Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Verbal Vomit

As I have stated in a recent post, it would make me feel so great to be able to tell my girls' dad (we will call him Mr. A) on any given Monday that we just don't feel like seeing him. I think my girls would agree as well. You see, for as long as he and I have lived apart - which is now three years - he has had Mondays off. In the beginning upon first separating, I willingly took the girls to see him every Monday, then for several months in that second year it was court mandated 5 hours visitation each week supervised by me, at the end of that year it was court mandated supervised visitation by a third party and now it is much like it was in the beginning again.

So, now that visitation has reverted from being court mandated to on my terms he thinks he is entitled. In reality if he and I were not on good terms he would be required to seek a new court mandate because I am not legally required to let him see them. (The reasons behind that are extensive and sad and emotionally disturbing)

That being said, Mr. A has a strange sense of entitlement. He thinks he was born with this right to have anything and everything he has ever wanted at his whim and that if he prays and behaves like a good Catholic then God will give it to him regardless of what it is. He is the youngest of 11 'whole' brothers and sisters and 2 more half sisters. So quite literally the baby of 13 children. And he is the epitome of 'the baby' and 'the mama's boy' stereotypes. He is spoiled, has a terrible temper, pouts and sulks when he doesn't get his way. He thinks he is God's gift to humanity. He thinks of himself as this Godly, charitable, and giving person when in reality he would take the food and clothes off his daughters' backs to give them to the homeless and hungry in Mexico, and I am not speaking figuratively. When he visits our little apartment he specifically looks for things that don't look 'used' or that 'he doesn't see them wear' and tells me I should give him those items so he can give them to the poor in Mexico. I see the charity in that and if my girls didn't use the toys or had clothes to spare I would say, sure! But being that he only sees them once a week he doesn't realize that dress that he 'never sees them where' is the ONLY DRESS they have that is suitable for church and will keep them warm in the cold. He doesn't realize that toy that looks unused only looks unused because they take such good care of it because they love it so much.

In addition to that he still sees me as his wife. To clear up any confusion. I separated from him in 2009. We had an on again off again effort in trying to save our marriage. I initiated divorce proceedings in early 2011 and it finalized in November 2011. So, I am not in anyway legally married or bound to this man except by our children and the love that I do have for him. He is the father of my babies and I have been 'with' him for over 12 years (since I was 15) But I am so tired of still being expected to be his secretary, his admin, his errand girl, his decision maker and his dirty business solver. UGH! I'm not his wife. I'm not his secretary. I'm not his waitress or his doctor or his accountant or his Girl Friday! Since we were married he had me do asinine tasks that he was perfectly capable of doing himself and now even when we are divorced he expects things of me. Phone calls that he is perfectly capable of making. Investigating brands, products and prices of things I have no clue about but he's too lazy to do it. Looking over and choosing his health care plan at work for him. WTF?!

I believe I am done venting for the moment. I am sure another time will arise though. Thanksgiving in T-2 days!



  1. Oh, I'm just so sorry for the things you are dealing with! I'm glad you are able to use this space as an outlet for some of those feelings, though.

    Your girls are beautiful! Have a lovely Thanksgiving!


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