign it tomorrow. Tomorrow he is supposed to see his girls and he has an interesting habit of whenever he sees his lawyer, giving that excuse for not seeing his daughters. Hmmm.

So, I wonder if he will choose to go sign that declaration. I think that would be the wise decision (on his part). Or perhaps he will come see his daughters. (also a wise decision considering his 'neglect of them' but further sealing my petition in court) The truly wise thing for him to do would be to go sign the declaration AND see his daughters but I honestly don't think he will. I am hoping he will let me know tonight so I can plan my day out tomorrow. Regardless, even if he does see them, it will only be for two hours and I have another 'chaperone' who is going to go with me as witness just in case anything weird or 'fishy' happens. Cuz God knows I DO NOT TRUST THIS MAN.

Back to the gym, I plan on doing my 60 mins on the elliptical and then my lower body workouts. My upper body is still mad at me from Friday and I know, I know . . . I said I was going to work out Monday - Saturday but as a personal trainer AND a couple family members pointed out; I need one day to rest completely and just hang out ... let my body mend. Because even though on Sundays I won't be going to the gym, I will still be lugging the girls to church, out to breakfast, probably around town for some extra curricular fun etc. So Saturday will be my stay at home and rest day. Gym will be Monday- Friday without fail - My shoulders, triceps and biceps are revolting just at the thought but they will be relieved when I work on my calves, thighs, and butt tomorrow. My abs, however, have another thing comin'.

And that my friends is all . . .

So tell me. What do you think? Will the girls' dad come to see them, go to his lawyers to sign the declaration, both or neither? I'm interested on your take.





XO Kristen

Saturday, April 2, 2011

FEELING SAD

NOT A LOT OF MOTIVATION TO WRITE ANYTHING.

MY UPPER BODY IS KILLING ME.

BICEPS, TRICEPS, SHOULDERS, CHEST, AND OBLIQUES ARE. ON. FIRE. 

MY BUTT FEELS THE NEW EXERCISE (65 MINS ON ELLIPTICAL) TOO.

SO IF THAT DOESN'T ANSWER YESTERDAYS, APRIL FOOLS OR NOT, QUESTION... THE ANSWER IS YES. EVERYTHING I WROTE ACTUALLY HAPPENED AND THE IDEA TO SEE WHO THOUGHT IT WAS AN APRIL FOOLS JOKE ONLY POPPED UP AFTER THE POST WAS COMPLETE AND READY TO BE PUBLISHED. 

THAT SAID, THE RANDOM COMMENTER AS SHOW BELOW 
WAS #4 AND CHRISTINE WAS #4 SO CHRISTINE . . . SEND ME YOUR DEETS IF YOU WANT A CUTE LIL CARE PACKAGE COURTESY OF ME AT KREATINGKRISTEN@GMAIL.COM

I'M DONE HERE PEEPS. SO TIRED.

NIGHT.


XO Kristen

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Friday, April 1, 2011

IF SOMEONE SAYS ... APRIL FOOLS

Today started out TOO early for me. Both Breezy and Sassy decided to wake up at 5:45am. For me, that is an ungodly hour. Lucky for my sanity though, they let me rest on and off until 7:30 at which time I got up to do my normal stuff.

I decided that I would treat the three of us to breakfast at Ihop where we used to go all the time. The girls really enjoyed seeing the waitresses and hostesses they love and who love them so much.

Afterward at about 11:00am we drove to the gym where the girls went to their kids club and I made a bee line to the ellipticals. 10 minutes into my workout I get an overhead page from kids club to come see them. I go and Breezy is melting down. I think perhaps she needs comfort so I run (literally, cuz all my endorphins are flowing and my heart rate is up so I might as well right?) to buy a bottle and milk. I run back and give her the bottle and head back to the elliptical. 10 minutes in, I get another page.

Gahhh!! Breezy just isn't having play time so I leave and within minutes of putting the car in drive both girls are fast asleep! At first I am perplexed because they usually WILL NOT nap until 2 or 3pm which is why I chose to go to the gym early. Then a light bulb moment happens and I remember they woke up 3 hours before they usually do. No wonder they want to nap 3 hours earlier too! No wonder Breezy was so fussy!!

So they sleep for about an hour as I drive around and when they wake up we stop for some lunch and then I ask them if they want to go back to kids club to play. It was a unanimous YES!

So back to the gym we went and this time I was able to get an amazing 45 mins on the elliptical plus another 35 mins of strength training!!

I did 4 sets of 5 on the shoulder press, Chest press & Bicep curls.
4 sets of 15 on the seated dips & Lat pulldowns.Then I did 75 on each side and 50 frontals on the ab coaster. Then 75 regular sitting crunches. Whew!!

All together I spent about 2 hours at the gym and I plan to do this every day except Sunday's because that is church day. I will rotate upper and lower body strength training every other day and I will do a minimum of 40 mins on the elliptical, eventually adding perhaps 10-15 minutes of the stair climber or one of the other torture devices they call a cardio machine. Lol

And now I am sore. Very sore. But happy!!

Anyone who doesn't enjoy exercise has either not given it a chance, hasn't tried a variety to spice stuff up or they aren't doing it for the right reasons. Health vs. Obligation. Exercise, even without immediate physically visible results is an instant mood lifter, when you are doing it for the right reason; not the number on the scale or the image in the mirror but health... Plain and simple. When you feel obligated you automatically feel resentment and how could you possibly enjoy something you already resent?

And as we all know, today is April 1st. April Fools Day. So tell me ... Is this just a funny haha post, like 'Yeah right kristen' or do you think this is the real deal of my day today?

Whoever comments on this post will be entered into a random raffle and will have the chance to win a lil sumpin sumpin from lil ol me! So comment away!








XO Kristen

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