He's sitting on my couch with his arms crossed.
Every once in a while he turns to download iPad games that cost a fortune for my 3 and 4 year olds.
He has been here for an hour
And he has spoken less than 5 words to me.
He has taken off his 'until infinity' ring I gave him.
The one he swore never to take off.
Until Infinity and Back is what we promised.
To love each other regardless of circumstance.
But I'm okay with that.
At first I felt hurt, but then I remembered he told me he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.
I will be okay.
My definition of infinity is different than his.
I do still love him.
I will always love him.
He was my first love.
My only love so far in my life.
He was my everything.
(( deep breath ))
I am strong and I can handle this
Infinity for him is conditional
The exact thing he accuses me of being
I don't think he grasps the definition of unconditional
Regardless, here I am
Writing because he won't talk to me
No civil conversation even
Just, 'what was my iTunes password?'
And yes, those were the 5 words he spoke to me
I miss what we had
I don't want who he is
He has changed
I miss who he was
But I am not sure that person exists any longer
Life goes on right?
I have a new healthy life style with weight loss and a new body to look forward to
I have two beautiful, wonderful little girls who make me want to pull out my hair but in the end are the reason I wake up every morning and the reason my lungs have breath
I will be okay
Mostly because God is with me
He understands my pain
He walks me through my trials
Like in the Footprint's poem.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“ The years when you have seen only one set of footprints,
my child, is when I carried you.”
I particularly like the add on
And that long line in the sand before I carried you was when I dragged you.
I do not feel as though I am being dragged
I do not feel that I need to be carried
I can do this with Jesus at my side, step by step the rest of the way in this life