Sunday, February 10, 2013

Effing A

Today's food started out bad - accidentally (a misread of calories) and ended up like shit in the toilet, swirling swirling gone.

AND AFTER THAT POST I WROTE YESTERDAY ... (HEAVY SIGH)

So, do you want to hear about the massive overload today? Don't worry, I'll make it quick because believe me, it is not something I want to dwell on, however, like always and like everything, it is something that MUST be documented.

**Tangent - my damn computer screen keeps flickering. If this wasn't my only laptop and/or I had money to buy a new one I'd seriously smash the Mother Effer with a hammer. But that isn't the overload of calories, fat or sugar talking. Nahhhh, not at all.

Without further adieu, my intake today.

Breakfast burrito with flour tortilla, 2TBSP Mexican blend cheese, 2TBSP reduced fat black beans, 1 whole egg, 1 egg white, and chipotle chiles in adobo sauce.

We had strawberry milk in the fridge. I should have just said no. Instead, I drank a cup thinking it was 100 calories. No, a cup is 200 calories. HOLY MOTHER EFFING JEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Lunch was a spicy chicken yakisoba and 3 dill pickles. Talk about sodium overload.

Dinner was corned beef hash, 2 egg over medium, two pieces of toast with TBSP strawberry jelly

Snacks ((rolls eyes, shakes head, face palm))

  • Fiber One Brownie
  • 1/4 serving of sour cream and onion chips
  • 1 serving Pirate Booty
  • 1 Flipz dark chocolate covered pretzel
  • 6 Mini peanut butter cookies (yes six)
I am sad to announce my first step backward since January 1st. Since then I have not formally BINGED. I overate, yes, but never binged. Today, I slipped BAD. And the Gods honest truth is, it was out of boredom. I counted and tracked each calorie, as I ate it (after the strawberry milk mishap which I only realized after I had guzzled the cup of pink sugar) So, while IT WAS A BINGE, I knew exactly what I was doing as I did it. I counted everything. I JUST DIDN'T CARE. 

I have averaged my weeks calorie intake though and have made the calculation of what I must (not) consume tomorrow in order to have a halfway decent week and not let today trip me up (too much). It will be hard. I will do it and I will survive. 

Hopefully somehow by intense prayer and God's intervention tomorrow Mr. A won't stay long. He is a trigger for me. I eat when he is around. I don't know why. Perhaps stress, anger, nerves. Not sure. I just know I do and so the less time he is here the less likely I am to have a repeat of today.

I will not have a repeat of today though,

I will not allow his presence to trigger me regardless of how long he stays.

I will stay within my parameters so I have a good loss on Tuesday and so that I continue forward without stalling.

I can do this.

You can do this.

We can do this.

I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:13

**Someone e-mailed me on how I 'claim to be a Christian' and 'quote the Bible' and 'yet (I) cuss and how could (I) be such a hypocrite'. 

Well, let me tell you ( whoever you are, because I wasn't able to respond your sweet little e-mail) If you feel so high and mighty, I must assume you have not ever spoken a curse word or felt anger or jealousy or hostility toward someone or something or God forbid, yourself. If you were as high and mighty as you think you are then you wouldn't find time in your day to criticize me because how 'un-Christian' is that? ((note sarcasm and the irony)) And if it is that you are non-religious (which I am guessing you are) and are just taking up some time in your life by instigating drama in mine then take your harassment and judgmental comments elsewhere. They are not at all welcome here. 

4 comments :

  1. Even though you binged, you stayed accountable and that is a huge accomplishment. It was just a bump in the road.

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  2. Hi! Remember--quick forgiveness is key. Don't beat yourself up. Say, "What's done is done." Just quickly start good habits again--as fast as you can.

    :-) Marion

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  3. I agree, don't beat yourself up too much about it. We all have up and down days. Up days have to outnumber. They didn't for me for a long, long time. That's how I ended up at 338 ordering my clothes online! You're already one step ahead because you acknowledge it, track it, and move on to the next day. Even if you binged for a week, you can start the next day anew.

    And there is no perfect Christian. My mouth is much worse than my typing. We try in all things. We are human, we are loved. :)

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  4. Oh gurl! That strawberry milk didn't need to send you down the rabbit hole. Do you have someone that you can text that will pull you back from the edge? Good Luck!

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