Wednesday, November 7, 2012

I Didn't Do It ... I'm to Blame

I've been away from my blog for a little while now. If you are one of my faithfuls you would have noticed and rejoiced and if not, well then you didn't miss much. You can't miss what was never there... Haha!

ANYWAYYYY, what with all the political craziness, some shortly lived inspiration to write a portion of the stagnant sequel to my novel, Evanescent, and the sad fact that I have just not been motivated to write, I stayed away from my blog like it was the plague I didn't even open my blog to check comments or views. I literally went MIA for a while.

BUT now, I have returned.

These past few weeks have been a stressful roller coaster of crazy emotions especially regarding the campaigns and elections. I spent hours reading and learning and then hearing story after countless story of soldiers and then all the gossip about Obama and Ryan. I watched fight after controversial fight explode through facebook and blogs over policies, agendas, beliefs and whose fault everything was. I had sleepless nights where all I saw in my dreams were Obama and Romney avatars, and scrolling threads of hate and controversy. I would wake up sick to my stomach with raging headaches, but would sulk and moan and groan every day go about my days trying to think about it as little as possible and never quite succeeding.

Today was the culmination of my distress. All day I avoided tried to avoid the internet, the TV, Facebook and Twitter but even with the lack of connectedness to all the social networks and news I still had this immense burden of stress on my shoulders about who would be elected tonight. It became so severe that the headaches I would wake up with after political nightmares seemed like lollipops and Hershey's kisses compared to the lethal migraine I developed as the election coverage began. I suffered through it, the entire time, through my children playing and fighting and crying, through yells and screams from family members of triumph and then frustration. I broke out in a sweat. I felt like I was boiling from the inside out. My sister had to turn on the giant fan in our living room even though everyone else was comfortable. And I lay there like Jabba the Hut, literally melting into the cushions of the sofa.

My migraine raged on through reading the monstrosity very long book that my girls picked out for bedtime and then through singing a string of lullabies that they like so that they could fall asleep peacefully. And then the one thing that I feared would happen came to pass. Obama won. Obama won. Obama won. Obama won. If I say it enough times, maybe it will sink in but the notion is just so sad and disturbing to me that I think I will continue to reiterate it to myself again and again just in case I refuse to believe it.


But then, as the initial shock sunk in and dissipated I realized my migraine was gone. Gone. Completely and 100% gone. And I realized that what was done was done. I didn't need to stress out about it anymore. There was nothing else to wait for. I couldn't change what was done. My only choice was to make the best of it. And so I will.

So now here I sit. I have no more political oomph left in me. I'm oomphless.

 I've actually been oomphless in many areas lately, one of which being my eating habits.

Yeah, I had told myself I was going to be eating healthy, getting skinny, doing this thang.

 Yeah, that didn't really happen the way I thought it would.

 In fact, that just didn't really happen. At all.

I don't even know where my weight stands.

 As I mentioned above I feel like Jabba the Hut so you can imagine I am feeling quite rotund and I am sure the scale reflects that. I should have been eating well and motivating myself but instead I was cramming my head full of political crap, stressing myself out and filling my mouth with ... well... just crap.

My motivation these past few weeks has not been health or beauty.

It has just been gluttony. Food and more food and I am actually quite disgusted with myself. I'm starting back at the gym on Thursday now that my foot is mostly healed and we will see if I can undo some of the extra damage I've done and then continue forward to a healthier me.

 I wonder if when you become healthier you grow brain cells because I sure could use some.


I'll be writing often again so...




2 comments :

  1. Great Post!

    I am just glad it's finally over, at least now I can get back to being bombarded with food commercials instead of political stuff.

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  2. I had a friend 12 years ago (now deceased) that was a Hungarian immigrant to the United States. He came to America at age 16, and enlisted in the U.S. Air Force. This was during the Vietnam war. He wanted to repay his gratitude to the United States for letting him legally emigrate and become a U.S. Citizen. He was very patriotic to America, but an angry person politically. He donated 2000 dollars to both the Dems and the Repubs annually. That way he had both of their full attention when he walked into the local campaign office. He saw both parties as both equally corrupt. He had an interesting sense of politics. Because both sides equally liked his money he was always invited to their very best parties.

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