Wednesday, August 17, 2011

BINGING & OCD?

I have had one binge in the last 2 weeks. There were days I ate a bit more than I planned but only one day when I went back to OC eating. I'm not proud of that one day but I AM proud of the other 13.

This morning I had a moment of OC eating. I bought a scone and coffee for myself and a mini scone and drinks for my girls as a treat. Sassy ate her scone no problem which I was happy to see because she normally picks at her food and hems and haws over eating it. Breezy on the other hand doesn't feel too good still and took only one bite of her scone. Needless to say, I ate it. Now that extra 140 cals won't make me or break me today but I felt out of control.

In the month I have been away from blogging I had another realization or epiphany. It isn't necessarily all about the food or quantity you eat or the exercise or the intensity of exercise you do.

Sometimes it's just about sitting down and establishing your discipline. Self talk and reiterating to yourself that you are in control of food, your body and what you do to and for your body. I feel like when I take full responsibility for what I allow myself to eat instead of blaming it on stress or hormones or emotion or anything else, that I am less likely to binge.

Because, honestly, who wants to admit they are knowingly gluttonous without a 'reason' to fall back on? Not me.

There is so little in the form of discipline in our society today and not just when it comes to nutritional habits. In so many aspects of life we fail to practice discipline and where there is little to no discipline, chaos and malfunction ensue.

Taking my children as an example:





When children have no boundaries they feel out of control and insecure. Children thrive on boundaries and limits.

You can apply this to eating healthily as well. In the same context of 'spare the rod, spoil the child', (mind you rod is used here in a metaphorical sense) 'spare the self discipline and spoil your diet'.

So, I am trying to incorporate more discipline into my life and my girls' lives.

It makes them happy.










It makes me happy.




And happy babies plus happy mommy makes a happy world for us.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

BACK FROM THE ABYSS


So, this post has been a long time coming. I’ve been out of the blogging world for a while. I needed a break from sooo much technology. I needed to focus on my girls, myself, my divorce and priorities. I had started another blog but it didn’t feel right because the title was Zumba This Butt Sexy and I was unable to even afford any Zumba classes. That really isn’t an excuse though. My real excuse was that I became so ashamed and so embarrassed of my backward peddling that I just didn’t want to blog anymore. I back peddled so far that I went above what I started at in January 2010. Crazy.

I started eating well again on August 4, the day after Breezy’s 2nd birthday, and Thursday will be my second weigh in. Thus far, I have lost 13lbs.

A lot has been going on behind the scenes of my life. My divorce is moving forward slowly. Things are being drawn out by the courts, parenting classes that are on hold because they violate temporary visitation orders and a bunch of other trivial details. 

My little sister finished her EMT training and will be moving on to the next chapter of her life which I admit, I am a little jealous of though there is no true jealousy there. I guess it’s more a remorse for what I could have done and could have been. I want her to do everything I chose not to out of ignorance. 

My mom had her hysterectomy and is healing well. She wears an estrogen patch ‘the size of Florida’ that everyone blames her mood swings and out of nowhere fits of emotion and/or rage on. But we all know she’s been thrown into full blown menopause at 43 so, we are making the best of things. It isn’t really all that bad most of the time, but I can say she and I have had our fair share of shouting matches and butting heads since her surgery. But we always forgive either, verbally or in silence. My mom and I love each other unconditionally. THANK GOD!

Breezy was recently hospitalized for dehydration due to strawberry tongue/ massively swollen and virally infected tonsils as well as potential strep. She is home now and seems to be doing much much better but I never want to experience that fear again. No mother who experiences the sunken eyes of her child rolling around in their head or drooling so profusely that you know they are unable to swallow and possibly having difficult time breathing. I don’t ever want to see her so lethargic that when you lift her arm and let go it flops down like she’s unconscious. I will never unheard her moans of distress and pain while we tried to hydrate her orally, numbing her with everything under the sun until there was nothing more to do but use IV fluids. I thank God every day that he made her better. And to think that the very day I took her to the ER we had visited our doctor that morning and he had simply sent her home with instructions to hydrate and administer Tylenol. He hadn’t mentioned that she was already dehydrated. He hadn’t even checked her glands, her ears, eyes or anything. He didn’t ask when the last time she had urinated and when she was admitted to the hospital, the nurses and pediatrician looked at me like I must be lying that another pediatrician wouldn’t go through such basic protocol.

((deep sigh))

Now that the last month has been summed up in a paragraph, I must say that I don’t know how often I will blog, but I do want to keep this blog open to do so when I need to. Thank you to all of you who still follow me, even if you think I am blogging elsewhere, not blogging at all or have fallen off the face of the earth.
I still follow everyone’s blogs too and enjoy them very much, rooting everyone on even in silence.
So, there it is! I’m back. Working forward and praying not to fall back each hour of each day that passes just for my health and the benefit of my babies. I look forward to slowly rejoining the weight loss blogging community.

Love,
Kristen
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