Saturday, November 17, 2012

Weight Loss Gain

I refuse to be the blogger who backs out when times get tough, when things don't go as planned or when I all out fall flat on my face and fail at what I have set out to do. Although it has crossed my mind to be that kind of person, there is nothing more annoying than a cop-out or a person who only blogs when things are good and successful.

AT LEAST I TRY
MY VERY HARDEST
TO DO SO


So, this is where I admit that my diet crashed and burned just as it lifted off. My exercise has been good. I exercised 4 days this last week at 60-90 minutes each time, but my eating has neutralized any momentum the exercise could have given me.

I am sure the question on everybody's mind is WHY? WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT WENT WRONG?

And the truth is that I just didn't have my mind in it. I want this. I want this so badly. I want to be able to sit down and not feel all my organs press up into my lungs making it hard to breathe. I want to be able to lay flat on my back without feelings that my lungs are being flattened. I want to be able to pull on pants and not have a frontal and rear butt. There are so many things I want but without the right frame of mind and the 100% goal of sticking to that plan (such as I had with my exercise) it was destined to crash and burn.



I have been at this trial and error thing, leaning mostly on the side of error, since my 28th birthday more than 1 month ago. I think of all the success I could have achieved by now and I feel remorse and guilt but to be 100% honest, I don't foresee myself being 'good' during Thanksgiving either. I am weak, of mind and control and will power. I am easily stressed by my children, by my living situation, by finances, by many external factors and have too long depended on food as my destresser. I am not completely sure how to go forward from here. I know that logically, all I have to do is eat less. Eat healthy. Eat smart. And exercise. It looks so simple when I write it. But oh how different it feels when you are sitting at the kitchen table, listening to one child's screaming temper tantrum, the other child is strangling the cat, my bills are facing up at me with bold red due dates with subtle threats beneath them also in red. My cell phone beeps and buzzes as my ex/boyfriend texts and calls and gets mad because I don't answer within a minute and in that moment when all I can think about is the eggnog ice cream in the freezer or the chocolate covered pretzels in the cupboard or the salty chicken in a biscuit crackers it is all I can do to keep from scrambling out of my skin to shovel it all in my mouth.



I know it's wrong. I know it is not the right way to deal with stress. I know I should learn other techniques. I know the easy way out only allows for instant gratification which is rarely beneficial in the long run.

Ideas and suggestions are all welcome. Insults and condescension is not.


Regardless of my failure I will weigh and measure tomorrow.

Lord Help Me.

6 comments :

  1. I commend you for being honest. I know how you feel, sometimes it would be so easy to write the story that you think everybody wants to hear, but the hard choice is being able to put it all out there and be completely honest. I certainly can identify with what you wrote, I want it so bad, but food is such a great destresser. I am in no shape to be giving you advice, so I'm not going to. I don't even have advice for you, I am looking for advice myself, and just like you I fear that this is going to be a brutal weak. And like you I am not going to let a bad week cause me to give up. What I can tell is that we are not alone, there are many other bloggers facing the same realizations. I am so glad to have a blogger community to draw support and encouragement from no matter how far off track I get.

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  2. Your blog is fantastic! I'm following and I hope you can follow me back :) Xoxo

    www.mylovelyfashionstyle.blogspot.com

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  3. When I started my Blog in December of 2011, I thought I was going to kick it with all kinds of weight loss success stories. I remember setting the bar at about 10 pounds per month as my personal goal. I had 2 good months and then I was stalling out on the freeway to Fit Town. I started blogging about everything except for me personally losing weight. Because I wasn't losing any. I felt like a BIG FAT LOSER that wasn't losing. I stayed in this mode for about 4 months. Finally...I had a change in attitude that affected me enough that I decided to keep blogging and start losing. Because I was very tempted to just delete myself and my blog and gain back all the weight I had lost up to that point and just go back to Old Marc. The fattest family member in Montana. The only way I could not be the fattest family member would be to move to Arizona or Texas. I have fatter family members that live there.

    Hey, maybe that's what you need for motivation! Move to a State where obesity is not the normal. Anyway, change doesn't happen just because we want it to. It takes the desire for change and a dedication to the process to make it happen. For me, I set my goals much lower than 10 pounds a month. I set them at 5 pounds per month. But even if I only lost 1 pound per month, that would be progress. If I had 150 pounds to lose and only lost 1 pound each month on average, it would take 150 months. That is 12 years and 6 months. It would go so slow that people would not be able to see the change. But change would be occurring. If my younger brother had adopted that attitude when he was in his 20's he wouldn't be at Death's door now with congestive heart failure. He would have reached skinny in his 40's. Your desire to change must be greater and stronger than the habits that keep you the same. You can do this, you just might need to lower your quick weight loss expectations.

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  4. I totally agree - I have promised myself that if I go off the rails I will still blog - if a blog is about accountability the best way to ensure it helps you is to keep posting, regardless of what happens! And it's very brave and honest of you to put this out there!

    I have no helpful tips on the stress front, especially as I imagine managing a family must be super stressful and I haven't experience of that! But, I think it's really great that you're still keeping up with exercise - if all you do is neutralise your eating, that's still much better than gaining weight and it's good to keep up the habit of exercise so it won't feel so all-or-nothing!

    Also - I think it's important to remember that most peoples journey to success is littered with blips! Good luck!! x

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  5. Oh, we've all been there with those same emotions. Have you considered trying a weight loss support group? TOPS is *very* affordable--a few bucks a month. I work out all of my eating issues with people who are far less emotional than I am. I am learning how to be more mature because of their assessment of my weight issues. (In general, they think I'm too much a drama queen about little stuff and, really, I'm usually doing much better than I *feel* like I'm doing.)

    :-) Marion

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