Today was good.
Much better than I anticipated.
Except Sassy got a sore throat
Breezy's ears hurt her
I developed a massive migraine
And I ate too many cookies
(I did stay within calories though)
Yesterday my mother (Lord bless her soul!) brought these home because
'she couldn't help herself'
If you somehow do not know what these are they are
Girl Scout cookies
Want a better view?
Girl Scout cookies UNBOXED
(Like Girls Gone Wild, Cookie Edition)
I shed a tear at the beauty
Then I shed a tear for my sanity
Then I shed a tear because I knew I wasn't going to eat them all in one sitting
And yet another tear because I thought I could eat 1 serving without going ape shit
The KING of the Pure Evil-NESS!
The chocolatey, caramely, coconutty
Yeah, so I ate too many.
I mean a serving of the Samoas are 2. 2. 2.2
No matter how big or small that number gets it seems
unfathomable that ANYONE COULD EAT JUST 2.
I also had a couple Thin Mints
A peanut butter patty
A couple Short breads
And a few Savannah Smiles which are tiny little lemon cookies covered in powdered sugar
They made me smile
Then feel like I was going to hurl
The reason the title of this post is CAT FIGHT is because that is what I got into
Basically a verbal bitch fest with a girl who was getting just a little too close to my WHATEVER HE IS
Does anyone else feel threatened by other women regardless of if you have a husband or boyfriend or girlfriend or wife depending on your life...
I see thinner women (note: not prettier, just thinner) as such a threat.
And not even when I am with Mr. A
I see them almost as a personal threat.
Or like a personal jab.
I don't know.
I have all these conflicting emotions when I see women smaller than me
(and around my age or younger).
Jealousy, anger, sadness, rage, envy... and it all boils down to insecurity
(and perhaps immaturity?)
But where is the basis of my insecurity
Is it all in my weight?
Because if it isn't (and I highly suspect it isn't)
I HAVE SOME SERIOUS SHIT TO WORK THROUGH
And in all reality, I am not sure that the girl
(who WAS ACTUALLY HITTING ON MR.A)
(it was not my imagination)
(No really, I swear)
(Girl Scout's honor?)
(Oh wait, I wasn't a girl scout)
So I don't know if she actually deserved the verbal smack down I gave her
^^I wonder if I looked similar to this ^^
Then again, she's married.
Shouldn't she be attending to her own husband and not flirting and BSing with mine
(even though he isn't my husband anymore)
And I'll end things here to clarify the
'not my husband anymore but still acting like we are together'
I don't keep explaining that he isn't my husband
because I feel any strange remorse in mentioning him as if he were.
I constantly reiterate that he isn't my husband because he isn't
and I don't have another word to call him that actually fits his status.
He isn't my boyfriend either.
Once you have been married that seems too tame a term.
He isn't my lover, even though he was and is.
((I know confusing))
I just don't have a good word to call him.
Husband seems right, but it isn't technically right.
We ARE together.
As together as any two people can be emotionally
(I know Mrs. Swan, you're cringing but it is the truth)
I love him
(even though I am often told I shouldn't)
The only thing that separates us are legal documents
We were married
We aren't now
And there WAS good reason for the termination
But not because I wanted him gone
Not because I 'left him' for THIS ONE SPECIFIC REASON
or 'he left me' (at all)
There was good reason for the termination of the legality of the relationship
But I still feel like his wife, so I am
He still feels like my husband, so he is
We are still a couple
We still have our children
We still believe in monogamy
We still are Christians
We still believe that being with someone else would not be good in God's eyes
Which is also why we are together
It is not a misconstruing of the Bible where it says, what God puts together may Man not pull apart
(that is obviously not the correct wording but I don't have a Bible handy)
It is simply our way of taking a bad situation
And trying to make it better
A good metaphor is a broken vase
It falls, shatters, and will never be the same
Many would chuck it and go buy another one
But we chose to pick up the pieces and glue it back together
It still functions the same
It is still beautiful
It just isn't the way it was
And I know a bunch of readers might be shaking their heads
thinking something is wrong with me,
or both of us.
But this is our life.
We are living it as well as we know how with the resources and knowledge we have.
Tomorrow is another day but we don't know when tomorrow may not come.
All we have is right now.
So we are making the best of it.
WEIGH IN DAY TOMORROW
I'M EXCITED TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS